Chapter Eleven: I Didn’t Cross the Line, I Usain Bolted Past It
I’ve never been a big believer in fate; it’s always more practical to believe that you carve your own way in life than to think that some cosmic mojo is responsible for you failing that calculus test. That said, sometimes it’s pretty apparent that some things are out of your control and that that do-or-die attitude fails to combat said cosmic mojo.
Take, for example, the fact that only a couple of days after my dad gave Cole and me his “distance is good for the soul” speech, we got the call. The call came while we were on the road, going to Charleston, and also at a time when I’d become more addicted to Cole than ever before. I know, right? That sounds impossible, but if you factor in the life-altering occurrence of making love to Cole Stone, you’ll understand. That day changed everything about our relationship, if possible; it’s definitely become more intense. All that unresolved tension that used to surround us is gone, and in its place is this spectacular pull that ensures that we can’t keep our hands off each other.
On the flip side, Cole’s caveman tendencies have increased, and if it were up to him, I’d dress like Maria from The Sound of Music before the Von Trapps. But I find the possessiveness incredibly sexy and give it back in spades. I’m definitely even more aware of all the female attention he gets, and lord save the bimbo who tries to make a move; things tend to get a little ugly.
But then there’s The Call. We were just checking into the motel when Cole received it, and, given how his face drained of all color when he answered, I knew that something was very wrong. It took me some time to get it out of him as he made hasty arrangements to go back home. With a trembling voice, he told me that Nana Stone was sick and in the hospital. Sheriff Stone had called and asked Cole to come home right away. My heart sank and I had immediately offered to go with him, but he refused. Alex left with him, and Cole made me promise him that I wouldn’t come back immediately and that I would enjoy the trip as planned with my girlfriends. It was a difficult decision but the look in his eyes, the blazing determination, made me agree. So, fate intervened and we went our separate ways, at least for a couple of weeks.
Which brings us back to now. Megan, Beth, and I did everything on our list and more. We drank, we danced, we shopped, but most of all, we grew closer as friends. Of course, I was constantly in touch with Cole and was immensely relieved to know that Nana Stone was doing well after a heart attack scare and recuperating. We missed each other, but my dad was on to something with the distance thing; it does make me feel like we’re stronger now than ever before because we’ve done what my parents didn’t think we could do. We stood the test of time and showed them that the connection we had wasn’t purely physical. I guess that’s something that’s a bit difficult for them to absorb. The extent of their relationships post the divorce has been meaningless flings, especially in my mom’s case. My dad, on the other hand, seems to genuinely be developing feelings for his secretary, now his girlfriend, as cliché as that is.
Speaking of my parents, ever since the events that transpired in New York, things have been a bit chilly between us. I haven’t talked to my mom at all. I would have tried had her efforts to make amends not involve blaming Cole for “brainwashing me.” She needs to learn to accept him before she can even think about being a part of my life again.
Harsh, I know, but she deserves it.
My dad, on the other hand, tries his best not to act smug, like it’s his brilliant speech that made Cole and me take the decision to spend some time apart. The events leading to our separation were unforeseen, but he sees it as some kind of a divine intervention, fate, you sneaky bitch, as I like to refer to it. Anyway, when I would talk to him on the phone after Cole left, he’d sound ridiculously happy about it and would even offer to upgrade us to the best hotels in town. My patience has been wearing thin with him as well. I just don’t know how to deal with the fact that my parents seem to question my relationship so much, a relationship that makes me happier than I’ve ever been.
***
Today the girls and I arrive back home, and even though we’re dead tired from all the driving and the late nights just staying up and talking, there’s a thrill in the atmosphere. It’s the end of a fantastic trip, and our friendship is stronger than ever. I know we’ll miss each other when we head off our separate ways, but we’ll always be best friends; now I know that.
With a hug, I drop off Megan at her house, and I swear I can see her parents watching through the windows. It’ll be extremely creepy if they know she’s coming because it’s supposed to be a surprise for our families and boyfriends. Next, Beth and I head to my house because, even though the knowledge of it makes me gag, she wants to, and I quote “pounce on Travis” the moment she can. I try to remove the visual from my head, very unsuccessfully, if I do say so myself.
The house is quiet, as expected, and, to both our disappointments, Travis’s car isn’t in the driveway, and neither is my dad’s, for that matter. Apparently, we suck at surprises, and now it does not seem like the best idea.
But there’s still one person I can get to. My stomach is filled with butterflies at the thought of seeing him, of watching the expression on his face when he sees me. A giddy smile automatically makes its way onto my face when I think of him and of finally being together. The anticipation is killing me, and I don’t even bother getting out of the car.
“I know it’s time to leave when you get that ‘oh Cole, do me, do me!’ expression.” Beth wrinkles her nose and I smack her shoulder.
“I was not thinking about him doing me!” I say indignantly. She’s wrong, definitely wrong. Okay maybe partly wrong.
But, seriously, it’s more than the do-me part with us.
“Yeah, right,” she chortles, “Who knew you’d go right from a blushing virgin to a hussy? Honestly, I’m impressed; Cole must be skilled.” She winks and, ironically enough, I blush profusely.
“Don’t you have a boyfriend to wait for? I thought you had a whole dramatic scenario planned,” I huff out and wish for my cheeks to cool down. Beth having mentioned Cole’s bedroom skills makes that rather difficult.
“Oh crap!” Beth suddenly exclaims, smacking her forehead. “I need to get started. Getting into that corset is at least going to take half an hour.”
Again, a mental image I did not need but that doesn’t seem to faze her, and she goes on…
“…but what’s the point? He’s just going to rip it off in like five seconds.”
“Okay, okay, stop! You need to set up your twisted dominatrix role play or whatever it is, and I need to see my boyfriend.”
She grins and hauls herself out of the car, finally, and blows me a kiss before skipping all the way to the house, her carry-ons and the unmissable Victoria’s Secret bag bouncing right after her.
Ah, the things love does to us.
***
Grinning to myself, I park the car and decide to get my bags later; I cannot wait to see Cole. It’s crazy how much I’ve missed him; it has hurt physically, and I revel in the surety that we’ll be at the very least spending the next four years together.
The five-minute walk to his house feels like it takes forever. My pulse is racing, the fluttering back in my stomach with vengeance, and there’s a rush of adrenaline coursing through me. It’s crazy to miss and love someone this much; it must be. All I can hope is that he feels the same way.
I practically run the entire way, only to come to a halting stop when I reach his front porch. For a second I have that feeling, the one where you can’t register the fact that you’re actually seeing what’s right in front of your eyes. It takes a while for your brain to catch up, and the dazed and confused feeling eventually leaves you.
But you’re no less stunned, and your vision is still a little hazy.
I do see Cole hunched over the front steps of his house, and the sight of him does make my heart pound, my palms sweat, and my body thrum with desire due to his proximity, but there’s something very wrong with this picture.
I’m not jumping to any conclusions, at least not yet. We’ve come leaps and bounds in our relationship, and the fact that he loves me is deeply ingrained in me, but this…this does not make sense.
Because sitting—thank god—a few feet away from him is Nicole, yes, the Nicole, and right now she’s stroking his bicep like she’s comforting him, and he’s not stopping her. She’s got his hands on him, this girl, my former nemesis who has openly admitted to being in love with my boyfriend, is touching him, and he’s not stopping her. Nicole and I may have made peace, but that doesn’t mean I have to be okay with this.
There’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. They’re sitting at a respectable distance and everything looks platonic, so I don’t let my inner insanely jealous and irrational girlfriend out for some hair-pulling and earring-holding action. I allow myself to be the calm and collected, mature adult that I in no way am and step forward a couple of feet, enough so that when I clear my throat, they can both see me.
They don’t jump apart, guilty, but Nicole immediately drops her hand and Cole jumps up. His expression, that look on his face, is everything I’d hoped for and more. He looks absolutely stunned and gloriously happy as he takes me from top to toe, with an intense heated gaze that makes my insides do somersaults.
For a moment, Nicole and her grabby hands are forgotten as Cole rushes toward me and, just a millisecond before he wraps me up in his arms, he whispers my name in his husky voice like it’s a prayer, and I melt into him.
“Cole,” I breathe as he pulls me into his firm chest and cups my face in his hands.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” he says before he crushes his mouth against mine and kisses me like his life depends on it.
Like our life depends on it, and I kiss him back, wrapping my arms around his neck and standing on my tiptoes. Our kiss turns deep and longing; his hands dig into my waist as he tries to pull me impossibly close. I want more, and the sexual awareness that exists unquestionably between us now makes me want to drag him to his room.
But then another throat clears and we pull apart, panting heavily and still holding on to each other. Nicole’s standing looking rather awkward at the stairs, and that’s when I remember my manners. Having Cole near me wrecks my strict upbringing at times.
“Hey,” I say breathlessly while trying to untangle myself from Cole, but he doesn’t allow it. Instead he settles for wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pressing me to his side. He plants a sweet kiss at the top of my head before letting me turn back to Nicole. There’s no tension in his body, so I take it as a good sign; I trust him.
“Hi, glad to see you’re back.” She gives me small smile that’s so unlike her that I almost laugh and tell her to drop the act. We’re amicable at best, so this politeness feels weird.
“I wanted to surprise him.”
I shrug in Cole’s direction, and in return he nuzzles his face against my neck while he murmurs in my ear, “Best surprise ever.”
He’s making Nicole uncomfortable, I can tell.
“So, what’re you doing here?” I ask her as nicely as I can. In my defense, she moved to New York and vowed never to return to this town. It’s a pretty big deal if she’s here and feels the need to caress Cole lovingly.
Her eyes dart between Cole and me and she finally says to me, “Do you mind if I speak to you alone?”
That takes me by surprise, and Cole starts to protest, but I turn toward him and tell him that it’s okay. He doesn’t look nervous, not like he doesn’t want me to know something. He’s more annoyed, seemingly at the thought of leaving me.
“I’ll be inside, like literally glued to the door,” he tells me before pulling me in for another long kiss. He nods toward Nicole and heads inside, his hand lingering in mine as he leaves. We’re nothing if not lovesick.
“So…” I turn to Nicole, who has sat back down on the steps. She pats the space next to her, and nervously I walk up and sit down next to her. She’s quiet for a while before she addresses my first question to her.
“I know I told you that if it was up to me, I’d drive out of this town and never look back. So, it makes sense that you’re surprised to see me back. But you didn’t look jealous; I was expecting more of a reaction.” She seems genuinely curious.
“I trust him. It’s as simple as that,” I tell her.
She seems surprised by my answer, and I know it’s because she’s well aware of my tendency to overreact. “You’ve grown up,” she observes, and I shrug.
“Well, anyway, the reason I tortured myself into coming back into this soul-sucking vortex and why I was with your boyfriend in your absence is because I found out some information in New York. It’s information that I know you could do a lot with.”
“I don’t understand,” I tell her; this seems like the beginning of a bad episode of Days of Our Lives.
“Look, I won’t beat around the bush here. I know why you and Cole broke up all those months ago. Your friend Lan filled me in because he apparently found out how much I hate the psycho bitch Erica.”
I stare at her with a gaping mouth. “Wait, you know Erica?”
I haven’t said the psycho bitch’s name in a long time, and it feels as unpleasant as ever on my tongue.
She rolls her eyes. “Of course I do. I’ve spent summers with the Stones. I’ve seen that redheaded leech paw away at Cole, and I’ve always suspected that there’s something seriously messed up about her.”
I snort. “Well, you were right about the last part.”
She continues, “When I found out what had happened between you guys, I knew that what Lan suspected could seriously be true. I mean she’s more than capable of drugging a guy and playing her twisted mind games with him. If I could just find her, get her to talk, I knew I’d find out what really happened.”
“Why do you seem so sure? I’ve heard she’s some sort of compulsive liar.”
“Oh, that she is, but she thinks that she and I have something in common; well, we used to, in any case. The thing is, she knew I had feelings for Cole, and she felt like we were some sort of kindred spirits because both of us resented the fact that you existed.”
“Ouch?”
Nicole waves her hand dismissively. “Well, I don’t hate you anymore, so get over it. It must have killed her, though, to obsess over Cole for so long, only to have him so completely in love with you. When she found out that you guys were finally together, there was bound to be a reaction.”
“So, you believe, based on your mutual hatred of me, that Erica drugged Cole and lied to him?” I feel my breath hitch.
“Oh, I don’t just believe; I know,” she says confidently, and I feel a heavy weight settle in the pit of my stomach. The same adrenaline that got me to Cole’s house now starts rushing back. Could I finally be finding out the truth?
“W-what do you mean?”
“Did you know that Erica’s planning on going to NYU?” she asks with a smirk playing on her face.
“No, I…I didn’t.”
She shakes her head. “She’s going to the same school as me. I found out through the class Facebook group the other day and you can imagine my surprise when I discovered her smug face staring down at me from her profile picture.”
“No way!”
“Yeah, and not only that, the bitch thought we were fast friends. She messaged me and said she’d love to meet up when we both move to the city. I texted Lan and told him, and he’s the one who gave me the idea.”
“What idea?” My patience is wearing thin and I need to know; I need to know everything right now.
“To get close to her, to let her think we’re friends, and persuade her to tell me all her dirty secrets. So, I did that. Erica’s visited me a couple of times while I was in the city and I’ve spent the last month making her think that I hate your guts, no offense, but it worked. One night after too many beers, she told me everything.”
Oh God.
“And?”
“And your boy’s good. He didn’t even touch her, not even when he was wasted. That’s the part that pissed her off the most, that even a smashed Cole Stone wouldn’t cheat on you. So, she did the second-best thing and made him think that he had. Between his issues and hers, she managed to convince him, but you need to know that he didn’t do anything.
In the grand scheme of things, maybe I would have been okay even if I never knew the truth. I’d already forgiven Cole and we had moved on, but does it make me a bad person if a part of me needed desperately to know the truth about that night? I know he’s sorry; I know he’s done more than enough to deserve my forgiveness, but I would always have wondered, and maybe it’d always be something that could possibly come between Cole and me.
Relief like I’ve never felt before rushes through me, and a gigantic weight feels like it’s been lifted. It’s unexplainable, and the urge to get up and laugh and scream like a lunatic does get squashed. But instead, I settle for doing something equally bizarre; I hug a very shell-shocked Nicole. Standing up, ready to sprint toward Cole, I tell her, “Thank you!”
She still looks a bit dazed. “Wait, you believe me?”
“Why wouldn’t I? You just gave me the best news since Beth’s decision not to read Fifty Shades of Grey out loud to me.”
Her brows scrunch up in confusion. “I appreciate that, I guess?”
“Besides, what good would it do you to lie to me? Especially when it comes to Cole.”
She nods, standing up. “You’re right. If anything, it’d be more believable if I told you that Cole had actually done what Erica made him think he did. But I like to think that I did this for you to make up for all those years of being a bitch to you. Take it as my biggest apology.”
“Duly noted.”
“And,” she adds, “If it helps, I intend to make Erica my next victim. Old habits die hard and all that.” She grins and I laugh.
“That’s something I look forward to hearing more about.”
“Oh, don’t worry, you’ll hear her cries of pain all the way to Providence.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
Nicole turns to leave and I watch her retreating back. She turns back for the last time. “You were always a good friend to me, Tessa, even when I didn’t deserve it, but I hope that…maybe in the future we could try again.”
I smile at her. “Maybe.”
She nods and heads off.
The moment I’m inside his house, Cole hauls me up in his arms so that my feet leave the ground, and I’m forced to wrap my legs around his waist. Not that it’s a hardship of any kind. Laughing, I wrap my arms around his neck as he carries us to the living room and sits on the leather couch with me straddling his lap.
“Did she tell you?” he asks and then kisses me.
I nod, feeling slightly breathless.
“Do you believe her?” He looks incredibly vulnerable, and it breaks my heart to think of all our suffering, especially his. I thought I had all the facts, enough to leave him, but he lived in confusion. It must have been so hard for him to not know, to be so out of control.
“Of course,” I tell him, running my hands through his hair.
I feel the tension release from his body as we once again start making out like the teenagers we are. I can’t get enough of him, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way about me. I lose track of how long we stay on the couch, content in kissing and reveling in the fact that we’re both with each other again.
“Guess what?” he asks as we finally come up for air.
“What?” I pant as he slips his hand beneath my shirt, his fingers skimming the skin right over the waistband of my jeans.
“Dad and Cassandra are staying at a hotel near Nana’s retirement home for the week.”
My pulse starts to quicken. “Jay?”
“He’s started college early, baseball camp,” Cole says throatily as his hands travel up my back.
“We’re alone?” I hum in pleasure as he caresses the small of my back.
“Completely.”
Here’s the thing about Cole Stone making love to you—nothing else quite compares. It’s addictive, maddening, and so passionate that you could cry. After the first time we did it, we made love about three more times, but it still doesn’t seem enough. Then to be away from him for so long, it’s no wonder my body feels like a live wire.
I let him carry me upstairs to his room, where we rediscover each other all over again and, might I say, Beth was utterly correct about his bedroom skills.
***
Over the next couple of days, I find myself developing a routine. The mornings I spend with my brother and at times my dad as we discuss college and Dad’s upcoming election. He’s running unopposed, so things look good on that front. Travis is still catching up on his courses, and it’ll take at least four to five months before he can start looking at colleges. A heavy donation from my grandfather from my mom’s side to Travis’s old college, the one that expelled him for plagiarism, means that he’ll have that off his permanent record.
Beth is working odd jobs, but she’s been quiet and contemplative recently, and I know that Travis knows what’s up with her but I don’t push it. She’ll tell me when she wants to. She’s staying with us, which means at night I force myself to sleep with music blasting into my ears as I don’t want to stumble upon any…noises.
I still hang out with her and Megan, the latter being thrilled that Alex is following her to New Jersey for college as she starts at Princeton. They’re also going to only be three hours away from home and four hours away from Brown, so visiting won’t be an issue. At this point, I’m not panicked that the girls and I will lose touch. But I do intentionally try to spend more time with them and not with Cole because I know we’ll be together in college. However, we still do spend a lot of time together, hanging out and taking advantage of his empty house. At night, we switch over between spending the night at his place and my house, never being apart. We took a trip to visit Nana Stone once, and she made me laugh until my sides ached like all hell. A near-death experience or not, the woman is definitely where Cole gets his easy charm from.
As the days to leave for college approach, I don’t feel a sense of panic or fear. Largely, it’s because I know Cole will be there, but also because it’s time I get out of this town. No, unlike Nicole, I don’t hate it anymore. A lot of things changed for me this year, and one of those changes is that instead of just representing my misery, this town has become home to all those moments that have led me to this point. I fell in love and I became brave; my family, though still far from perfect, is slowly but surely heading in the right direction, with the exception of my mother. I’m a different person, and this place is now witness to most of the greatest moments of my life so far.
I’ll visit a lot; I know that since college is just two hours away. My past isn’t some tragedy that I’ll run away from. As I sit in my childhood bedroom amid dozens of moving boxes, I know that this place will always be home.
Downstairs, the music is loud enough to reverberate through the floor. I’d just escaped for a second to take a breather but found myself getting lost in thoughts. I’m sure Cole’s going to be up any second to see if the ground hasn’t swallowed me whole. Right on cue, there’s just one knock on my door before he barges in looking sexy as hell in his black V-neck sweater and black slacks. He appraises me as I sit knee-deep in a sea of boxes and cocks his head to the side.
“The party got too much?” He looks at me knowingly.
My dad, in one of his brilliant ideas, decided to throw a going-away party for me and my friends and insisted on inviting the entire graduating class. Unluckily for me, most of them are still in town and are attending the party downstairs. It’s not that I have anything against people in general but crowds, confined spaces, and Solo Cups heighten my anxiety levels.
I drop my head in shame. Cole’s the life of the party, and then there’s me. “It just got difficult to breathe, you know?”
His intense eyes soften as he kicks some boxes to the side and sits down next to me, picking me up with ease and placing me on his lap.
“Why didn’t you come to me?”
I rest my head on his chest and let out a breath. “You were surrounded by your people. I didn’t want to drag you away from them,” I mumble.
“You’re my people, Shortcake. You feel upset, anxious, nervous, happy, you come to me.”
“I will,” I tell him, flattening my palms against his chest.
“What’s going on in your head, babe, tell me.”
“I’m just thinking about how much I love you. Sometimes it scares me.”
He laughs, but he’s not laughing at me; it’s more like he can relate to how I’m feeling. I continue, “I can’t imagine how you lived with that feeling for so long. You loved me and I…I hated you. That makes me feel like such an idiot,” I groan.
He chuckles and kisses my forehead. “Trust me, I don’t hold it against you. I gave you plenty of reasons to hate me. It’ll always be a fucking miracle that you somehow ended up loving me.”
“You made it easy.” I kiss his chest.
“But getting here was tough, wasn’t it? I made mistakes and crossed so many line. Hell, I didn’t cross the line, I Usain Bolted past it.”
That makes me laugh, a lot.
We sit there silently for a while, and I’m content with forgoing my peers to listen to his heartbeat. It’s tranquility at its best.
“Mind if we interrupt?”
Cole curses under his breath as the door opens and in come Lan, Seth, Jameson, Beth, Megan, Alex, and, surprisingly, Jay. I met him when he came to the party and we exchanged pleasantries, but things tend to get pretty awkward with us. Now he stands there with a faint, amused smile on his face. He does look a bit out of place, but I give him points for making the effort. He’s going to Duke in the fall, and that’s far enough by road to not let our paths cross too much. It’s a bittersweet moment. I did genuinely believe that I loved him at one point, and knowing that there’s nothing between us now does feel strange.
I laugh as I try to get off Cole’s lap, but he holds me there.
“Ever heard of knocking?” he growls at our friends, and it’s Seth who’s brave enough to answer. I’m so glad that these guys are here; I’ve missed them, and I know that once college starts, we’re going to get pretty close because they’re going to the University of Rhode Island.
Yes, all of them.
“Well, we knew you’re quite the exhibitionist, but you wouldn’t let Tessa get caught in a compromising situation, so we took our chances.”
He scowls at Seth. “Are you picturing my girl naked?”
Seth shakes his head and holds his hands up in surrender. “I like belonging to the living and breathing variety.”
One by one, everyone makes a space to sit down and forgets about the party going on downstairs. I’m sure they won’t do a lot of damage.
Maybe, I think.
But if they do break something, let it be one of my mom’s vases.
We lose ourselves as the conversation flows freely. Namely, Beth drops the bomb that she’s deferring going to college for the year. She’ll stay here as she and Travis look for a place of their own. I’m stunned but realize quickly that this is exactly what the two need. This way I won’t be constantly worrying about Travis being alone, and Beth will have more time to get her life back together.
We talk until the last of the partygoers leave. Our friends are all staying the night, and it’s nearly dawn when everyone starts to get up. Cole drags me to bed once I’ve closed and locked the door.
“Tired?” he asks as he walks backward toward the bed.
“Not at all,” I tell him.
“What about Travis?”
“He’s going to surprise Beth with a weekend getaway in just about two hours. We should be good.” I grin at him.
“Two hours? Two whole agonizing hours!” He groans and falls onto the bed with a thump.
“Stop being a baby; if you’re not ready to sleep, I know something we can do to pass the time.”
“But I’m your baby and I love you,” He says adorably.
I smack a kiss on his lips and grin. “I love you, too. But what were you planning to do?”
“You can’t be quiet enough for what I have in mind,” he retorts, and I roll my eyes. Guys and their one-track minds. He still lifts himself on his elbows and gives me his whole attention.
I bite my lip seductively and he perks up, immediately looking intrigued.
“How adept are you at Facebook stalking?”