—14—
Just another Tom, Dick and Harry
The adage may be true, that there are plenty more fish in the sea, but if my dating history is anything to go by, it’s more canned sardines than Koi.
There are the dates that feel like attempting to read Ulysses in one sitting (all 732 pages).
There are those that are so terrifyingly awful, they make The Shining look like a trip to Disneyland.
Then you have those dates that are more Fifty Shades of Grey and less The Princess Bride.
And finally, there are the men you meet who are just so A Tale of Two Cities. You know you should be falling head over heels, but you just don’t feel ‘the spark’.
Tom is one such fellow. A tall, conventionally good-looking, well-read lawyer, he is everything your mother dreamed of and your ex would despise.
He opens the door for you. Stands up when you leave the table. Asks interesting questions, like, ‘What was the first book you ever remember reading?’ and listens with attention. Thinks being ‘funemployed’ means really loving your job. Laughs at your jokes and dishes out a decent pun every now and then. And he’s read every single Oscar Wilde novel.
After discovering my copy of We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves (he stumbled across my details while casually flipping through it on his way to place it in lost property #saint #isthisguyforreal?), he felt compelled to read it to find out more about the ‘nifty girl’ behind the note.
‘So why WAACBO?’ (I’ll be using this acronym from here on out, because ain’t nobody got time for that.)
Wine was on its way and we were getting straight to business.
‘It holds a special place in my heart. It took me right out of my reading slump of 2013.’
‘I’m not surprised. Animals, family love, witty characters, Karen Joy Fowler. What more could you ask for?’
‘You like Karen Joy Fowler?’
‘Are you kidding me? The Jane Austen Book Club is my life.’
The conversation flowed steadily for another two hours after that. We chatted about everything from Sarah Canary to Sister Noon, to whether Emily Blunt was a good Prudie in the film adaption. It felt good to talk to someone who appreciated literature as much as I did. Whose eyes lit up at Jane Austen’s name, who laughed at the mention of Gavroche and knew immediately the source of the idea about never really understanding a person until you’ve considered things from their point of view. I can’t explain it, except that it was like I was a tourist in another land, and I had just found the first person who could speak my language.
As the date came to an end, we walked out of the restaurant and finished our bookish banter with novel recommendations. I suggested Orwell’s 1984 (who hasn’t read 1984?!) and he told me I just must read A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara (which was already on my to-read list). And then came that make-or-break part of all first dates: to kiss or not to kiss. Tom had obviously decided on the former, because as soon as I said goodbye, he swooped in. Literally. He grabbed me by the cheeks, and planted his lips firmly on mine. I desperately wanted this to be a Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler ‘I want to make you faint’ kind of kiss. I really did. But alas, my dating life is not a romantic novel, but more a ridiculous satire. That’s why my smooch with Tom, perfectly lovely Tom, was absolutely, exceptionally average. Just what you want from a first kiss.
Until next time, my dears.
After all, tomorrow is another date.
Scarlett O’ xx
Leave a comment (23)
No offence but … > Rhett Butler really knew the power of kissing someone often and doing it well!
Stephen Prince > @Nooffencebut … That’s the first thing I’ve heard you say that’s remotely thought-provoking.
No offence but … > @StephenPrince You’re a horrible man.
Stephen Prince > @Nooffencebut … That might be so. But I know how to kiss … often.
Miranda Brissa > I hear ya sister! Still waiting for that great date that gives me the Jamie Fraser shakes!
Cat in the Hat > I’ll give you a more-than-average smooch, my sexy thing ;)
Cindy-Emma > What about those dates that make you want to Agatha Christie the shit out of somebody?