—29—
The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons
Route 246 bus to Clifton Hill
Frankie woke slowly. She rolled onto her back and stared at the oil painting, as she had become accustomed to doing. She let the soothing reds and purples slowly float her awake, her head softly pounding as her mind ran through the events of the night before. Blurry memories of pasta, sex, lots of wine and an absurdly tense game of Scrabble flooded her brain.
‘Still pining over your loss?’ Sunny said huskily, half-opening his bright blue eyes. He lay comfortably beside her, his arm slung snugly over her waist.
‘I said it last night and I’ll say it again, MILF is not a word.’ Frankie pouted.
Sunny laughed and kissed her lightly on the forehead. ‘I love it when you’re competitive.’
Frankie’s heart wavered at his touch and even more so at those first two words. They had been together four months, and even though they now spent more time with each other than they did alone, they were yet to say those three little words. I love you. Cat told her she should just get it over and done with. ‘Just say it!’ she would whine. And it had been on the tip of Frankie’s tongue, on the cusp of trickling out without warning, more often recently. But she was scared. Was she really ready for that sort of commitment?
‘MILF is not an acceptable Scrabble word,’ she said again.
Later, Frankie opened drawers and rifled through cupboards. ‘Have you run out of muesli?’ She danced around barefoot in Sunny’s kitchen, wearing nothing but one of his loose-fitting grey T-shirts. She loved the feeling of her exposed feet on his cool kitchen tiles, which were so different to the warm wooden floorboards she had at home.
Sunny draped one of his arms around her waist, pointing to the bench with the other. ‘It’s just there. Like it always is.’ She leaned into him as he kissed the nape of her neck, then picked up the box of muesli, buried her hand inside, took a handful and guzzled it down.
‘Are you sure you don’t want milk with that?’ Sunny asked.
‘I told you, I prefer it dry.’
‘You’re such a little weirdo.’ Sunny kissed her again. ‘So, up for a Scrabble rematch tonight?’
‘Please! Anyway, I have K-Pop class tonight.’ Frankie smiled.
‘K-Pop? Is Cat still into that?’ Sunny said, pouring himself a glass of orange juice, arm still wrapped around Frankie.
‘Yes, thirty-six weeks and going strong. Although now she mainly just sits in the corner and watches me do this.’ Frankie wiggled her bum, backing into him.
‘You’ve got moves, girl.’ He laughed. ‘So, tell me. Are you going to try writing anything today?’ he prodded.
Frankie flinched. The blogs. She couldn’t tell him. Not now. ‘What time’s your meeting with Organ Transplant Australia? How are you feeling about it?’ Frankie scoffed down another handful of muesli.
Sunny furrowed his brow, opened his mouth and then closed it, deciding not to push it. ‘I’m feeling bloody nervous. God, I just hope we get the final go-ahead.’ Sunny looked down at his watch. ‘And it’s in an hour! Shit, I have to shower.’
‘Mind if I join you?’ Frankie’s eyes shone.
‘I guess that would be all right.’ Sunny picked her up casually and carried her over his shoulder, with Frankie in fits of laughter.
‘Stop it,’ Cat snapped. Her swollen legs were resting heavily on the seat in front of her, a copy of Belly Laughs balanced precariously on her profoundly pregnant stomach. Frankie and Seb were setting up an Authors You Didn’t Know Were Jewish stand next to her, with Frankie stopping every few seconds to rub Cat’s tummy.
‘I can’t help it. You’re just so huge.’ Frankie continued to prod gently at Cat’s belly in wonder.
‘Oh gee, thanks, Frank.’
‘Yeah, now your stomach’s even bigger than your head!’ Seb scoffed, wrapping a copy of Catcher in the Rye in a bright red ribbon.
‘And why are you here again, Sebastian?’ Cat snapped, not in the mood for his games. She had become more and more irritable with him the more pregnant she became.
‘Like I’ve told you a bajillion times, it’s school holidays so I work here now.’ Seb balanced the ribboned book on top of a copy of I Feel Bad About My Neck.
‘Oh, so I’m paying you to insult me?’ Cat retorted. Seb rolled his eyes and continued stacking books in silence.
‘Such a big yummy tummy. I can’t believe there’s a tiny human in there.’ Frankie stroked her friend’s belly in awe, ignoring Seb and Cat’s tiff.
‘Stop it. You’re freaking me out.’
‘An itty-bitty little person is stewing in your womb.’ Frankie moved her hand in circular motions on top of Cat’s stretched, knitted sweater.
Cat gulped, sniffed and then let out a small howl.
‘Oh God, Cat. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you!’ Frankie moved her hand back by her side, awkwardly running her fingers over the embossed cover of Indignation.
Cat let out another giant wail, tears suddenly streaming down her face. Now deep into her third trimester, she was well and truly ready to explode. Frankie clumsily patted Cat’s arm, awkwardly smiling at the customers who were now gawking at the blubbering mess that was her best friend.
‘I’m not ready to have a tiny human!’ For the last nine months Cat had been so swept up in antenatal classes, knitted onesies and What to Expect When You’re Expecting (the book and the movie), she had seemingly forgotten that at the end of this wild ride, out would pop someone she would be stuck with for the rest of her life.
‘I’m not done living my own life. I don’t want to look after anyone else just yet,’ she lamented.
Melvin, a regular, slightly cantankerous customer who dog-eared the pages of the books he was browsing (he was yet to buy a single book in the eight months since he had started frequenting the store), peered over at them. Frankie raised her eyebrows in a challenge.
‘Oh, Cat.’ She rubbed her back soothingly. ‘You can still have a life. Your life will just be different, that’s all.’
‘I hate different!’ Cat wailed.
‘But think about all the amazing differences that will come, Catty. You will have created an incredible child who will love you unconditionally. And you will love them categorically back.’
‘But what if I’m not enough?’ Cat whimpered.
‘Well, you’ll have Claud,’ Frankie said.
‘And me!’ Seb butted in.
Cat grimaced.
‘And you’ll have me too. And together, we’ll all love that little baby until it’s so absolutely smothered by us that it’ll join a motorbike gang, dye its hair purple and get a nipple pierced in rebellion.’
‘Thanks, Frank. That makes me feel so much better.’ Cat snorted.
‘Cat, come on,’ called Seb, ‘I know I give you a rough time, but seriously, there’s no-one that would make a more awesome mother than you. Heck, you’ll probably be reading the poor sucker The Exorcist as a bedtime story. I wish you were my mum!’
‘I’m way too young to be your mother, Sebastian.’ Cat pretended to frown, but her eyes gave her away.
‘Are you three about done?’ Melvin grumbled, shoving a copy of The Anatomy of Melancholy towards Frankie. ‘Can you put this one on hold for me?’
Frankie sighed and took the book, planning to return it to the shelves as soon as he left.
‘Enjoy the afternoon,’ Cat said sarcastically.
‘Enjoy the baby. See this,’ he said, pointing to his bald head. ‘It was full of luscious locks before I had a son two years ago,’ and with that he stormed out.
‘Bastard,’ Frankie muttered, turning around to see Cat’s open hand held out in front of her.
‘What?’
‘I guessed he would buy philosophy. Pay up.’ She grinned, tears still staining her cheeks.
Frankie laughed and reached for her wallet. She would happily give Cat all her money if it meant she would return to her normal, cheery self. Rummaging through her bag, she felt her phone vibrate against her palm.
‘Hello?’
‘Frankie, is that you?’ a husky female voice said from the other end of the phone.
‘It is. Who’s this?’
‘Frankie! It’s Marie from Simon & Schuster. Long time no speak. How are you, darling?’
‘Marie, oh hi, how are you? Sorry, how unexpected. Just give me a minute.’ Frankie shot up from her seat, gesturing wildly at Cat, and ran out to the storage room at the back of the store, closing the door behind her.
‘Hi Marie. How are you? It has been a while. Two years or so!’ Frankie laughed awkwardly as her mind raced. Why is she calling? Oh God, have there been even more terrible reviews for Something About Jane?
‘Oh, I’m so sorry about that. It’s been crazy busy here, as you can imagine. Anyway, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m calling. I’ve just read your “book dating” blog and, Frankie, it’s brilliant! Hilarious, pithy, witty – it’s a sidestep from your romance writing, but I love it. I think it could be a great book, Frankie. A bestseller, even. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I’m thinking a movie deal too,’ she chattered animatedly.
‘My blog?’ Frankie said, shocked.
‘Yes, The Book Ninja. I think we can come up with a better name, something a little catchier, but I really do love the content. Is it all true? Have you really been on all those horrible dates? What a world we live in!’
‘How did you find my blog?’ Frankie probed.
‘Oh, an anonymous source sent it to me. Said it was the best blog they’d read in years. And Frankie, I have to agree. I’m just upset I didn’t find it sooner. It’s marvellous, Frankie. Marvellous!’
Frankie sat on the wooden stool in the corner of the room, a cool sweat trickling down her spine.
‘So, what do you say? Let’s set up a meeting and make this happen! I’d love to work with you again, Frankie. Email me when suits and we’ll take it from there. You still have my email, right?’
‘Uh, yeah. Okay. Okay, sure,’ Frankie murmured.
‘Great, I’ve got to run. Like I said, crazy busy! But email me and we’ll catch up soon. Looking forward to it, Frankie!’ Marie sang.
Frankie hung up. Her head was swimming. How does Marie know the blog is mine? And if she knows, what’s stopping Sunny from finding it too? And who is this anonymous source? Frankie rolled her eyes. Of course.
‘Catherine!’ Frankie stormed back into the bookstore, startling two young customers browsing the new Witchcraft and Magic section, dressed head to toe in black.
‘Yes?’ Cat, composure regained, replied innocently, not bothering to look up from her book.
‘Did you or did you not send the blog to my editor?’
‘Guilty.’ Cat put up her hand, bashfully. ‘But before you get mad, let me explain.’ She stood awkwardly, revealing her swollen belly in all its glory. ‘I know you’re in denial about how bloody fantastic the blog is, but it’s good Frankie, it’s really good. Have you read the comments you’ve been getting?’ Cat whipped out her phone and started scrolling. ‘ “Have not cried this much from laughter in years,” “This is my life,” “Your blog is the highlight of my week.” Thousands of people are obsessed with it and you’re talking about shutting it down? You need to publish it, Frank. This is what you’ve been waiting for, your next big break. It’s a no-brainer.’ Cat threw her arms in the air.
‘Like I’ve told you before, Catherine, although you refuse to listen, I don’t care about how well it’s doing, I’m pulling the plug tonight. No more blogs, no more dates. I can’t lie to Sunny anymore. He’s become too important to me,’ Frankie said, although dreams of a newly published book suddenly danced before her eyes. She had been following the comments and flood of new readers to her blog, too. And she had to admit that it was exhilarating.
‘So, tell him,’ Cat urged. ‘If you explain how successful your blog is, he’ll be supportive. You know he will be. He’s the one who keeps telling you to write again.’
‘That might have been true a few months ago, but I’m in too deep now. I can’t just call him up and be all, “Oh hey, honey. I’ve been dating multiple people behind your back for months so I can write a blog about my hilarious experiences. You’re cool with that, right?”’ Frankie bit sarcastically.
‘That’s exactly what you should say,’ Seb said smoothly.
Frankie jumped. ‘Seb! How long have you been standing there?’
‘Long enough to know that you’ve been offered a book deal. And quite frankly, you’d be senseless to turn it down. This is your dream, Frankie.’ Seb put a hand on her arm. His grey jumper hung loosely on his arms, his red, scruffy hair bunched up around his eyes. But his usually vivid eyes seemed tired.
‘Like I’ve told both of you, I’m deleting the blog,’ Frankie said, unconvincingly.
‘Well, then you’re being an idiot,’ Seb said, and Cat nodded in agreement.
‘What about if you publish it anonymously? Under “Scarlett O’ ”? Or, why not just tell Sunny the truth? Tell him it was just for the publicity, nothing more.’ Cat sat back down.
‘That’s a great idea, pregos,’ Seb said.
It worried Frankie when the two of them got along. She took in what her friends were saying, for a moment letting herself imagine what it would be like to be published again. Maybe if Frankie explained it to Sunny like that, he might understand.
‘And you can still delete the blog. Just save all the files,’ Cat said, excitedly.
‘But you need to go out with a bang. Your last date needs to be even better than creepy stalker Jai. As entertaining as he is,’ Seb said. Jai had (very unwelcomingly) visited the bookstore a few times and had met Cat and Seb, before Claud banned him indefinitely for being, well, a creepy stalker.
‘Seb’s right.’ Cat shuddered. ‘As much as it pains me to say so. If you’re going to shut down your blog, you need one last, incredibly horrific dating hurrah. Then you can delete the blog, sign the book contract and live happily ever after with Sunny, a published book and my beautiful baby.’
‘Well, there was one great email I received yesterday,’ Frankie said cautiously.
‘Yes?’ Cat and Seb said simultaneously, staring eagerly at her.
Frankie filled them in on the Brazilian poet turned acrobat, knowing what would come next.
‘Yes! This is perfect! When’s the date?’
‘I haven’t set a date! I wasn’t going to respond. Because, you know, I’m not dating anyone else anymore. But he may have suggested that we meet tonight.’
‘You’ve got to see him tonight, Frank. This isn’t about Sunny; it’s everything to do with your future writing career. You can explain it all to him later,’ Cat said soothingly.
How will I ever make this up to Sunny? Frankie thought. She felt desperately torn between her desire to give herself truly and irrevocably to Sunny and her curiosity and need to see this experiment through. Could she actually be on the precipice of something great? Seb and Cat looked like a couple of dashboard bobble heads, nodding furiously in encouragement. Frankie rolled her eyes, took out her phone and scrolled to the email from Miguel. She typed a quick response agreeing to see him, and before she had time to change her mind, clicked send.
‘Okay, I’m seeing him tonight. And I feel sick about it. I hope you’re both happy.’
What am I doing? she agonised silently. Over the last few months, guilt over the dates, the blog, every little deception that now weaved through the foundation of Sunny and her relationship, had started to weigh her down. But that didn’t stop the blog from also feeling so right or from garnering attention. And now, with hundreds of new readers each day, Frankie had become more and more anxious that Sunny would discover her dirty little secret. She had been close to blurting it all out so many times, but she was too scared that she would lose him as a result. And now, if a publishing deal actually became a reality (could it?), then Sunny would find out about her indiscretions regardless. This blog is no longer about romance and all to do with me getting back into writing. Something Sunny’s been telling me to do all along. Surely he’ll be happy for me? Frankie stressed, cracking her knuckles. That’s it, she told herself. Tonight is the last date. The very last. Then—
‘Hello, my darling Sunny,’ Cat cooed as the door jingled open.
Frankie’s eyes shot up from her phone screen. Sunny was standing just metres away from her, and he looked distraught. Shit.
‘What’s wrong? How’d it go today?’ she exclaimed, rushing over to kiss him.
‘Terribly.’
Frankie’s heart stopped.
‘Just kidding! It couldn’t have gone better,’ Sunny said excitedly, his face instantly transforming. ‘They’ve decided to fund the entire campaign. Billboards, online ads, even TV commercials – the whole whammy! And they want to set it live before Christmas. I actually can’t believe it. I’ve been working towards this for so long.’
Frankie’s heart skipped as she flung her arms around him. ‘I’m so happy for you, Sunny,’ she gushed, and she was. She tingled with excitement at the thought that all of his efforts, all of the pain that he had managed to weave into something so beautiful, so important, had finally come to fruition. She had never felt such pure, vicarious joy before. Is this what it feels like? she asked herself. Is this what it’s like to truly be in love? She buried the thought deep inside.
‘Frankie,’ Ads yelled into the phone, laughter, music and background chatter muffling his voice. ‘I got the promotion! You can officially call me Junior Partner Ads, from now on,’ he said proudly.
Frankie took a final look at the Goodreads tab before shutting down her laptop. The words ‘insipid’ and ‘trashy’ rattled through her head. ‘Wow, Ads, that’s fantastic!’ she managed to utter. ‘Well done.’
‘You’ve got to get over here. The team is having a few celebratory drinks at the Arbory.’
Frankie hesitated, pivoting on her chair so that her back was to the blank computer screen. ‘Sounds fun, but I’ve got that deadline tomorrow. I better not.’ Frankie cleared her throat.
‘Oh, shit, I forgot.’ Frankie heard Ads pull away from the phone as he ordered another round of drinks. ‘Okay, well don’t wait up!’
‘Love yo—’ Frankie managed to whisper before he hung up.
Sunny kissed her lightly on the forehead, his stubble softly grazing her skin, drawing her back to him. Frankie’s chest tightened suddenly as she remembered the email she had just sent to another man, setting up a date for tonight.
‘I’m so proud of you,’ she said, burying her face into his chest. She could feel tears forming in her eyes, as happiness and shame battled within her.
‘Get a room!’ Seb scowled. Frankie kept her head buried in Sunny’s chest, inhaling his soothing scent.
‘What’s up, man? You don’t look so great.’ Sunny looked Seb up and down.
‘I’m glad someone’s finally noticed. No, I’m not okay. I’ve been bitten hard by the love bug.’ Seb fell dramatically into a big, orange armchair by the side of the counter.
Frankie pulled her head away from Sunny, glad for the distraction. ‘Oh?’ she said, surreptitiously wiping her eyes. ‘Celeste? You told her you loved her?’
‘No, not yet.’ Seb yawned, reclining deeper into his chair.
‘I barely know anything about this Celeste Fitness, and you’ve been dating her for months. She’s never even been to the store! When can I meet her? Tell me everything about her.’ Frankie poked Seb’s arm.
‘Oh, Frank. She’s perfect! The epitome of sunshine on a rainy day. A sweet drop of water in a desert. I’ve never met anyone like her before. Smart, sharp, jaw-droppingly beautiful, side-splittingly hilarious, and well read.’ Seb’s cheeks grew as red as his hair as he described his crush. ‘The problem is: I want to do something to really impress her. Orchestrate the perfect plan to tell her she’s the love of my life.’ His eyes glazed over.
‘Oh, Seb, young love, you’re making me blush!’ Frankie replied, massaging his bony shoulder. ‘But the setting doesn’t matter. It’s all in the words. Just tell her when you next see her at school. With conviction, of course.’
‘Frankston Rose! It’s not like you to be so unromantic,’ Sunny said sarcastically, and then added: ‘Sebastian, I know just the way to tell a girl you love them,’ dragging out the word that made Frankie’s spine quiver.
‘Oh? And how do you suppose I do that, Sunny Day? We can’t all have chiselled good looks and ridiculous, punny names like you, mate.’
‘Three words, Seb. Grand. Romantic. Gesture,’ Sunny said huskily, counting the words out on his fingers. Two teenage girls, who were browsing through magazines while not-so-subtly ogling Sunny, stopped dead in their tracks, lusty drool bubbling at the corners of their small, pink mouths.
‘Like kissing her in the middle of a packed train to avoid a fine?’ Frankie laughed.
‘Exactly like that! Are you telling me you would’ve given Hunger Games-loving me the time of day if I hadn’t pulled out a show-stopper like that?’ Sunny winked.
Frankie smiled at the memory and leaned into his big embrace.
‘All right, Romeo and Juliet, let’s bring this back to me and my problem. What sort of grand romantic gesture are we talking?’ Seb pushed his hand through his hair impatiently. Frankie had seen him pine over many a woman (most were fictional literary characters of course, but the angst was always very real) but she had never known him to be torn up like this.
‘All right. If you’re really ready to say the L word, you have to pull out the big guns.’ Sunny cracked his knuckles. ‘She goes to your school, right? Why not fill her locker with rose petals, skip class and take her for a spontaneous picnic by the Yarra? There’s a great, quiet little place along the river where everyone used to go to get to third base.’
‘Gross. You’ve totally done that before. And I don’t think that’s her style.’ Seb rubbed his temples.
‘Ooh! What about walking the length of the country for her like in The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry?’ Cat butted in.
‘Yeah, sure, you’ll do anything to get rid of me, Cat,’ Seb spat back sarcastically.
‘A romantic treasure hunt like Amy’s in Gone Girl?’ Cat suggested.
‘That was hardly romantic, Cat. It was more psychotic,’ Frankie added.
‘Same difference.’
‘What about something so old-fashioned and traditional that it becomes romantic?’ Frankie proposed.
Seb raised his eyebrows in anticipation.
‘Like, fill a classroom with hundreds of candles and write an adoring speech about all the things you like about her. You can’t lose with a timeless gesture,’ she finished dreamily.
‘Yeah, something like that could work,’ Seb mumbled, suddenly embarrassed.
‘A timeless romantic gesture, hey? Would something like this float your boat?’ Sunny flipped Frankie around so she was facing him, dipped her deeply and kissed her passionately, right in the middle of the bookshop. Cat and Seb called out, ‘Gross!’ and ‘Get a room!’ but Frankie didn’t care. Her senses prickled, she could feel herself falling even deeper. And then, all too quickly, Sunny pulled away.
‘I should get going,’ he said abruptly. ‘See you tonight?’
‘Yep,’ she managed to say.
‘No!’ Cat interrupted. ‘Frankie, you have plans tonight, remember? You promised we’d go to K-Pop and then you’d come to my house to help me with my women’s issues,’ Cat said, staring at her until the dreaded penny dropped. She shrugged at Sunny, not trusting herself to speak.
‘Okay, well, you’ll have to make it up to me tomorrow night, then,’ Sunny said.
Frankie nodded, but before she could reply she was pulled sharply down by Seb, who had exited the chair and crawled behind the counter, and was now ferociously tugging Frankie to join him.
‘What on earth are you doing, Seb?’ Frankie hissed. He was making swift hand motions towards the door, and his face had gone from pink to an unnatural yellow.
Jai, he mouthed. Frankie twisted her head towards the door and froze as she saw her failed-date-turned-stalker sauntering towards them. Shit. Shit. Shit. What is he doing here? Where the hell is Claud when you need him? What am I going to say to Sunny?
‘Frankie, what are you doing?’ Sunny asked as she threw herself down behind the counter with Seb, her heart racing a mile a minute. Everything is about to unravel. I can’t let him find out. Not like this! Cat, Seb and Frankie took a collective deep breath as Jai approached the counter.