Read The Book Ninja by Ali Berg, Michelle Kalus (38) Page 38 Online novels for free

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An Old Adult reading Young Adult

So, I have a confession to make.

I’ve been reading Young Adult books.

Lots of them.

I know, right? Who is this juvenile amateur and what have you done with Scarlett?

Well, as you might remember, I’ve been dropping Young Adult books all over Melbourne’s trains, trams and buses in an effort to win back the love of my life, Edward Cullen. Now, usually I would never (and I mean never) be caught dead reading a YA book. Heck, I’d rather read a sport autobiography. And that’s saying something. But desperate times call for desperate measures. I was recently stuck on a train with no choice but to either stare at a woman clipping her toenails (yep, people do this in public) or to hopelessly try to lose myself in the copy of I’ll Give You the Sun that sat waiting in my backpack. I wasn’t expecting much more than a few eye rolls and pretentious sniggers, but, from the first page, I was seriously hooked.

Since then, I’ve not only dropped tens of Young Adult books on public transport, I’ve also … read them. (Don’t judge me, Cat!) Now, I wouldn’t call myself a YA addict, but I’ve certainly come to appreciate the genre. I think what I love most about them is that they’re about shaping who we become as adults, which I can relate to because I haven’t quite figured that part out about myself yet (#almost30goingon13). Plus, I’ve realised that many of them are made into movies starring a Hemsworth – which scores serious points with me.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m glad I can add a whole new genre to my ‘To Be Read’ pile. Because, as Christopher Paolini writes of the character Jeod in Eragon, books are his friends and companions, which help him find meaning. And I am in desperate need of some companions right now. One in particular, who refuses to acknowledge my existence due to the fact that I royally fucked everything up. As you all know, I’ve been dwelling over this fuck-up for quite some time, until I read It’s Kind of a Funny Story, which showed me that it’s only people who have failed who use regret as an excuse.

So now, instead of regretting what I’ve done, I’m just trying to make it better. To win Edward Cullen back once and for all. The problem is, my plan doesn’t seem to be working. I haven’t heard a single word from him. I’m trying to stop feeling so utterly heartbroken about the whole thing but, as John Green so aptly wrote in The Fault in Our Stars, ‘That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.’

The funny thing is, I’m no longer afraid of fully committing myself to him. Of opening up to this one single human, and giving him my all. Not long ago this would have terrified me, but now my only true fear is that I’ve lost him for good. In fact, I just read Divergent (and am streaming the movie as we speak – hello there, Theo James) and in the book, this hunk of a man called Four (I know, ridiculous name, but hear me out) says it’s not about being fearless, because that’s impossible – what we have to do is find out how to manage our fear, and be free of it. What did I tell you? YA is on message. (And yes, I’m a teenager at heart.)

So, Edward Cullen, if you’re reading this, I’m not giving up. I’m not losing you, and I’m not losing faith. Like Laini Taylor beautifully wrote about in Daughter of Smoke and Bone, hope is such a powerful thing – you can make things happen with it, like magic.

Here’s to hoping I can make us happen again. In the words of Colleen Hoover, ‘My heart made its choice, and it chose you.’

Until next time, my dears.

Scarlett O’ xx

The Book Ninja by Ali Berg, Michelle Kalus (38)

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