Dear Ex-Boyfriends
“Life of the Party”
Before I pour my heart out via another letter to one of my ex-boyfriends, I want to thank you guys for allowing me to have this platform to share my words with you. Because of you and your overwhelming open-armed response to my first letter to J, I feel empowered. But mostly, I feel relief.
Relief that I can find closure.
Relief that I can finally let go of past regrets and mistakes and head in a direction that, maybe someday, will end in a healthy, stable relationship with a strong partner who brings out the best in me.
Relief that, thanks to the popularity of these letters, I still have a job.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m learning that I can control how I let the past affect me.
I, Lucky Wright, am still a jerk addict.
But I’m learning and I’m growing and I’m hopeful that I’ll start to understand the error of my ways.
And, for those of you who are on this ride with me, I hope, if anything, these heartfelt letters will inspire you to self-reflect on the good and the bad in your life.
Not just your love life, but your friendships and your relationships with your family.
I recently read a fantastic book by a wonderful author, woman, mother, entrepreneur, and all-around amazing human being named Rachel Hollis. It’s called Girl, Wash Your Face, and if you haven’t read it, you should.
I honestly think anyone who reads this book won’t be able to reach the last page without leaving their reading experience with new knowledge about themselves, with an elevated sense of self-motivation, and with a renewed outlook on life.
And inside that book was a quote that really stuck with me.
“You are the five people you spend the most time with.”
This raw truth struck a serious note within me.
Bad relationships, whether it be friendship or love or business, bleed into all aspects of your life.
Eventually, you become a reflection of the company you keep.
I found myself at the lowest points in my life when I was in the wrong relationship and dating the wrong guy.
And, as time progressed, I slowly started to lose myself, my thoughts, my wants, my needs, my desires—until all that was left was a giant wall of insecurity and doubt.
And every time I’d experience a relationship failure, it was like I had to build myself back up again.
So, before I share my next letter, I want you to think about the people you spend the most time with. I want you to visualize how they support you, how you support them. I want you to reflect on the positive things you bring to each other. I also want you to reflect on the negative things too.
None of us is perfect.
We all make mistakes and let each other down sometimes.
But at the end of the day, are those five people you’ve surrounded yourself with allowing you to live your best life? Or are they forcing you to read books without smut just so you don’t look “bad” in front of Karen?
Just…think about it.
And while you’re thinking, I’ll share with you my next letter…
Dear Life of the Party,
Our relationship spanned nearly my entire twenty-fourth year of existence.
You were larger than life, a man who had a knack for making people have a good time, and you were skilled in the art of fun.
And boy oh boy, did we have some crazy fun together.
Some of my funniest, happiest, most carefree memories include you.
You showed me what it meant to really let loose and to live in the moment.
Up until I met you, I’d had a tendency to always be looking toward the future, never sitting still, and wishing my days away until I achieved all of the goals I’d set for myself.
It’s good to set goals.
It’s good to prepare for the future.
But it’s not good to let your life pass before your eyes and never take the time to enjoy where you are, right now, in the moment.
Because of you, I learned a lot about myself.
I’ll always be thankful to you for that.
Also, I’d never really had a love for music or even understood the positive effect it could have. But thanks to you, I’m an avid listener to every genre known to humankind.
Jazz when I’m feeling moody.
Pop when I’m in the need of a little upbeat positivity.
Classical when I’m searching for calm.
Indie rock for all of those in-between moments.
And the ever effective power ballad when I’m locked in a swirl of emotions.
Remember that time we camped out for three days just to hear Arctic Monkeys play?
God, that was both the best and worst time of my life. (Pretty sure no one enjoys peeing in the woods, but somehow you made everything feel like an adventure.)
But, with you, I realized that not all that glitters is gold.
It’s good to let loose, but you should never do it to the detriment of someone else.
And when you’re having a good time, you tend to forget that anyone else exists.
I need balance.
I need someone who is strong and will be there when I’m suffering, no matter what.
I need to be someone’s priority, not just their partner in crime.
Our breakup was hard—one of the hardest I’ve ever been through—but by the time we reached that tragic point in our relationship, I was so tired and so lonely and so lost that I had to walk away in the name of self-preservation.
I hope you’re doing well.
I hope business is still booming at the bar.
But mostly, I hope that you’ve settled down a bit and found someone who you’ll make a priority.
Because intimacy is an important part of a relationship, and it doesn’t just mean sex.
It means communication. And holding each other. And falling asleep beside one another every night. It means showing affection through things like gentle touches and secret smiles and stolen kisses throughout the day.
It means really opening up your soul and letting the other person inside.
I hope, one day, I’ll find that.
Because of you, I know to look for it.
Sincerely,
Luci
[audible pause]
Luci. Yet another nickname from another ex-boyfriend.
I was really starting to gather quite the list, huh?
[soft, incredulous laugh]
Not only did I have a penchant for dating the wrong men, apparently, I had a similar relationship with obtaining nicknames…
Little fire ring any bells?
[sighs]
But Ollie wasn’t an ex-boyfriend.
Nope. He was just the one man I couldn’t seem to shake…