Episode 17: “Pretty sure Lana Del Rey writes love songs about things like this.”
I’d done the deed.
I had sex with Ollie.
[pauses]
Holy moly, right?
In the name of undeniable attraction and an irresistible pull, I felt like I’d sold my soul to the devil, and the scariest part of it all, I’d woken up the next morning without any regrets.
Sure, I had fears. And uncertainties.
But, regrets? Not a single one.
If I could’ve done it all over again, I would’ve.
Hell, I still would.
Because I’d never felt the way I felt that night before, connected to Ollie in the most intimate way.
It hadn’t been simply sex.
It hadn’t been a moment of letting go of my inhibitions and letting my inner base desires lead me.
It had been more than that. It had meant something. Sex with Ollie had changed something inside of me. It was like he had engraved himself beneath my skin.
When I’d woken up that morning, fluttered my eyes open, and looked into that dark-chocolate gaze of his, I smiled.
And he smiled right back.
“Mornin’,” Ollie whispered, and the soft lilt of his voice felt like a smooth caress across my bare skin.
We were still naked. Completely bared and exposed for each other’s gazes, and I didn’t hesitate to drink him in.
Tanned, firm skin, and the kind of svelte muscles that men spend hours upon hours in the gym to achieve, Oliver Arsen was a picture-worthy sight to wake up to.
Seriously. If I had been awake enough, or he still would’ve been asleep, I might’ve been tempted to snag my phone from the nightstand and snap a picture of him.
[laughs softly]
But instead, I just looked at him.
I watched him look at me.
I watched the way he gazed at me, my face, my eyes, my lips, until he moved down to the rest of my body that was visible above the sheets.
When he reached the stopping point where my bared skin met white cotton, he smirked a mischievous little grin and reached out with his fingertips to just barely lift the sheet and peer at what was hidden beneath.
“What are you doing?” I giggled and slapped his hand away.
He had the audacity to shush me with a little push of air from his full lips. “Just give me a minute,” he said with a wink and reached out to slightly lift the sheet again. “I’m taking a trip down Memory Lane.”
I blushed and giggled again. “And how’s that trip turning out for ya?”
“Delicious.” He waggled his brows and peeked up at me from beneath his lashes. “I’m officially tempted to worship this perfect little body of yours and skip a pretty important business meeting.”
“You have a meeting this morning?”
He nodded, but he didn’t say anything else. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed along the edges of my breast. When that wasn’t enough, he sucked my nipple into his mouth, and a moan escaped his and my throat.
“Bloody hell, I’d love to lose myself in you right now,” he whispered against my now aching skin. “Just fuck off for the day and spend the rest of the morning showing you just how much you drive me mad.”
He kissed across my chest to my other breast, and when he sucked that nipple into his mouth, I started wondering if I could reschedule the interview I had planned for the day.
I was supposed to meet with a female surfer and her coach over brunch.
I had been excited at the prospect of hearing a woman’s point of view of what it was like to compete in the Professional Surfing League.
But when Ollie moved up my body and took my mouth in a deep kiss, all sorts of excuses started to formulate in my brain…
Sorry, I need to reschedule because there is a gorgeous, naked man in my bed, and I just can’t find the willpower to leave it.
Mind moving the interview to dinner? I’m having a hard time finding the strength to put on pants.
[giggles]
Yeah. That sort of thing.
But obviously, I couldn’t actually follow through with that.
No matter how undeniably amazing sex with Ollie had proven to be, I had responsibilities. I had a career. And hell, I wouldn’t have even been in this bed, kissing this irresistible man, had it not been for the opportunities of said career.
“Shit,” I muttered against his lips and did my best to slow the kiss to a stop. “You’re making this insanely hard right now.”
“On the contrary, sweetheart, you are the one making me insanely hard right now.”
I laughed at that and shoved his big, perfect body away from me and hopped out of bed before he could charm me into forgetting about my responsibilities and losing myself in him completely.
He tried to reach for me with his hands, but I jumped out of the way with a teasing smile.
“Don’t even think about it,” I said and grabbed the hotel robe off the back of the closet door and wrapped it around myself as fast as possible.
“In a hurry?” he asked with a wink from the bed.
“Yep,” I answered and tightened the white cotton belt around my waist. “Someone has to be the voice of sanity here.”
“I can cancel my meeting.”
“Yeah, but I can’t cancel the interview I have planned,” I retorted and glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. “Speaking of which, I need to be there in like an hour. So you need to get your ass out of my hotel room so I can get ready.”
“You kicking me out, little fire?” he asked with a pout, and I pointed an index finger toward him.
“That little pout isn’t going to work.”
“You sure about that?”
“Positive.”
Was I positive? Not really.
And, of course, he didn’t miss a beat…
“Then why are you still standing there and not heading into the bathroom to get ready?”
“Shut up.”
He laughed at that, but eventually, he got out of bed and started slipping on his boxer briefs and jeans. “All right, I’ll leave you to it, but I’m demanding you let me see you again tonight.”
“Demanding?” I asked with a defiant hand to my hip.
He was completely unfazed. Ollie strode toward me, pulled me into his arms with a little squeal from my throat, and pressed a hard and deep kiss to my mouth.
“Tonight,” he whispered against my lips, and I couldn’t find the strength or reason to disagree.
“Tonight.”
A few minutes later, he was fully dressed and leaving my hotel room.
The door clicked shut behind him, and I headed for the shower.
But all the while, my lips still tingled from his kiss.
And all I could think was, that sexy bastard sure knows how to make an unforgettable exit.
Because he did.
Thoughts of him filled my head while I got ready and lingered through my Uber ride to the restaurant until I sat down across from the two women I’d be interviewing that morning.
Sage Gilmore was a twenty-two-year-old, up-and-coming American surfer who had more than made her mark in this year’s women’s championship competition.
She was blond. Beautiful. And could pull off a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a half-shirt like it was no one’s business.
Not to mention, her coach, thirty-five-year-old Amelia Erickson, was just as easy on the eyes, if not more. From what I’d read up on her, she’d retired from the circuit at the young age of thirty, far earlier than anyone would’ve liked for her to. She was also blond, but her big blue eyes were even more striking than Jordy’s.
And that was saying a lot.
Prior to the meeting, I’d done some research on the two of them, but to say I knew the ins and outs of their lives and careers would’ve been a bit of an exaggeration.
To be honest, I preferred it that way.
Always prefer it that way.
As a journalist, I feel it’s my job to go into an interview with an unbiased opinion.
And I’m sure you’re all well aware just how biased the media can be sometimes.
But going into that meeting, I’d felt confident that I knew enough to obtain a successful interview.
[audible sip of water]
Both Sage and Amelia were sweet as pie, and by the time we’d ordered our breakfast and I’d dived in to the hard-hitting questions, things could not have been going any better.
Sage was candid in her responses, and Amelia appeared at ease with chiming in with insightful tidbits about Sage’s career and how a girl so young could already have one championship under her belt and be pretty damn close to obtaining another.
“Tell me your thoughts on how the men are treated in the Professional Surfing League compared to the women.”
Sage took a bite of her egg white omelet while she thoughtfully considered my question.
“You know,” she started, “I think when it comes to athletes and professional sports in general, there’s always been a bit of inequality when it comes to men and women. And that definitely extends outside of sports. But over the past few years that I’ve been on the circuit, I’ve seen huge strides toward things becoming more equal in terms of pay, opportunities, sponsorship deals, and how men and woman surfers are treated overall. Do I think it’s completely equal?” she asked and shrugged. “No, probably not, but do I think it’s heading in that direction? Yes, I definitely do.”
“That’s refreshing to hear,” I said, and Amelia nodded.
“I agree. Things are a lot different from when I was surfing competitively.”
“Amelia, you left the circuit five years ago, right?”
She nodded again. “Yep. I was thirty at the time, and a lot of people were pretty upset about the fact that I’d just up and walked away from it all.”
“She walked away right after she’d won her third championship,” Sage added with a proud smile.
“Really?”
Amelia nodded.
“What made you do it?”
“I’m sure most people would say it has everything to do with Oliver Arsen,” Sage chimed in and grinned at her coach.
“You’re probably right.” Amelia laughed and rolled her eyes, but I’d tilted my head to the side at the mention of Ollie’s name.
[sighs]
Are you also wondering what Ollie had to do with Amelia’s surfing career?
Yeah, we’re on the same page, then.
And don’t worry, I asked…
“Why would they think it has something to do with Oliver Arsen?”
Amelia shrugged. “We’d been in a relationship. Actually, we were engaged at the time, but it’d ended before it progressed to marriage. And, well, we had a relatively public breakup just before I officially retired from surfing competitively.”
My heart pretty much jumped up into my throat when she said the word engagement.
Ollie had been engaged?
What the fuck, right?
“And, of course,” Sage chimed in, “people think we women are these emotional, delicate creatures who’d give up their careers just because of a damn breakup.”
“So true.” Amelia laughed at that, and I had to force a brittle smile to my face just to hide the fact that the proverbial rug had been pulled out from under my feet.
My brain raced around the whole Ollie’s prior engagement thing.
That had been news to me.
Big, shocking, jaw-fucking-dropping news.
I felt like someone had sucker-punched me with it.
And let me tell you, it took a Herculean effort not only to hide that shock, but to continue on with the interview without asking inappropriate questions about Amelia’s past engagement to Ollie.
A million thoughts sped through my brain, and I struggled to get through that brunch.
I remembered my conversation with Ollie at the Burger Shack.
I remembered how he said he’d never been in a serious relationship before.
Why had he lied about that?
Why hadn’t he just told me the truth?
It was in the past, right? What did it matter that he’d had a failed engagement?
I’m sure you can imagine how confusing it all was in the moment.
And I wish I could tell you it got easier from there.
But it didn’t.
Once I finished that interview, it only got more complicated…
[deep sigh]
So, I’d gone back to my hotel room, and instead of calling Ollie and outright asking him, I let my curiosity get the best of me. I’d pulled out the old laptop and started researching every news and media source I could find about Amelia Erickson and Oliver Arsen.
All I had to do was type their names into the Google search bar, and millions of hits filled my results. They started back eight years ago.
Ollie Arsen and Amelia Erickson: Surfing’s hottest new couple!
Interview with Oliver Arsen: Waves, championships, and his lady love Amelia.
Ollie and Amelia: The surfing world is officially in love with their love!
Exclusive: Ollie proposed, and she said yes!
And when the dates were merely five years ago, the tone shifted.
Breaking News: Surfing’s favorite couple has called off their engagement.
Ollie and Amelia sell their Huntington Beach home.
Ollie cheated. Amelia devastated.
Amelia Erickson announces retirement just two months after breakup with Oliver Arsen.
To say I felt like I’d been steamrolled would’ve been an understatement.
Not only had Ollie lied about never having a serious relationship, when he’d mentioned his Huntington Beach house, he’d never even mentioned the fact that it had been a shared beach home with his ex-fiancée.
Add in the whole part about him cheating on Amelia and the media showcasing him as the world’s biggest jerk, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it all.
I wasn’t naïve. I knew how things worked with the media, especially when it came to celebrity breakups and shit like that, but I couldn’t shake the fact that no matter the reason for his breakup with Amelia, he’d lied to me.
For some reason, he had felt the need to hide the details of his past from me.
It was the whole dishonesty part that waved in front of my face like a giant red flag.
Before I could stop myself, I picked up my phone and called the one person who I knew could give me details.
Allie.
She answered by the second ring, and it was when she greeted me that I realized how very stupid and impulsive this call really was.
I mean, at this point, she knew nothing about Ollie and me. So, I couldn’t really start asking questions about her brother’s past relationships like some jealous girlfriend.
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, but my brain was so damn fixated on the secrets of Ollie’s past that I resigned myself to carefully beating around the bush in the hope that Allie would just volunteer to serve up the information on a silver fucking platter.
[sighs]
Yeah, it was a real shitty thing to do.
Not only was I using her to gain information about her brother, but I was still lying to her about what was going on between her brother and me.
Allie, if you’re listening, again, I’m still really, really sorry.
[short pause]
Yeah, even though I knew it was a crappy thing to do, I did it.
“So, how is my best friend feeling?” I greeted, and internally, I grimaced at my ulterior motives. Butter her up a bit before getting to the real reason for my call.
I know what you’re thinking right now, and trust me, I agree. Cunning and manipulative don’t equate to being a good best friend. I mean, not only had I just had sex with her brother the night before, but now, I was calling her for information about said brother in the most underhanded way.
It wasn’t my noblest moment, that was for sure.
Also, Allie, if you’re listening, I’m sorry about having sex with your brother…
[short laugh]
Anyway, back to the call…
Allie updated that she wasn’t feeling too bad that day.
“Only puked once and managed to go into the office and work for eight hours straight,” she updated. “How’s the West Coast life?”
“It’s good,” I answered. “I…uh…had an interview this morning with Sage Gilmore and her coach, Amelia Erickson.”
“Amelia Erickson?” she asked, and it was obvious by the surprised tone in her voice, that name rang more than a few bells.
Bingo. Bongo.
“Yep.” I focused on playing it cool. “They were both supersweet, and it was a nice change of pace hearing a female surfer’s perspective for once.”
The line went silent for a beat, and then Allie aimed straight for the money shot.
“Did Amelia say anything about my brother?”
God, she made it too easy.
I felt like a criminal preying on an oblivious pregnant woman.
“Um, yeah,” I responded and steadied my voice to a neutral lull. “She mentioned that a lot of people think she retired from surfing because of her relationship with him.”
“Well, it was quite the public scandal.”
Oh boy…
“Public scandal? Really?”
“Yep,” Allie answered, popping her p a little. “They were engaged. Planning a wedding and shit, but then it all kind of went to hell before they ever reached the altar.”
“What happened?”
“Honestly, I have no idea,” Allie said. “A lot of people said Ollie cheated on Amelia, but I don’t really know the truth.”
“Have you ever asked him?”
“Yeah, but he didn’t respond too kindly to my meddling,” she said. “It was a pretty rough time for my brother. I think he really cared about her. Honestly, I think they both really cared about each other. Which made it even more confusing that it didn’t work out.”
“That’s crazy.” I forced the words past my lips even though I felt like all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the room.
Basically, Allie was telling me everything I did not want to hear.
“I know,” she said, and her voice drifted off for a moment. “So, Amelia is there, in Huntington Beach?”
“Yeah, this is the point in the competition where the men’s and women’s events mirror each other.”
“Jesus,” she muttered. “I wonder if he realizes Amelia is in town.”
My heart pretty much dropped out of my chest and smacked the floor after that.
And by the time I’d ended the phone call with Allie, I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Between the guilt I felt for not telling her the truth, and the confusion about Ollie’s past and his lies, I wasn’t sure which was worse.
My brain swirled and spun and raced with a million different questions.
Did he know Amelia was in town?
Did he still have feelings for her? Was that why he’d lied about the past? Because he wasn’t over the past?
[sighs]
My overthinking and overanalyzing tendencies pretty much ran away with themselves after that. A one-way ticket on a crappy economy flight straight to anxiety. And as pathetic as it was, I spent the next few hours of that day in my hotel room, scouring every article that had ever been posted about Ollie and Amelia.
Over and over again, he was the sole focus of their negativity.
Liar. Cheat. Bastard. Jerk.
The words were not kind.
It didn’t make him look good, and it sure as hell didn’t make me feel good.
By the time he texted me later that evening, I’d reached a code red type of situation. All of my overthinking had turned to irrationality, and instead of facing anything head on, I buried my head in the fucking sand.
I ignored him. And I had never ignored him, not even when I’d thought he was the most annoying man in the whole flipping world.
I turned my phone off, tossed it on the nightstand, and cocooned myself beneath the hotel comforter.
[sighs]
I know what you’re thinking, and I agree. That night, I had taken the coward’s way out.
But my heart could only handle so much.
And that day, it had reached its limit.