Episode 16: “I should’ve called this podcast, The Day I Didn’t Stop Falling for Jerks.”
Every story has a turning point.
A moment that changes things.
Sometimes, it can be small. A moment in time where understanding sets in and maybe you realize something simple like the next big goal you want to achieve in your career.
But sometimes, it can be monumental. A full-on “holy shit” kind of epiphany where everything you thought you wanted is trumped by everything you actually want.
Bear with me, guys. This part in the story isn’t going to be easy.
Today, I’m going to tell you about the exact moment where I couldn’t go back.
The instant where I went against everything I’d told myself I’d do and I fell.
Hard.
Okay, here goes nothing…
[audible deep breath]
I’d been in Huntington Beach for a good five days, busy with work and interviews and everything else that went along with keeping up with my daily Scoop responsibilities while I was on location for a months-long assignment.
Which, by the way, if you haven’t been to Huntington Beach, I highly recommend you add it to your bucket list.
There is just something about the California coast that refreshes your soul and helps you put all the little stressors of life into perspective.
Not to mention, the coastline is to die for. And the locals are a real trip.
Laid-back, carefree, and living their best damn life each and every day.
I’d woken up pretty early that morning. And by the time it had reached one in the afternoon, I’d put in a full day’s worth of work and my stomach growled its annoyance.
Resigned to take a break and get some food, I’d grabbed the hotel’s list of closest restaurants from the nightstand and began perusing my options.
But before I could come to a final food decision, my phone chimed with a text message from Ollie.
How long do you need to get ready?
Get ready? For what? I had no idea what he was talking about.
I’m taking you somewhere today.
I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that at this point in the conversation, butterflies had taken up residence in my stomach and I felt high at the simple idea of spending more time with him.
Does it include lunch? I asked, and he responded with Yep.
I hadn’t seen him since our flight to California a few days prior.
Partly because I was insanely busy with work, but also because I’d still been trying to process what in the hell was happening between us.
So, I’d pretty much committed myself to my job and become a hermit inside my hotel room, only coming out for food or essentials like ibuprofen and M&Ms.
But my patience with isolation had long since left the building, and my Ollie cravings had become too strong to resist.
So, I agreed.
Okay. Give me twenty minutes, and I’ll meet you in the lobby.
Since I’d already showered that morning, it didn’t take me long to get ready.
I curled my hair. Added a layer of light makeup. And paired a bohemian chic dress from Nordstrom’s clearance rack with my favorite nude wedges I’d bought at a flea market in Greenwich Village.
I’m telling you. You do not need to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for expensive designer duds. And if you ever need some shopping tips in New York, I’m your gal. I know all of the best places that have all of the best stuff for less than half the cost of their retail prices.
Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, let me make a note real quick.
[audible sounds of shuffling paper]
Next week, I’ll post a Best Places to Shop in New York on a Tight Budget to Scoop. Trust me, you don’t want to miss it.
Is it obvious I’m trying to avoid the rest of today’s podcast?
[Soft laughter]
God, I’m sorry, guys.
It’s just that…I know this part of the story is going to make me feel things, and I just… Yeah, it’s hard.
[Big, deep breath]
Okay, back to the story.
Back to Ollie.
When I reached the lobby, he stood off to the side, near the automatic doors, and the instant our gazes locked, a nervous little whoosh of air escaped my lungs.
He just affected me.
Sometimes, I felt like he had the power to see straight into my soul and hear all of my most secret thoughts and desires.
It was like he just knew when to appear. When to show up. When I was thinking about him the most.
I both loved and hated it.
He looked as handsome as ever in a lavender T-shirt, a pair of jeans, and an absence of his god-awful flip-flops. Instead, a stylish piece of square-toed leather peeked out from the hem of his pants.
I smiled as I walked toward him.
“No flip-flops?” I asked, and he winked.
“No stilettos?”
“Touché.” A giggle escaped my lips. “So, where are we headed?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“A surprise?” I asked and put a hand to my hip. “Surely, this doesn’t include swim lessons or surf lessons or a kayak ride, right?”
He just shook his head and held out his hand. “C’mon, little fire, we’ve got places to be.”
I placed my hand in his, and something so simple shouldn’t have felt like everything, but it had.
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
I couldn’t stop glancing down at where we were connected as we walked out of the hotel and onto the sidewalk. And I couldn’t deny that a little pit of disappointment hollowed out my stomach when he had to let go of my hand to help me into the car.
The drive was short, only five minutes or so, and Ollie pulled into a parking spot located just before the pier that overlooked Huntington Beach.
He clicked off the engine and grinned over at me. “Prepare yourself for the best cheeseburger that will ever touch your lips.”
“I hate cheeseburgers,” I said, and his eyes popped wide.
“Seriously?”
“Yep.” I nodded. “I’m actually a vegetarian.”
“What?” he questioned. “How did I not know that?”
I shrugged. “Probably because I’m just screwing with you.”
A wolflike laugh left his lungs, and I offered one excited pat to his thigh before I hopped out of the rental car.
“C’mon, slowpoke!” I called toward him. “I’m starved! Let’s eat!”
He met me at the front of the car and took my hand in his.
I ignored the fact that my heart started to beat like a hummingbird’s wing when I felt the now-familiar feel of his palm and fingers nestled against mine, and I focused on following his lead as he walked us toward a little outdoor restaurant beside the pier.
“The Burger Shack?” I asked with a grin as we stepped beneath its awning and found a seat that faced the water.
“Aptly named, yeah?” He winked and handed me a menu.
A teenage girl wearing a white apron and a polo shirt with the restaurant’s name embroidered over the left pocket took our orders.
Cheeseburger and fries for Ollie.
Cheeseburger and fries and a chocolate milk shake for me.
When I splurged on junk food, you bet your ass, I went all out.
[pauses]
Which, on a side note, guys, I highly recommend the Burger Shack.
Greasy and enough calories to last you until next month, but good God, it’s delicious.
Our food came quickly, yet another reason to eat at the Burger Shack, and while I took the first mouthwatering bite of my cheeseburger, I caught sight of an English bulldog riding a skateboard down the pier.
I giggled at the sight, and Ollie’s gaze quickly caught up with my current focus.
“That’s Jim.” He grinned and popped a fry into his mouth.
“What?” I questioned and giggled some more. “You know that dog?”
“Everyone who’s ever been to Huntington Beach knows Jim. That little mutt rides his skateboard everywhere.”
“Who is his owner?” I asked and peered through the crowd to try to spot someone who matched.
“That guy,” Ollie said and pointed to a man wearing neon yellow board shorts and flip-flops. “His name is Benny, and he’s actually one of the top skateboarders in the world.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Yeah. The two of them are quite the sight.”
“My dad would go nuts for the dog,” I said, and Ollie quirked a brow. “He’s a veterinarian,” I explained and then smiled at the mere thought of my father. He had the biggest heart in the world, and the way he took care of his furry patients would make anyone fall in love with him.
“Sounds like your dad is quite the guy.” Ollie grinned and took a sip of his water.
“That he is,” I agreed. “So, do you come here often?”
“To Huntington Beach?” he asked, and I nodded.
“Well, I used to when I was still competing on the circuit. Hell, I even had a little beach house up the way. But once I started Surf Arsen, I had to sell it because I just never had time to actually use it.”
“Do you miss competing?”
“Sometimes, I do,” he admitted. “But I’m also pretty happy with my life now.” He waggled his brows. “I have a lot more freedom now that I’m my own boss and I don’t have to deal with making sponsors and agents happy. What about you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you happy with where you’re at?”
I wanted to say I’m happy being here with you, but I refused to let myself reveal that much to him.
Maybe that was wrong.
Maybe I should’ve been honest.
But just the idea of admitting that to him made me feel way too exposed.
So, instead, I shrugged it off and gave him a bland response of, “Yeah, I really love my job at Scoop. And this assignment has been pretty great. Traveling the world and seeing exotic locations that were on my bucket list.”
A few more bites into my cheeseburger, I brought up a subject that had been on my mind for a while. “So, I know that you know I have my fair share of ex-boyfriends, but I’m curious about you…”
“I don’t have any ex-boyfriends.” He winked, and I rolled my eyes.
“You know what I mean.”
He grinned and then shrugged. “I’ve never really been the type of guy to settle down. Sure, I’ve had girlfriends that I dated for a few weeks here and there, I guess, but in terms of serious, committed relationships, no, I haven’t had any of those.”
“Seriously? You’ve never had a long-term, committed relationship? Like, ever?”
“Nope.” He shook his head. “Not in my past, I haven’t.”
“Wow.” I didn’t know what to say to that. I mean, I probably shouldn’t have been surprised by that information, but I was.
But before I could start deciphering what that all meant to me or to him or to the possibility of an us, he quietly added, “But that doesn’t mean I’m not looking for one in my future…”
Future. When that word left his lips, it made a beeline for my chest.
Did Ollie picture a future with me? I honestly didn’t know.
Could I picture a future with him? I didn’t know that either.
But did I want there to be a possibility of one? Yes, honestly, I think I did.
Thankfully, our deep conversation topic was derailed by the arrival of my chocolate milk shake.
Ollie almost drooled at the sight of it, and I had to slap his hands away several times before I finally gave in and let him have some sips.
When my stomach got too full to eat any more fries or finish off my milk shake, I leaned back in my chair and let out a satisfied sigh.
“This was perfect. Thank you for bringing me here.”
“You’re welcome, but this isn’t the surprise,” he said with a secret little smirk. “I was just hungry.”
I looked at him with confusion, but he just snagged the check off the table and headed toward the register to pay the bill.
By the time he came back, he held his hand out for me again, and I took it without question.
“So, uh, what’s the surprise?” I asked, but he didn’t respond. He just kept on smirking and walked us back to the car.
Once we were both seat-belted in, I reached over and put my hand on top of his. “All right, Mr. Secrets. You’re killing me here. You have to tell me. What is the surprise?”
“But if I tell you, it won’t be a surprise, will it?”
“Ollie,” I whined, and the bastard just laughed.
A good thirty seconds of me glaring at him passed and, eventually, he gave in.
“All right, all right,” he said and reached toward the glove box of his rental. He popped it open and pulled out a white envelope and set it in my lap. “That—” he nodded toward it “—is the surprise.”
I glanced between him and the envelope.
“Go on,” he encouraged. “It won’t bite, I promise.”
I giggled at that and hesitantly lifted the envelope into my hands. When I opened the fold and reached inside, my jaw damn near hit my lap in surprise.
Two shiny tickets to Alexander Wang’s Pop-Up Street Show.
Alexander Wang, people! Notorious, award-winning fashion designer known for dressing numerous celebrities including, but not limited to, the Kardashians.
Think what you want about the Kardashians, but that family has its eye on success. They wouldn’t be in fashion cahoots with just anyone.
“Alexander Wang has a show in Huntington Beach tonight? And we’re going to it? Are you serious right now?” I shouted and stared at him with wide eyes.
He shrugged. “I guess that depends.”
“On what?”
“Are you happy about this?”
“Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed and bounced around in my seat like a lunatic. “Of course, I’m happy about this! I’m completely blown away!”
“Then, yeah, I’m one hundred percent serious.” He winked, and my gaze moved back to the tickets clasped between my fingers.
“H-how did you do this? How did you even know about it?”
“I pulled a few strings.” He laughed. “And, believe it or not, even before you, I happen to know a few people who’ve been trying to change my take on fashion for years.”
I rolled my eyes. That I could definitely believe.
“When did you do this?”
He shrugged. “I can’t remember.”
“You can’t remember when you managed to finagle your way into getting two tickets to a fashion show for one of the most popular designers in the country?”
He smirked, put the key in the ignition, and clicked the engine on with a gentle flick of his wrist. “Must be old age or something.”
“I can’t believe you did this,” I said as Ollie pulled out of the parking lot.
“Are you ready to go see something fashion-y happen right before your very eyes?”
His absolute lack of knowledge of all things fashion made me laugh, but I was too excited to dwell on it.
“I’ve never been more ready in my entire life.”
By the time we reached the venue that evening, I was certain it was the most thoughtful gesture anyone had ever made for me.
And we had the best time.
He’d somehow managed seats in the second row from the front, and to my surprise, he’d actually shaken hands with people I had only ever dreamed existed.
Rihanna. Miley Cyrus. Lady Gaga, for fuck’s sake.
But perhaps most memorable of all, was the way he’d blushed when he introduced me to them.
It was adorable, guys, and the experience? Well, it was amazing.
Funky and fresh—the way Alexander Wang’s street style upscale urban fashion always seemed to be—and so damn beautiful it gave me goose bumps several times during the show.
The night was a dream, and when we’d made it back to the hotel, I couldn’t stop giggling over the fact that Ollie, beach bum surfer dude, had subjected himself to an entire night dedicated to clothes he would likely never put on his body.
The thought of it was utterly ridiculous, but God, the touching, personal gesture he’d so clearly tailored to me had my heart blooming like a garden inside my chest.
This man, he’d gone all out for me.
He’d taken me to a freaking fashion show, for goodness’ sake.
And not only that, he’d smiled and schmoozed and just lived in the moment with me.
[sighs]
Yeah, it’s safe to say, any chance of resisting him had pretty much disappeared into thin air after that, and as we walked toward my hotel room, I found myself internally pouting over the idea of sleeping in my bed by myself.
I wanted to be near him.
I wanted to be close to him.
I just wanted him.
We stopped in front of my hotel room door, and I looked up into his big brown eyes, and my damn bones ached with how badly I wanted him.
I wanted to press my mouth to his.
I wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me.
I wanted to breathe in his moans.
I wanted to know what he tasted like…everywhere.
I turned insane with my need for him, and just before he could open his mouth to say good night, I stood up on my tippy-toes and pressed my mouth to his.
I kissed him, and he responded with fervor.
It was slow at first, a meager exploration of one another’s lips, but it didn’t take long for it to grow deeper, harder, more passionate.
And before I knew it, we tumbled into my hotel room, still kissing, still touching, and Ollie kicked the door shut with his foot.
He led us toward the bed, and internally, I rejoiced.
“I want you,” he whispered against my mouth. “Bloody hell, do I want you.”
The feeling was more than mutual.
All talking pretty much ceased after that, our bodies too focused on touching and kissing and crawling inside of one another.
With his eyes locked on mine, he slowly lifted my dress and kneeled before me.
I watched with rapt attention as he pulled my panties down my legs and paused to take me in. His gaze latched on to the needy, greedy, aching spot between my thighs, and my hips fidgeted from the arousal of it all.
I’d never been so turned on in my whole life. And I’ve certainly never spoken of being so turned on in public. But in the interest of full disclosure, this podcast will be nothing short of ripe with details.
Just FYI, what I’m about to tell you is what you’d call NSFW.
If you’re particularly sensitive, I apologize in advance.
And I’ll go ahead and give you a moment to shut your ears…
[distinct pause]
Okay, back to it…
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, and I moaned as he pressed his mouth to me and took a taste.
He groaned and took another taste.
And then another.
Until he made love to me with his mouth, hitting all of the right spots with his tongue and sucking and eating at me like I was the best thing that had ever hit his lips.
I didn’t last long after that.
My body had been strung too tight for far too long, and it felt like only seconds before my hips and legs shook from the hard and fast release, and I moaned my climax into the otherwise silent room.
But it wasn’t enough.
I needed more.
I needed him.
I needed to know what he felt like inside of me.
I sat up from the bed and reached out to unbutton and unzip his pants. His jeans and boxer briefs were on the floor between one panting breath and the next, and I gazed at his long, hard, and thick arousal.
He was beautiful. Every single inch of him.
I kneeled before him, wrapping my fingers around him and moving them up and down, enjoying how big he felt inside my hand.
Ollie stared down at me, his brown eyes darkening with heat and lust and what I figured were all of the same things I was feeling.
“Do you want my cock, little fire?” he asked, and I nodded, licking my lips as I did.
“Yes,” I whispered back and wrapped my mouth around him. Hard and thick and big and velvety smooth, he felt so good against my tongue.
He groaned, and his hips jolted farther when I took him a little deeper.
“Bloody hell,” he muttered and reached down to lift me back onto the bed. “I need to be inside of you,” he said. “I need to feel that perfect little cunt wrapped around me.”
Yes please, I thought.
Because, dear God, in that moment, I was certain I’d never wanted anything more in my life.
He reached into his jeans and pulled a condom out of his wallet, and it didn’t take long until he was sheathed and climbing over me, his bared and muscular body hovering over mine.
Our gazes stayed locked as he slowly slid inside of me.
Inch by inch, he filled me up.
Stars danced behind my eyes when he was pressed to the hilt, and I was torn between the desire for him to stay like that forever or slide out just so I could feel him slide back in all over again.
Time stood still and time blurred, and all I could focus on was how good he felt inside of me.
How perfectly we fit together.
How much I didn’t want it to end.
I don’t know how long we lasted until we were both moaning out our release, but after we were done and I lay beside him, my head on his chest and my ears listening to the soft and steady sounds of his heart, I knew the memory of this moment would last forever.
He had changed everything.
And I was no longer trying not to fall.
Instead, I’d fallen.
[sighs]
Fuck. I’d fallen so hard, so deep, so fast.
To my core, I knew there was no going back.
And the thing that made it the most confusing was that I didn’t have anything to compare it to. Didn’t have any past experiences that would help me make sense of it all.
I’d thought I’d been in love before, but in reality, I’d never even come close to touching the concept.
Even as I sit here, pouring out my heart and innermost secrets to you, I still can’t wrap my mind around how I’d finally found it—the moment I’d stopped searching.