No one argues when I stay home sick from school the next day, claiming I need a mental health day. It’s not a lie, either. I can’t deal with the trivial drama at school when I’m about to help the love of my life put his soul to rest for eternity.
I’m supposed to start the internship at the hospital after school, though, and I get pressure from both Mrs. Schneider and my parents not to skip it. My parents are thrilled that I’ve been selected and seem to agree with Mrs. Schneider and Dr. Moscowitz that the job is going to somehow miraculously fix me. It won’t, but I agree to go because Wes will be there and he is key to completing Spencer’s unfinished business.
On the way to the hospital, Spencer explains that he won’t be able to manifest while I’m there. He says that people who are close to crossing over can sometimes see ghosts, and he doesn’t want to upset anyone. It takes me a minute to realize he’s talking about all the dying people I’m about to spend the day helping.
I feel cold and alone the instant I step into the building and Spencer’s not there. I know he’s lurking nearby, but it’s not the same and I don’t have very much time with him. I want to see him every second that I can.
I head upstairs to the place I’m supposed to report to, and it turns out to be the same floor of the hospital I met Dr. Moscowitz the other day for my appointment. There’s a nurse at the station, waiting for me with a folded set of scrubs. She’s one of the younger nurses on staff, in her late twenties maybe, and has a bright smile that matches the pep in her voice. “You must be Bailey. Welcome!”
There’s a bounce in her step that makes her long brown ponytail swish back and forth behind her head as she comes to meet me. She takes my hand and gives it an enthusiastic shake before handing me the scrubs.
“I’m Regina, the lucky duck who gets to be your training buddy. I can’t wait to show you around. There’s a bathroom right over there. Go ahead and get changed, and then we’ll find you an empty locker in the break room to put your stuff in. Wes’s already getting changed.”
My stomach twists at the mention of Wes. He’s already here. I don’t know why I feel like I need to prepare myself to see him. Don’t know why I’m such a nervous wreck.
“If you ask me, you scored the lottery with your internship partner.” Regina leans close to me and brings her hand up to hide her mouth from prying eyes and ears. There’s something playful lighting up her face as she whispers her next words. “He is gorgeous, don’t you think? And so sweet. I can’t wait to see what he looks like in his hospital blues.”
She leans back up and laughs, raising her voice back to a normal volume. “I have a thing for guys in scrubs. That’s why I went to nursing school in the first place.”
She’s a dizzying woman, but her cheer is infectious, and I find myself smiling back at her as I slip into the bathroom to change. When I come out, Wes is standing with Regina. His eyes find me instantly, and there’s a question in them.
Regina is right about the hospital blue. Wes looks amazing in the light blue of his hospital scrubs. It’s the perfect contrast to his tanned skin and makes his dark eyes pop. He looks like an actor playing a nurse on some prime-time drama.
My heart speeds up as I slowly make my way over to him and Regina. My stomach twists, too. I take a deep breath to squelch my nerves. I can do this. I can be his friend. Spencer needs me to do this. I force myself to smile. “Hi.”
Wes answers me with a deep frown. “What was all that about in Mrs. Schneider’s office yesterday?”
I flinch, and even Regina does a double take at the severity in Wes’s tone. She said he’s sweet, but he’s never been that way to me. Not in many years. It’s clear he still hates me. I deserve his hostility, but I still become defensive. “It was nothing,” I bite out, standing up straight and pulling my shoulders back. I’m not going to let him intimidate me.
He doesn’t buy it. His scowl deepens as he folds his arms over his chest. “That was not nothing. You totally freaked out. You called out Spencer’s name for no reason. You’re seeing a psychiatrist, and I overheard him talking to your mom about your medication. What’s going on with you? Are you sick or something?”
My mouth falls open, and Regina gasps softly.
“That,” I say when I can find my voice, “is none of your business. And you’re seeing the same psychiatrist I am, you jerk. You want to tell me the reason for your appointments with him?”
The cords in Spencer’s neck tighten and the muscles in his jaw twitch as he glares at me.
Regina steps close to us and claps her hands together once. “Why don’t we get started?” she says, forcing cheer into her voice. “We’re going to tour the hospital, and then I’ll explain your duties here and introduce you to some of our patients. We get the kids today, which is always my favorite.”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” I snap. “The sooner we get started, the sooner we can be finished, and I can leave.” I don’t know how Spencer expects me to do anything for Wes when Wes obviously hates me so much.
With one last glare at Wes, I try to calm myself down. I’m not angry at Regina. She seems nice and doesn’t deserve to be caught in the middle of our drama. “This day’s not going to involve any needles, is it?”
“I—um…” Regina’s eyes bounce back and forth between Wes and me several more times before she regains her composure. Some of the light has left her eyes, but she still manages to pull together a smile for me. “I can give you enough warning to close your eyes if I need to poke anyone.”
“Thanks.” My gratitude is sincere, and it breaks the tension enough for Regina to regain her focus and get to work.
Wes and I don’t speak through the entire tour. I feel his eyes on me a lot, but I refuse to acknowledge him. It’s just better for everyone. I’ll give him Spencer’s super secret jewelry box at the end of the day, and then I’ll tell Mrs. Schneider I can’t do the internship.
Regina takes us all over the hospital, explaining the various departments, what they do, and when we might need to go there. The hospital is cold, and I’m uncomfortable, but the staff is a lot friendlier than I expected. We’re greeted with cheerful smiles and welcomes every time Regina stops to introduce us to people.
Along the way, several people greet Wes as if he’s a close, personal friend. A woman in the radiology department even grabs him up in a hug. “Wes, don’t you look handsome in those scrubs. I heard about the internship. Congratulations!”
He meets my curious gaze with a fleeting glance as he lightly returns the woman’s hug. “Thanks, Wendy.”
“Have you gone to see Rosie yet?”
Wes laughs. “Not yet.”
The radiologist’s tone becomes stern, and she points a threatening finger at him. “You make sure you do that before you leave. You’ll break that girl’s heart if you don’t go show off the new uniform.”
I have to suppress a grin when he rubs the back of his neck and mumbles his reply to his shoes. “I’ll stop by.”
The entire exchange is baffling to me, but the oddity doesn’t stop there. Wes is on a first-name basis with half of the staff in the cancer ward. We have to stop many times for Wes to receive congratulations. Most of the doctors and nurses he tells about the internship insist he come to them first if he needs any personal referrals for his college applications.
Our first shift is only three hours long, and it goes by very fast. I stay quiet most of the day, refusing to ask the million questions I have in my mind. Wes knows I’m curious, but since I don’t ask, he doesn’t offer up any explanations. He seems just as content to let me stay quiet and leave him alone, though he can’t stop stealing glances at me when he thinks I’m not looking.
By the end of the day, we’ve hardly said two words to each other. We don’t even say good-bye. I tell Regina I’m going to go grab my things, and Wes mumbles something about going to see Rosie. I can’t resist another suspicious glance but, again, Wes doesn’t explain. He just nods once and then heads toward the patient wing.
“Bailey?” Regina’s soft voice makes me realize I’m watching Wes walk away. I shake myself from my thoughts and force a smile. “How did you like it?”
She fusses with her ponytail as she waits for my answer. I don’t want to let her down, but I’m not sure I can fake enough enthusiasm, so I decide to be honest. “I don’t know. The kids were all sweet, but it’s so sad. I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this.”
I can tell my attempt to cop out is what she expected, but her face still falls with disappointment. “Well, for what it’s worth, you did really well today, and I hope you’ll decide to give it more of a chance.”
When I don’t automatically agree, she worries her lip and says, “If it’s because of whatever’s between you and Wes, I’m sure we can assign you to separate tasks. You won’t have to work with each other if you don’t want to.”
My eyes nearly pop out of my head. Of course the tension between us was obvious. We mostly handled ourselves maturely and professionally, but I’m still embarrassed, and I feel the need to redeem myself. I can’t leave now because she would know I’m just running from Wes. My dignity won’t let that happen. “It’s fine,” I say, wishing my face wasn’t so hot. “You don’t have to separate us.”
“So, you’ll stay?”
“I’ll stay at least through the forty hours I need for my graduation requirement. That should be long enough to give me a real feel for the job, right?”
“Yes.” Regina claps her hands and gives me a big, bright smile. “That will be plenty of time for me to convince you to stay.” She sees the confusion on my face and answers my question before I can ask it. “There’s something about you, Bailey. Those kids were drawn to you today. They liked you. I don’t know what it is, but—”
“Empathy.”
Regina and I both startle at the voice. Wes is back and has his backpack slung over his shoulder. “Rosie’s sleeping, but I left her a note promising I’d come back and show her my scrubs.”
Regina smiles. “She’ll love that. I bet she’ll even sleep with it under her pillow tonight.”
With a roll of his eyes and another adorable blush, he shifts uncomfortably and glances at me. Regina decides that’s her cue to pick up her conversation. “What were you saying about empathy?”
I expect Wes to look away, but he meets my gaze. “Most of the staff here are sympathetic to the kids, but your compassion is different. You understand the heartache they’re going through better, because you’ve felt it yourself. You hurt like they do. You’re sad like they are, lonely like they are. You get it, and they can feel that. Giving you the internship was a good call.”
He says that last bit almost grudgingly and nods as if he’s trying to convince himself it’s the truth. My heart is an odd mixture of emotions. I feel like I should be insulted, but what he said was the truth. I can’t even be mad at him for pointing it out, because he and I are the same that way. He gets it, too.
The silence becomes awkward again, but the ever-perky Regina pushes through it. “Definitely the right call. The two of you are going to be our best interns ever. I’ve got to run now, but I’ll see you both back here on Sunday, yeah?”
We both nod, and then Regina skips off, leaving the two of us alone together. There’s a horrible few seconds that feel like an eternity where Wes and I just stand there avoiding eye contact. Eventually, I manage to kick-start my body into motion. I shoulder my bag with my clothes in it—Wes and I are both still wearing our scrubs—and clear my throat. “I guess I’ll see you Sunday.”
Wes follows me to the elevator and stands right next to me as I wait for the doors to open, then walks alongside me through the hospital to the main exit. We make it all the way out the front door before I break the silence. When I step toward the parking lot and Wes turns right, heading for the main road like he’s going to walk, I say, “Do you want a ride home?”
He turns around, shielding himself from the low evening sun with his hand. His eyes are shadowed, so I can’t see the look on his face, can’t tell what he’s thinking. He doesn’t answer right away, and I feel stupid for offering. “Forget it. I was just trying to be nice.”
Only after I reach my car do I hear his footfalls slap the pavement behind me as he hurries to catch up. “I’m sorry,” he calls out. “I didn’t mean to be a jerk today. I just—I don’t know how to do this.”
Fumbling my keys in the car door, I turn to face Wes. He’s much closer than I expected him to be, and I nearly bump into his chest. He doesn’t step back, and I can’t. I’m leaning against the door of my car. We’re so close I have to tilt my chin up to see his face. “You don’t know how to do what?”
We’re standing much too close. My eyes focus on his lips. Whether I’m remembering or imagining what they feel like, I don’t know. I don’t mean to look there, but I can’t pull my gaze away, either.
Wes sucks in a sharp breath and takes a step back. The spell he had me under is broken, and I’m horrified. “I don’t know how to be your friend,” he says gruffly. “Being around you is very…difficult for me.”
I close my eyes against the threat of tears. The rejection is nothing new—he’s hated being around me for years, and that was before I got his best friend killed—but it still hurts. I turn to unlock my car again, and this time I succeed.
“Wait, that didn’t come out right.”
“It sounded crystal clear to me.”
I yank the door open so fast that Wes has to jump out of the way to avoid being slammed by it. Muttering curses under his breath, he drops his backpack to the ground and grabs onto the door before I can pull it closed. “At least let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain,” I snap. I’m not really mad at him, but I’m so embarrassed that I react defensively. “It isn’t exactly easy for me to be around you, either, you know.”
Wes’s eyes narrow into suspicious slits. “Then why did you accept the internship? You knew I was going to be here. Why come if you didn’t even want the job?”
As Wes waits for an answer, I start to say I did it for Spencer, but I realize it’s more than that. Wes was my best friend once, and he loved Spencer as much as I did. Looking into his angry eyes, I realize that I want to make amends for me, not just for Spencer. “I did it because I wanted… I thought maybe…”
Words fail me. How do you tell someone who hates you and blames you for the death of his best friend that you miss him? I want to find a way to put the past behind us and gain back something we’ve lost, but that obviously isn’t going to happen. Bitterness grabs hold of my heart, and I shut off my feelings again. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
Wes jolts. I’m pretty sure he’s guessed what I’m thinking. I need to leave before I humiliate myself any further. “You thought…?” he presses.
“Nothing.” I’m not going to grovel for a friendship he hasn’t wanted since we were thirteen. I grab the dirt-covered Hello Kitty jewelry box from off the floor in the passenger seat and thrust it out the window. “Here. I brought this for you.”
Wes’s eyes bulge when he recognizes the time capsule. “How did you—where did you get…” He’s so shocked he can’t finish his sentence.
“I just found it, okay? It has yours and Spencer’s names written on it in black magic marker, so I thought you might want it.” I give the box a shake, urging him to take it from me.
He grabs the old time capsule and studies it carefully, wiping his hand over the sloppily written names and date, cleaning the dirt off the writing. He swallows. “I can really keep this?”
I shrug. “Why not? It was obviously something between you and Spencer. I’m sure it means more to you than me.”
Wes’s hands close around the jewelry box as if he plans to never let it go again. Whatever’s in it is now one of his most valued treasures. Spencer was right. Wes did need this. He’s still staring at the box when he says, “Thanks, Bay.”
His voice has gone so soft and distant that it makes me uncomfortable. “It’s no problem.”
Wes’s eyes suddenly snap wide and flash to me. “Did you open it?”
I smirk at the hint of panic in his voice. “I had every right to look inside, seeing as how it’s my jewelry box, you thief. But, no, I didn’t open it. It does say ‘top secret’ on it, after all.”
Wes lets out a breath I didn’t realize he was holding. He’s really nervous about me seeing whatever is inside the box—as nervous as Spencer was. I should have looked. The curiosity is driving me crazy. When Wes gives me a skeptical look and says, “You really didn’t look in it?” I scoff.
“I don’t want to know what super secret boy stuff you two dorks put in a time capsule when you were twelve.”
Wes’s head jerks back, and he blinks at me once before bursting into laughter. I laugh, too, and shake my head. “It’s probably just a bunch of football trading cards and decade-old Ding Dongs anyway.”
“Moon Pies,” Wes corrects with a chuckle. “I always liked Moon Pies the best.”
When our laughter settles down, it dawns on me that Wes is smiling at me. I’ve seen his smile a million times, memorized it because it’s a beautiful smile that could melt any girl’s heart. But that smile hasn’t been directed at me in years. The grin falls from Wes’s face when he comes to the same realization. His bitterness and anger are gone now, but his expression smooths out again. He steps back from my car, holding up the time capsule. “Thank you for this.”
I’m sad that things have gone stiff between us again. Hopefully giving him the box will be enough to appease Spencer’s ghost, because I’m never going to break through Wes’s walls. He doesn’t want to be my friend. I nod and start my car. “You’re welcome.”
“Don’t give up on him, Bailey,” Spencer’s voice urges from the backseat.
I glance in my rearview mirror and see Spencer’s desperate, pleading eyes. Sighing, I look back at Wes. “Are you sure I can’t give you a ride home?”
Wes’s eyes slide along the body of my car before finding my face again. For a moment, he looks tempted. He glances toward the road and rubs a hand over his shaved hair but then shakes his head. “That’s okay. It’s not very far.” He wets his lips and adds, “I’ll see you Sunday, though.”
His acknowledgement of seeing me again lessens the sting of his rejection a little, but my heart still aches as I watch him walk away.
“He’ll come around, Bay.” Spencer’s now sitting next to me in the front seat. I give him a smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. I hope he’s right, but it’s hard to believe.