CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Roper had been home for one week and he still couldn’t believe Amy had picked up and left him at the lodge.
Could. Not. Believe. It.
Worse, now that he’d shown up at the Hot Zone to get his best friend’s support, Micki sat behind her desk, backing up Amy’s move both professionally and personally. “So much for turning to my best friend for support,” he muttered.
Micki raised her eyebrows at him, not looking at all sorry. “You turn to your best pal for the truth.”
He shoved his hands into his pants pockets and stared out the window at the gray sky, which matched his mood. “I had every intention of following Amy’s advice after I explained things to my family. She didn’t have to take it so personally.”
“Well, let’s see. Have you followed her advice since you’ve been home? Have you been as single-minded as you were at the lodge?” Micki asked.
No, he hadn’t been. Because as soon as he’d returned, so had old habits. “They need me.” But he planned to talk to them. Soon.
“You need you,” Micki said, her voice stern. “Have you spoken with Amy since you’ve been back?”
He turned to face her. “She was with me at the Sports Illustrated interview and she set up a few more media hits to counter the Hannah thing. Just so people would know I’m coming back stronger than ever.”
Micki nodded, a satisfied look on her face. “I’ve guided her through some of it, but she’s really got a knack for this job.”
“If you knew, then why did you ask?”
She grinned. “Because I am trying to get you to see the obvious. Which is that Amy is damn good at her job. She had you completely focused on your career, and the minute your family starts pulling at you, you forget all lessons learned.” She leaned forward, elbows on her desk. “Amy took it personally and I can’t say I blame her. That’s my professional assessment. Get your head on straight again or you might as well kiss your career goodbye. You can’t handle the distractions right now.”
She was right.
So was Amy.
“You said that was your professional assessment. What’s your personal one?” he asked, sure Micki had more to say.
“That you’ve fallen in love with Amy.” Micki smiled with a knowing certainty.
He had fallen in love, but he’d never admitted his feelings aloud, not even to his best friend. “And?” he asked, wanting to hear what more Micki had to say.
“She’s not willing to see you on a personal level now that you’re back in the city and it’s driving you insane.” Micki shook her head and laughed.
“And for some reason you’re enjoying watching me suffer?”
“I’m enjoying the fact that you’re in love for the first time in your life. That you have to work hard for something for the first time ever. That Amy isn’t falling at your feet like every other woman in the universe,” Micki said. “But no, I’m not enjoying watching you suffer. I just think you two have more stuff to go through. Like all couples that are meant to be.”
He frowned. “You sound like a romantic.”
She rose from her desk. “Just telling it like it is. Have you?” She began to collect files from her drawer, which told him she had a meeting and their time was through.
“Have I what?”
“Told Amy how you feel about her? That you’re in love with her? Maybe knowing she’s the one will help her settle things in here.” Micki tapped her head. “She can’t read your mind, you know.”
“No, I haven’t told her.” He hadn’t put her first, either.
He missed Amy like crazy and Micki was right. Amy was driving him insane by not falling at his feet.
“Any reason why not?” Micki asked.
He shrugged. “It’s not every day I make a realization like that one. I guess I wasn’t ready.”
“You ought to get yourself ready,” Micki suggested. “Before you lose her for good.”
“Thanks for the advice,” he said, coming around the desk and pulling her into a big hug, which she easily returned.
“Anytime.”
He didn’t bother telling Micki he wasn’t holding out much hope that if he bared his heart and soul to Amy, they were guaranteed a future.
Amy wouldn’t consider returning to the way things were at the lodge. She claimed it was because she was his publicist, but he didn’t believe her. She had deeper reasons for avoiding him—and his bed. His life in the public eye was one heavy part of her reasoning, but he sensed there was more and he didn’t know what that more was.
He wasn’t even certain Amy, herself, knew why she was avoiding any emotional closeness between them. But Micki was right about one thing. Amy needed to know how he felt.
He needed to break through her defenses and hope that he was wrong.
That the three little words women loved to hear would actually make a difference.
He walked from Micki’s office directly to Amy’s. He was a man on a mission and not the gentleman she’d been dealing with during their time at the lodge. He was determined not only to make his point but to get her to see the error in her thinking. Either she listened or he was shit out of luck. He didn’t want to think about that possibility.
He entered without knocking.
Startled, both Amy and Yank, who sat across from her desk, turned to stare.
“Roper!” they both said at the same time.
Suddenly he felt like an ass. But his reasons for barging in hadn’t changed so he kept walking toward her. “Hi, Yank,” he said to his agent. “Bye, Yank.”
As if agreeing with Roper, Yank’s fluffy dog barked.
“Of all the nerve!” Amy strode around her desk and stepped between the two men. “You can’t barge in, interrupt a private meeting and expect to get your way. Yank, you aren’t going anywhere,” Amy said, her cheeks flushed pink with anger.
The older man leaned back in his seat. “You heard the girl. I ain’t goin’ nowhere,” Yank said, his tone not only smug but amused.
Roper wasn’t worried. He still held the trump card. “My career may suck at the moment, but I’m still worth money. If you want to be the one who gets me the deals, you’ll give me and Amy some time alone.” Roper stared his agent down because otherwise Yank, who loved drama and gossip as much as any female, would have kept his ass in the chair.
Yank groaned. “Man, you’re taking what little fun I still get out of my life,” he muttered as he rose from his seat.
“You’ll survive,” Roper said wryly.
“It’s my office. I have the final say.” Amy perched her hands on her hips.
Roper took a moment to admire her high-waisted black slacks and fitted buttoned-down shirt, which accentuated the curves he’d learned well, both with his hands and his tongue.
He shifted positions before dealing with the task at hand. “I’m sorry to tell you this, but I’m the client. And the client is always right,” Roper said to Amy. Then he turned to Yank. “Tell her I’m right.”
He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and groaned. “We’ll talk later, girlie,” Yank said. He pulled on Noodle’s leash and he and the dog strode out of the room.
They were alone. Roper might have won the battle, but he didn’t kid himself. He hadn’t yet won the war.
Amy’s heart beat fast in her chest and her head pounded so hard she thought both might explode. “How dare you!” She faced Roper and poked him hard in the chest. “This is my office. Where do you get off walking in here and calling the shots?”
Despite her words, a traitorous part of her was glad to see him. In the time since she’d been home, she’d been fighting her deepest feelings. The rational part of her understood that she and Roper were trouble waiting to happen. But looking at him now, it was difficult to remember why.
“You need to calm down and listen.”
She inhaled deeply. “What?” she asked, her voice deliberately cold.
He shook his head and laughed. “You don’t make things easy.”
She opted for silence.
“We grew close at the lodge,” he said in his most seductive voice.
She swallowed hard.
He stepped nearer. She stepped back. He stepped closer. She stepped back. The dance continued until her back hit the radiator by the window and he had her cornered.
Just as he had at the solarium. Memories and seductive heat swept through her.
“Very close,” he said as he took his final step, his thighs coming into direct contact with hers. “Remember?” He stroked her cheek with his hand.
“It’s over,” she said in a shaky tone. Damn, she hated the effect he had on her. The longing and wanting threatened to make her forget her reasons for not being with him.
“Actually, it’s just beginning.” His eyes bore into hers and his fingertips stroked her face, her cheek, her throat. “I love you, Amy.”
She couldn’t have heard him correctly, though everything inside her turned to liquid, molten heat and a sudden yearning for so much more settled inside her chest. “You—”
He inclined his head. “I love you, and I believe you love me, too.”
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. How long had she dreamed of the day when the man she loved would tell her he felt the same?
And she did love Roper. She knew it in a soul-deep way and had for a while, though denying and pushing it away from her consciousness had become second nature.
“Tell me, Amy,” he said, his lips inches from hers.
She was enveloped by the sensual cologne he wore that made her weak. She wanted to let herself be swept away by the dream. But she couldn’t.
Because it was nothing more than a dream.
“I can’t.”
“No, you won’t. You’re scared. I understand that. I’ve never said those three words to any woman before in my life. But we can make it work.” His tone was low and imploring.
She drew a deep breath, steadying herself. Reminding herself of the reasons she’d left the lodge and had steered clear of him since. “We can’t. I gave you all the tools to fix your life. I took you away, I showed you what you needed. But the first time you were faced with a choice, you chose to cave into your family’s needs.”
“Let me explain.”
“In a minute. I need to finish first. Until you can make that separation between yourself and your family in a way that leaves you healthy emotionally, you aren’t remotely ready for the kind of relationship that love entails.” Her heart and her voice cracked as she spoke.
“Are you saying you love me, too?”
When she didn’t reply, the knowing smile that had teased the corners of his mouth disappeared. “I will handle my family. You just can’t expect me to shut them down with no explanation after a lifetime of doing just the opposite.”
He made sense. He did. But it wasn’t enough. She merely shook her head.
“There’s more bothering you than just my family,” he stated with certainty.
She trembled, unwilling to admit to anything more. She couldn’t put it into words herself. “The family issue’s enough, considering it’s not going to change.”
“It will. And when it does, are you going to admit you love me? Or are you going to use the press as another excuse to stay away?” Once again, he spoke as if he knew the answer.
She wondered why he even bothered asking the question. “The press is another part of the problem,” she admitted.
He narrowed his gaze. “But there’s more, isn’t there?”
Before she could answer, his phone rang.
Both Amy and Roper froze.
He glanced down at the number. “It’s Ben,” he said, meeting her gaze. “Ben never calls.”
“Unless something’s wrong. Go ahead and answer it,” she said, resigned, as she raised her hand, waving him away.
She wasn’t surprised at the intrusion. She supposed it was just as well. She didn’t want to have this painful talk, anyway.
“I’m going to handle this. I’m going to break my family into the way things are going to be from now on. And then I’m coming back to finish this conversation. We aren’t done. Not by a long shot,” he said, before answering his phone.
Oh, yes, we are, she thought as she watched him engage in the same frustrating discussion with his brother that he always had.
Then he left without another word.
They were over.
It was exactly what she told herself she wanted and needed. Yet she’d never felt so miserable in her entire life.
* * *
Ben hated sleeping on a friend’s couch. He hated feeling like a loser who couldn’t hold a job or make a go at any career he started. And he absolutely hated having to ask his brother for money.
“I just know I can make this gym thing work,” he muttered. But Roper didn’t want to talk about money. He wanted to talk to Ben about taking a demeaning coaching job. One that was beneath him.
But his big brother in the major leagues wouldn’t understand that Ben wouldn’t compromise his principles. Everything came easy for Roper. A father whose genes guaranteed talent and the magic touch with both women and baseball. So what if he was having one bad season?
It wasn’t the same as having a bad life.
“Are you moping again?” his friend Dave Martin, whose couch he currently occupied, asked.
Ben shrugged. “Feeling sorry for myself, I guess.”
“Well, your brother surfaced, so that ought to cheer you up. It means you can talk to him about our gym idea. My friend still hasn’t found a buyer, but he is talking with some people, so you need to step up the pressure before we lose out.” Dave sat down beside him and kicked his feet up on the table.
“At least you have a decent, well-paying job.”
“Being a trainer at Equinnox means I work for someone else. I want to work for myself. Make my own hours, boss someone else around. I’ve been there more than ten years and I have the experience.”
“You just don’t have the money. I know.” And he was counting on Ben for the cash. Or rather Ben’s famous brother. “It just so happens my brother called a family meeting. I’m heading over to my mother’s suite for lunch.”
“Good. Just make sure you get some time alone with Roper and be your charming, persuasive self,” Dave said. “Your brother shouldn’t be so stingy with his money. He ought to share the wealth with his family. Besides, it’s not as if he’s doing anything to earn it lately,” Dave said in a round of Roper-bashing Ben had become used to.
It bothered him, though. Ben didn’t mind complaining about his brother, but it irked him when others did it. For all Ben’s jealousy, Roper had been good to him, and they were brothers. Which Ben was counting on to convince Roper not to give up on him just yet.
“I’m going to shower,” Ben said, rising. “And for the record, it’s not my charm I’m worried about. It’s my brother’s built-in immunity.”
“Make it happen,” Dave warned him. “Or else.”
Or else he’d be out a couch and on the street, Ben thought, finishing his friend’s sentence in his mind. There wasn’t much else he could do.
* * *
As much as Roper wanted a quick fix to his and Amy’s problems, he also understood he had obligations to his team, and so he threw himself wholeheartedly into his rehabilitation. Not only did he hope to return as quickly as his body allowed, but he hoped to prove to Amy that he was a man who learned—from his mistakes and from good, solid advice. That he was a man who kept his word.
Through it all, he also dealt with the daily traumas from his family that never seemed to cease. Complaints from his sister that his mother was lining up people and events for the wedding she wanted no part of. Meetings with his mother and Harrison, mediating in order to keep his mother from being in breach of contract before actual work on the television project began. Ben wanting to show him the gym he wanted to invest in, all the while constantly pushing him for money.
Roper tried to tell them things had to change, but they weren’t listening. Or maybe, he realized, he wasn’t speaking clearly.
Just as Amy wasn’t coming after him. It was time he took charge in a decisive way, then acted on it.
So he’d called a family meeting. He wasn’t surprised when his mother balked at going out and insisted on hosting the family at her suite. Her new ploy to irritate Harrison was to avoid the public and the reporters questioning her about her new television series. He wanted them to be seen in public, so she adamantly refused to be seen at all.
Cassandra hadn’t come to terms with her contract and she was still running from Harrison Smith’s presence in her life. Ironically, Roper was beginning to accept and like the man. He appreciated the stability Harrison provided Roper’s mother and how he encouraged her independence and her career even if he had to manipulate her into agreement. Harrison could aid Roper’s need to free himself from his mother’s neediness—Roper just had to make the break, as guilty as he felt doing it. If Cassandra chose to rely on Harrison more instead of becoming more independent, that was her decision.
Roper would just have to assert his priorities in a way his family couldn’t misunderstand. Then he had to follow through. He hoped once his family understood, they’d support his efforts, if not now, eventually. In the meantime, he’d get his ducks in a row, so to speak, and then challenge Amy to step up as he had.
That was in a perfect world, Roper thought. He entered his mother’s apartment to find his family already assembled. This was his world, and here, anything could happen.
“I’m glad everyone could make it,” Roper said.
“I was under the impression it was a command performance,” his mother said, obviously miffed.
He laughed. “Yes, it is. We’re here at your command,” he said. “The food looks delicious. Everyone dig in,” he said, figuring they should have full stomachs before they heard what he had to say.
He chose a chicken wrap and a bottle of water and was on his way to sit beside Sabrina and Kevin when Ben grabbed his arm. “Got a minute for your brother?” he asked.
“Sure.” After today Roper would control his own minutes, so he didn’t mind talking to Ben now. He refrained from asking, what can I do for you? knowing he probably wouldn’t like the answer.
They made their way to the empty kitchenette area. Ben pulled a can of Coke from the fridge, popped the top and took a long drink. Roper ate his lunch standing, waiting for his brother to talk first.
“How’s the rehab?” Ben asked.
Roper wiped his mouth with a paper napkin. “Coming along,” he said warily.
It pained him to realize that gone were the days when he could confide in his brother about anything—and vice versa. Sure, Roper knew Ben bounced from idea to idea and rarely held a full-time job, but he didn’t understand why. Communication between the brothers had died a slow death about the same time Roper’s major league career had started to soar.
“Are you still crashing on Dave’s couch?”
Ben nodded. “It’s not bad. He’s got a fifty-inch flat screen so he can catch the Renegades away games and feel as if he’s really there.”
“He’s a fan,” Roper said.
“Season ticket holder.”
Roper nodded. The small talk wasn’t working for him. “What’s going on?” he asked his brother.
Ben shifted from foot to foot. “Here’s the thing. I need to talk to you and I don’t want you to turn me down without hearing me out.”
Here it comes, Roper thought. “Okay, what’s your pitch?” he asked, then listened to Ben expound on the perfect gym location in SoHo and how he hoped to bring the money, while Dave would bring the experience, and together they’d set up a fantastic business.
“There’s just one problem,” Roper said to his brother.
“What’s that?”
“You don’t have the money.” He had no choice but to lay it on the line for Ben in a way he’d never done before. He’d come here today to do just that with each family member, and Ben had given him the opening first.
Ben’s eyes opened wide in disbelief. “But you—”
“I don’t have it, either, and before you argue, call my accountant if you don’t believe me. Incoming money is tied to endorsements and performance. The rest is tied up for the future. My future.” He squared his shoulders and faced the brother he’d rarely refused.
This gym proposal was probably the only thing Roper had pushed aside and refused to discuss—proof he’d already been taking a stand even before Amy had entered his life.
“What about me? It’s not as if I have the talent to make it the way you did.” Ben’s voice dropped to a whine and his expression turned to a pout.
“That’s what I came here to talk about. Even if I did have the money in liquid cash, I wouldn’t be giving it to you. It’s time you stood on your own. You may not have what it takes to make it in the majors but you have plenty of other talents. Certainly enough to make a living and support yourself. More than support yourself, really.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Oh, here it comes again. The old ‘why don’t you take a high school coaching job’ speech.”
“Why don’t you take a coaching job?”
“Because I’m better than that. But you wouldn’t know what it’s like to fall short, now would you?”
Roper had to laugh at that. “I know better than you think. I know exactly what falling short means. I know what it’s like to disappoint my family and my teammates. I know what it’s like to have fans boo me from the stands and throw things at me onto the field. I deal with criticism from everyday people on the street and from the media. I can’t name one source I don’t get shit from, so don’t tell me I don’t know what it’s like to lose. The difference between us is that I’m not afraid to step up to the plate. Whatever plate that may be. If I had to walk away today, I’d be damn happy to have a coaching job, Ben. No joking here.” He blew out a stream of air, shocked at how direct and hard he’d been with his brother.
He glanced at Ben, who appeared stunned, too.
“I’m sure that’s easier to say with money in the bank,” Ben muttered.
“I put that money in the bank.” He jabbed himself in the chest. “I earned it. When your father took off and mine was nowhere to be found, all I could think about was stepping up and making sure the family was taken care of. I mowed lawns while Mom worked. I did what I had to and I never asked a damn thing in return. But I’m asking now. No, I’m telling you now. Grow the fuck up. Get a job and hold your head up high for once,” Roper said, his heart accelerating in his chest.
Ben looked as if Roper had slapped him.
“What’s going on in here?” Cassandra asked, walking inside to join them.
Roper glanced at his younger brother. “Nothing. Give us another minute, okay, Mom?”
Cassandra nodded. “Just stop with the raised voices or I’ll be thrown out of here and then—” Her eyes lit up. “Then I can find a place where Harrison will never think to look!” she said, the idea obviously just forming.
Roper shook his head and groaned. “Remember your contract, Mom. We’ll talk in five minutes. Don’t do anything until then,” he warned her.
She laughed and walked out, probably already planning.
Roper quickly turned back to his brother. “Ben—”
“Not now. You’ve said enough.” Arms folded over his chest, he looked like the hurt little boy Roper remembered. It took everything Roper had to steel himself against the manipulation.
“Listen, Ben, my point is this. You have more inside you than you give yourself credit for. You could do a world of good coaching kids. You could tap into their psyches—those that already believe in themselves and those that don’t but should. You can steer them in the right direction from the start.” He placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder.
Ben shook it off.
Roper swallowed back the hurt, knowing he had to let things settle and hope someday his brother would come around. “Let’s go join Mom and Sabrina,” Roper said.
“Why bother? I’m finished here.” Roper waited in the kitchen while his brother stormed out of the room, said his goodbyes and left, slamming the door behind him.
One down, two more to go, Roper thought.