CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Damian’s life was a mess. He needed fatherly advice, and for the first time, he couldn’t go to his own dad because his whole family was so thrilled about the baby being Carter’s, they couldn’t see past it to the deeper issues driving Damian insane. There was only one man Damian could trust with his emotions, and that was the same man he’d entrusted with his career right from the beginning.
He strode into the rehab facility, an expensive establishment that Damian felt certain Yank must hate. The older man would despise feeling useless, needing help getting around, relying on other people. Man, Damian could relate.
At a large window, he asked where to find Yank Morgan’s room and followed the instructions until he walked off the elevator on Yank’s floor, then followed the arrows to his room. As usual, when it came to Yank, Damian was surprised by what greeted him there.
A yellow warning ribbon, reminiscent of police tape, had been wrapped across his door, blocking the entrance. A large sign had been taped to the door, which read Enter at Your Own Risk, Nasty PITA Inside.
Damian howled with laughter at the blatant description of Yank as a Pain In The Ass.
“Who’s out there?” Yank called from inside his room.
Damian ducked beneath the tape and joined Yank by the chair in which he sat. “What’d you do to piss off the nurses?” Damian asked, still chuckling. “Hell, don’t you know if you’re sweet to these ladies they’ll be sneaking you extra dessert?” He pulled up a seat, straddling it backward as he made himself comfortable.
“It’s not their attention I want,” Yank muttered.
Damian nodded in understanding. So Lola had bailed on him. “Why don’t you just ask her to come see you?”
Yank shot him a scowl and pulled the blanket covering his legs up higher over his Burberry pajamas. Obviously, his nieces had been spoiling him even if the nurses here hadn’t been.
“She wants me to grovel. I love you, Lola. I’m sorry, Lola,” Yank said in a pretty damn good imitation of the woman.
Damian did his best not to laugh. “I don’t see your pride taking good care of you right now, so why not go ahead and do what she wants? At least then you’ll both be happy.”
“For how long? How happy is she gonna be cutting my food when I can’t see?”
Damian exhaled aloud. He understood now how frustrated Micki, Sophie and Annabelle must feel around the older man. “Why don’t you let her make that decision?” Even as he asked, Damian knew the answer. “You’re afraid after all these years she’ll turn you down. That’s it, isn’t it?”
Damian found himself staring into blue eyes similar to Micki’s. Yank gave him a quick nod, then averted his gaze, obviously embarrassed.
“You can’t end up any worse off than you are now, right?”
He waved a dismissive hand. “I’m tired of talking about me. What’s going on with you?”
Damian knew that was the end of discussing Yank’s personal life. He’d come here for fatherly advice and now was the time to spill. He glanced down at the floor, unsure of where to begin. “Since the time I was a kid, my whole life has centered around baseball. I’ve seen the end coming for a while now, but I refused to admit it. I ignored all the signs. But rehab’s not working, cortisone shots aren’t helping the hand, and the team doesn’t need me hanging on for selfish reasons when they could use another player on the roster.”
Yank placed a hand on Damian’s shoulder. “So what are you sayin’?”
“I met with Coach and told him I think I’m through. The doctors can’t promise a return this season.” The words were as painful now as they had been a few days ago.
“I’m proud of you for makin’ the decision. If you’re ready, I’ll get working on the details of retirement and the contract issues.”
Damian nodded. “What about the endorsements I already do?”
“I’ll take care of everything. Don’t you worry, okay?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” He glanced up. “What the hell am I going to do now?”
Yank gestured around the room. “Come join me for a daily card game?”
“No, thanks,” Damian said wryly.
“You do realize we’re alike, you and I.”
Damian cocked his head to one side. “Other than a bum body that doesn’t want to do what we tell it to do, how so?”
“Have you spoken to Micki lately?”
Damian’s nerve endings went on instant alert. “She’s not taking my calls at the moment. Since issuing that press release, she’s declared our business relationship over and reassigned me. Apparently, Annabelle’s working part-time now, and technically she’s more familiar with the workings of the Renegades,” he said, quoting Micki’s secretary who’d been quoting her boss.
She’d handed him over to her sister like yesterday’s news and if he thought ending his active career was painful, Micki’s withdrawal hurt just as badly.
Yank glanced at him, tapping a finger against his bearded cheek. “My Micki did that?”
“She did.”
“What’d you do?” Yank asked, suddenly angry and defensive.
Damian held up both hands. “I didn’t do a damn thing. She just suddenly decided to treat me like dirt.”
“Same thing Lola did to me. I told you we were alike.”
His head hurt trying to keep up with Yank’s way of thinking. “I’m lost.”
“Okay, let me spell it out for you. I lost Lola because first I was scared and then I was a jackass and now it’s too late. Are you gonna risk losing the woman you love the same way I did?” Yank asked.
Love, Damian thought, dazed. “Is that what this is all about?” he asked, but even as he wondered aloud, he knew.
He loved Micki.
Even Carter had tried to tell him.
Suddenly, all the recent disappointment and confusion made sense. The parties and women that had once defined his life no longer held appeal and when Micki had suggested he return to his old ways, he’d been repelled by the notion. Because he’d rather be with her.
“Looks to me like you didn’t recognize a good thing when it was starin’ you in the face,” Yank said.
“Just like you.”
Yank nodded. “So are you gonna wait till you can no longer see her looking back at you?”
Damian shivered at Yank’s words. The thought of a life without Micki in it at all wasn’t one he wanted to contemplate. Bad enough he was losing baseball. He refused to lose her, too.
He glanced at the older man he’d always admired. “Tell you what. I’ll go after Micki if you swallow your damn pride and tell Lola what she wants to hear. It’s not like you don’t have the feelings for her, so get over yourself and let her know,” Damian taunted. He had no choice but to push and prod his agent or else they could both lose.
“You’re telling me my niece’s happiness depends on whether I’m finally willing to pony up with Lola?”
Damian folded his arms across his chest. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
Not that he intended to stay away from Micki if Yank got stubborn, but it was a good threat and a decent negotiating point. The older man deserved his own share of happiness even if he was, as his nieces believed, too pigheaded to admit it.
Yank blew out a frustrated puff of air. “I’ve been alone a long time.”
“And you hate it,” Damian reminded him.
Yank shook his head. “Yeah, I do.”
“So?” Damian asked the one-word question, then lapsed into silence.
He wanted to give Yank time to think. Would the other man finally see how much he needed Lola? Would he put his happiness and hers before his pride? From what Damian understood, it was a battle Micki and her sisters had been fighting for a long time. Yank and Lola together was a gift Damian would love to be able to bring to Micki.
“I don’t even know if she wants me anymore. For all I know, she’ll get me to open an artery just so she can wipe the floor with my blood.”
Damian winced. “Nice analogy, but somehow I don’t think the woman’s that cruel.”
Yank snorted. “That’s what you think.”
“I’m still waiting for an answer,” Damian prompted and tapped his foot against the linoleum hospital floor for good measure.
“Okay, okay,” Yank said at last. “I’ll go for it if you will.”
A rush of adrenaline spiked through Damian’s veins. “I don’t know if Micki wants me either,” he admitted, scared spitless at the possibility of her turning him down.
Yank shook his head. “Neither of us has any way of knowing how things’ll turn out in the end. It’s a big gamble.”
“It’ll be okay,” Damian said with little conviction, though he hoped it was true.
Yank groaned. “Life’s a bitch, huh? Especially for two men used to getting their own way.”
Damian nodded and rose to his feet. If he had anything to say about it, that particular tradition would continue.
* * *
Micki had to be at a photo shoot for one of her clients at 4:00 p.m., but until then, her schedule was free. Because Noodle had slept at Sophie’s for the past two nights, Micki took pity on her sister and brought the dog along with her for a walk through Central Park.
The sun shone overhead and she let the heat warm her arms as she strode along the path. Joggers passed her and people sat on the grass, reading on the lawn. It was a perfect New York City day. She finally came to her favorite spot, a place she and her sisters often came to together for an escape from the office and stress.
She unhooked Noodle from her leash and let the dog run free, hoping that the exercise would calm her for the night ahead. Thank goodness Uncle Yank would soon be out of rehab and back in his own apartment with his spoiled dog.
She popped open a can of Dr. Brown’s Cream Soda she’d brought with her and watched the dumb dog try to make friends with people only to run to the next person when they tried to pet her.
“Mind if I join you?” a familiar voice asked.
She glanced up, shading her eyes from the sun with her hand. She would swear her heart stopped beating when she saw Damian towering over her, looking delicious in his light blue shirt and dark jeans.
She patted the ground beside her. “How’d you find me?” she asked, surprised because nobody except her sisters knew about this spot. “Don’t tell me. Sophie snitched,” Micki muttered.
Damian remained tellingly silent.
“Well?”
“You said not to tell you.” He grinned, making her forget about being angry at her sister.
“Okay, then what brings you by?”
“Now that’s a loaded question.”
Between his serious tone and expression, Micki’s stomach churned with pure agitation. She wondered what he wanted to say, but first she glanced aside to make sure Noodle was still in calling distance.
When she saw the dog was hanging out with someone’s leashed pet, she turned her attention back to Damian. “What’s going on?”
“In the time we’ve spent together since the island, you’ve gotten to know me pretty well, wouldn’t you say?”
“I suppose.”
“I think you have. I think you know me better than anyone else in my life, short of my family, and that’s because they don’t give up when they want answers.” As always, his eyes sparkled with warmth and humor when he spoke of them. “But you know me in a different way.”
“What do you mean?” She swallowed hard, unsure of where he was going with this.
“It’s a gut feeling kind of thing. You seem to sense when I need space and you sense when I could use company. You understand the career thing and you don’t put pressure on me one way or another.”
Without warning, laughter bubbled up from inside her. “I came to your apartment and told you it was time to grow up. You don’t call that putting pressure on you?” she asked in disbelief.
The corners of his mouth lifted in an endearing, sexy grin. “See, that’s another thing. When you read me the riot act, it doesn’t sound like my family telling me what to do or your uncle guiding my career.”
She glanced down at her sneakered feet. “What’s it sound like?”
“It sounds like you telling me what I know deep down inside, except I need to hear it out loud from someone I trust. And that someone is you.” He reached out and lifted her chin so their gazes met and she couldn’t avoid him or their conversation.
This was getting very personal and intimate. She wiped her damp palms beside her on the grass, suddenly nervous and frightened.
Since her parents had died and Micki had fallen into the habit of relying on Annabelle and Uncle Yank to bolster her emotionally, she was seldom scared. She rarely found a situation she wasn’t ready to meet head-on. Damian presented that rare emotional challenge and, like when she’d come to Sophie for tips on how to be more of a girl, Micki again found herself at a loss.
“I’m not surprised we connected that way. I have a knack for understanding the athlete’s psyche.” She deliberately depersonalized what they shared, unwilling to put her heart on the line.
“Don’t,” he barked out, startling her and she jumped. “Don’t put up the one of the guys front, and definitely don’t try and tell me that what’s between us is no different than what you share with your other clients.” His eyes flashed with anger and obvious hurt.
Micki sought for a way to explain when Noodle bounded toward them and landed squarely in Damian’s lap. “She must have heard you yell,” Micki said.
Damian clenched his jaw, his frustration with Micki unmatched by anything he’d ever felt before as blood pounded inside his head. “I didn’t yell,” he said in a tense but calmer tone.
“You raised your voice and the dog heard.”
“And I didn’t come here to talk about the dog or to let you use her as a buffer or an excuse to avoid a serious conversation.”
She lifted her chin a notch. “Okay then, no more beating around the bush. What did you come here to say?”
This was the Micki he knew, the one who refused to run from a confrontation or discussion. The one who’d stood by him even when he’d known how difficult that must have been.
He covered her hand with his, running his fingers over her smooth skin and gathering his courage at the same time. “I’ve never said this to anyone before,” he said, speaking as quickly as the thoughts came to mind. “I’ve never even thought it about anyone before.”
He glanced up to see her watching him. Her blue eyes were wide and clear, her fear as palpable as his own.
Well, Damian thought, at least they were in this together. “I love you, Micki Jordan.”
She just stared at him for a moment and then murmured barely above a whisper, “I love you, too.” She blinked and a tear fell. “But…”
With that one little word, his stomach cramped like crazy. “But what?”
“You’re coming off a situation you can’t even begin to have dealt with, and when you do, you have a life waiting. A life by your own admission that you love. You don’t want to be tied down. You don’t need a woman who wants more from you than you’re capable of giving. And I’m not going to put myself through the hell of letting you go twice.” She jumped up from her cross-legged position and stood, unraveling Noodle’s leash.
That she’d just up and leave panicked him because she seemed so serious, he didn’t know if he’d ever get her back. “My own words coming back to bite me,” he muttered. “I’ve changed. The situation with the baby? It made me reevaluate what I want out of life. What I want beyond baseball. I want you.”
“You got used to having me around,” she countered. “Big difference.” She bent down and hooked the dog’s leash to his collar, giving Damian a clear view down her shirt to her softly rounded cleavage.
His cock hardened at the sight. Micki tempted him like no other woman ever had and for the first time in his life he knew even forever wouldn’t be enough time to spend with her. Or inside her.
Once she pulled the dog to her side, he rose beside her. “Don’t you think I know the difference?”
“In time you will. Right now you’re confused and I don’t want to have invested more of myself only to have you finally come to see I was right.” She scooped the dog into her arms where he happily settled in. “You don’t need me anymore, so just go back to living your life. Enjoy your freedom. You got lucky, now act like it.” She trembled, giving him hope that this mindset would change once she believed his words. Believed in him.
Maybe it was just too fast, Damian thought. Maybe she needed time. “Before you go, want to know what I felt when I discovered the baby wasn’t mine? Once the reality set in?”
“What?” she whispered.
“Disappointed.” Of course he’d had to have the reasons spelled out for him, but damned if he wasn’t one hundred percent certain they made perfect sense.
Micki blinked. “You wanted Carole’s baby to be yours?” she asked in disbelief.
He stepped closer. “I wanted a baby to be mine. I want your baby.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it again, obviously at a loss for words.
But he wasn’t. He still had plenty more to say. “So don’t tell me I don’t need you anymore. I do. But I’ve figured out where your head is at. You’re not used to being needed in a non-professional way and that scares you.”
“Meaning?” She squeezed the dog closer to her chest and she yelped. Micki loosened her grip.
“Birth order. We’re both the spoiled youngest children. You’re so used to being taken care of, you don’t know how to handle us now. And I’m not a shrink, but I’d guess there’s something going on with you being one of the guys. It’s always been an easy excuse for you to hide from being yourself.”
She shook her head. “What do you know? Like you said, you aren’t a shrink.”
“Well, maybe I should be because I have you pegged right. If you can consider yourself one of the guys, you have a perfect excuse if a relationship fails.” He drew a deep breath, realizing how much was on the line right now and how easily he could blow things. “We won’t fail, Micki. Unless you don’t ever give us a try.”
The sun beat down overhead, his heart hammered inside his chest and he broke into a sweat waiting for her to reply.
“It’s yourself you need to know better,” she tossed back. “As soon as you get over the letdown of building yourself up to be a father, you’ll realize how lucky you are to be free. And you’ll thank me for not throwing myself into your arms now.” Tears flowed profusely down her face and she made no attempt to wipe them away.
He shoved his hands into his front jeans pockets because that was the only way he wouldn’t reach out for her. “You’re dead wrong. I’ve already looked inside myself and come to terms with my future, so if anyone needs to get to know themselves better, it’s you.” He started to walk away, then turned back to face her. “And by the way, I won’t be thanking you for this anytime soon.”
As defeat and loss settled on Damian’s shoulders, he wondered if Yank would fare any better with Lola.
* * *
One week later, Damian realized he’d been had. Yank had come home from rehab and begun short days at work. Damian knew because together they were planning his retirement announcement and future plans, but the older man had avoided any talk about his personal life at all.
Damian banged on Yank’s office door and walked inside. “You screwed me, old man.”
Yank scowled, looking completely affronted by the accusation. “I did no such thing.”
Damian cocked his head to one side. “Are you telling me that you did lay your heart on the line for Lola?”
He glanced down. “Not yet.”
“Mind telling me what you’re waiting for? Because misery loves company and since Micki turned me down, I figure it’s your turn. After all, we had a deal.”
Yank coughed and looked away. “Did I tell you how good it is to be home?”
Rolling his eyes, Damian sat himself in the chair across from Yank’s desk. “You’re not overdoing it, are you?”
He shook his head. “The girls wouldn’t let me.”
“How about Lola?”
Yank groaned. “You aren’t going to give this up, are you?”
“Nope.”
“Micki’s a stubborn one,” Yank said. “Just like Lola.”
“No kidding.” Damian couldn’t believe he’d bared his soul to the woman he loved and despite her claim that she felt the same way, she’d rejected him anyway. He’d barely slept since that day in the park. “I suppose I deserved the kick in the ass though. I mean, all those years of being so arrogant with women. It was my way or no way. Sleep with me, no strings attached and be grateful or take a hike. It never mattered to me.” He rose and strode to the window overlooking the city.
“It matters to you now,” Yank said, stating the obvious.
Damian nodded. “With retirement looming, what I want out of life seems more important than ever.” Every time he said the word retirement, dizziness assaulted him, but he had to admit, he was beginning to accept the inevitable.
“We’ve got some strong interest from cable and satellite stations in having you as commentator. I think I can get them into a bidding war with GMA.”
Damian inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled. “Funny thing is, I’m not as worried as I thought I’d be about that part of things. I trust you and I have enough faith in my ability to pull something off. Anything to keep myself busy,” he said and forced a laugh. “It’s not the professional stuff that’s getting to me. It’s the personal.”
Suddenly Yank rose and slowly came up beside him, leaning heavily on his walker as he moved.
“I didn’t realize you were walking so well,” Damian said.
“If I wanted to get out of that hellhole, I had to work for it.”
Damian nodded.
“Micki was always the lost one,” Yank said, the topic of conversation catching Damian off guard.
But now that the older man had opened up, Damian wanted to know more and Yank seemed more than willing to talk.
“Annabelle was the oldest and she understood if I didn’t take them, social services would split ’em up. So she became the peacemaker, the one who made sure her sisters behaved, not that they ever did,” he said, chuckling at the memory. “But she took it on her little shoulders to try. She was serious and the little mother, following behind Lola and making sure everything was just so.”
Damian smiled at the vision.
“Then there was Sophie. She was always hardest to figure out. She’d escape reality with her nose in a book all the time. In some ways it made her the easiest because she had all the answers even before I knew there were questions.”
“And Micki?” Damian asked.
A smile curved the man’s mouth into a smile. “Always had a soft spot for her ’cause she told it like it was and was never afraid of my bluster. She walked up to me that first day and called me a pig. Then she told me to call her Micki instead of Michelle. Didn’t sit well with her sisters, that much I can tell you.”
Damian met Yank’s gaze. “I didn’t realize her name was Michelle,” he said, surprised.
“I don’t believe anyone has called her that since the day I took the girls in. She just looked me in the eye and became my little Micki. But she missed out on the girlie stuff her sisters enjoyed and they never thought to include her since she seemed to like sports so much more.”
With a groan, Damian leaned against the windowsill, exhausted from no sleep and overwhelmed with the desire to understand what he could do to fix things between himself and Micki. Assuming there was something left to fix.
“So she considered herself one of the guys?”
“And I never did anything to discourage it.”
“I’m sure the guys she’s dated have dispelled that notion,” he said, his gut cramping at the thought of another man’s hands anywhere on Micki’s body, never mind another man actually making love to her. He knew he wasn’t the first, but he damn well wanted to be the last.
“Not too many guys that I know of. A jackass or two wanted an in with me. Another couple she dated, but if you ask me they were pansies, not worthy of my niece.” Yank shook his head. “I shouldn’t be telling you any of this. It feels like I’m betraying her.”
Damian laid a hand on the other man’s shoulder. “You’re giving me insight that might help. I’d slit my throat before I’d use it against her,” he promised.
Yank nodded, seemingly satisfied. “End result is she’s confident in business and one hell of an athlete, but her self-esteem in the female department leaves something to be desired. It wasn’t till just recently that she started to make an effort to look more…womanly. Even a blind man like me could see she was tryin’ hard.”
“She never had to try with me. I knew from the first time we ki—I mean from the first time we met, that she was special,” he said, watching his words this time. He opted for special over hot number since Damian didn’t need Yank coming after him with his walker.
“I knew that. She saw the real you, too. She knew you were more than the idiot ladies’ man you pretended to be.” Yank ran a hand over his straggly beard. “But if I know my Micki, she’s only thinking about the kind of women you spent time with before her and she thinks she can’t compete.”
“She can’t,” Damian said, slamming his good hand against the window.
“Watch it, wise guy. You bust the other hand and nobody’s gonna help you wipe your—”
“I get the picture.” Damian cut the older man off, suppressing a laugh. “But I’m serious. Micki can’t compete against those women because she’s head and shoulders above them.”
Yank pulled him into a hug with one arm, hanging on to the walker with the other hand. “Good luck convincing her of that,” Yank said. “Because the one thing Micki learned from me besides sports is stubbornness, and once that girl makes up her mind, changing it is some kind of difficult.”
Damian glanced heavenward. “Thank you for that advice,” he said, sarcastically.
Yank grinned. “My pleasure. Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t screw you. I just wanted to be livin’ on my own again before I asked Lola to accept me and my problems back into her life.”
Damian could respect and understand the man’s position. “I hope you make out better than I did.”
“You got a game plan for the future?” Yank asked him.
Damian spread his hands wide before him. “Completely open and in Micki’s hands.” Too bad she wasn’t returning calls or e-mails, not even in the guise of business.
Micki found it too easy to ignore his overtures so Damian was now using the silent treatment. If she didn’t mind being ignored, he was out of options and heading back to the island.
Alone this time.