Chapter 18

Thursday

"James, what are you doing?" I put my hand out to block the lens of the video camera he was holding. I had just collapsed onto the couch after getting the least amount of butterflies in my net. And I was sweaty and gross from the exertion.

James continued filming me.

"Really, James." I held up my other hand, hoping it was enough.

"Scarlett, go tickle Mommy," he said.

I started laughing as soon as Scarlett jumped onto my lap. I laughed even harder when Axel hit me in the back of the head with a pillow and Sophie joined in on the tickling session. "Cut it out, you guys!" I said through fits of giggles. It took me several minutes to get all three kids back on the ground.

James stepped closer to me with the camera. What was he doing? I picked up one of the throw pillows and tossed it at him.

He laughed and caught it in his free hand before joining me on the couch. I grabbed the camera out of his hands and pointed the lens at him. "You thought it would be fun to film me not being able to breathe?" I was staring into the little monitor on the camera. I slowly zoomed up on his face.

"No," he said.

Something about the way he said no made me look back up at him instead of at the screen.

"I just wanted to capture your laughter on film."

The same chill that Scar had given me when she was talking about snakes ran back down my spine. Did everyone think I was doomed? I looked back down at the screen on the video camera. "Why?" I asked. For some reason not staring directly at him made my question easier. I watched his eyebrows lower on the screen. I watched a dark expression cross over his face, one that I had never seen before. Again I felt a chill down my spine.

"Because I wanted to capture my favorite sound. It's the only thing that truly makes me happy," he said slowly.

I looked back up at him. He wanted to capture my laughter on film. So that when I died, he could listen to it? I swallowed hard. I wasn't going to die. I was going to live long enough to see my daughter lie again. And to keep seeing him laugh. I looked down at the camera. "I don't think that's true, James," I said as I slowly got up off the couch. "Get 'em kids!"

The three kids launched themselves on James and started tickling him. His laughter rippled through the awkward silence his words had left. I looked down at the camera and smiled. That sound made me happy too. But so did Scarlett's laughter. And Soph's. And Axel's. Before I gave birth to my son, I'd need James to promise me what he currently refused to promise. I refused to go into labor before he promised me that he would keep living if I stopped. That he would keep laughing. That he would keep our children smiling.

I switched off the camera and joined in on the tickle fight.

 

***

 

My chest hurt again. The pain was keeping me up. Or maybe it was something else. I just had this eerie feeling ever since Scarlett had mentioned that a snake was going to take me away. I had read that book probably a dozen times and seen the movie half as many. The snake talked to Harry. Was Scar hearing voices?

James turned away from me in his sleep. I propped myself up on my elbow and stared at him. He was always so happy around Scar. Why did she fear that he wouldn't be a good father if I was gone? It didn't make any sense. I reached out and traced James' tattoo with my finger. The pulse. The reminder that his heart beat for me. But our family was three now, instead of two. And it was about to grow to four. He should have Scarlett's birth date under the date he met me. His heart beat for all of us. I let my fingers fall from his skin.

"Penny," he breathed out, like he felt the absence of my touch.

"Promise me." The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. But I had spoken them in a whisper. At first, I thought he may not have even heard me. Or maybe he just didn't remember what I was asking of him.

He rolled over so that he was facing me. "No." He looked completely alert, like he hadn't been sleeping at all. His mind must have been tossing and turning as much as mine.

"But Scarlett..."

"She looks just like you," he said, cutting me off. As if that was a reasonable response.

"She has your eyes." I reached out and gently touched the side of his face. "I don't understand your point."

He smiled and turned his head to kiss my palm. "I'm worried that if something happens to you, I won't be able to look at her."

"Don't say that." I turned his face back to mine.

He pressed his lips together. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Didn't we need to? "Today Scarlett said she thought a snake was going to take me away. It was like she could feel our fear. We're scaring her, and I don't think it's just the movie choices she's making."

"She's just a kid. Kid's say weird things. She doesn't understand what's going on."

"She has your eyes. And she also has your intelligence, James. I'm almost positive I wasn't as smart as she is when I was three and a half. She gets that from you. And she can tell something is off."

He lowered his eyebrows slightly but didn't say a word.

I was tempted to tell him what Scarlett had said about him. But I stayed silent too. It just reinforced the fact that he might not be the best father if something happened to me. I didn't want fear in Scarlett's heart and I didn't want it in James' either. "Do you think maybe there's a snake in her bedroom?"

James' smile returned. "The way Ellen cleans, she would have found it by now."

"That's true." My eyes drifted down to his smile. "I need you to stop doing things like recording my laughter on camera. You're putting bad vibes out into the world, and I don't want any part in it."

He laughed. "Bad vibes?"

"Remember, I'm a believer in fate. I'm a believer in vibes too. You knew what you were getting into when you married me." I lightly tapped on his chest.

"Yes. I certainly did." He leaned forward and placed a kiss against my lips. His hand slowly wandered down my back. "Why did you stop sleeping in my old t-shirts?" He kissed the side of my jaw.

I was wearing one of my silk nightgowns that matched my robe. "We stopped having sex in the middle of the night. I was worried it was because you thought I wasn't trying anymore."

He kissed the top of my shoulder. "We stopped having sex in the middle of the night because that little monster you created downstairs wears us out."

"That I created?" I laughed. "She's all you."

"I beg to differ. And, baby, I've always thought you looked better in my clothes than I did." He kissed between my breasts.

"Yeah, when I wasn't the size of a whale."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. I think you're beautiful when you're pregnant." He kissed my stomach. "If it was up to me, you'd be pregnant all the time."

"You want me to have a huge stomach all the time?"

"It's just more of you to kiss."

I couldn't repress my smile. God, he was the sweetest man I had ever met. The feeling of his hands pushing the silk up my thighs made my smile grow.

"Being pregnant also makes you so fucking horny."

He was the sweetest, but he was also the sexiest and had the dirtiest mouth.

Oh God. And his mouth was currently devouring me. The feeling of his tongue inside of me made my back arch. His fingers against my clit made me stifle a moan. I closed my eyes as I let the sensation of his love start to overtake me. But suddenly his lips were gone.

"See," he whispered, his hot breath still close enough to make me even wetter. "So fucking horny," he said.

"Yes, okay? I'm horny." Damn it, why was he torturing me? "So how about you stop teasing me and give me your cock."

He raised his left eyebrow. "I do like when you tell me what you want. However, the answer is...no." He climbed off the bed.

What was he doing? He isn't seriously going to leave me like this? "Why do you always say no to me recently?"

"By saying no to you right now," he cupped his hands beneath my thighs and pulled me to the edge of the bed, "I'm going to have you screaming a whole lot of yes."

He knelt down in front of me. I closed my eyes, waiting to feel him once again, but instead I heard a soft knock on our bedroom door.

"You've got to be kidding me," James groaned.

I slid away from his hands, pulling my nightgown back in place. "I'll take care of it. Just, hold that thought, okay?" I quickly climbed out of bed. "And get under the covers to hide...that." I pointed to his erection that was extremely evident through his boxers.

James sighed and climbed back into bed.

I opened up the door. Axel was standing there with a worn puppy dog stuffed animal in his hand. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes.

"Aunt Penny?" He looked so sad. But at least he wasn't crying.

"Axel, sweetie, what's wrong?" I crouched down in front of him.

"I miss my mommy."

"I know. But you'll see her tomorrow morning right after you wake up." I pushed his hair away from his forehead. "How about we go back downstairs and I'll tuck you in again?"

"I want to say goodnight to my mommy."

"Sweetie, it's..." I looked over my shoulder at the alarm clock. "It's past 3 o'clock in the morning. Your parents are asleep."

His lip started to quiver and he began blinking faster. A single tear ran down his cheek.

"You know what?" I tapped the tip of his nose. "We can try to call them. How about that?"

He nodded furiously.

"I'll be right back, James," I said. I ignored his groan. He could wait five minutes. He hadn't seen Axel's face. If he had, he'd be doing the same thing as me. I stood up, grabbed Axel's hand that wasn't carrying his stuffed animal, and led him back out into the hall. When we reached the stairs he stopped and tugged on the bottom of my nightgown.

I looked down at him. He made the same grabbing motion Scarlett did when she wanted to be picked up. I wondered if he had learned it from her. "Okay, sweetie." I lifted him up and balanced him on my hip as I walked down the stairs. He was significantly heavier than Scarlett. He wasn't that much taller than her, but the kid was pretty solid. I grabbed my phone out of my purse and walked through the living room. Scarlett and Sophie were still sleeping peacefully. I made my way down the hall and opened up the door to my office.

"Here we go," I said and tried to set him on the floor.

"No," he said and wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Okay, I've got you." I kicked the door closed with my foot and made my way over to my desk chair so I could at least distribute some of his weight. I sat down with a sigh and clicked on Hailey's name in my phone. I didn't think anyone would answer. And now I was worried it was the wrong move. What if them not answering freaked Axel out. I pushed his blonde hair off his forehead again, the way Hailey always did for him. Hopefully the action would be soothing.

"Penny!" Tyler said. There was music blaring in the background. "What's up?"

"Tyler, hey. I thought you guys would be asleep."

"Nope. I had no idea how much Mason liked to party. I'm not sure we're going to get any sleep tonight."

"Is that Penny?" I heard Rob say in the background. "What is the beautiful goddess doing up in the middle of the night? Is James not pleasing you?"

God. I pressed Axel's head to my chest and put my hand over his other ear. It didn't even sound like Rob was near the phone. Which meant he was screaming those words in whatever club he was in. "Tyler, can I talk to Hailey? Axel's having trouble sleeping. He needs to hear her voice."

"Put him on. I'll talk to him."

I took my hand off Axel's ear and put the phone on speaker. "Here's your daddy."

Axel looked down at the phone. "Daddy?"

"Hey, Axel. Having trouble sleeping? Do you have Bert with you? You know that whenever you have Bert with you you're not alone."

Axel hugged his stuffed animal to his chest and leaned toward the phone. "Daddy, I want Mommy," Axel said into the receiver.

Tyler laughed. "Okay. Give me one second to get her." Loud music blared through the phone as Tyler went to find her. "Hails, Penny's on the phone..."

"Why is she calling you in the middle of the night?" I heard Hailey say on the other end, cutting off Tyler's words.

"She's calling you. You gave me your phone because you didn't want to bring a purse. Axel needs you."

"Oh."

I heard the phone exchanging hands.

"Axel, what are you doing up so late?" Hailey asked. "You should be in bed."

"Mommy!" Axel grabbed the phone out of my hand. "Mommy, can you come home? I need you."

"Axel, Mommy can't come home right now. You need to go back to sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

"But...but I need the song."

There was a pause on the other end and suddenly the music died away. "Hey, Penny, can you hear me?" Hailey asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Can you turn it off of speaker?"

"Of course." I grabbed the phone and turned it off of speaker mode and then gave it back to Axel.

"Mommy?" He pressed the phone to his ear and moved so that he was sitting on my lap. In a second a huge smile crossed his face.

I watched him as his eyes slowly drooped. He shifted so that his head could rest against the desk. And in one minute flat he was fast asleep.

I removed the phone from Axel's hand, being careful not to wake him, and put it to my ear. I was just about to say hi to Hailey when I heard her singing. Her voice was beautiful. I had never heard her sing before.

"We ain't ever getting older," Hailey sang. "You look as good as the day I met you. I forget just why I left you, I was insane." The lyrics from Closer sounded just as good as when The Chainsmokers sang it.

"Hails," I said, cutting off the song, knowing perfectly well she didn't want me to hear it.

She immediately stopped singing. "Hey." She cleared her throat. "Did he fall asleep?"

"Yeah." I smiled at Axel who was now snoring softly. "Whatever you did was exactly what he needed."

"Good. I should probably get back. Thanks for watching him, Penny."

I looked down at my laptop that was right by Axel's head. "I'm not going to publish the book." I pushed his hair off his forehead again. He really did look just like his father.

There was silence on her end.

"You're one of my best friends, Hails. So is Tyler. And I'm not going to publish it. I'm so sorry that I even wrote it in the first place. Can we please just go back to the way things were?"

"Do you know why we named our son Axel?"

It took me a second to register the weird segue. "No."

"It's because I'm 99 percent sure that he was conceived on the side of the road in Texas. When I crashed Tyler's car and almost killed both of us. I bent the axle of his car."

I smiled. How had I never heard this story?

"Penny, I love my husband," the emotion in her voice made tears come to my eyes. "Of course it bothers me that you've slept with him."

"That's why I'm not going to write it. I'm sorry..."

"You didn't let me finish. It's not about that. I know you two are friends. We're all friends. That part of your relationship with him was so long ago. I've never resented you for that. I'm upset because you're going to write a book that involves him, but it's not going to be the whole truth. It's just...you have to get the story right. He wasn't in a good place when he met you. And I'm just worried that you're going to portray him wrong. What if Axel reads that one day? What if he reads it and doesn't get the whole truth?"

"I would never write something bad about Tyler. I love him. I love you. And I love your son. You're my family. I changed everyone's names and I'm using a pen name myself. No one will ever even know I wrote it."

"They will when it takes off."

I laughed. "I've been denied by 15 publishers. It's never going to take off."

There was another pause on her end. "One day I'm going to tell you the whole story from my perspective. How I met Tyler. How we were both lost without each other."

"I'd love to hear it."

"Good. I heard you promised him a redemption story after you're done writing about you and James. I just want to make sure you get all the details right. That you paint him honestly. I'm going to help you make it perfect."

"That sounds like a good plan." I breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't upset with me. She was just worried that I was going to portray her husband wrong. But that was never going to happen. I knew what Tyler had been through. I knew the pain I had caused him. The pain he had suffered after losing his father and grandfather. I knew it. He wasn't just some frat boy I hooked up with once. He was one of my best friends. I respected him and I cared about him. He just wasn't the hero of my story. He was the hero of Hailey's.

"In the meantime, go tuck my son in."

I laughed. "Thanks, Hails. I love you, you know."

"Goodnight, Penny. I love you too."

"Goodnight." I looked down at Axel sleeping. "Good vibes," I said softly. "Everything is working out okay. Now let's tuck you back in." I lifted him up into my arms as I stood. We slowly made our way back out to the family room.

When I set him down on his sleeping bag he immediately opened his eyes and reached his hands back up to me.

"Axel, you need to go back to sleep."

"Can't I sleep with you? It's scary down here."

I looked at Scarlett and Soph sleeping soundlessly. There was nothing scary about this room. Unless Scarlett had a pet snake I wasn't aware of.

"Please, Aunt Penny." He gave me that same sad look he had when I opened up the bedroom door to find him.

"Okay, sweetie." I lifted him back into my arms and carried him upstairs. He was asleep before I even reached my bedroom door. It was tempting to turn back around and try to tuck him in again. But James had probably already fallen asleep. Besides, Axel looked so cute when he was sleeping. I didn't want to break my word to that innocent little face of his. I couldn't seem to say no to him.

"Finally..." James’ voice died away as I walked back into the room with Axel in my arms. "What are you doing?" he whispered.

"He wants to sleep up here with us."

"Are you serious? Why? Go put him back downstairs."

"He's scared downstairs, James. He's just going to wake us up again in a few minutes if I do. It's fine." I set him down in the bed and crawled in next to him.

"Fucking Stevenses, always getting in the way."

"Language, James."

"He's asleep." He gestured to Axel, who was snoring peacefully.

"Still."

James sighed and rested his head back on the pillow. "So you want this scaredy pants to marry our daughter, huh?"

"He's three and a half."

"That's exactly what I've been saying."

I laughed. "No, I mean, he's scared because he's three and a half. He won't be scared when he's our age."

"Maybe."

"Scarlett referred to him as her boyfriend today."

James lowered his eyebrows.

"Don't look so serious. It's innocent and cute."

"Now. It won't be so innocent and cute when they're older. I like him now but in a few years I have a feeling I'm going to hate this kid."

I laughed. "You're impossible."

James pulled the covers up slightly to tuck them under Axel's chin. "When he's older I'm going to do my very best to do to him what he just did to me. It's my new mission."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to be a total cock block."

"Language, James." But I couldn't help but laugh. I reached over and playfully shoved his arm.

He smiled.

"Fortunately we have a long time before that happens."

"Yeah." James pushed Axel's hair off his forehead like I had been doing. "And fortunately for him, he is a cute kid."

"You totally want a boy."

"It wouldn't be the worst thing that ever happened if it was a boy. That's as far as I'll go."

But all I heard was that he desperately wanted a baby boy. And I was positive that in two months time, I'd be giving him what he really wanted. A son.