Chapter 34

Monday

I clicked on Ian's number. Fuck. Not Ian. I bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going," he growled.

Fuck off. Fuck everything. God, I can't lose her. I picked up my pace, trying to avoid the people absentmindedly going through their days. How could everyone be acting normal when it felt like my whole world was caving in around me?

I scrolled through my phone until I saw William's name. But I didn't need to call. As soon as I pushed through the doors to the airport, I saw my car. William had parked it on the curb and he was arguing with an airport traffic policeman.

I started to run over to them.

"You have to keep moving," the police officer said. "I'm not going to ask you again."

"Or what? It's an emergency!" William looked like he was a few seconds away from punching the policeman in the face.

"Everyone has an emergency. Move along."

"I'm here, I'm here," I said as I ran up to them.

"Front seat," William said to me as he ran around to the other side of the car.

"Have a nice day too," the police officer mumbled.

I climbed into the passenger's side, ignoring him. I had barely closed the door when William hit the gas. "What happened? Is she okay?" Part of me didn't want to know the answer. If I didn't know, she was fine. She was still breathing. She was still with me.

William shook his head. "I don't know. She lost a lot of blood on the way to the hospital."

I turned around to look at the back seat. The leather upholstery was covered in blood. Her blood. My wife's blood. I shook my head. "But is she okay?"

"I don't know." He swerved to avoid another car.

Someone honked at him and he cursed under his breath.

"She lost consciousness before we arrived," William added.

I looked at the back seat again. "Was someone with her?"

"Your brother was with her."

I nodded. If she had been alone, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself. But she had Rob. Rob would have taken care of her. She would have felt safe with him. She would have felt safer with you. I tried to shake the thought out of my head. Damn it. Why now? Of all the times for this to happen, why did it have to happen the one day I was out of town? I clenched my hand into a fist. I wanted to go back in time.

The image of her asking me to stay at the wedding popped into my head. She had asked me not to go. Why hadn't I listened? What the fuck was wrong with me? I wanted to surprise her, but why hadn't I realized she was begging me to stay? Did she know something was wrong then? Had she been in pain? The thought made me feel paralyzed. She didn't want a surprise. She just wanted to spend time with me.

I looked at the back seat again. She was in pain now. And it didn't matter that Rob had been with her. Rob wasn't me. She needed me and I wasn't there. I vowed to catch her every time she fell. I promised her. I had failed her.

"Is Scarlett still at the apartment?" I asked.

"Yes. No one could get a hold of you to ask you what to do. Apparently she won't stop crying."

I tried to take a deep breath. My daughter needed reassurance. I pulled out my phone to call Ellen, but stopped myself. Fuck. I needed reassurance. I couldn't call them to calm them down when I could barely breathe. "Go a different way," I said as William started to approach stopped traffic.

"I'll try, Mr. Hunter."

Another car honked at us as William cut them off.

"Was Penny asking for me?" I didn't really want to know the answer. Even if she hadn't been asking for me, I knew she needed me. I let her down.

William didn't respond as he slammed on the brakes, unable to avoid the stopped cars.

"Was she asking for me?" I repeated.

"She asked Rob to take care of her family. She kept saying she was scared."

I shook my head and unbuckled my seatbelt. She was thinking about me even though she was in pain. She was selfless. She was perfect. God, she had to be okay.

"It's three miles away, Mr. Hunter."

I ignored him as I pushed opened the door. I slammed it closed and started running. Normally the summer heat in the middle of the day would bother me. Running in a suit would bother me. But all I could feel was my heart. It fucking hurt. I let her down. She needed me and I wasn't there. Please be okay, baby.

 

***

 

I pushed through the doors of the hospital, gasping for air. "Penny Hunter!" I said before I even approached the front desk. "Penny Hunter," I said a little louder as I ran over to the woman who looked bored out of her mind. Again, I found it jarring that the whole world wasn't in pain like me. Everyone should have been breaking. Everyone. Yet no one seemed to understand the extent of what was happening.

"Penny Hunter," the woman said as she typed the name into her computer. "Third floor. She's still in surgery."

"What happened?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, sir. Are you related to the patient?"

"I'm her husband."

"Okay, great. If you could just sign in and we'll give you a wristband."

I didn't have time for this nonsense. My wife was in surgery. She had just said that. Didn't she realize how ridiculous her request was after what she had just told me? I ran over to the elevators and slammed my fist against the arrow pointing up.

"You need a wristband, sir!" she called after me.

Fuck you. I ignored her. When the doors didn't immediately open, I looked around for the staircase. I sprinted over to it and took the stairs two at a time. I burst through the door and into a waiting room. Familiar faces turned toward me. My father. Daphne. But Rob didn't look up. He was sitting with his elbows on his knees. Daphne was rubbing his back.

"Is she okay?" I asked. But I knew she wasn't. By the way they were looking at me, I just knew the love of my life was dying. I could feel my body turning cold. It was like I could feel her pain. And the weight of it was unbearable.

Mascara was smudged under Daphne's eyes, tears dried on her cheeks. She pressed her lips together, unable to answer me. But I could read her expression pretty clearly. It was one of loss. Insufferable loss. The kind of loss that I knew would kill me.

God, Penny. Someone fucking say something!

Rob shook his head as he slowly looked up at me. "I don't know. They won't tell us anything. All I know is that they said they were trying to deliver the baby. But that was half an hour ago. We haven't heard anything else."

The baby. I looked down at his dress shirt and pants. He was covered in blood. My wife's blood. I didn't care about the baby. Why were they talking about the baby? It didn't matter. I wanted to know how my wife was. "I didn't ask about the baby, I asked about her. Someone fucking say something!" I was losing it. The side of my face started twitching with agitation. A feeling I hadn't experienced since meeting Penny. A nervous tick that made me aware of just how quickly I was losing control. A feeling I used to numb.

"Why don't you sit down," Daphne said. "I'll go talk to the nurse at the front desk again."

I shook my head and stepped back from them. Why weren't they telling me? God, how bad was it?

"Son, take a seat," my dad said, placing his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure the doctor will be out in a moment. We just have to wait. We've told you everything we know."

Fuck that. "I need to know if she's okay."

"She's not okay," Rob said. "She died in my arms and you weren't there. She stopped breathing. They're not saying anything because they're trying to deliver the baby before it dies too. Because her body is no longer supporting it."

"Robert," my dad said sternly. "That's enough."

She can't be dead. I shook my head. I put my hand on the side of my face where my eye wouldn't stop twitching. It felt like my feet were melting into the floor.

"Where were you, James?" Rob said as he abruptly stood up. He walked toward me. "You piece of shit!" He shoved me hard.

"Robert!" my dad said more sternly and grabbed the back of Rob's collar. "Sit down." He pushed him away from me.

"Rob," Daphne said and grabbed his arm. "This isn't the time or place for this."

But Rob was right. He should shove me. I had nothing to say. I felt like shit. I let Penny down. "She can't be dead." I shook my head. "She can't be." I shook my head again. I wanted Rob to shove me again. I wanted him to hit me. I needed to feel the pain. I clenched my hand into a fist. I needed to feel the pain she was feeling.

My dad grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front desk. "Her husband is here now. Can't you give updates to him?"

The nurse looked up at us. "She's in surgery. As soon as she's out, a doctor will come to talk to you. It shouldn't be much longer."

"I need to talk to someone now," I said.

"I'm sorry, sir, that's just not possible."

I glanced to my right where there was a door marked hospital personnel only. I started walking toward it.

"Sir!" she called after me. "Sir, you can't go back there!"

I pushed open the doors, ignoring her. "Penny!" I called at the top of my lungs. "Penny!" It felt like I couldn't breathe.

An orderly rushed out of a door down the hall. "You're not allowed in here," he said as he hurried toward me.

"Penny!" I yelled again. I turned my head toward one of the glass partitions. Not her. I kept walking.

"You really can't be back here," the orderly said and grabbed my shoulder.

I pushed him off of me.

"Penny!" The desperation in my voice made me feel crazy. Was I losing my mind? Was any of this really happening?

The orderly tugged on my arm and I shoved him again.

I needed to find her. I needed to see that she was okay.

"We need security up here," he said into a walkie talkie. "Now."

And that's when I saw her. I was looking through a glass, like I was watching something that couldn't possibly be happening. Her face was pale. There was a tube down her throat. She no longer looked like my wife. She looked empty. Like a shell of who she once was. I put my hand against the glass partition. "Baby." And a piece of me died.