There are only two days left before I have to leave the ranch. Before lunch, a courier brings my ballgown in a massive cardboard box. I sign for it and take it to my room. My fingers are shaking when I break it open and carefully take the dress out of its tissue.

It’s a stunning peacock-blue, floor-length, full skirted affair that looks like it has been plucked from the pages of a fairytale. With a sweetheart neckline, a crystal embellished bodice, and yards and yards of organza, silk, and tulle, it is quite simply the most beautiful and dreamy dress I have ever seen.

I try it on and it fits perfectly.

Inside the package, there is also a pair of designer shoes that look like they are made of rainbow-hued glass. I could never even have dreamed of owning something so gorgeous in my other life. I step into them, stand in front of the mirror, and stare at myself in amazement.

I hardly recognize myself. I’m not the same girl who came to this ranch. I came here, desperate for money but strong and confident, and I am leaving a broken woman defeated by a selfish, rich whore. Still, it’s a funny ole world. I came here to impersonate Tamara and now she’s coming here to impersonate me.

I turn away from the mirror and carefully take my dress off.

Yesterday, Lars told me that I could take the day off and do anything I liked on my last day here. He smiled when he said it, but he had no idea how much my heart hurt to hear those words. We both know I’m leaving tomorrow, but I’m the only one who knows that I won’t ever come back.

I know Tamara only wants him because she knows I want him. After she has taken him away from me, she won’t want him for long. A ranch hand won’t fit in with her plans. I saw how rude she was to the blond man. She won’t be able to do that with Lars.

But none of it will matter by then. I’ll be gone, never to see Lars again. I’ll be back in Chicago. He’ll stay here, doing his job, and eventually, he’ll forget about me.

I know I won’t ever forget him.

I hang the dress up carefully and go back out to the house. Lars is just coming in from outside. His face breaks into a grin. “Guess where I’m taking you?” he asks.

I smile softly up to him. “Your bedroom?”

He grabs my ass. “That’s where I want to take you, and probably where I should, but I’m actually taking you to the Dairy Queen.”

“That sounds great.” I try to look happy.

He looks at me strangely. “So, what are your thoughts about the day after tomorrow?”

“What about the day after tomorrow?” I ask more specifically. I don’t want to talk about anything he isn’t talking about. I don’t even know if I can talk about leaving without bursting into floods of tears again.

“You know what I’m talking about. You’ll be leaving and we need to talk about it.”

“Can we not talk about it?” I ask, my voice cracking slightly.

“You’re just not going to talk about it at all? That’s your plan?” he asks.

“Would it be so bad if we just let things roll and see where it goes.”

He stares at me and I find I can’t hold his gaze.

“This discussion is not over, but I’ll leave it for the moment. Let’s go,” he says quietly. We walk to the car in silence.

Lars has no idea how hard this is for me. This isn’t my decision, yet I have to act like it is. I wish with all my heart he could know the truth. If only there was a way I could tell him without getting him into trouble.

We almost don’t speak at all in the car. Lars seems preoccupied as he stares straight ahead, and I am too sad to pretend to be happy. I try turning on the radio, but he turns it back off, explaining that there is never any proper reception around that area. We pull into Dairy Queen after almost an hour of dead silence. As always, he opens my door for me and leads me in like a gentleman.

It is small and rustic and nothing like the one in Chicago. There is no one inside except the staff and a man with his hat pulled low over his eyes. There is a girl with pigtails standing behind the counter, who smiles at us.

“We’re getting ice cream to go, Sophia,” Lars tells her. “You know my order.”

She looks at me and I ask for double chocolate chip.

Sophia gets the ice cream in record time and Lars pays, leaving her a ten-dollar tip.

Once we’re back in the car eating our ice cream, Lars speaks again. “You may not want to talk about it, but I need to. You can’t just leave here without some kind of discussion of how we go forward.”

“I have a life and it’s not here,” I say, staring miserably at my ice cream.

“Have I ever asked you to move up here?”

“No, but…oh, I wish I could explain the situation I’m in, but I can’t.”

“I accept that long distance relationships are hard, but we’ll work it out.”

I set my ice cream in the cup holder of the car and scoot over to him. He wraps both of his arms around me and rubs my back. “There is no future for us, Lars,” I whisper.

He tightens his hold on my body. “I can’t accept that. How old are you?”

I rack my brains. Has anybody mentioned Tamara’s age to me? “You’re not supposed to ask a woman her age,” I say.

“Do you realize how rare what we have is? You’re young so you think you can find what we have under every rock you pick up, but I can tell you now, what we have is precious. I’m twenty-nine and I’ve never found what we have with anyone else. My brother is older than me and he doesn’t have it either.”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve made up my mind.”

He takes a deep breath of frustration. It makes his chest rise against my cheek. “There has to be a reason for your decision. Are you afraid of what your dad will say? Because I can talk to him if you are.”

“No, Lars. I’m not afraid of that.”

“Is it something to do with the loan sharks?”

“No.”

“Then it just doesn’t make sense. Did I do something wrong? Tell me, because I can change for you.”

I feel the tears start streaming from my eyes. “No, I never want you to change anything. You’re perfect. Nothing about you needs to change. It’s not you, it’s me. I wish I could explain, but I literally can’t. This is so hard.”

“Well, I’m not fucking giving up. I’m going to get to the bottom of this if it’s the last thing I do,” he growls stubbornly.

I don’t know what to do anymore. The man I want more than I want anything else in the world is asking me to stay and I can’t. I never knew life could be so cruel. I start sobbing into his chest and he just holds me.

Our ice cream melts and eventually, he starts the truck and pulls away. I don’t bother looking up or moving away from him. I can’t move away from him. I never want to. If only I didn’t have to.

My tears stop. He takes one hand off the wheel and plays with my hair. All I want is for him to understand, but he can’t because I can’t tell him the truth. Money may not be as important as happiness, but I need this money to help pay for my father’s medical bills. That’s why I’m here, and that’s why I can’t quit now.

We arrive at the ranch, but my hands refuse to let him go. Instead of pulling away from me, he sweeps me into his arms. Leaving our ice cream cups in the truck, he carries me gently into the house and into my bedroom. Carefully, he lays me on my bed and pulls the covers over my body. He doesn’t understand that what I need is him.

“Please stay,” I whisper as he turns to leave.

“Is that what you want?”

I don’t tell him that I need him to love me the way I love him, because tomorrow, he won’t be mine anymore. Tomorrow, Tamara will probably get him drunk and bounce on him. Even that passing thought makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just want to live out tonight like I’ll never leave. “I want us to play out this night as if I’m not leaving. I want you inside me and all over my body.”

“I can do that,” he whispers, climbing under the covers with me. “Because you’re not leaving. Not ever.”

How I wish that were true.

We don’t have the hot passion that we had before. What we have this time is so much more intimate and profound. We work slowly and diligently at taking off our clothing and lay together for the longest time, skin touching skin.

I stare into his silver eyes as he enters my body, and cry for the person that I may have become if I could have stayed with him. He is the man I can see myself making a family with and growing old with. I can see us surrounded by a whole bunch of curtain biters. My future could have been so bright here, but I have to leave it all.

Sometimes, life throws you slices of happiness, but it quickly balances the bliss with sadness. That has been the story of my life. Lars is that shining slice. Now it is time for balance again.

Finally, after what feels like hours of being caught in my own head, Lars gives me exactly what I asked from him. A climax so deep and long I feel as if I have broken into a million pieces. Like star dust, I float away, weightless and uncaring about what tomorrow brings.