Haydon pressed send on his text to Janine and then turned his attention to pouring a strong coffee. He was going to need it if he was going to get through today without falling asleep, because sleeping was the one thing he hadn’t done very much of overnight. He hadn’t planned to come clean with Ashley the previous evening but, somehow, just seeing her there had unleashed this whole other spontaneous person he had no idea existed inside him. But the fact was, he could understand why she’d reacted the way she had, having seen him with Audrey, and now that he really thought about it, he realised he’d probably been behaving like a total shit.

Taking his coffee out to the patio, he sat next to Ella, who was already tucking into a pile of croissants and jam. When they’d first arrived in Saint-Raphaël she’d been determined to eat cornflakes, just as she always did for breakfast, but today, perhaps influenced by Bastien, she seemed more amenable to local food. Although, Haydon reflected wryly as he watched her eat, if she ever put a squid ring in her mouth he might just faint from the shock.

The phone he’d placed on the garden table bleeped and he unlocked it to see Janine’s reply.

‘Where’s your breakfast?’ Ella asked, glancing across at the solitary cup in front of him.

‘Not hungry.’

‘It’s the most important meal of the day! You need to eat it whether you’re hungry or not!’

‘Hey, that’s my line!’ Haydon said, forcing a cheery tone. ‘I say it to you but it doesn’t mean I have to follow that rule too.’

‘What if you go all faint when we’re out?’

‘I won’t, and if I do then I’ll get some food.’

‘But you always have a huge breakfast,’ Ella said, looking vaguely confused. How could he tell her that he couldn’t think about food because there was no room for anything but thoughts of Ashley? He needed to see her, like an ache in his heart that was so extreme it was almost physical. If he closed his eyes he could hear her voice. Last night she’d called him out and he felt ashamed, but that didn’t change the fact that, despite Audrey’s perfection, her warm openness, it was cold, disapproving Ashley who kept creeping into his thoughts.

It was crazy, but the previous night had only made it worse. Audrey was like a dream that was almost too perfect to hold onto, a promise too impossible to keep. But Ashley could be his reality – a messy, imperfect, confusing reality that made him feel alive. She was someone who lived in his world, someone who made his heart beat faster, someone who would challenge him and keep him anchored and force him to be the best of himself. Audrey was beautiful and charming, and he would be a fool to let her go, but maybe he was, because the more he thought about it, the more strongly he felt about Ashley. But he’d messed it up and perhaps there was no going back now. Did that make it right to continue to see Audrey, even if all it would ever be was a holiday romance, as he’d kept telling himself?

‘It’s hot today,’ he said vaguely in answer to Ella’s statement, trying his best to keep things with her as normal as possible despite the turmoil in his head. ‘I don’t eat well when I’m hot.’

Ella shrugged, seeming to decide that the conversation wasn’t worth pursuing. ‘What are we doing today? Can we see Molly?’

‘If they want to do something I don’t see why not,’ he replied, trying to sound as casual as he could.

‘Shall I text her? What shall I say?’

He stood up. ‘Ella… I need to do something first. I won’t be a minute.’

Ella stared at him. ‘Now? I thought we were planning our day? And we have to be back in plenty of time for Audrey—’

‘About that,’ Haydon cut in. ‘It’s the thing I need to sort out.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘We can’t have her over tonight. It wouldn’t be fair.’

‘But I thought…’

‘I know. I like her. I mean, she’s lovely. But she lives here and we don’t and I just think… well, you’re not daft, are you? You could see that we liked each other as more than friends and I don’t think it’s right to let it go further than it has already.’

‘You’re dumping her?’

‘No, because we weren’t going out in the first place. But I am going to cancel tonight.’

Ella looked solemn but then she nodded. ‘I suppose so. You don’t want to break her heart.’

Haydon gave a wry smile. He didn’t think there was much danger of that when in reality Audrey had been the one pulling all the strings. He’d basked in her glory for a brief moment, but he was certain she wouldn’t waste any tears on him. For her, flirting with Haydon had been fun, and perhaps there was a certain amount of lust on both their parts, but now that he really thought about it, there had never been anything deeper than that.

‘I won’t be long,’ he said. ‘Then we can figure out what we’re going to do with our day.’

‘So, does that mean you don’t want me to text Molly?’

‘I guess you could just to see if they’re free.’

‘You think we’ll see them after we get back to England? Maybe we can visit them in York? That would be amazing!’

‘If they want to then I’d drive you up there,’ he said carefully. He was still hopeful that when he’d done what he needed to do this morning he could smooth things over with Ashley, but he couldn’t be sure, and he didn’t want to promise something to Ella that he couldn’t deliver. He wasn’t even sure they’d be allowed to see Molly today. ‘I’ve never been to York,’ he added.

‘Me neither! It’d be like another holiday!’

‘It would. We’d have to check with them and with your mum but I’d love to take you.’

Ella flung her arms around him. ‘I can’t wait!’

‘Steady on!’ Haydon said, laughing. ‘We haven’t even asked them yet.’

‘But they’ll say yes…’ Ella folded the last of her croissant into her mouth. ‘I’m going to text Molly now,’ she added through a mouthful of pastry. ‘I’ll ask her if she wants to go out today. Where shall I tell her we’re going?’

Haydon was thoughtful for a moment. ‘How about a boat trip?’ he asked. ‘Maybe we could hire one if we pop down to the marina?’

Ella’s eyes widened. ‘Brilliant! I’ll tell her we’re going to get a boat!’

‘I only said we’ll see about it,’ Haydon reminded her. ‘I can’t promise anything.’

‘OK, well I’ll tell her that.’

Haydon watched as she raced indoors to get her phone. Once life had been that simple for him too, though it was hard to recall those days right now. But he had a difficult phone call to make and no promise at the end of it that Ashley would be willing to give him another chance. He could only hope that she didn’t take her anger out on Ella by preventing her from spending time with Molly and Bastien, because Ella really liked them both and he didn’t know if he could deal with trying to explain that turn of events to her. Rejecting him was one thing, and perhaps something he deserved, but rejection of Ella, that was quite another matter entirely.

‘I don’t believe this!’ Sue hissed.

‘I couldn’t tell him because Ella appeared.’ Ashley hated lying to her mum but what else could she do? If she told Sue the real reason – that she hadn’t been able to tell Haydon because she’d stumbled upon him being rather preoccupied with another woman, and that she was now never going to tell him for the same reasons, it might open up a whole new can of worms that Ashley could really do without.

‘I know, but you can’t keep socialising with them as if nothing has happened. The longer you leave it the worse it will be.’

‘I know, I know…’ Ashley snapped. ‘I’m doing my best here. I’ll tell him today.’

‘While he’s piloting a boat with you all on it? He’s likely to throw you overboard if you tell him then!’

‘Before we get on the boat then!’ Ashley wafted a fly away from her face and scowled. Sue wasn’t annoying her as much as it seemed; rather she was irritated because she knew full well her mother was right. And after the way they’d parted last night, Ashley couldn’t quite believe she’d agreed to give Haydon the time of day again, let alone spend it on a boat with him. She must want her head examining. There was no way she could tell her mum any of what had happened between her and Haydon and his mystery woman now.

Sue handed her a bottle of sun cream, which Ashley shoved into a cloth bag.

‘Be sure you do,’ her mother said tartly. ‘It’s not fair to anyone, dragging it on like this. Especially not to him, even though he doesn’t deserve the courtesy of any consideration in the matter.’

‘He’s not the monster you think he is, Mum. We both decided to sleep together in Ibiza and it’s not like I didn’t know how babies are made.’

‘And then he disappeared for the next sixteen years.’ Sue gave a loud sniff. ‘You’d think he’d have worked it out by now, knowing how old Molly is.’

‘I don’t think men take that sort of stuff in the way we do,’ Ashley said with a weak smile. ‘I was sort of hoping it might occur to him too – it would save me the job of having to break it to him. But he doesn’t seem to have thought of it at all.’

Both women spun round at the sound of the door opening, and Maurice wandered out onto the veranda.

‘Thought of what?’ he asked carelessly.

‘Sun cream,’ Sue fired back and Ashley, for once, was glad of her mum’s quick wits. ‘We’re making sure Haydon remembers to take some for the girls. If they’re going to be on the water they’ll burn quick as a wink without it.’

‘Oh,’ Maurice said. ‘Are you sure we need to go into Fréjus? I’d much rather go on the boat with Ashley and Haydon.’

‘Yes, we need to go into Fréjus. There’s something in a shop there I want to get for your aunt.’

‘We have a gift for her.’

‘I know, but I want to get this too – I think she’ll love it.’

Maurice pouted and it was hard not to laugh. Ashley knew the real reason her mum was determined to get him out to the neighbouring town and it had nothing to do with extra gifts.

‘Have you asked Bastien and his uncle if they want to come?’ Sue continued.

‘I think he’d rather go on the boat too.’

‘He’s not invited.’

‘Molly has invited him.’

Sue rolled her eyes. ‘She can’t just ask who she wants.’

‘Tell her that, because she just has.’

‘It’s fine, Mum,’ Ashley put in. ‘I’m sure Haydon will be fine with one extra and the girls get on well with Bastien so they’ll enjoy having him along.’

‘But—’ Sue began, but Ashley cut across her.

‘Bastien will keep the girls entertained.’

What she meant was that the more kids were on board, the more noise they’d make and the less notice they’d take of anything that was being discussed between Ashley and Haydon. Whatever that might be. Sue seemed to understand this because after a short pause she nodded agreement.

‘Looks like it’s just you and me in Fréjus then. Unless anyone else wants to squash in the car?’

‘I will go and ask,’ Maurice said. Sticking his hands in his pockets he sauntered back indoors again. Sue turned to Ashley.

‘Please get this sorted.’

‘I’ll try, though I can’t promise anything with a boatful of kids.’

‘I’m sure you can find a second and that’s all it takes.’

‘It’s the fallout I’m worried about. Yes, it only takes a second to say the words but what about the stuff that comes after? He’s going to want to talk about it and how do we do that in private? Every time we try to get everyone out of the way so I can talk to him properly it backfires.’

Sue threw her hands in the air. ‘Damned if I know, but you’re going to have to figure that out.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘He’ll be here soon. You know, I could just tell him and it would be done with.’

‘And I can just imagine what you’d say. Absolutely not – I’ll handle this.’

Sue narrowed her eyes. ‘You’re not seriously developing feelings for him, are you? I know you said the other night, but I thought it was just silly talk.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ Ashley squeaked, but she couldn’t help wondering whether her denial had been just a little too forceful. It seemed Sue thought the same thing, because she paused for a moment before pursing her lips.

‘For God’s sake, Ashley—’

‘I’m not! He’s good-looking and everything, but do you really think I’m that stupid?’

‘Do you really want me to answer that?’

Ashley frowned. But then, from the corner of her eye, she saw Haydon and Ella on the path that skirted the field, making their way to the house.

‘We’re going to have to continue this later,’ she said.

‘Later I want to hear that you’ve sorted it,’ Sue replied.

Ashley watched Haydon and Ella arrive at Villa Marguerite from her bedroom window, her stomach churning. Why had she agreed to this? A moment later Molly yelled from the floor below to alert her to the same.

‘Coming!’ she shouted and stopped for a last check in the mirror before grabbing her bag and racing down the stairs.

When she got outside, Molly and Bastien were already there, chatting to Ella. Haydon gave her a tentative smile, and Ashley returned it with something more restrained and courteous. But behind the mask her stomach still flipped and she still felt that jolt of desire seeing him standing there, the way those chocolate eyes made her feel, the sense of longing for those arms to wrap around her, even after everything he’d done and everything she knew he was.

He glanced across at where the teenagers were still talking and beckoned her to one side, his voice low.

‘I called Audrey this morning and told her.’

‘Told her what?’

‘That it’s over. You’re right, I never should have let things go so far with her.’

‘It had nothing to do with me – you can date who you like.’

‘Not when I’m thinking about someone else I can’t – it’s not fair.’

Ashley frowned. ‘Don’t…’

‘I can’t help it. Please… just tell me there’s a chance and I won’t say another word until you’re ready to talk about it.’

‘How can I trust you?’

‘I don’t know how to prove it, but you can. Just let me show you. Let’s pretend yesterday never happened and try to enjoy today in each other’s company, and if you still feel the same way by the end of it then I’ll know that there’s no hope.’

‘We don’t have a choice but to get on today as the kids are with us.’

‘But if they weren’t? Would you still be willing to do that?’

‘They are, so it makes no difference whether I would or wouldn’t.’

‘We had something, right? You’re telling me that night in Ibiza meant nothing? Because it meant something to me and I can’t stop thinking about it now that I’ve found you again. I feel like it could be the start of something special. Tell me you haven’t thought about it a little too…’

‘That was a long time ago.’

‘But you’re not denying it,’ he replied with a small smile. Ashley tried not to smile back, but it was hard. Even now, a part of her wanted to trust him but how could she? She’d been down this road before with another man who hadn’t been worth her trust either, and, right now, her faith in men was pretty much shot. One more betrayal might just shatter it forever. A life lived with no trust at all promised to be a lonely one, and it wasn’t a possibility she wanted to think about.

‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I need time.’

‘I can give you time, as much as you need. As long as there’s hope.’

‘There’s nothing until you can prove yourself.’

‘I will. You’ll see.’

His small smile had turned into a broad, dazzling one now. He looked like a man who thought he’d already won. Well, she’d show him it wasn’t going to be that easy and she wasn’t going to forget all the wrongs he’d done her before so quickly either. If he wanted her then he was going to have to work to convince her he was worth the risk.

---

The sun was already high, the old road to town shimmering in the heat, spiny roadside shrubs heavy with vibrant flowers as the group walked together in the direction of the marina, the teenagers a few paces ahead of the adults.

‘I hope you’ve got your sea legs with you,’ he said.

‘I hope you’ve got your captain’s hat.’

‘Do you think they’ll still let me hire the boat if I don’t have one of those?’

Ashley nudged him and laughed, despite her reservations about giving him too much encouragement. It was strange and lovely, this banter, a side of him she’d never really had a chance to see before. They’d joked and flirted, of course, that night in Ibiza, but they’d both been so drunk that it had somehow got lost in the haze of their alcohol-fogged memories. The main thing she’d taken away from that fateful night was the pure sexual chemistry, and then the stinging disappointment of never seeing him again when she realised that what she’d actually felt had been so much more than lust.

‘If they don’t we can always go bodyboarding again.’

‘Oh,’ he said, looking perplexed. ‘Would you rather do that? I didn’t think to ask…’

‘I don’t mind what we do. But this sounds lovely and probably a lot more sedate.’

‘So you like sedate?’

‘Not always…’

He grinned and his hand brushed hers, fingers reaching to lock, when he suddenly seemed to realise what he was doing and pulled away with a quick, guilty glance.

‘Sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I didn’t mean to…’

‘Not yet,’ Ashley said. ‘Give it some time – please.’

‘Of course, whatever you want. It’s just…’

They were silent for a moment, the awkwardness of the moment hanging in the air between them. But then Haydon spoke again.

‘I was thinking,’ he said. ‘About Molly’s music school.’

‘Oh?’

‘I don’t know anyone who could help her get into the one she originally wanted but I might be able to help with another one in Oxford. I know someone who knows someone… you know?’

‘Oxford? But it’s nowhere near us.’

‘I know, but I just thought… well, if she really did have her heart set on a conservatoire then perhaps it might be worth considering?’

‘I can hardly afford the one in York, let alone a move to Oxford.’

‘But you wouldn’t have to pay the fees in Oxford. If she could get the scholarship, of course. But that’s where my friend comes in handy.’

‘Are you suggesting a bit of jiggery-pokery?’

‘No, but he’ll be keen to do all he can to help a talented girl. It’s his passion and he wouldn’t let any talent go unnurtured if he could do something about it. I’m pretty sure he’d help to arrange accommodation nearby too.’

‘It’s kind of you but there’s no way I could let her live in Oxford alone and I can’t afford the move.’

‘Well, I just wanted to say that the offer is there. No promises that it would happen anyway, of course, but I’d be happy to put a word in if you change your mind.’

‘Thanks; that’s really sweet of you.’

‘I’d love to hear her play,’ he said after a brief lull.

‘I’m sure she’d love to play for you – she’s such a show-off when it comes to her violin.’

‘That’s actually another thing I was thinking about… well, both me and Ella actually. We thought… never mind. It’s probably too soon.’

‘What?’

‘It doesn’t matter. Ashley… why didn’t you ever phone me?’

She halted on the road and stared at him. ‘I did. The phone number you left me didn’t work.’

‘What?’ He stopped too. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean I phoned the number you gave me and it was wrong. I thought you’d deliberately left me a number that wouldn’t work to get out of seeing me again.’

‘I would never do that! And I thought… Oh God! All these years I thought you didn’t want to see me again! I really liked you, I mean I…’ He gave a shaky laugh and ran a hand through his hair. For a moment he looked so genuinely distressed by this revelation that Ashley wondered whether he might burst into tears. ‘Things could have been so different!’

‘They could,’ Ashley said quietly. She wasn’t just thinking about how different their own lives could have been but about how Molly might have grown up with a father. One tiny, stupid mistake was responsible for all this heartache? It seemed so inconceivable, and yet there it was.

From the corner of her eye, Ashley saw Molly turn to look behind her.

‘What’s going on back there?’ she shouted with a grin. ‘I thought the adults were supposed to keep an eye on what we were up to, not the other way around!’

Bastien and Ella laughed at Molly’s quip as they stopped to see where Ashley and Haydon were too. Ashley’s face grew hot and she wished she could say it was just from the sun.

‘We were just discussing where to take the boat,’ Haydon said, firing a guilty glance at Ashley as they started to walk again.

‘Well, I hope you’ve got a map,’ Molly said. The three waited for Ashley and Haydon to catch up before they started off. What Haydon had just told her changed everything but it looked as if this conversation was going to have to wait. Ashley’s head was buzzing with a million more questions, a million alternative scenarios to the way her life had played out now running like movies in her mind. Now was not the time or place, but it was going to kill her to hold all this in for the next few hours.