Chapter 19
‘Christ, I told her to stay put!’ Ashley cried. ‘Sorry,’ she added, seeing that her reaction had distressed Nanette. ‘How long has she been missing?’
‘I do not know,’ Nanette said. ‘I have only just realised because we wanted to ask her and Bastien what happened to make Ella so upset.’
‘Then how do you know about…’ Haydon began, but Ashley gave a wry smile.
‘Maurice told you?’ she asked Nanette, who nodded.
‘Does that mean we have to look for them too?’ Haydon asked. Ashley was sure it wasn’t meant as heartlessly as it sounded. Ella was out on her own and Molly was with Bastien – not to mention that she was also two years older. Haydon wouldn’t have wanted to say it, but Ella had to be their priority.
‘They’ll be out looking for Ella like us,’ she said. ‘Chances are we’ll find them together. It explains why she didn’t answer her phone when I called earlier.’
‘Does it?’
‘She knew I would have told her to get back here if I’d managed to get hold of her.’
While Aunt Violette continued to phone everyone she knew, Ashley, Nanette and Haydon organised the search parties into groups and between them everyone decided what ground they should cover. There was only really Violette who knew the countryside well and she was too old to go out, but she’d given a good indication of the places where she thought Ella could be hiding, so everyone took responsibility for one and headed out.
Ashley tried to phone Molly once more and, getting no answer yet again, was finding it difficult to keep her irritation in check. She should have known Molly wouldn’t have been content with leaving the search to everyone else but now Ashley had even more to worry about. She couldn’t say it to Haydon, who was clearly out of his mind with worry over Ella, but she was concerned for Molly too. Molly might have been with Bastien and she might have been older, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t get into trouble. The wrong set of rocks at the beach, a creaky old barn with a paper-thin roof, the gathering darkness, a less than friendly stranger… the possibilities were endless and Ashley tried not to think of them. She should have let Molly come with her and Haydon when they went to check out Haydon’s place but she tried not to dwell on that either. She seemed to be an expert at making mistakes these days.
The sun was almost gone but at least it was still light as they headed out again. After a brief chat with Maurice to find out where he’d already covered with Ashley’s mum, she and Haydon headed for the old town. Haydon had suggested going in his car to get there faster but Ashley had pointed out that if Ella was on the road somewhere on the way, speeding past in their car wasn’t going to be very helpful, not to mention how much they’d both had to drink, so they’d decided against it. One party was searching the nearby farms and fields, one was on the way to the old town and two had decided to cover the long harbour – one at end each.
It certainly wasn’t the centenary celebration anyone had envisaged for the marvellous Violette Dupont, and for that Ashley was truly sorry, but she was also grateful for the help all her guests had been only too happy to offer. Violette was going to call the police now that she’d finished checking with people she knew, though nobody was sure how long someone had to be missing for it to be considered a matter for the police and so nobody was sure how much help that would be. Meanwhile Maurice and Sue had now taken to knocking on doors to see if they could check out local outbuildings, though none of these strategies filled Ashley with hope.
She glanced at Haydon as he strode beside her, muscles twitching in a tight jaw, eyes trained on the road ahead. If he hadn’t been angry with her over the way the news of Molly had been broken, he had to be angry now. He hadn’t once blamed her, though, or Molly, and in some ways this was worse. What was going on in his head? When all this was over where would it leave them? It wasn’t the time to ask and so she walked by his side, silent save for the remarks that they shared pertinent to the search for Ella.
‘She’ll be OK,’ Ashley said into another long silence. She couldn’t be certain of that at all, but what else could she say? Sorry for the tenth time?
‘I just wish she’d answer her bloody phone,’ he replied. ‘Doesn’t she realise this is torture?’
‘She’s fourteen, so probably not.’
‘Not even fourteen yet,’ Haydon said. ‘Christ, Ashley… what am I going to tell her mum?’
‘We might not need to tell her anything yet.’
‘It’s not your fault.’
‘I should have talked to her the minute you told me about Molly.’
‘You were in shock yourself and we couldn’t have seen what would happen. If you want to blame someone, blame Bastien.’
‘I can’t. You’re right – he’s a sixteen-year-old boy – what else was he going to do but tell the girls what he’d heard? He probably thought he was doing a good thing.’ He rubbed a hand over his face and let out a sigh. ‘Shit. This is a disaster.’
‘It’s a stumbling block.’
His jaw tightened again but he didn’t reply. Ashley could have guessed what that reply might have been had he been the type of man to air it, and he’d have been right. She was worried about where Molly was right now but it was nothing like the fear he must have been feeling over Ella, who was alone, hardly spoke enough French for a useful conversation and had now been missing for over an hour. She wanted to reach for his hand, to let him know that she was there for him and they’d work this out together, but it was like there was an emotional force field around him, one that she couldn’t get past, one that she didn’t dare to push past for fear of what she might find beyond it.
For the fifth, maybe sixth time in as many minutes, she tried to call Molly. If she could just reach her, get a clue, find out what the hell was going on… But, like all the times before, the phone went to voicemail.
‘For God’s sake, Moll, stop pissing around and pick this up!’ she hissed, immediately regretting her outburst as the message was saved to Molly’s phone. Losing her temper probably wasn’t the best way to persuade an already emotionally unstable teen to answer her calls. She had to keep reminding herself that Molly was in a weird place too right now. She’d just found out about Haydon and the fact that she’d taken it upon herself to assume responsibility for Ella’s disappearance and do something about it even though she knew that would incur Ashley’s wrath was testament to her selflessness. When her own world had been blown apart, she was still trying to fix everyone else’s. At any other time, Ashley might have sat on a wall and sobbed for the mess of it all. But she couldn’t, because Haydon needed her. Molly needed her and Ella needed her, and she had to keep it together for all of them.
‘Molly has enough sense to head back when it gets too dark to search,’ Haydon said.
‘You don’t think Ella does?’
‘Normally I’d say yes.’
‘You think the news has affected her that badly?’
‘Put it this way – Molly has always known that she had a dad out there somewhere. For her the news is, or will be eventually, a positive thing. At least I hope so. But for Ella, who has grown up thinking her dad belongs to her and nobody else, it’s like something’s been taken away from her life, not added. For her it poses questions while for Molly it gives answers. They’ve both had a shock but it’s not the same at all.’
‘Nobody’s taking you away from Ella.’
‘That’s not how she’s going to see it.’
‘You don’t know that for sure.’
‘No, I don’t suppose I do. It’s just things she said to me tonight… It doesn’t matter now. What matters is finding her.’
‘I’m sorry.’
He looked at her now. ‘You don’t need to keep saying that.’
‘But I am. You think this is all my fault, even if you don’t say it.’
‘Now’s not the time to lay blame. We can talk about all that after we find Ella.’
‘So you do?’
‘I don’t have the energy to get into it, Ashley. I can’t even think about it until I have my daughter safely back with me.’
My proper daughter was what Ashley felt like he meant when he said that. But maybe she was just feeling hypersensitive about the whole thing. Another apology itched at her lips but with a huge effort she stopped it from coming out. She wanted to keep saying sorry until she was hoarse but what good would it do? Being sorry wasn’t going to get Ella back, and part of her didn’t even know why she felt she had to take all the blame, but she couldn’t help it. Just so she wouldn’t have to think about apologising again, she dialled Molly’s number and listened forlornly as it rang and rang until it went to voicemail.
They’d been in just about every café in the old town of Saint-Raphaël and every shop that was still open, though the lateness of the hour meant there weren’t many of those. Nobody had seen Ella, Molly or Bastien. As each visit led to another dead end Ashley dared to glance at Haydon’s darkening expression. She couldn’t tell whether he was set to cry or explode with rage and frustration and she didn’t know how she’d cope with any of those scenarios. For now he seemed to be holding it together, despite the increasing tension on his face.
Ashley made another brief call to her mum, who informed her that nobody there had managed to turn anything up either, though the consensus was that Molly was probably OK with Bastien as long as they hadn’t encountered any physical dangers. Nobody dared dwell on the fact that Ella was not in such a fortunate position.
‘She could be halfway to Dover for all we know.’ Haydon stared towards the harbour while Ashley ended the call.
‘We’ll find her,’ Ashley replied, though she wished her conviction could carry the same weight as her words. ‘She can’t have got that far.’
‘Everyone keeps saying that but if she hasn’t got far then why haven’t we found her? Half of Saint-Raphaël is out looking now and nobody’s found so much as a flip-flop. What if she’s got into trouble somewhere? What if she’s injured or stranded?’
Ashley chewed her lip. ‘Do you think it would be worth phoning your ex? I know you don’t want her to know about this but it might be that Ella has been in touch with her since she went off—’
‘Janine would have phoned me if that was the case. She’d have taken great pleasure in telling me just what a useless dad I am, and she’d be right.’
‘You’ve been dealt a tough hand, that’s all.’
‘Perhaps I don’t deserve to be dealt any hand at all. Two daughters and I haven’t done right by either of them.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘It’s true.’
‘You’re doing your best. It’s all any of us can do in the end.’
Ashley reached for his hand but he recoiled and the action sent a spike of regret and shame to her heart. She only wanted to reassure him in his hour of need, to offer some comfort, but his rejection showed that he was not in a place to forgive her for the events that had led to this moment. Perhaps he never would be now.
She fought the tears burning her eyes and tipped her face to the sky. If anyone was looking down right now, they had to hear her prayer, surely? She’d never asked for anything, had always strived to give of herself and never take, but she was asking now – begging – for one favour. Please let Ella be OK. Her mum was right – Molly had Bastien and together they’d stay safe. At least she had to believe that. But Ella…
She dragged a hand across her eyes and pulled herself up to her full height. For Haydon’s sake, she would be strong – strong enough for both of them.
‘I know Violette was going to phone them, but let’s go and find the police station,’ she said. ‘We won’t leave until somebody agrees to do something, regardless of what the official rules are. We’re tourists and they’ll want to help when they find out how young Ella is.’
‘Do you know where it is?’
‘No, but I’m sure it will come up on Google Maps. Give me a minute and I’ll figure it out.’
‘Thank you, Ashley. And I mean that.’
She looked up from her phone and gave him a wan smile. The sentiment was welcome but she didn’t think he meant it at all. Right now he was desperate and glad of help, regardless of the form it took. Right now he’d be showering his worst enemy with presents if he thought it would get Ella back, and she knew that because she’d have been doing the same if it had been Molly lost and alone.
‘Right,’ she said. ‘There seems to be more than one but I’m guessing one is like the coastguard because it mentions “maritime” in the name. Maybe this… the Police Municipale… maybe that’s the one.’
‘If it isn’t I’m sure they’ll direct us to the right place,’ Haydon replied in a flat voice. ‘I just hope someone speaks English when we get there.’
‘Of course they will,’ Ashley said, though she wasn’t so sure either. ‘If not we’ll get Maurice to come down.’
‘Perhaps we should get him to come down anyway? It makes sense.’
‘I suppose it does,’ Ashley said. ‘He’s had too much to drink to drive but we can call him and get him to walk down and meet us there.’
‘OK,’ Haydon said.
‘Will you try Janine?’
‘Maybe. Not until I absolutely have to.’
‘She’s going to find out about it sooner or later.’
‘I know, but I’d rather it be later. Preferably when Ella is back with me so it won’t seem like such a big deal as it does now.’
Ashley didn’t comment on the fact that she thought Haydon owed Janine the full picture as soon as possible – as a mother herself she’d hate to think something like this was going on without her knowledge. But it wasn’t her place to put him right and it certainly wasn’t the time. Instead she dialled Maurice’s number and briefly told him their plan, to which he readily agreed, telling her he was leaving the house even as she ended the call. She glanced at Haydon as he strode beside her, his face turned to the road ahead and his jaw set and resolute. He looked like someone with purpose, with a plan, but she knew that was all show. If he didn’t force himself to look like that he might just collapse sobbing on the roadside. She knew it because she felt exactly the same and it didn’t matter that Ella wasn’t her daughter.
‘Was Molly back at the villa when you phoned?’ Haydon asked, never moving his eyes from the horizon.
‘No.’
‘You’re worried about her?’
‘I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t, but it doesn’t seem right to say so. Like everyone says – she has Bastien with her.’
‘If you’re worried then you’re worried. It’s only natural – you’re her mum.’
‘I know, but…’
‘I’m sorry. That wasn’t what I meant. It’s hard for me to remember… I don’t really know her. You understand?’
‘You don’t feel like her dad?’
‘I don’t know what I feel, only that I don’t really know who she is. It’s going to take time.’
‘For all of us, I expect. Ella too.’
‘Perhaps Ella will need the most help dealing with it. She never asked for any of this.’
‘Neither did Molly.’
There was a pause. But Ashley never got to hear what his answer would be because her phone began to ring and, seeing it was her mum, she stabbed at the screen to take the call.
‘You have news?’
‘You’d better get back here,’ Sue said. ‘The police have just arrived.’