‘If she makes lamb again I’m going to hurl.’

Molly folded her arms tight across her chest and stared resolutely at the front door of her grandmother’s house. Ashley stood beside her, a bunch of flowers tucked into the crook of one arm and a bottle of wine in the other. She twisted to look at Molly, stifling a grin as they waited for the tinkle of the bell to be answered. Beyond the shelter of the porch the rain steadily pounded the garden, the skies heavy with the promise of much more.

‘It’s not funny, Mum!’ Molly growled.

‘I know it’s not – I’m not laughing. I’ve told her you’re off lamb so stop worrying. And even if I hadn’t she wouldn’t dare cook it again for you after last time.’

‘It’s gross – eating babies.’

‘She didn’t know you’d gone off it – you’ve always eaten it before.’

‘That was before I knew what it was she was serving up – I thought it was beef or something.’

‘I don’t know how on earth you could have thought it was beef.’

‘Nobody ever said it wasn’t.’

‘We didn’t know we had to. You never used to ask – you just ate it.’

Molly aimed a withering look at her mother. ‘Can you imagine what would happen if a restaurant just gave people mystery meat?’

‘Well,’ Ashley said, trying not to let Molly see her amusement, ‘now you know and Grandma knows and we all know where we stand, don’t we?’

‘I suppose Maurice’s family are going to be eating weird stuff too?’

‘When we go to visit?’

Molly nodded.

‘You don’t have to eat it just because it’s on the table. I’m sure there will be some things suitable for you.’

‘Bread, I expect.’

Ashley smiled. ‘More than bread.’ She nudged Molly. ‘Go on, admit that you’re a little bit excited about the thought of going on holiday, even if we are staying with Maurice’s family.’

Molly pursed her lips. But as Ashley nudged her again she broke into a grudging grin.

‘That’s more like it,’ Ashley said. ‘Grandma and Maurice will be thrilled when I tell them we can go and we might actually get to see a bit of summer, because we sure as heck aren’t seeing any here in England this year.’

Right on cue, the front door opened and Ashley’s mother, Sue, stood smiling before them.

‘Hello, you’re just in time!’ She leaned to kiss Ashley and Molly in turn, ushering them in. Ashley handed over the flowers and wine. Sue pretended to frown but took them anyway. ‘I’ve told you not to spend your money on us… we have plenty here.’

‘I’m not going to turn up empty-handed,’ Ashley said, taking her coat off and hanging it on a peg in the hallway as Molly did the same. ‘We’re eating your food so the least we can do is contribute a little something.’

‘Well, you needn’t have bothered. Maurice has a cellar full of wine – in fact, I’ll let you take some back with you when you go home.’

‘Honestly…’

‘Don’t argue – do what your mother tells you.’

Ashley laughed. ‘I can hardly argue with that, can I?’

As they entered the kitchen, Maurice greeted them both with kisses on the cheek, as Sue had, but whereas her greeting had been rather tentative and reserved, his demonstrated full-on Gallic enthusiasm, as befitted his French heritage. His cheeks were ruddy – which could have been from the steam and heat from the stove, or it could have been down to the fact that he’d been taking full advantage of his wine cellar as he cooked. Knowing Maurice as Ashley had grown to during the last ten years he’d been married to her mum, it would be a combination of the two.

‘Come, come!’ He waved them over to take a seat, tightening his apron as he turned to stir a sauce on the hob. ‘I hope you are hungry!’

‘It smells amazing.’ Ashley sat down next to Molly while Sue filled their glasses. From the direction of the open patio doors there came a sharp woof and the clatter of paws on laminate and Buddy the Labrador came skidding in, making a beeline for Molly. Her expression of delight quickly became one of disgust as she realised he was soaking wet from the rain outside.

‘Ugh!’ she squeaked, pushing him away. Which only made him jump and lick her all the more.

‘Buddy!’ Sue chided. ‘Shooo! Off to your bed!’

Buddy’s head went down and Ashley laughed. ‘Poor fella, he only wants a fuss.’

‘He can have one when he’s dry.’ Sue looked at Maurice with a frown. ‘I don’t know why you insisted on letting him out into the garden when it’s pouring down.’

Maurice shrugged. ‘He is an animal – he likes to be outside sometimes.’

‘Not when it’s raining and we have guests.’ She shut the door to the conservatory, leaving Buddy watching forlornly through the glass.

‘After dinner, Buddy,’ Ashley said, smiling at him. He whimpered before deciding that experience had taught him he wasn’t going to get a second chance to soak everyone and curling up to sleep in his basket instead.

‘I will take him some chicken,’ Maurice said. ‘It is his favourite.’

‘Garlic and rosemary?’ Ashley asked.

Maurice grinned. ‘But of course.’

‘Mum is so lucky to have a Frenchman around the house. I could put up with any amount of disparaging remarks about the English if it meant eating your meals every day.’

Maurice put a hand to his chest and feigned the deepest offence. ‘I would never disparage your wonderful countrymen.’ He grinned. ‘Some of my favourite people are English.’

‘Maybe occasionally?’

‘OK, maybe occasionally,’ he said, laughing. ‘But only when they deserve it.’

As Sue put plates out and Maurice began to bring the serving dishes filled with glistening veg, fragrant sauces and a plate of steaming chicken to the table, he turned his attention to Molly.

‘So, I hear you have had great success at the conservatoire? They have offered you a place, yes?’

Molly glanced at Ashley, clearly trying to gauge whether she was allowed to discuss this openly or not.

‘She has,’ Ashley said, speaking up for her daughter. ‘But not on a scholarship, sadly. There was only one she was eligible for, and it was won by another violinist.’

‘This is what your mother tells me. So, we need to find money?’

‘I don’t think it’s going to be that simple.’

‘Why not?’ Maurice sat down and waved his hands to indicate that everyone could help themselves to the food.

‘The fees are huge, but it’s not just about them. We’d have travelling costs because it’s not easy to get to. There’s the problem of getting Molly there when I might be on shift. And there’s the extras like equipment, money for educational trips, travel to concerts and performances – and they do a lot of those. We’d love to accept the offer of a place, of course, but…’

Molly put a hand on Ashley’s arm and gave a thin smile. ‘It’s alright, Mum. I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided that I’m going to take the place on the music course at the local college. It’ll be fun, and all my friends are going to be there, and there won’t be the stress of trying to keep up with a load of posh kids.’

‘This is what you want?’ Sue asked.

Molly nodded, a bit too enthusiastically for Ashley’s liking, and that needle of guilt for all the ways in which she felt she’d failed her daughter stabbed at her again.

‘Yes,’ Molly replied. ‘I didn’t realise just how posh it was going to be when I applied and I’ll probably hate it if I go. I can learn just as much at the local college on their music A level as I can at the conservatoire, and I can do it all for free. I’ll just do more violin work on my own to keep my skill level up.’

Sue and Maurice exchanged a look, and Ashley knew what they were thinking because she was thinking it too. Molly had no more changed her mind than Ashley’s bank balance had suddenly gained a ton of zeros. But it looked as if Molly had seen the situation for what it was and decided to work with the hand life had dealt her.

Ashley should have been relieved but it made her feel worse. If Molly had been spoilt and unreasonable and angry about it, somehow it would have been easier to deal with than this quiet, deflated acceptance. Molly had packed her dreams away, and as she looked at her, Ashley realised she’d seen the look on her face before. It was the same one she’d worn sixteen years before as she’d watched the lines on the pregnancy test turn blue. The gap year travelling the world she’d planned, the university education at the red-brick institution, the exciting future in some high-flying career working in Barcelona or Paris or Lisbon or somewhere equally as glamorous – she’d parcelled all those hopes and wishes up and sealed the box shut, and she’d got on with the business of raising her child.

‘If it’s just about the money—’ Sue began gently, but Molly shook her head.

‘It’s not, Grandma. It’s not that at all. I’m happy with my decision. Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking of even auditioning for that stupid conservatoire.’ She studied her plate as she piled vegetables onto it. ‘Anyway,’ she continued, not looking up to meet her grandmother’s gaze, ‘Mum has something she wants to tell you.’

‘Oh?’ Sue turned to Ashley now.

‘It’s nothing bad. Just that I managed to get the time off work next month. So we can go to France with you.’

Sue clapped her hands together in delight. It seemed all thoughts of money and conservatoires had been forgotten – or at least nudged aside for another time when emotions had cooled and they could discuss it properly.

‘Although,’ Ashley continued, glancing at the conservatory where Buddy lay in his bed. ‘Who’s going to look after Buddy if I’m away with you? Me and Moll always do it.’

‘Tia across the road says she’ll have him.’

‘Oh, won’t he be anxious with someone he doesn’t know?’

‘But he does know Tia. She’s been taking him for walks all week.’

Ashley tried not to frown. It seemed her mum had assumed Ashley was going to say yes to this holiday regardless – to the point where she’d even been training the neighbours to look after her beloved dog.

‘This is wonderful news!’ Maurice said, beaming. ‘My aunt Violette will be so happy to meet you!’

‘It’s probably about time,’ Ashley said. ‘As you’ve been married to Mum for ten years now and I’ve yet to meet any of your family in France.’

‘You will love it, I am sure,’ Maurice said. ‘Let us toast,’ he added, raising his glass and waiting for everyone to follow. ‘To a week with my favourite people in the beautiful paradise of Saint-Raphaël!’

When Janine opened the front door the most glorious smell wafted out. Haydon was barrelled back to Sunday dinners around their table – him and Janine and Ella tucking into roast beef and potatoes, gentle banter and laughter carried on the aromas of cooked meat that filled the air. They were simple pleasures but the happiest times. He shook his head, chasing away the desperate melancholy that would swallow him whole if he let it. That life was gone, and pining for it was not going to bring it back. It certainly wouldn’t endear him to Janine, and he wanted her onside more than ever.

‘Haydon…’ She opened the door to admit him. ‘How are you?’

‘Good,’ he said, stepping in and wiping the rain from his feet on the doormat before following her down the hall. ‘Something smells nice in here.’

‘It’s just beef – nothing special. We’re just about finishing up, but there’s a bit of everything left if you want some.’

He shook his head, and she turned to him with a questioning look.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I forgot those eyes in the back of your head aren’t actually a real thing.’

She laughed. ‘Even though you managed to convince Ella for about three years that it was.’

‘She’s never forgiven me for that…’

The kitchen was empty apart from a table full of leftovers and plates that needed stacking in the dishwasher.

‘Where is everyone?’ Haydon asked.

‘It sounded like something big when you phoned me. I asked Kevin to take Ella out on the fields for an hour.’

‘In this?’ Haydon looked at the window, streaked with fat raindrops, the tension churning his gut threatening to show in a fit of pique. ‘It’s a bit wet for a walk.’

‘She’s got a raincoat and wellies, and she wouldn’t be the first kid to get rained on. And I didn’t want any external influences.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘I didn’t want anyone else to influence any decision I might make about whatever it is you want to discuss with me. And I think I have a good idea what it is. I take it Ella has mentioned London to you?’

It looked as if the pleasantries were over. No offer of a plate of leftovers now, no making him a cup of tea and any potential ally safely out of the way. Janine had already made up her mind. She knew what the topic of discussion was likely to be and she’d already decided on her response – that much was clear.

‘Well, yes, but—’

‘And you’re here to complain?’

‘I don’t think reminding you that she’s my daughter too and that I should get a say in her life is being unreasonable.’

‘I’ve never forgotten that.’

‘So why wouldn’t you consult me first before you decided you were moving her to London?’

‘Because no decision has been made, so there didn’t seem any point.’

‘But you are thinking about it?’

‘You know I am if Ella’s been talking to you.’

‘So when would you have seen fit to mention it? When you were packing? As you got in the car to leave? As you unpacked in the new house?’

‘You’re being melodramatic.’

‘I’m asking for some respect. I’m Ella’s father, for God’s sake!’

‘And I’m her mother, currently the woman doing most of the childrearing.’

‘That’s not my fault!’

‘No, but it’s still the reality.’

Haydon let out a sigh and rubbed a hand through his hair. ‘Why does every discussion have to go around in circles?’

‘You think I’m being deliberately obstructive?’

‘Yes, I’m sorry, but I do.’

‘I wouldn’t march into your house and tell you what you could and couldn’t do—’

‘Whoa! This is not me telling you what you can do – this is about my daughter! I have as much right to decide her future as you do!’

‘Not according to the courts…’ Janine began to slam a stack of plates into the dishwasher.

‘The courts awarded you custody, but if it means another court battle—’

Janine wheeled around. ‘What the…?’

Haydon held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. ‘Hey, I’m not trying to start a war, but you must know that I’ll do whatever it takes to keep Ella near.’

‘Even if that means dragging her through the courts again? Even if that means making her life a misery just when she’s finally settled? Don’t you think that’s a little selfish?’

‘Don’t you think what you’re doing is a little selfish?’

‘You’re saying I can never move from this house?’

‘I’m saying you could have consulted me!’

‘Argh!’ Janine squealed. ‘Just remind me how irritating you can be – that’s going to change my mind about London!’

‘You said you hadn’t made up your mind!’

‘Haydon!’ Janine snapped. She drew in a breath and blew it out long. ‘Haydon…’ she repeated, her voice lower now. ‘Please understand that I am not trying to take Ella from you. All we want—’

‘All Kevin wants?’

‘All we want,’ Janine continued, ‘is what’s best for the family. This family. I know Ella is your daughter, but she’s part of Kevin’s life now too, and soon she’ll be his stepdaughter, and despite what you think he’s fond of her. He has her interests at heart – we both do – whenever we talk about the future. Think about it… think about the opportunities for her in London compared to here. For that reason alone a move to London makes sense in a thousand different ways. Would you deny her that?’

‘There are opportunities here.’

‘Not as many and tougher to make work, and you know it. London’s where it’s at.’

‘Depends what you want for her. Doesn’t she get a say? Didn’t we always agree we wouldn’t be pushy parents?’

‘You’re saying I’m a pushy parent?’

‘You’re starting to sound like one if I’m honest.’

Janine clamped her mouth shut and turned back to shoving plates into the dishwasher.

‘I’m sorry,’ Haydon said. ‘That was uncalled for.’

‘Damn right it was!’ Janine spun to face him again. ‘You can accuse me of many things, but that’s not one of them. I’m just saying that, whatever Ella decides she wants to do, the opportunities will be twice as many in London as anywhere else.’

‘And she wants to go?’

‘She doesn’t seem too flustered by the idea.’

‘Maybe she’s just trying to make you happy?’

‘That’s not fair. I’ve never put any pressure on her. There’s no reason for her to think she has to do anything to make me happy.’

‘Have you asked her if that’s the case? She’s been through a family break-up and we don’t know how it really affected her. On the outside she’s coped so well but…’ He let out a sigh. ‘Maybe she hasn’t coped with it the way we think she has. Just because she’s still smiling and not shoplifting or smashing up the school canteen doesn’t mean she hasn’t been affected by our divorce.’

‘Is this a guilt trip?’

‘No… maybe. But you know I’m right.’

‘So what would you have me do about it? I can’t tackle something I can’t see and when I ask if she’s OK she says yes. You’re saying that’s a reason not to make the move to London?’

‘I’m asking you to think about it – really think about it. Don’t rush into anything. If not for the sake of what we once had then for Ella’s sake. I don’t think that’s a huge ask, is it?’

Janine nodded stiffly. ‘I never intended to rush into anything, and I’m sorry if it seemed like that. One thing I would never do is jeopardise Ella’s happiness. I’ll talk to her properly before I make any big decisions, so if that’s what you’re most worried about you needn’t be.’

‘I suppose I’m scared of losing her.’

‘We’re both gradually losing her. It’s what growing up is all about.’

Haydon forced a thin smile. ‘I suppose you’re right.’

Janine slammed the dishwasher shut and turned to him with her hands on her hips. But, despite the body language, it was clear from her expression that her mood had softened.

‘Maybe you want to wait for Ella and Kevin to get back? Say hello?’

‘You don’t mind?’

‘It would be pretty mean-spirited of me if I did. You are her dad.’

‘And there was me thinking you meant saying hello to Kevin.’

A small smile tugged the corners of her lips. ‘You’re still not funny, you know that?’

‘Yeah, I know.’

‘You want a drink while we wait?’

‘Coffee would be good.’

As Janine reached for two mugs from the cupboard, Haydon allowed his gaze to roam the kitchen that had once been his. Very little had changed apart from a lick of paint, and if Haydon closed his eyes he could almost imagine the same of his life. But then he’d open them again and, although his surroundings were familiar, they were about the only part of his life that looked like a landscape he knew. The one thing about Janine he’d always been able to count on was her wisdom, even when they’d been at each other’s throats. Frustratingly, he had to admit that her take on life had always been infinitely wiser and more grounded than his. She’d blamed his musician’s temperament, and he’d accused her of having no imagination, but none of that changed the fact that invariably she turned out to be right about most things, and that most decisions she made ended up being the right ones. Including dumping him, he concluded wryly. She’d landed on her feet with Kevin – there was no two ways about it. And Ella had a standard of life now that she could never have hoped for had their family still been together under the same roof – holidays to long-haul destinations, pony-riding, lavish sleepovers for friends, as many theme-park visits as she had the energy for…

‘What’s Ella got planned for the end of July?’ he asked suddenly. Janine looked around from the kettle in mild surprise.

‘Got planned?’

‘I mean, are you guys planning to go on holiday or anything?’

‘We haven’t booked anything.’

‘So she’s free?’

‘I suppose so. At the moment, yes. Why?’

‘Can I take her on holiday?’

‘Where to?’

‘South of France. Just for a week.’

Janine gave a vague, uncertain shrug. ‘I’d need to clear with Kevin that he isn’t planning anything but… I guess it could be OK.’

‘Brilliant!’ Haydon said, and for the first time since he’d arrived a genuine smile lit his face. ‘That would be brilliant!’