They’d cleared the deck and set a course back to Saint-Raphaël, Ashley quiet and thoughtful and Haydon probably wondering whether he’d blown it as he threw her the odd, anxious glance. He hadn’t, not exactly, or if anything was blown then it had been a joint effort. Ashley wanted to communicate this to him but she didn’t have the words, so she said nothing at all.

As they walked back to their villas the teenagers chatted and laughed as if nothing had happened. Once or twice Molly or Ella would look back to check what Ashley and Haydon were doing and sometimes there would be an encouraging smile. Once Haydon had tried to reach for her hand but she’d moved it subtly out of range, even though she wanted nothing more than to feel his skin on hers. There was no telling who was out and about to see it, and she couldn’t risk this getting back to her mother before she’d had time to explain.

As for the other things she’d needed to air, the right opportunity was looking less likely to appear by the day, and the guilt over continually deceiving Haydon about the biggest and most important secret she could keep from him wasn’t helping her feel any more comfortable with his shows of affection. Even though it hadn’t been entirely her fault (and even she had to admit that), she knew she should have told him – before he’d told her how he felt, before that first kiss, before the kids had found out. She should have told him long before any of this, back when she’d first seen him again on the beach. Now it looked more hopeless than ever.

‘Will I still see you later?’ he asked in a low voice as Molly and Ella said their goodbyes at the field where their paths separated.

‘I need to do some things first,’ she said. ‘I don’t know.’

‘You’re unhappy? I’ve done something wrong? I’m sorry it got out of hand on the boat—’

‘It wasn’t your fault.’

‘But the kids finding out…’

‘If the kids hadn’t worked it out today they would have at some point.’

She gazed up into his eyes, searching for an answer in their depths. ‘I can trust you, can’t I? Please don’t break my heart again.’

He gave a thin smile. ‘So I broke your heart before?’

‘Didn’t you wonder why I was so shocked to see you again?’

‘Yes, but…’ He let out a dry chuckle.

‘What? How is this funny?’

He shook his head. ‘It’s not. I felt the same, that’s what’s funny. All these years I’d thought you weren’t interested in me beyond that one night… isn’t that crazy?’

She gave a small smile. ‘I suppose it is.’

‘Maybe now we can pick it up again? Maybe this is our opportunity? A few years late, I’ll admit, but there’s no reason why not, is there?’

‘I just need some time to get to grips with it. Is that OK?’

‘God, yes!’ he said, blowing out a long breath. ‘Anything you want!’

‘Thanks. I’ll text you later.’ Ashley called to Molly, ‘Finished there?’

Molly nodded and turned to walk towards her.

As Haydon and Ella left them, Sue emerged from the house. It was immaculate timing, and Ashley couldn’t help wondering if she’d been watching for them to return.

‘How was your day?’ she asked as they closed the gates to the garden behind them.

‘Amazing!’ Molly said. ‘The boat was so cool.’

Sue wrinkled her nose. ‘I thought cool wasn’t a cool thing to say any more…’ She raised her eyebrows. ‘At least that’s what you said when you told me to stop saying it.’

‘I can say it because it’s ironic when I say it.’ Molly grinned. ‘I’ll tell you about it later – just got to get changed…’ She turned and jogged after Bastien, who was already on the veranda waiting for her.

‘I think there might be a little holiday romance starting there,’ Ashley said in a low voice, tilting her head in their direction as Molly giggled at something Bastien had said.

‘Just as long as that’s the only one I need to know about,’ Sue said.

‘What does that mean?’

‘She’s not exactly distressed. I take it she still doesn’t know about Haydon?’

‘Of course not.’

‘But you were going to tell him today?’

‘Yes, but…’

‘You would have told her after.’

‘Not necessarily. It wasn’t exactly the time or place.’

‘I would have expected Haydon to say something then, considering he’d have a lot of making up to do.’

‘He’s not that reckless.’

‘How is it reckless for her to know that her dad has been sitting right in front of her all week?’

‘There’s a way to do these things, Mum…’ Ashley skirted around her and headed for the veranda. But then Sue’s voice halted her on the path.

‘You still haven’t told him, have you? Why not?’

‘Because the right moment just hasn’t presented itself.’

‘There’s never going to be a right moment. Is there something you’re not telling me? I have eyes, Ashley. Are you falling for him? Is that what’s going on here? Because if you are…’

Ashley turned to face her. ‘Would it matter?’

‘You are?’ Sue asked, her eyes wide.

‘That’s not what I said. I just want to know what difference it would make. I mean, surely it would be a good thing…’

‘He left you flat! Pregnant!’

‘He didn’t know.’

‘That’s because he disappeared.’

Ashley sighed. ‘It wasn’t his fault, Mum. The phone number he gave me was wrong. And I never gave him mine.’

Sue folded her arms. ‘The phone number was wrong? That was handy, wasn’t it? The fact remains that he used you, and you suffered the consequences of that.’

‘He didn’t use me – it wasn’t like that. He’s not like that…’

‘Dear God, you have fallen for him, haven’t you! Ashley—’

‘I’ll tell him,’ Ashley snapped. This was a conversation she didn’t need to have right now. She might have known her mother would work it out – she always did. ‘I’ll tell him and he’ll be so angry he’ll dump me – is that what you want?’

‘Don’t be so pathetic. Did I really raise you to be so needy? If he dumps you then he was never worth your affection.’

‘Maybe not, but I want it. If you think that’s needy then I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is.’

Sue stepped forward and pulled her into an embrace. ‘I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see you hurt again. Can you blame me for not trusting his motives? Are you quite sure he doesn’t just see an opportunity for an action replay of your holiday in Ibiza?’

Ashley pulled back and dragged a hand across her eyes. ‘We’ve both got kids in tow and mortgages we’ll have until we die – it’s hardly an action replay.’

‘You know what I mean. Be careful, that’s all I ask.’

‘I am, and I will be. And you’re right about everything – and I will tell him.’

‘It gives me no pleasure to be right about this and I know I can’t tell you what to do any more, but this is something that won’t just go away if you ignore it.’

‘I know.’

There was a pause. ‘Do you think Molly suspects anything?’ Sue asked.

Ashley shook her head. ‘Why would she?’

‘Because she’s a bright young girl who might well be doing the maths as we speak.’

‘How can she do any maths when she…’ Ashley frowned. ‘I know you told her that I knew Haydon from a previous holiday. What else did you tell her?’

‘Just that. But clearly she knows that you haven’t been on holiday without her and that you were just shy of nineteen when she was born, and she’ll have worked out that it was unlikely you would have gone abroad without me before you were eighteen, and she’ll know that a woman is pregnant for nine months and—’

Ashley held up a hand to stop her mum. ‘OK, I get your point. I just don’t think she’s considered it all that deeply.’

‘I wouldn’t bank on it, though – that’s all I’m saying.’

‘Please don’t tell her.’

‘It’s not my place. But I think you ought to give it some serious thought before she works it out herself. I wouldn’t like to be on the receiving end of that temper tantrum if she does and she figures out you knew all along.’

‘She won’t, and I will tell her. When I’ve told him.’

‘You’ve got two more days until you go home and tomorrow is going to be taken up with Violette’s party.’

‘I know,’ Ashley said, trying to curb the irritation in her voice. It wasn’t aimed at her mum, but at the situation as a whole. ‘You don’t have to tell me this because I bloody well know…’

‘So when are you going to do it?’

Ashley chewed on her lip, her gaze trained on the horizon where the sun was beginning to sink, burnishing the fields.

‘Tonight,’ she said. ‘For better or worse I’ll tell him tonight.’

---

Ashley looked at her phone. She could text Haydon right now and tell him everything, and then it would be done. Perhaps it was a cruel way to hear it but a damn sight easier for her. The bedroom was cool and the sheets smelt like fresh air as she lay on them, gazing up at the pits and divots of Madame Dupont’s old ceiling as the evening shadows moved across it, a soft breeze bringing the scent of jasmine through the open window. She’d claimed a headache and escaped a family dinner that was too noisy and hectic. She could hear Molly now, laughing, and Bastien’s voice raised as he spoke in English above the rabble of everyone else’s French. There was definitely something starting between those two; maybe it had even started already. But what could Ashley do about it? She’d had the birds and bees talk with Molly a couple of years before and, given her own current predicament, there was an undeniable irony in trying to lecture Molly on the dangers of teenage sex. Besides, Molly had always been blessed with a good deal more common sense than Ashley ever had and she’d be careful if she did anything. Plus, at least they knew where to find Bastien if the worst came to the worst, though Ashley tried not to dwell on the possibility of such an outcome.

Just as she’d dismissed the idea of a text to Haydon as pretty much the worst one she’d ever had, her phone bleeped. It was him – of course it was.

Ashley rested the phone on her chest and stared up at the ceiling again. It wouldn’t be impossible to get away if she really wanted to. Her mother would have said she was simply delaying the inevitable, and she’d be right. Seeing him tonight was simultaneously the thing she wanted most and yet least in the world right now and she’d never been more confused and conflicted. Her phone bleeped again.

Ashley let out a sigh. For better or for worse, she’d promised Sue. For better or for worse she’d come clean. But now that she was faced with the task, it didn’t seem quite so easy.

A light tap at the door made her sit up.

‘You can come in – I’m decent.’

Maurice poked his head around the door with a concerned smile. ‘How do you feel?’

‘I’m alright.’

‘Too much sun perhaps? Out at sea?’

Ashley nodded.

‘May I come in?’

‘Of course. I’m really OK, though, so you needn’t worry.’

‘I am not sure that’s true.’

‘Nothing the aspirin I just took won’t fix.’

‘Sometimes,’ he began, taking a seat on the end of her bed, ‘it’s easier to talk to someone who isn’t so close to you that their judgement can be clouded by their feelings.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I can’t help thinking that something is troubling you, and I wonder if you want to talk about it. My ears exist for your use if you need them.’

‘Thanks,’ Ashley said, and she couldn’t help a smile at his turn of phrase. He’d always had a lovely, quirky way with words. Perhaps it was because English wasn’t his first language and so he didn’t get caught up in all the clichés that native speakers dropped into so easily.

‘I know that sometimes your mother cares too much and it can be hard to tell her things,’ he continued.

‘You know her well enough alright. It’s not her fault.’

‘It’s not. So, can I be of service?’

Ashley paused. It was a nice thought, unburdening some of this on Maurice, who would listen without judging and who she’d always got on with because they were weirdly similar in so many ways. And if she asked him for discretion it would be guaranteed. But it would put him in an awkward position when it came to her mother and to Molly and she wouldn’t wish that on him.

‘There’s really nothing to tell,’ she said. ‘But I appreciate the offer.’

He nodded. ‘Perhaps you will join us for a little wine?’

‘Maybe later. In fact…’ She swung her legs over the side of the bed. ‘I might go for a walk first – get some air and a little peace and quiet. Will it be OK if Molly stays here with you? In fact, could you cover for me and not mention to anyone I’ve gone off? I could do with being alone.’

If Maurice was surprised by her request he didn’t show it. ‘If it will help with this problem that doesn’t exist,’ he said, inclining his head with a wry smile, ‘then I will play my part.’

‘Thanks, Maurice, you’re one in a million.’

‘You will go now?’

‘If I go now I can be back before anyone misses me.’

‘We will always miss you when you’re not there,’ he said, getting up and turning for the door.

‘Charmer.’ Ashley smiled. ‘No wonder Mum fell for you.’

He threw her a last grin before leaving her to pull her shoes on.

‘I’m definitely sunburnt.’ Ella pulled the sleeve of her T-shirt up to reveal red shoulders. ‘It stings.’

‘I’m sure it does,’ Haydon said, pursing his lips and frowning. ‘You topped up your sun cream like I said?’

‘You saw me,’ Ella pouted. ‘Well, you would have done if you weren’t making eyes at Ashley all day.’

‘I wasn’t making eyes at Ashley! Anyway, how old are you – ninety? Nobody makes eyes at people any more. I thought I was the old codger here.’

‘Kevin says it.’

‘Figures.’

‘You don’t like Kevin at all, do you?’

‘Of course I do. It’s just…’

‘Mum would like Ashley and it’s just the same.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Because she wants you to have a girlfriend.’

To lessen her guilt for walking out on him, perhaps, but Haydon knew better than to say it in front of Ella. Instead, he looked at his phone. Ashley had said she would come over, but he didn’t know when. Ella should have been in bed by now, and on any other night she would have been. But for some reason tonight she just wouldn’t settle and kept sneaking out of her room to join him on the veranda.

‘That doesn’t mean she’d automatically like my choice of girlfriend. Do you like everyone in your class?’

‘No.’

‘It’s just the same. There’s no reason you don’t like some of them, but you don’t anyway.’

‘I know that. It’s not the same. Mum would like Ashley because… I can just tell.’

‘Well that’s great, but don’t you think we ought to continue this conversation in the morning? It’s your last full day here tomorrow and you don’t want to spend it rotting in bed because you had a late night.’

‘You’re still up. Besides, I can get up if I need to.’

‘I’m up because I will be able to get up if I need to. You say you can but then you’re like a dead dog and lie in until noon.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Do.’

‘Daaaaaaddddd…’

‘You know I’m right.’

‘I can’t sleep yet.’

‘Why not?’

She shrugged. ‘I feel weird.’

‘You are weird.’

‘Not like that.’

‘What then?’

‘I don’t know… funny.’

‘You’re sick?’

‘I don’t think so.’

‘Sad then? Worried about something?’

Ella sighed. ‘I just don’t know. I can’t explain it.’

Haydon patted his lap. ‘Come here and give your dad a cuddle.’ As she crossed over and snuggled into his knee, he rested his chin on her shoulder. ‘I used to be able to rest my chin on the top of your head. You’re too tall now – can you please stop growing?’

‘I can’t help it. I wish I could fit on your knee like I used to.’

‘You feel like everything is changing too fast?’ he asked. ‘You feel like your life is moving quicker than you can keep up with and nothing looks the same as it used to? Mum’s got Kevin and I’m starting to date again, you might move to London, and you can’t fit on my lap the way you used to. Let me tell you, kiddo – those feelings don’t ever go away, even when you’re a grown-up. But you do learn that they’re a normal part of life and that no matter how odd and new everything seems at first it usually has a way of settling down – for a while at least. It’s been like that for me too and at first I hated it, but I think I can see the end in sight and it looks pretty good.’

‘You mean with Ashley?’

‘I mean with everyone. You’re going to London and life will be amazing for you there. At first I hated the idea, but I see now that things will be weird and maybe more difficult for a while but I have to let you go.’

‘Even if it’s with Kevin?’

‘Even with Kevin. He seems like a good bloke and as long as he treats you and your mum well I can hardly complain. Just don’t forget me.’

‘As if! I suppose if you marry Ashley you’ll have Molly when I’m in London.’

‘Blimey, nobody’s mentioned weddings yet! And Molly is great but she isn’t you.’

‘She’d be your daughter,’ Ella said, and Haydon couldn’t help but detect a hint of reproach in her voice. Was she struggling with the idea? A development like that was a world away right now, yet her uncertainty was plain. She liked Molly now, but he supposed seeing Molly take her place in his affections – or at least it seeming that way – might quickly sour that friendship.

‘You are my daughter, no matter who or what else happens. Always.’

Ella wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. ‘And you’re my dad, no matter how many presents Kevin buys for me.’

Haydon grinned. ‘We’ll put that to the test when he gets you a MacBook.’

‘He could buy me ten MacBooks and I wouldn’t care.’

‘Who even needs ten MacBooks?’

‘You know what I mean,’ Ella said, laughing.

‘I do. And it makes me happier than I can tell you.’

Ella was silent for a moment. Then: ‘Everything was changing so fast it was making you feel scared and weird. That’s why you hated Kevin and you didn’t want me to move to London? That’s how come you knew exactly what was wrong with me today?’

‘You must get your wisdom from your mum, because yes, you’re right, and I hadn’t really figured it out myself until just now.’

‘It’s going to be OK, Dad.’

‘I know that now. But thanks for saying it.’ He glanced at his watch, and then to the phone sitting on the table beside them, its screen dark. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to get to bed now?’

‘Will you come to bed soon?’

‘I’m only going to be just out here.’

‘I know, but I feel better if you’re in the room next to me.’

‘In case the bogie bogeyman comes out?’

Ella rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t make fun of me…’

‘I’m not, I’m sorry. I’m just not tired yet.’

‘Can I stay up with you out here then? Just a little longer?’

Haydon bit back a sigh of frustration. Of course he wanted Ella to feel secure and happy but he’d also been bursting with anticipation at the thought of a few hours alone with Ashley.

‘A little longer,’ he said. ‘That’s fine.’

‘Because we probably won’t do this ever again,’ she said. ‘Next year we might not be able to go on holiday, just you and me.’

‘And you definitely won’t fit on my lap next year. I’ll probably have to sit on yours.’

‘But we won’t. Will we?’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘I know, I just feel it. Everything is going to change and it won’t ever be like this again.’

‘Even if we don’t go on holiday again we’ll always have this one, won’t we? And it’s been pretty amazing.’

‘Yeah,’ she said, nuzzling into his shoulder. ‘The best.’

Ashley was walking across the field that separated the two villas when her phone bleeped to tell her she had a text message.

Ashley frowned as she read it again. Seriously? This afternoon he was all over her and now he couldn’t see her?

Ashley let out a sigh. What could she say to that? It was what any perfectly decent dad would do and yet the idea made her bristle. And she couldn’t fight off the nagging suspicion that he was lying to her to cover up an assignation with that other woman he’d been seeing… Audrey or whatever her name was. She tried to shake the notion. Surely he wouldn’t be that blatant and cruel? But right now she needed to see him, and she needed to get the secret off her chest that became heavier with each day she held it there.

She tapped her phone on the palm of her hand for a moment. Perhaps she could get Ella invited to the party? As Molly’s guest? That would leave Haydon free for her to talk to.

Letting out a sigh she sent back a single kiss. She was missing him too and she wanted nothing more than to lie in his arms and feel his lips on hers, but there was this thing, this huge thing between them, and it had to be dealt with before she could even think about any of that. And that was assuming he’d be OK with it. He’d be shocked, that was for sure, and they’d have to do a lot of talking.

She tapped the phone on her hand again. The idea of texting him and telling him the truth about Molly was more appealing by the second. At least she wouldn’t be sleeping with it for another night. But it was a terrible way to break news like that and she needed to be there when he heard it. Quickly she decided to stick with her original plan. Somehow, she’d have to get Ella invited to the party and catch Haydon while she was busy.