There was a light tap on my shoulder, but I rolled away from it.

“No. Five more minutes.”

The tap came again and I reluctantly opened my eyes to see Joker standing at the side of my bed. He brought his hand up and tapped it against his lips.

Food.

I’d been so tired after cleaning and cooking, that I left the men to it and came upstairs to crash. I couldn’t even think about food after the things that I’d encountered in their rooms.

I rubbed my eyes and pushed myself up into a sitting position. There was still enough early evening light coming in that I didn’t need to turn on a lamp. Joker smiled pleasantly at me before bending down to retrieve a small tray containing a cup of broth and some crackers.

I must’ve been moving up in the world if Charm was allowing me to have crackers. I held my hand to my mouth and brought it down to the open palm of my other hand, thanking him for bringing it up to me.

He set the tray down and shook his head before signing ‘thank you’ to me. Sensing my confusion. He held his left hand up and quickly swiped his right hand across it three times.

Cleaning.

He was thanking me for cleaning.

I wanted to hug him in that moment—never mind that I’d come very close to being violently ill while cleaning his room. His face reflected nothing but gratitude and it touched me.

His eyes moved down and widened in alarm and I followed his gaze, realizing that my stitches must’ve reopened at some point while I was sleeping. Blood soaked through my shirt and into the sheets.

Joker held his hand up and ran out before I could convince him that I was okay, returning with Doc a few moments later.

“Let’s see what’s happened.” He removed the bandages and cursed. “I told him it was too much for you.”

I placed my hand on his arm. “I’m peachy. I can handle it.”

Joker shook his head and left the room again. This time he came back with Charm in tow. I groaned and placed my head in my hands. “I said I was okay.”

Doc pressed against my side and I yelped. “Yeah, you sound like you’re well on your way to being fully recovered, Neve.”

Charm moved around the bed and leaned over Doc’s shoulder to get a better look, leaving me feeling extremely exposed with him standing inches away, breathing on me.

Doc pointed down at something. “See that? The stitches tore away. And this is worrying.” He dug his finger in again and I bit down on my lip to keep from crying out.

Charm reached out and touched the skin around the wound. “It’s infected.”

I took a deep breath. “I—I’m perfectly fine. I just need to sleep and I’ll be good as new by tomorrow.”

Both men gave me incredulous looks as Joker shook his head near the foot of the bed, obviously in agreement with them.

“Neve, your body isn’t healing as well as it should. I’d like to take you downstairs and get you started on some IV antibiotics…drain it and then stitch everything back up.”

I tried to sit up, but Charm pushed my shoulders back down on the bed. “Will I have to be tied down again? I don’t want to stay down there. Please.” He couldn’t know, but being down in the basement alone wasn’t exactly high up on my list of experiences to repeat.

One night I’d dreamt that Clint came through the door. I’d woken up with my throat on fire, half convinced that I’d been choked again. My body shuddered at the memory.

Charm looked over at Doc. “Why don’t we bring it up here. She’s obviously not in any shape to make the trip downstairs again.”

Doc nodded and looked over at Joker. “Can you help me get what I need?” Joker nodded happily and gave me a thumb’s up on his way out.

Once the men left, Charm looked back down at me. “Is there anyone you need to get in touch with?”

I thought about it. The cell phone I had before coming here only worked when we’d paid the internet bill. It didn’t have a data plan or anything; just wi-fi only. Even if I did have it, there was no one. No one who would miss my presence—no one who would worry over my disappearance.

I laughed weakly, shaking off the negative thoughts. “It’s just a little infection. I’m not dying, man.”

Charm’s jaw ticked and he held my gaze for a moment longer than necessary. “Then you shouldn’t have any trouble holding up your end of the bargain.”

He looked like he wanted to say more, but instead, stalked out of the room.

I sighed and leaned back against the pillows. I probably should’ve milked this long enough to get out of cooking and cleaning—at least for tomorrow, but there was something about Charm.

I knew he expected me to fail—to relapse and ruin everything. Something about knowing that made me want to prove him wrong.

I wanted him to have to eat his words.

I needed him to...because I didn’t have a plan B. This had to work out until I could figure out what to do with my life.

Obviously, going back to Clint was not an option. And my parents...I couldn’t think about that right now.

I was going to have to make this biker my friend.

End of story.

I woke with a start, my body coated in a fine sheen of sweat and I couldn’t tell if it was the sound of motorcycles or the nightmare that had pulled me back to consciousness. I lay still and listened as the rumble from the bikes gradually faded into white noise.

I wanted to go back to sleep, but my mind was restless.

I couldn’t stay cooped up in this room, regardless of what Doc recommended. The IV tubing ran from my hand up to an almost empty bag. Trying not to cause any damage, I pulled off the tape and gently removed the needle, before slipping out of bed.

I pulled on the sweatshirt that Charm had loaned me the day before and my shoes before creeping silently down the hallway. I felt like a felon breaking out of prison, alternating between elation to be out of my room and an intense fear of being discovered.

Once outside, I leaned against the side of the lodge and breathed a sigh of relief. The crickets chirped, but otherwise, everything remained still. I realized three steps into my journey that I didn’t have a flashlight or any way of knowing if I was headed in the correct direction. 

I kept picturing myself reaching the stone ledge and walking right off of it because I was flying blind.

Just in case, I kept my hands outstretched in front of me as I continued taking cautious steps forward. Just when I was convinced that I was going in the wrong direction, I saw a small light glowing up ahead. I took another couple of steps forward and the light swung around in my direction. It was the glowing ember from a cigarette. I tried to back away, but the person moved too quickly.

“Running away already?”

I didn’t recognize the voice, but refused to cower. I held my chin high, even though I knew that he couldn’t see me. “I needed some fresh air.”

The ember bobbed up and down as the man nodded. “Get that way sometimes myself. Twitch.” A hand bumped mine and I instinctively shook it.

“Neve.”

“Heard a lot about you—got Charm all twisted, that’s for sure.” He laughed as he said it, even as I cringed. I guess it was no secret that their Prez was not a big fan of mine.

I sighed. “Yeah. In my defense, I never asked to be rescued though.”

Twitch laughed again before blowing out a ring of smoke that was just becoming visible in the early morning light. “You’re alright with me, kid.” He gestured back toward the ledge. “Care to sit?”

I was going to decline when I realized that I had nowhere else to go. “Sure.”

He took my hand and led me up onto the rock where we sat quietly, waiting on the sun to make an appearance.

“Do you come out here often?”

He took another slow drag before replying. “Every once in a while. Seeing the sun rise—it’s a nice reminder.”

The sky lightened a little more and I could see that his hands were trembling. I pressed. “A reminder of what?”

He looked out over the ledge. “That you made it. You get another chance—a chance to do things right.”

I was taken aback. His response was unexpected, to say the least. “You’ve made a lot of mistakes?”

Twitch stubbed the cigarette out on the sole of his boot before tossing it into a small metal bucket near the corner of the ledge. He caught my stare. “Fires. If you’re gonna light up, make sure to throw the butts into one of these metal bins or else the whole fucking forest’ll go up.”

I nodded and waited for him to elaborate on his cryptic ‘second chance’ message, while also appreciating his Smokey Bear mindset. He went back to staring off into the distance though, so I cleared my throat. “Um, have you made a lot of mistakes?”

He blinked and then looked back over, as if just remembering I was still here. “Kid, you and me? We’re cut from the same cloth. The greatest enemy we’ll ever face is ourselves—” He stopped talking and eyed me closer before amending, “Well, most of the time our greatest enemy is staring at us in the mirror.”

It hit too close to home, leaving me defensive. “How are we the same?”

He gestured between us. “Kid, a user can spot another user from a mile away. It’s like a fucking neon sign flashing over your head.”

I mulled over his words while chewing on my lower lip. To be honest, his words stung a bit. I knew that I hadn’t even been sober a full week, but I really felt like I already looked different—healthier.

Twitch reached over and patted my hand gently. “Don’t take it personally, kid. I’ve fallen off the wagon more times than I can count. What matters is that I’ve woken up the morning after, watched the sunrise, and got my ass back on it.”

I shook my head confidently, even as my teeth continued to work on my lip. “I’m not going to fall off. That’s not an option for me.”

He laughed so hard that he had to lean over and clutch his thighs. “That’s a good one, kid. Jesus, you almost had me goin’ for a second there. I hope, for your sake, that you’re right. You better be prepared for when the shit hits the fan though.”

I shook my head again, and reiterated, this time with a little more anger. “No. I refuse to fail. He’s expecting that. I’m going to prove him…and you wrong.”

He pulled the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit up another one before offering the pack to me. I shook my head and he took a couple of drags before responding. “Who’s expecting you to fail? And what was your poison? That’s telling, you know.”

I pulled the sleeves of the sweatshirt down until they covered my hands, stalling. I hadn’t meant to tell him about my plan to prove Charm wrong. “Uh…it was coke.”

He nodded slowly. “And the man expecting you to fail?”

“Charm. He doesn’t want me here, but I don’t have anywhere else to go. I have to make this work. My boyf—well, ex-boyfriend tried to kill me and my parents are—” My words were cut off by a strangled sob and it took me a minute to regain my composure. “I—I need this to work.”

The sun began to rise and conversation between the two of us stopped momentarily. I focused all of my energy on the pink and purple sky; closing my eyes briefly as the sun crested, blinding me.

Twitch took my hand in his and my eyes fluttered open. “Have you taken the time to work through those emotions while sober, kid?”

I blinked against the tears and looked away, but he persisted. “If you’re set on proving the asshole wrong and not relapsing, you need to take the time to properly grieve your dead. Work through the shit, so you can move on.”

He was right.

I knew it.

I just couldn’t bear to think of that night.