One week later…
I waited until the last of the motorcycles faded from view. They were gone for the day, leaving me to complete my chores in peace. My side appeared to be healing the way Doc wanted and I’d been given the okay to resume cooking and cleaning.
Charm always left two prospects behind to guard the clubhouse while also watching me closely, as if I was in any sort of shape to run away. Axel was nice enough; the other guy hadn’t spoken a word to me since I arrived and responded to any of my questions with grunts.
Once I was sure that the two of them were preoccupied with biker things, I pulled my hair back into a high ponytail and threw on what was quickly becoming my favorite outfit— Charm’s sweatshirt and a pair of black sweatpants. I couldn’t seem to stay warm even though it was the middle of July. I just didn’t have enough body-fat, no matter how much broth and Ensure I drank.
Doc had assured me that I would put weight back on in time; I’d just been hopeful that it would’ve been a faster process.
I hurriedly cleaned the rooms, finding that I didn’t need to pause for breaks as often. As often—meaning that these men were surprisingly still capable of destroying bedrooms and bathrooms in less than twenty-four hours.
Amongst the mound of tissues on the dresser in PD’s room, were several condom wrappers and I stared in confusion at them for far longer than was necessary.
“There are no women here!” I exclaimed with a small giggle. “But, at least we’re all practicing safe sex.”
I had to be losing my head. Charm had specifically stated that they weren’t that kind of club, hadn’t he?
Did the whores just show up on specific nights?
I tried not to dwell on the fact that I would’ve heard someone having sex from down the hall and pushed on until I got to Charm’s room.
I’d sworn I wouldn’t look again, but after a cursory sweep with the duster, I found myself digging through the top drawer of his nightstand and sinking down to the carpet, needing answers.
Matt’s old man broke his arm today. Then, he took him out to one of the cabins back in the woods and left him there. Said he could come back when he learned how to use his voice, like a man. Us kids were told to not even think about helping him get food or water either.
She came to me in the middle of the night, shining a small flashlight in my face. “We can’t leave him to die out there. You and I both know that he ain’t ever gonna be able to talk.”
I tried to tell her all the reasons we couldn’t when she said, “Please. We already lost Bones. I can’t lose Matty too.”
I hadn’t been able to tell her about what really happened to Bones. Instead, I told her that he got off his rope and ran away. She still looked for him every day and often sighed that she hoped someone nice had found him.
I knew she was right, so we waited until the bikers left the next day before hitching a ride into town for supplies. As usual, the other guys caught up with us when they figured out our plan. She disappeared while we snagged food and water, but showed back up when it was time to leave.
By the time we got out to him, Matt was rocking in a corner, his broken arm clutched to his chest. Sweat ran down his face even though the room was freezing. Vic felt his head and nodded. “He’s got a fever—probably from infection. I’m going to have to reset the bones.”
Most kids wouldn’t have known the first thing about fixing broken bones. Most kids weren’t us though.
Vic set it while AJ and I held him down.
If ever there was a time for Matt to speak, it would’ve been now. His mouth fell open and he tried to fight us, but no sound came out. I knew then that it wasn’t a matter of him not wanting to talk. His voice just didn’t work. Eventually, he passed out from the pain and Vic got it done.
Rocky showed up with a syringe and proceeded to inject antibiotics into him after disinfecting the skin around his hip. “What? I’ve seen my ma shoot up hundreds of times,” he’d explained as we all stared at him in awe.
Vic stepped back and looked Matt over. “I wrapped it the best I could, but his arm isn’t going to be perfect. He went too long with it broken.”
Bobby and Billy carried him over to an old bed in the corner and wrapped him in blankets. I thought we were ready to leave him for a little while when she went over and sat next to him, patting his hair until his eyes opened.
“Matty, I got us another book at the library. You wanna read it with me?”
He nodded, but winced when he tried to move. We could’ve stolen pain medicine, but they would’ve found us out for sure then. She climbed under the blankets and opened to the first page.
“Today, we’re going to do an easy one. Thank you.” She put one hand up to her mouth and then down to rest on the palm of her other hand. “Now, don’t use your bad arm. Just do what you can.”
He did exactly as she showed him as we all stood along the wall like some dummies. She’d been teaching him sign language. While we’d all been fine with messages scribbled in the dirt or written on scraps of paper, she’d wanted him to communicate with us.
“Now, don’t y’all go running off. I’m gonna teach you next.”
It was stupid, but I wanted to do whatever she needed. She kept us all together and made things seem okay.
I brought my hand to my mouth to stifle my sobs. While I was still no closer to finding out the woman’s identity, I now knew one of the men’s identities.
Joker was Matt—it had to be. I wasn’t sure how I’d missed it before. I’d wondered how someone who lived like he did had learned sign language. It was the elusive she.
If she and the woman in the picture were one and the same, I couldn’t imagine Charm ever letting her go. He was gone a lot, sometimes on his own. It wasn’t too far-fetched to think that he would’ve gotten her away from the club.
I was also grateful that he hadn’t made me stay out in one of those cabins.
I wouldn’t have lasted a night.
“Neve!” The prospect, Axel, called up the stairs. “Are you finished cleaning yet?”
I slid the book back under the papers and straightened up just as he came into the room.
“Hey, I just finished. What’s next on the agenda?” My heart beat wildly in my chest, leaving me lightheaded from the exertion.
He gave me an odd look. “Uh, I’m just supposed to make sure you don’t get into trouble.”
Right.
I knew that. I dutifully followed him back downstairs, doing my best to push away thoughts of little boys with broken arms.
What in the hell was wrong with me?
When Charm hadn’t shown for dinner, I’d casually asked if I should save a plate for him. Doc informed me that he’d left on club business and that should’ve been the end of it.
Except it wasn’t.
I’d tried to fall asleep. I’d counted sheep…motorcycles…you name it. It didn’t work. My mind had existed in this limbo of using and trying to quit that it hadn’t considered much else in quite some time. There’d been nothing to challenge it, until Charm’s journal.
As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I needed the identity of mystery girl almost as much as I needed my next breath.
To what end, I still didn’t know.
So, instead of fighting it, I picked the lock on Charm’s bedroom door—a little something I’d learned from Clint—and snatched the book before heading downstairs. The place was quiet; once again, nothing like what a motorcycle club should be.
I passed by the large stone fireplace, wanting nothing more than to curl up beside it, but the chances of being caught were too high. Instead, I went into Charm’s study and turned on the small desk lamp before sinking into his chair, the book cradled in my hands reverently.
I skipped ahead to where they were older.
I’d gone in there ready to throw her ass to the wolves, but then she looked up at me with those damn doe eyes and every ounce of determination fell away.
“Look at you, my knight in shining armor.” Her eyes sparkled with amusement. It was the first bit of life I’d seen from her in longer than I could remember.
I blew on the soup and pressed another spoonful to her lips. “Just drink this. It’ll help calm your stomach.” She’d been vomiting more frequently and I knew it wasn’t some fluke. I’d let her keep her secret for a little while longer though.
I wanted to be excited, but given the circumstances, wary hope was all I could manage. Six months ago, I would’ve been over the moon. Now, I was just scared. For all of us.
She reached up and cupped my face in her hand. “Why are you so good? Look at me, I’m a mess.” When she smiled, the skin stretched tight over the bones in her face, further revealing how much weight she’d lost over the past few months.
She’d become a walking skeleton.
I brushed her thin hair back and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “You’re not a mess. You’re perfect. You just need to eat a little more and then you’ll be back to your old self.”
She gave me another weak smile. “I think I’m starting to feel better already.”
She wasn’t.
I stopped when the lines began to blur from my tears.
She’d gotten sick—she’d also been pregnant. He hadn’t come right out and said it, but it had been hinted at pretty strongly. Maybe she’d just had morning sickness—but, that didn’t explain the weight loss and thinning hair.
And Charm had fed her broth…just like me. He’d even said something similar about it being easier on the stomach. At the time, I’d struggled to make sense of it. Now, I was just struggling to cope with the fact that his story might not have ended well; which devastated me.
I needed a happily ever after—I’d let mine slip away years ago and all but given up on anything working in my favor, but I’d wanted to believe that she and Charm had made it work.
Had he not only lost her, but his child as well?
Tears fell faster at the thought and I struggled to capture them all on the sleeves of my sweatshirt. Heavy bootsteps from the hallway had me shoving the book into the large front pocket of my shirt before feigning sleep. I worked to make my breaths slow and even as I heard the faint creak from the door opening.
“Neve?”
I made a show of blinking my eyes before looking around the room in confusion. “Charm? Where am I?”
He scratched at his chin, the suspicion never leaving his face. “You’re in my office. Care to tell me why?”
I had no excuse and sleepwalking seemed a little too out there to be believable. I settled for a version of the truth instead. “I couldn’t sleep. I thought I’d look around for something to read.”
I decided to get up before he had the opportunity to think of any other questions regarding my nocturnal activities.
“Stay.” He pointed at the chair and I reluctantly sat back down. “Were you crying?”
I shook my head. “No…must be something in the air that’s irritating my eyes. Did you know that mold spores and grass allergies are high during the warm summer months? It’s true. In the spring, you have trees pollinating, but that tends to lessen in the—”
Charm’s eyes widened and he shook his head slowly, as if doing a double take. I tended to have that effect on people when I started one of my longwinded stories.
“What do you like to read?”
I opened my mouth to answer when I realized that I had no idea anymore. I settled for, “I read a lot of books on pathophysiology and neuroscience in school. I have to admit that I haven’t read for pleasure in years though.”
His face twisted up. “You read what now?”
I laughed. “C’mon, surely you’re familiar with neuroscience?” At his blank expression, I elaborated, “The study of the brain? Pathophysiology is just the study of abnormalities associated with various diseases. It sounds lame, but to me it’s fascinating.”
A hint of pain flashed in his eyes and he stared down at the hardwood floor as I realized my mistake. I’d said diseases and unwittingly dredged up memories of his sick wife.
Charm finally looked up at me again. “That’s some pretty highbrow reading material for a junkie. You sure you wouldn’t prefer a book on the history of cocaine?”
His words were like a slap to the face and I angrily retorted, “You sure you wouldn’t like a how-to manual for removing the stick that’s wedged up your ass?”
I clapped a hand to my mouth, but the damage was done.
Instead of stalking from the room or knocking me on my ass, Charm laughed. It was more frightening than the grim expression he normally wore. I didn’t know if that laugh meant he found it funny or if he was amusedly thinking of ways to kill me.
Suddenly he stopped and I sat up straighter in the chair, silently awaiting my fate.
“Fair enough,” he drawled. “Why don’t you head upstairs and try to get some sleep, Neve. It’s late.”
I scurried around him and up to my room before he could change his mind. It wasn’t until the pain in my side lessened and my breathing evened out again that I remembered I still had the journal and no way of getting it back into his room tonight.