It feels like a waking dream. A daze surrounds him, he feels unsteady on his feet, and his limbs feel light and tingling. His heart flutters in his chest, unable to find a steady tempo. As he sits down at his desk, afraid his legs will give out beneath him. One hand lightly traces along his lips. He swears he can still feel the ghost of warmth from Jake's kiss.

His kiss.

Holy shit, Jake kissed him. Several times? Oh man, it was several times. And this morning— Oh god. They— they got each other off. They showered together. He not only saw Jake naked, but he touched him, washed him, and pressed his body against him.

Kyle's hand slides down from his lips, gripping the front of his shirt as his breath comes short. It still feels like a dream, but it's settling into his gut that it was real. It just seems so impossible and surreal. Jake likes him? Jake actually wanted to— wants to— touch him? Wants to take him out on a date?

He must've stepped into some sort of alternate universe where things are topsy turvy because this is just too strange.

Still, he can't say he didn't enjoy it, or that he won't continue to enjoy it. So he might as well let himself enjoy it, right?

He sighs, long and shaky, body deflating as he turns to face his desk. He just needs a distraction, that's all. Something to keep himself from dwelling on this and all the things that could go wrong before he works himself up into an anxiety attack. If that happens, he'll no doubt get too overwhelmed with doubts and end up cancelling the date. And he really doesn't want to cancel the date.

He opens his laptop, going through the familiar and habitual motions of pulling up all his game editing programs. It's comforting to see the familiar displays fill his screen, the familiar lists and numbers and designs. Right. This is his world. Where everything happens by design and there are no surprises. He controls everything here.

He throws himself into it, letting his mind hone in and focus on the same problems that he's been trying to solve as of late. The damage calculations are coming along better, but there are a few bugs in a few instances that still need to be worked out. He just has to run a long list of simulations and possibilities so he can pin point all the anomalies, and once he has a list of the anomalies, he can start to sift through them and look for the common denominator to solve a majority of the problems before going along the outliers and figuring out just what numbers seem to be throwing off his algorithms—

His stomach rumbles loudly, twisting enough that he sits back, torn from his thoughts. One hand automatically goes to his stomach, resting on it as the wave of hunger rolls over him. Oh. Right. He hasn't eaten yet today. He can feel the pin pricks and pressure of a headache building, no doubt from dehydration from last night, so he should probably eat something so he can take some painkillers. He doesn't have a lot of food in his dorm, but he doesn't really want to leave to go out.

He's pulled from his thoughts when the door opens, and Jasper stumbles back into the room. His eyes are bloodshot and drooping, bags under them and looking exhausted. His body hunches, feet dragging, his clothes a mess. Really, he looks no different than he usually does when he comes home on a Sunday hungover.

"Hey," Kyle says, more out of reflex than anything else. He and Jasper have always had an easy camaraderie.

Jasper, however, doesn't look at him, just grumbles an irritable, "Hey," as he drops his bag to the floor. He stretches his arms over his head, groaning as his back pops before his body collapses again. He shuffles over to his dresser to rummage through it, and Kyle turns back to his laptop.

He's not too worried about it. Jasper is rarely talkative when he comes back after a weekend. After learning what it means to be truly drunk, Kyle can't blame him. If Jake hadn't been there to wake him up, he might've been in the same state.

His cheeks warm at the thought of this morning, and he shakes his head, forcing himself to focus on the string of numbers on his screen.

"So, uh..." Kyle looks up, blinking in surprise as Jasper hovers near his desk. He holds a pile of clothes in his hand and a towel is draped over his shoulder. He scratches the back of his neck, eyes averted. "Sorry, about last night, or whatever."

He's clearly waiting for something, despite the fact that Kyle has no idea what he's talking about. What happened last night? Rather than ask, he just shifts in his seat, mutters an awkward, "Uh, it's okay."

Jasper nods sharply before spinning on his heel and hurrying into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Kyle watches him go, uncertainty churning in his gut, mixing with the preexisting hollowness from hunger.

On second thought, maybe leaving his dorm would be a good thing. Get some food. Put some distance between him and whatever awkwardness Jasper is experiencing. Hope that later it'll just be resolved. He packs up his laptop, grabs his wallet, and slips out the door as the sound of the shower starts up.

The fresh air does wonders on his exhausted body. It feels cool and refreshing against his skin, which still feels heavy and gross from the night before, despite taking a shower. His eyes are heavy and tired, and the fresh air helps him feel more awake. It fills his lungs, breathing life back into his system, restarting him and rejuvenating him in a way he hadn't realized he'd been needing. Who knew fresh air was great for hangovers?

He goes to the sandwich place in the cafeteria and gets a sub, a bottle of water, and heads back out to the quad. He finds a place against a tree, off to the side and free from the minimal crowd on the small field in the middle of campus. Campus feels dead at this time of day on a Saturday. Slow and lethargic, people moving about in a dreary daze as they attempt to wake up from a long, busy Friday night. It's peaceful.

He pulls out his laptop, settling it on his lap and typing with one hand while he eats with the other. It's slow progress, but it's progress. A least a lot of his current work involves just analyzing data anyway, trying to pin point where the bugs slip through the algorithms.

He's pulled from his thoughts when someone unceremoniously plops down next to him, and he whips around, staring at a girl with a side cut, long wavy hair, and a plethora of piercings. She's smiling at him, edges of her eyes crinkling with a knowing amusement. "Hey."

Kyle gapes for a moment before his mouth snaps shut. His lips purse into a frown as he scowls, but it's done more in confusion than actual anger. "Uh, hi?"

"You must be Kyle." She holds out her hand, and Kyle stares at it for a moment. Despite the strange amusement in her smile, it seems genuine enough, and her expression is open and earnest. He takes her hand hesitantly.

"Uh, yeah. How do you know who I am?" Her handshake is firm and friendly.

Her smile widens just a fraction, lifting her cheeks. "I'm Liddy, Jake's ex from like, high school." She leans forward, over their gripping hands, tilting her head to give him a little wink. "And I know you've got your own little arrangement with him right now."

Kyle freezes, feeling his blood run cold even as heat rushes up his neck and onto his face. His body feels stiff, eyes widening as his jaw clenches. He thinks he might be squeezing her hand in his panic, but he can't be sure. Not when his blood is pounding through his veins and his heartbeat is loud in his ears. His vision tunnels in on her without really seeing her. His mind is just a broken record of, oh god, she knows, she knows, she knows, people know, how do people know, run, run, run.

Before his flight instinct can fully manifest, she chuckles. The sound is soft and gentle, understanding and warm. Not at all mocking or malicious. It catches his attention, and he focuses on it, blinking as his brows furrow. Her other hand lays overtop his, forcing his grip to relax.

"It's okay," she says, and it's low and gentle and makes his body automatically react to her words. "It's okay. He didn't say anything about it. I've just been teasing him about it, and you know... your reaction kind of confirmed my suspicions."

He jerks his hand away, holding it to his chest as if he'd been burned. "I'm not— We're not— It's not like that!"

She blinks, knees pulling up and arms moving to wrap around them. She hums, tilting her head to the side. He doesn't like how she's looking at him like she can see right through him. "But... you want it to be, right?"

Kyle bites his lip, looking away.

"Hey, hey, no judgement here." She chuckles, but somehow the sound is soothing rather than grating. "I have a girlfriend myself. She's beautiful, and I love her." Kyle looks at her sharply, and she smiles. "Yeah, I used to date Jake a long time ago, but we have no hard feelings. Now he's my best friend, and even though he denies it, I can read him like an open book."

Kyle looks down, eyes on his keyboard but focus distant. "What..." He licks his lips, trying to take deep breaths. "What has he said about me?"

She shrugs, waving a hand around vaguely. "Just that you're tutoring him, that you're super cute, and honestly, a bunch of other random little details that he wouldn't notice if he wasn't interested in you."

Kyle feels the heat burn on his cheeks. A hand comes down on his shoulder, and he flinches, but he doesn't pull away. When he looks up at her shyly through his lashes, her smile is small and kind, almost pleading.

"He's a good guy," she says softly.

"I know," he whispers.

"Just... give him a chance. He's a big oaf, and an idiot at times, but he means well. He's struggling with a lot right now, but I've never seen him actually interested in anyone before. Not like this. I don't know you, but from what I've heard, I think you'd be good for him."

There's a twist in his chest. A fluttering in his heart. His lungs squeeze, but it doesn't feel like he’s suffocating. A buzz runs through his veins. He looks away, nodding just a fraction as he whispers, "I'll give him a chance."

The hand on his shoulder squeezes. "Thanks, Kyle. I don't think you'll regret it. Who knows? Maybe he'll be good for you, too." He looks up in time to catch her wink, and with a smile, she stands. "Well, I was on my way to the library for a study group, so I better get going. But it was nice meeting you!"

"Yeah," he says, smiling shyly. "You, too."

She waves and walks away, and he lifts his hand in a small semblance of the same gesture before it falls back down to his keyboard. She isn't what he expected from one of Jake's ex's, nor what he expected from Jake's best friend, but he finds that he likes her. There's just something about her that puts him at ease.

But enough about Jake. Enough about Liddy. He has work to do.

Unfortunately, that's easier said than done.

He has an increasing problem focusing. He keeps checking the time in the corner of his screen, frowning when he realizes barely any time has passed since the last time he checked. It takes him an embarrassingly long time to realize why he's so frustrated at the time.

Jake.

He wants it to be later so he can be with Jake again. Date or not, he just wants to hang out with him, and that's stealing focus away from his work. Cry Thunder has been his sole focus for so long that it's strange and new to find something else nagging at his mind.

His thoughts drift back to that morning. To Jake's lips on his. On his neck, teeth grazing against his collarbone. To the feeling of Jake's weight settling over him, between his legs, pushing down on him and pinning him to the bed. Of the tantalizing feeling of skin on skin, and the sparks that raced down his spine. The heat building low in his gut as Jake moved atop him, grinding against him. The feeling of his hardness pressed against Kyle's, a feeling he's always wondered about but been too embarrassed to dwell on for too long.

The sound of Jake's breath, fast and heavy and labored. The sight of him furrowing his brows, lips pinching as Kyle's name shuddered on his lips.

Them in the shower, bodies bare and skin slick as Jake picked him up. His legs locking around Jake's narrow hips as Jake pushed his back to the cold tile. Body hard and broad and firm, half chub pushing against his ass with interest as Jake's lips devoured his neck—

Kyle swallows hard, slamming his laptop closed. He has a problem. A very big problem. He looks around the quad, but no one is paying him any mind. Then he glances down, blanching at the obvious erection pushing against the seam of his jeans.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

He closes his eyes tight, trying to will it away, but his thoughts keep drifting back to Jake. To his large, calloused hands and how they felt on his—

Fuck.

He packs his bag quickly, standing and holding it awkwardly in front of him as he hurries to the student union. It's closer than his dorm, and this is an emergency. No one gives him more than a curious glance, and he hurries past them with his eyes firmly on the ground to hide his flush. The bathroom, thankfully, is blissfully empty.

He locks himself in one of the stalls, drops his bag to the ground, and leans back against the stall wall. His hand is at the front of his pants in seconds, shaking fingers fumbling with the button and zipper. His other hand covers his mouth, muffling his heavy breaths as he pulls himself out.

He strokes himself quickly and roughly, desperate to get it over with before anyone comes in. Panicking but unable to stop, he remembers the feeling of Jake's hand, of his lips, of his body—

And he comes embarrassingly quickly, a high-pitched whine slipping from between his fingers. He stands there, dazed and shaking as he comes down from his high, his breathing slowly starting to regulate.

Then he cleans himself up as best he can, grateful that his hand caught most of it and there's no obvious mess on his jeans to show his shame.

Oh god, his shame. It rushes through him, sour and sickening, settling like lead in his stomach. He just jerked himself off to Jake in a public bathroom. After Jake had gotten him off just that morning. How fucking pathetic can he be?

His downward spiral is interrupted by the sound of his phone going off. He jumps, scrambling for it and. nearly dropping it in the toilet. His heart hammers in his chest as he rushes out of the bathroom, automatically swiping to answer the call without really thinking about it.

"Hello?"

"Kyle!" His mom's voice comes from the receiver. His steps slow as he walks through the student union, aimless and restless. He doesn't want to go back out to the quad, not after what just happened, but he has no other destination in mind.

His mind wanders as his mom's voice drones on. He's stopped paying attention, but distantly recognizes that she's telling him about something that happened recently at home. His thoughts linger on Jake, confusion, guilt, shame, and hope swirling into a nauseating mix that makes him wish he had eaten a little slower.

Liddy said that he would be good for Jake, but is it even possible that whatever is happening between them can ever be anything more than just an experiment?

He thinks there's a small hope that something might come of it, but he dreads that there's a bigger chance that it'll blow up in their faces.