It's been a long time since Jake last enjoyed a joint shower. Cindi was never really a fan of them. She said Jake got in her way, and she had her routines to work through. He's showered with a few other ex's, but it was rarely for sex purposes.

He showered with Kyle simply because he wanted to. Because he wanted an excuse to touch him. To see him bare and wet and warm beneath his hands. And it was fun. Actually fun, which is something he never thought he'd say about showering with someone else. They slipped a few times, attempted to wash each other's bodies, laughed at each other and then had to hush their giggles before Kyle's neighbors heard them. Never once was it awkward, and at one point Jake even managed to pick up Kyle, pinning him against the wet tile wall while he stole kisses from his lips and down his neck.

They could only stay in that shower for so long, however, and as time moves forward, they have to return to reality and to their lives.

They get dressed back in Kyle's room. Kyle stands near his dresser, keeping his back to Jake, body hunched shyly as he pulls on boxers and jeans. Jake watches him, pulling on his own pants, taking his time, movements slow as he watches the movement of muscle beneath Kyle's skin. He's small and slight, but he's not dainty. Not in the way his ex-girlfriends had been. He's not as built as Jake or the rest of his friends, but Kyle is still very clearly a man.

And Jake is finding that's not a turn off in the slightest.

"I have practice I need to get to," Jake says, reaching down to grab his shirt and shaking it out. He sniffs it, and while it does smell of a bar and faintly of sweat, it'll do until he gets back to his apartment. Kyle doesn't turn around, but he makes a vague noise of acknowledgement. It's neutral, without any real indication that he's disappointed or relieved. Jake feels his brows pinch, but he forces himself to smile. "We should totally meet up after, though."

Kyle freezes, a t-shirt pulled onto his arms but not quite over his head. He turns slowly, peeking over one bare shoulder. His brows are furrowed, lips pursed into a small frown as he looks over Jake's face. "Why?" It sounds cautious and wary, and Jake can practically see those walls being rebuilt.

He refuses to let that happen. Not after he's finally managed to tear them down. So he smiles, head tilting to the side. His shirt is held in his hands, but he makes no move to put it on. "Because I wanna see you again," he says, letting some of his amusement show, but also hoping it comes across as genuine as he feels. "I wanna take you out on a date."

Kyle turns around further, clutching his shirt to his chest. His frown deepens. "I... I don't think that's a good idea."

Jake feels his face fall, confusion dampening the budding giddiness. "What?"

Kyle shakes his head, "No." He pulls his shirt over his head, tugging down the hem of it and averting his eyes, focusing too much on straightening out his shirt. "No, that's not a good idea."

Jake feels it like a stab to his chest. Panic flickers through his veins, making his limbs feel tingly and light while at the same time being leaden. It's a strange feeling. One that he's not familiar with. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn't think he's ever been rejected.

But after the wave of distress settles, he takes a good look at Kyle. He sees how stiff his posture is and how strained his expression is. He sees the worry in his eyes and the way he bites his bottom lip. He sees the way he won't make eye contact and the way his fingers fiddle with his shirt.

It's a rejection, but Kyle is clearly torn about it. He looks worried and nervous. And that's when it clicks for Jake: Kyle's uncertainty about admitting to his sexuality, desire for privacy, fear of being seen by people they know.

He's not rejecting Jake because he doesn't like him, but because he's afraid of getting hurt.

It makes Jake's heart ache for a whole new set of reasons. The cold, sharp pain in his chest melts into something warmer.

"Hey." He steps forward, reaching for Kyle. The boy flinches when Jake's hand comes down on his shoulder, but he doesn't pull away. Jake takes him by both shoulders, turning him to face him. "Look at me," he says gently, and slowly Kyle tilts his head to look up at him through his lashes, lip still caught between his teeth. "You know I didn't just mess around with you just because, right?" Kyle looks away, and one of Jake's hands slips from his shoulder, knuckles going beneath his chin and gently tilting his head back up. He meets those uncertain eyes and smiles. "I actually like you, Kyle," he says, voice soft and breathless in the truth of it. It feels good to say aloud. It feels good to admit to himself. He feels his insides bubble with the giddiness of it. "I feel like I can be myself around you, and you don't judge me for it. I like being with you, and I'd... I'd like to explore that."

Kyle's eyes drift closed as he takes in a shaking breath. One hand comes up to Jake's arm, fingers closing around his wrist. Not pulling it away, but clinging to it, grounding himself. "I... I do, too." He admits it with a voice that shakes, but it feels like the same kind of relief that Jake had experienced. "I feel the same way, but..." His eyes open, uncertainty in their depths as he gazes up at Jake. "It's just... complicated."

Jake smiles, a fluttering in his chest that feels like hope. "Not that complicated." His hand slips from Kyle's chin, cupping his jaw in his palm as his fingers slip into his hair. Kyle tilts his head into it, and Jake feels his heart clench before it beats into overtime. "I like you. You like me. Go on a date with me."

Kyle sighs, breath squeezing from his lungs and rushing past his lips, body sagging in defeat. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay." Kyle looks up at him, the ghost of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, even as exhaustion hangs beneath his eyes. "On two conditions." Strength comes back into his voice and his posture, expression hardening with that familiar confidence that Jake has seen during tutoring. It makes something inside him flutter as he distantly wonders what it would be like if this commanding side of Kyle was slipping into the bedroom, tearing off his clothes and pushing him down and riding him— "One, we go somewhere away from town and away from campus. And two, we... take it slow. I don't wanna go fast. Can we just... see how we feel tomorrow?"

Jake's smile is wide and uninhibited, a bubbling exuberant excitement coursing through his veins, giving him a high that's hard to duplicate. "I know the perfect place." He leans down, pressing his forehead to Kyle's, loving the way he can hear the boy's breath hitch. His thumb gently caresses his cheek. "And we'll take it day by day."

He kisses Kyle. It's chaste and sweet, but firm enough and lingering long enough to really feel the other boy's lips. To memorize the way their lips fit together and to feel the way Kyle stiffens before immediately relaxing, leaning into him just enough that Jake knows he wants it, too.

He pulls away far too soon, knowing that if he doesn't, he'll never be able to leave. A smirk curves his lips as he's left looking at Kyle's dazed expression, eyes lidded, and lips parted, leaning forward as if he were chasing Jake's retreat. Jake's thumb brushes his cheek one more time before his hand falls. "I'll text you after practice."

He leaves before Kyle can fully gather himself, pride and glee bursting in his chest at leaving the boy in such a state. The smile never leaves his face all the way back to his apartment.

* * *

"Hey, Jakey boy!" Marcus is there the moment Jake steps into the locker room. At the announcement of his name, a few of his other teammates lift their heads, calling out their greetings before going back to changing and checking their phones.

"Hey, dude." Jake offers his fist, which Marcus readily bumps with his own as Jake steps up next to him, opening his locker and tossing his bag inside. He's already changed and ready for practice, but he pulls out his cleats, sitting down on the bench as he kicks off his sneakers.

"Where were you last night?" Marcus asks, sitting down next to him with his own cleats.

"Yeah, man, you were just MIA all night." Steve closes his locker, leaning against it with his arms crossed. "We tried calling and texting you, but you didn't pick up."

"The girls from apartment three were throwing a party and invited us down," Marcus says as he laces up his own cleats. "Total babes. Totally your type. They kept asking about you. Heard about you and Cindi breaking up."

"I was out," he says simply, slipping his feet into his cleats, starting to lace them up.

Marcus snorts, nudging his arm with his shoulder. "Yeah, no shit. Where were you? You didn't come home at all."

"Did you get some?" Steve asks, and hands drop onto Jake's shoulders as Steve squeezes them. "Oh my god, you did, didn't you? You dog. Who is she? Anyone we know?"

"I wasn't out with a chick," Jake snaps, shrugging Steve off his shoulders. He steels himself, sitting up a little straighter and preparing to tell them straight up. If this is going to be part of him, they're just going to have to accept it. And he'll take whatever teasing comes.

But as he opens his mouth, Kyle's face comes floating into his mind's eye, worried and nervous, and the words die on his tongue. His mouth snaps shut, lips pursing as he looks back down to hastily tie his shoes. Kyle doesn't want to be outed, and Jake has to respect that.

"I was just... out with a friend."

There's a beat of silence before he hears Steve echo, "A friend?"

"You have friends besides us?" Marcus says it like a jab, teasing and light, but there's a layer of confusion there. One of suspicion.

Something inside him twists, and the giddiness he had felt the entire way here starts to sour. It tangles up inside him, making his breath come short and his heartbeat too loud. Would they even understand if he told them? Would they treat him differently? Would they judge him? They're his friends, and he loves them, but would it change things?

He likes Kyle. He really likes Kyle. Even now, he's looking forward to seeing him later. He still feels haunted by the kisses shared and the need to have more. Like what they had wasn't enough. A pleasant heat rolls through him at the thought of kissing Kyle and the memory of his face twisted in pleasure.

He can't deny that he likes Kyle and that he's extremely attracted to Kyle, but now that the giddiness has calmed down a little, he realizes he's not entirely certain if he wants to be out either. He's still ridiculously attracted to Kyle, but he's not exactly sure how he feels about this.

"Don't worry about it," he says, pushing himself to his feet and starting for the door. He doesn't turn around, but he knows his roommates are looking at him like he's crazy. He can feel the weight of their stares. "We'll get laps again if we're late to practice."

Even now, he would rather skip practice to get back to Kyle, which is a realization that hits him hard. Baseball is his life and his passion and realizing that he'd rather skip it to be with a boy is surprising. And he wonders if he should take it as a warning sign.