Jake's lips come crashing down on Kyle's in a strange mix of eagerness, rough desperation, and tender reverence. There's no hesitation. An arm warps around Kyle's lower back, pulling him forward until he's pressed flush to Jake's larger frame. Another large hand cups his head gently, tilting it at the perfect angle as their mouths come together.

Kyle stiffens for only a moment before he's melting into Jake's embrace.

He missed this. He missed this so much. And he hadn't realized just how much he missed it until he has it again.

Jake is hot to the touch, firm and solid against him, and he awakens something in Kyle that he never knew existed. Embers that sparked and burned before, but Kyle had never allowed them to burn into a full blaze. He's been scared of it. Scared of losing himself and scared of letting himself go. Now he lets the burdens, the doubts, and the guilt drop away. He lets those embers flare into a blazing fire, burning and aching in his chest.

It's too much.

It's not enough.

He wants more.

His hands slide up Jake's chest, feeling the tight definition of his pecs and shivering at the knowledge that right here, right now, for today, Jake is his. His body is his. He can touch, and no one else can.

Jake is so far out of his league, yet here they are. The handsome jock, cocky and sexy, is quivering and moaning at Kyle's shy touch.

It feels like a dream. His head is buzzing, dizzy with adrenaline and the rush of endorphins. His chest is tight with emotions. He's felt too much in the past twenty-four hours. He's sunken to his lowest point and started to rise, only for Jake to show up and teach him how to soar. His heart has gone from feeling numb and empty to feeling so much all at once. So full and warm and fit to burst. It aches, and it hurts, but it's not uncomfortable or unpleasant.

It feels like…

Holy shit, he thinks he loves Jake.

Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit—

His hands slide up, arms wrapping around Jake's neck and shoulders. His fingers dig into Jake's shirt, grounding him as his body threatens to float away. He goes up on his toes and pushes his lips firmly against Jake's. He knows his attempts are sloppy and uncoordinated. Despite the times they've made out before, he still feels like he doesn't know what he's doing. But he knows what he feels, and he feels like if he doesn't get more of Jake, he'll end up drowning.

Jake stumbles back a step with the force of it, and Kyle has the immense satisfaction of hearing his breath hitch in his throat.

Then Jake's hands become insistent. One arm wraps around his lower back, pulling him tight enough that the breath leaves his lungs. His other hand slides down Kyle's back, palm large and fingers spread as it settles over his ass. He squeezes, rough and possessive, and Kyle's hips jerk forward. The friction of grinding against Jake's thigh, if only for a moment, has him moaning into Jake's mouth.

"Fuck," Jake hisses, breath against his lips. "You're so fucking hot."

It's surreal. Kyle has never considered himself hot. Never thought anyone else would either. But the way Jake says it leaves no room for argument. He says exactly what he means, and that sends a thrill shivering down Kyle's spine.

The hand on his ass tightens, encouraging his hips to grind forward, and his thigh slides more comfortably between Kyle's. He gasps, trailing off into a high whine as he moves against Jake's thigh. The friction is amazing. It's not long before he doesn't need Jake's insistent hands. He's grinding all on his own, clinging to Jake for dear life while his hips snap forward again and again, chasing that delicious friction.

Jake's tongue licks into his mouth, hot and heady, swallowing his moans and devouring him.

The angle, however, is uncomfortable, and Kyle can feel the pain building in his neck. He breaks the kiss, turning his head to the side to relieve the pressure and to give himself a chance to breathe. He barely manages to catch his breath before Jake's lips are on the curve of his neck, sucking dark marks just below his ear.

Kyle gasps. He moans. His hips snap forward and his toes curl, hands sliding up to bury themselves in Jake's hair. "Jake." The name slips past his lips. A plea and a sigh. Desperate and fleeting.

Then Jake's hands are pushing at him. Maneuvering him. Lips still at his throat, he guides Kyle around and back. The back of his knees hit the bed, and he abruptly falls down. He lands alone, sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands behind him to catch his balance. He's reeling, having been suddenly thrown out of Jake's embrace. The cold air rushes in to cool his heated skin. His body is buzzing, and while the space helps clear his head, he misses the touch.

Jake stands over him, eyes lidded and dark. His chest heaves, lips parted, red, and wet. He licks them, slow and deliberate, and Kyle shivers as he stares. Then Jake's hands reach behind him, grabbing the back of his shirt and pulling it over his head, only to toss it aside.

The breath shudders out of Kyle's lungs. It's not the first time he's seen Jake shirtless, but it fucking gets him every time. Leaves him reeling and dazed. He's so fucking hot, and he still finds it hard to believe Jake is looking at him with those heated bedroom eyes.

Jake drops to his knees on the floor in front of him, hands on Kyle's thighs to spread them while he settles between them. They then slip around to his ass, grabbing on tight while he pulls him forward. Kyle's hands automatically go to Jake's shoulders, wrapping around him while he ducks down to Jake's awaiting lips. The kiss starts off where it left off, hot and heated and stealing his breath away.

His hips cant forward, seeking friction, but it's difficult at this angle. It doesn't work, and a whine of protest escapes him, causing Jake to chuckle lowly.

"Jake," he breathes, a desperate plea at the tail end of his voice.

"Hmm?" Jake hums, breaking the kiss to duck his head down, teeth nipping playfully at his collarbones, tongue dragging over them in a slow tease.

"I want you," Kyle says, hips jerking forward as Jake sucks a mark against his throat. He tilts his head back, eyes fluttering closed as shivers of heat run through his body. "I want you. I want you. Please." He wants it. Not like before, when it was a desperate attempt at escape. He wants Jake now, wholly and fully.

"Are you sure?" Jake mumbles against his skin, pressing tender kisses to the abused flesh. "I can wait. We can just—"

"Please," Kyle repeats, nails digging into Jake's bare shoulders. Then, again, quieter, "Please. I trust you. I want you."

Jake lifts his head, meeting Kyle's gaze for a long moment. He can see uncertainty there, searching for any sign of doubt from Kyle. He doesn't blame him. Last time they had sex, Kyle kicked him out and broke up with him. Not again. Not this time.

His hands move to cup Jake's cheeks, leaning forward until their foreheads are pressed together. He closes his eyes, letting out a shaking sigh. "All I want is you." He says it softly, achingly, putting his whole heart into it and hoping Jake can understand, hoping he can hear it, too.

When he leans back, opening his eyes, Jake is smiling. Small and fond, eyes lidded and still dark with hunger. Without a word, he turns, reaching out and grabbing a plastic grocery bag. He pulls it toward him, reaching inside to pull out— condoms and lube?

Kyle feels heat surge to his already warm face, hot on his cheeks. "You're prepared." He says it as a statement but doesn't try to hide his shy bafflement.

Jake chuckles, setting the box and bottle on the bed next to Kyle. "Wishful thinking, I guess."

Kyle takes his face again and pulls him forward, kissing him lightly on the lips. He feels Jake smile under him before he deepens the kiss, tongue twisting with Kyle's.

The kiss doesn't last long. Jake pulls away, and before Kyle can protest, Jake's hands are on his shirt, tugging it up and over his head. It barely has time to hit the ground before Jake's hands are on the front of his jeans, popping the button with expert ease and sliding jeans and boxers down his legs quickly.

Then Kyle is naked. Bared and feeling vulnerable as Jake kneels on the floor in front of him, eyes raking down his body, lidded and hungry. It's only that hunger, the clear desire, that keeps Kyle from curling away out of embarrassment. Instead he freezes, knees drawn up, lying back while being propped up on his elbows. His breath stills in his lungs, and he can see his chest red with a flush. He has no doubt that his face looks the same.

Then Jake's eyes meet his, something in them that makes Kyle's entire body shiver. He reaches out, running his hands gently but firmly along Kyle's thighs, trailing fire in their wake. He grabs Kyle by the hips, roughly dragging him forward to the edge of the bed. Kyle gasps, falling to his back.

"You're so hot," Jake mumbles, ducking his head to press kisses along Kyle's inner thighs. He bites down, sucking a dark red mark into Kyle's pale flesh, and he gasps and squirms. Jake smiles, licking the abused skin. "So cute."

He hooks Kyle's legs over his shoulders, tilting his head back to gaze up the length of Kyle's body, meeting his eyes. His heart hammers in his chest, and he feels dizzy with anticipation. Jake smirks, giving a hungry and predatory edge to his handsome face. Then slowly, holding eye contact, he lowers his head and parts his lips.

A strangled sound escapes Kyle's throat as Jake sinks slowly down his length, lips hot and tight and wet. His back arches off the bed, fingers flying to Jake's head to card through and tangle in his hair.

It's not the first time Jake has sucked his cock, but holy shit does it feel wild and new.

He squirms under the attention, body overwhelmed and overstimulated. He's not used to it. He's barely touched himself in over a month. But it feels so, so good. Jake bobs up and down on his length, tongue pressed to the underside and lips tight. He sinks down, nose pressed to Kyle's dark curls before he sucks hard and moves up the shaft.

Kyle feels like he's falling apart at the seams.

He writhes, unable to stay still. His hips cant and jerk, and Jake puts his hands to his thighs and hips, pinning him to the bed. One hand clenched in Jake's hair, the other grasps at the bed sheets, curled tight. His head tosses to the side, eyes squeezed shut, brows furrowed, and mouth open and panting. Whenever he opens his eyes and looks down, Jake is watching him, and it causes more heat to curl and coil in his gut, making his chest ache and forcing him to look away.

Too much, too much, too much, it's too much—

Then Jake pulls away, and Kyle is left reeling. Cool air hits his wet erection, and he shivers. All the buildup and sudden lack of stimulation leaves him relieved, dizzy, and disappointed. But at least now he can breathe. If only for a second.

He lays there, eyes closed, chest heaving with every panted breath, fingers finally relaxing and falling to the bed next to his head.

Then he hears the snap of the lube bottle opening, and his eyes snap open. He lifts his head, watching with anticipation, excitement, and nervousness as Jake coats his fingers, rubbing them together to heat it up just a little before his hand disappears between Kyle's legs.

He's tense. He knows he is. He's nervous and wired up from all the stimulation, but he wants this.

Jake presses a few fleeting kisses to his inner thigh, nuzzling it and resting his head against the soft flesh as he turns his eyes to Kyle. His smile is gentle, and his stubble feels pleasant against Kyle's over-sensitized skin. "Just relax," he mumbles, and Kyle's body jerks as a wet finger presses to his entrance. "Relax for me, babe. I'll take care of you."

Kyle takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he forces his body to relax. Jake helps him through it. He presses his lips to Kyle's inner thigh and his free hand gently massages his hip. He teases Kyle's entrance, spreading the lube and rubbing circles until there are goosebumps on Kyle's flesh and his breath becomes more labored.

When he finally pushes in, Kyle immediately tenses, body relaxing once Jake starts to mumble encouragements against his skin. It stings at first. He's still new to this, and it feels foreign and strange. But he trusts Jake, and he wants this. He relaxes, lets Jake slowly and steadily get him used to a finger and after a while it starts to feel nice.

Like, really nice. Heat starts pooling in Kyle's gut again, and his fingers clench and unclench into the sheets. He squeezes his eyes shut, head turned to the side as he bites his lip. Jake whispers against him, breath hot and humid. Voice gentle and awed. "You're so beautiful. You're doing so good. Holy shit, Kyle."

Kyle is surprised by the second finger, but he adjusts quickly. It's not long before Jake is working him steadily. Fingers pump into him with an easy rhythm, pausing occasionally to stretch him. His lips have moved from Kyle's thigh back to his dick, licking lazy and messy stripes up the length of it, suckling on the tip.

Kyle writhes beneath him, breath coming short and shallow at the onslaught of sensations. He's so lost in it that he barely notices the third finger. So far gone that he doesn't even realize his hips are grinding down, seeking out Jake's fingers as they pump in and out of him.

Then Jake suddenly swallows him down just as he curls his fingers and— Kyle's back arches off the bed, fingers clutching tight as a loud sharp gasp leaves his lips, trailing off into a long moan.

Jake pulls off him with a pop, grinning up at Kyle and looking far too proud of himself. Kyle wants to scowl at him, but he can't. His muscles aren't responding to him. All he can do is lay there and attempt to breathe as Jake pulls away. He shivers when his fingers pull out of him, leaving him empty and hollow. He whines, bordering on a whimper, but Jake's hands are already on him. He pulls on Kyle's hips, tugging him effortlessly off the bed until he's straddling his lap on the floor.

Jake leans in, and Kyle rushes to meet him. His arms warp around Jake's shoulders as Jake holds him tight. His mouth is hot and wet, tongue exploring his and guiding him deeper into it. He tastes different, saltier and muskier, but Kyle doesn't care. The realization that it's himself he tastes on Jake's tongue is thrilling.

"Are you ready?" Jake asks, voice low and hoarse against Kyle's lip.

He nods, not trusting his own voice as he pushes forward, seeking out Jake's lips again and again, even as he pulls away to reach to for the condoms. He chuckles at Kyle's attention as he struggles to open the box. His laughter turns to a gasp and a low groan as Kyle trails his lips down Jake's neck, experimentally nipping at the sensitive skin with his teeth. Every sound he manages to pull from Jake sends a shiver down his spine, sparking something hungry and primal within him.

Then Jake's hands are on him again, turning him around. He moves easily with the guidance, loving the feeling of Jake's hands on him. He ends up on his knees, bent over the edge of his bed. Jake shuffles behind him, and he can hear the sound of him struggling to kick off his jeans. Then his legs are being spread wider, and Jake bends down to bite playfully as his shoulder.

Kyle's body jerks and he gasps as Jake's erection presses between his cheeks. Thick and hard and hot. It presses into him, and Jake cants his hips, chasing friction against Kyle's bare ass. It's barely anything, but Kyle's head tilts back, hips automatically pressing back into him with each shallow thrust.

"Fuck," Jake whispers into his skin. His hands bite bruises into Kyle's hips.

He pulls back, and Kyle can hear the ripping of a condom wrapper. It's only a moment later that Jake's hand comes down on his shoulder, urging him to bend over a little more as the slick head of his cock presses against Kyle's entrance. He gasps, burying his face in the blankets on his bed as Jake slowly pushes in, in, in, spreading him wider and wider and—

He bottoms out, and the two of them simply stay like that for a moment. Jake leans forward, one hand on Kyle's hip and the other on his shoulder. His forehead presses to his other shoulder, and his breath is hard and labored. It's clear he's holding himself back to let Kyle get used to it, and something surprisingly fond flutters in his chest. Jake is big, but while the stretch burns, it doesn't hurt. He feels full. So full. And he likes it. Jake is inside him. Jake is filling him up, stretching him wide. His hips and thighs are pressed to the curve of Kyle's ass, his breath fanning out over his heated skin.

He can't believe he's here, that this is happening. It fuels something in him. A need for more.

His hips move gently, pushing back against Jake until he gets the hint. His hips begin to rock shallowly, pulling out just a little before pushing back in, getting Kyle used to it, building a rhythm. It's slow, steady, and surprisingly sweet. But after a while, Kyle's fingers are curled into the sheets, breath panting and sweat beading on his brow. His toes curl and he needs more.

"Jake—" He breathes, voice cracking. "Jake, please."

Jake pauses, almost freezing behind him, and Kyle whines in protest. "What's wrong? Do you want me to stop?" He sounds so worried. So concerned. It warms Kyle's heart.

He shakes his head. "No! No, please. More. Harder."

There's a pause, like Jake is trying to digest that information. And then all at once he pulls back, almost pulling out entirely before roughly snapping his hips forward.

Kyle's back arches, a strangled and broken moan escaping his lips as his entire body tenses. He grips the blankets as an anchor as he feels himself floating away.

Jake doesn't need any more encouragement after that. He picks up a faster rhythm, pounding into Kyle over and over again until the obscene sound of slapping flesh and harsh breath fills the room. Kyle covers his mouth, biting into the blankets to keep himself quiet. But then Jake is there, leaning over to harshly pant into his ear, "Don't. I want to hear you. Let me know how good you feel."

And so he unclenches his jaw and lets the sounds spill out. Every heavy exhale that's punched from his lungs by Jake's snapping hips trails off in a moan. He keens when Jake adjusts the angle and hits a spot inside him that makes him see stars. He thinks he might have screamed, but he can barely hear his own voice over the ringing in his ears.

The whole time Jake keeps talking. He rambles, mumbling into Kyle's skin, breathing into his ear. Simple words. Curses. Encouragements. Endearments. It garbles into nonsense, half the words choked and broken with his own pants and half formed moans, but that doesn't make it any less hot.

The pressure inside him builds and builds, the heat pooling low and sensation pushing his senses into overload. His toes curl. His thighs tense. His moans get higher in pitch and he thinks he's saying Jake's name. He thinks he's begging, but he can't control himself.

Jake's thrusts become more ragged and less coordinated. Wild and crazed. The slap of flesh loses rhythm but is no less loud. Kyle can hear his ragged breath. His broken moans. A hand slides from his hip, fingers wrapping tight around his leaking cock before roughly jerking it in time with the frantic thrusts.

Kyle's body tenses when he comes, lips parted in a strangled cry as his eyes squeeze shut. His body spasms as Jake rides him through it, wave after wave. And then Jake pushes in deep, burying himself with a long, low groan as his teeth sink into Kyle's shoulder.

After the waves of their orgasms fade, they lay there, draped over the edge of the bed, Jake's body blanketing Kyle's. Their fingers twine together on the sheets, and they desperately attempt to catch their breath.

* * *

A little over an hour later, the two of them are showered, clean, and lying naked on Kyle's bed. They'd been too content without clothes. Jake stretches out on his back, one hand behind his head and one arm around Kyle, who curls into his side, head resting on his chest. His eyelids feel heavy as he listens to the steady sound of Jake's heartbeat. He lets it lull him into a state of fuzzy bliss, body pleased and mind quiet for the first time in... well, in a very long time.

He knows they'll have to get dressed eventually. He has no idea when Jasper is going to come back, but for now, he's happy. He's not too cold pressed up against Jake's side, and his skin shivers pleasantly where Jake trails his fingers along his hip.

The silence is broken when Jake's stomach rumbles, loud and demanding. It's followed by a low, sheepish chuckle. "Guess I'm hungry."

Kyle lifts his head, resting his chin on Jake's chest to gaze up at him. His fingers idly trail through the light patch of chest hair across his pecs. "I could go for some food. I... haven't been eating much."

Jake's arm tightens around him for just a moment. Something comforting and acknowledging without drawing too much attention to Kyle's recent misery. He appreciates it. "We can order in," Jake says, already reaching for his phone.

But Kyle reaches out, putting a hand on his arm to stop it. When Jake looks at him, one eyebrow raised, Kyle shakes his head. "I, uh... I kinda wanna go out? It's been a while since I've left the dorm for anything but classes, and... I think it'd be nice."

Jake's grin is far too soft and far too fond, making Kyle's heart stop and flutter all at once as he leans in for a gentle peck on the lips. "It's a date."

They get dressed as quick as they can, laughing as Jake keeps reaching out for him, pulling him close to feather his skin with fleeting kisses. Kyle bats him away good naturedly but can't resist letting his own hands drift across Jake's exposed skin before he can slip his shirt on. They grab their keys, phones, and wallets, and head out the door.

Despite having just been outside a couple hours prior, the crisp autumn air feels far more refreshing now. It no longer feels like sharp pin point knifes digging into his flesh. Now it feels simply that: refreshing. He's freshly showered, body aching but humming pleasantly in post orgasmic bliss, Jake is at his side, and the crisp air feels like it washes away the remaining negative energy from his lungs. It cleanses the shadows away.

It feels like a new beginning.

The guilt is still there, but he thinks he'll be able to manage it this time. Or at least, he'll be able to work on managing it. His counsellor was right. His brother wouldn't want him making himself miserable. He was always pushing Kyle to go out, to meet people, to live and be unashamed of it.

He thinks his brother might be proud of him.

They walk across campus, buzzing with people now that dinner is approaching, and most classes are done. There's a respectful distance between them, but every once in a while, Jake is forced to step closer to let other's pass. His hand brushes against Kyle's, and—

Kyle grabs his hand before he can overthink it. Before he can start to doubt it. He grabs Jake's hand and intertwines their fingers. He glances up to see Jake staring at him, eyes wide and lips parted in cute surprise. He tries to offer him a smile, but it feels shaky.

His heart is pounding in his chest, and he's certain his palms are sweaty. His skin crawls with anxiety as he feels the weight of stares around them. Every time he sees movement out of the corner of his eye, he assumes people are turning to look at him. Every time he hears words he can't make out, he assumes they're talking about them. Maybe it's his paranoia, but then again, maybe it's not.

He can't bring himself to look at any of them. He stares at the pavement beneath their feet as they walk, trying to regulate his breathing and calm his rapid heartbeat. Jake squeezes his hand, holding it tightly and confidently. It's an anchor point that grounds him, and Kyle squeezes back to let him know it's appreciated.

When they reach the quad, Kyle is pulled to a stop, and he turns to face Jake with eyebrows pinched, head tilting to the side. He wonders if maybe this was too much, if Jake isn't ready to let it be known publicly that he's dating a guy, but that doubt is wiped away the moment Kyle sees him.

Jake is smiling at him, soft and gentle. There's a fondness that melts Kyle's nerves and his heart beat quickens for new reasons. It makes everything else fade away. The quad. The people. The stares. The worry.

Jake lifts his freehand, cupping Kyle's face and lightly running his thumb across Kyle's cheek. He recognizes it as a question. He lifts his hand, covering Jake's hand with his own. He leans into it, head tilted and shy smile on his lips. He doesn't trust his voice, so he nods.

Jake leans down, capturing his lips. The kiss is firm and passionate, without being sloppy or rushed. It's gentle. Lips moving against lips. Deepening slowly until Kyle's breath hitches and his toes curl. He leans into Jake, and Jake's arm slides around his back to support him. The crisp autumn air feels good against his heated skin.

When Jake pulls away, Kyle feels breathless. He pulls back just far enough for Kyle to see his face. He smiles, and Kyle feels his own lips curve. He can still feel the stares and hear the whispers around him, but for once, he doesn't care.

Jake is in front of him, taking up his whole vision and his whole world.

Soft, kind, gentle Jake. Jake, who has never been anything short of encouraging and understanding. Jake, who has been so patient and kind with him.

"One day at a time, right?" Jake whispers into the space between them, sounding just as awed and breathless as Kyle feels. It makes his heart flutter.

"One day at a time," he agrees, squeezing his hand.

Kyle's still not sure if he's ready. He's not sure if he'll ever be ready. Maybe they won't last. Maybe it'll just be for college. Maybe it'll be less than a year. A few months. Maybe it's just for now. He doesn't know about the future, but living for the day, that he can do.

Today, he loves Jake.

Today, Jake loves him.

He doesn't know how they'll feel tomorrow, but he supposes they'll find out. One day at a time.