After a fitful night of sleep, haunted by his own words and dwelling in the realm of what-if-he-doesn't-forgive-me, Jake is feeling... pretty good. Much better, anyway. He's not gonna lie; he's a little bummed. Bummed, but also relieved? He's relieved that Kyle didn't decide to just drop him completely, that he'll still tutor him, and Jake doesn't have to worry about finding a new tutor. Because no matter what his reasons, he really does want Kyle to tutor him. He wasn't lying; he does like Kyle.

But he's also kind of bummed because... he does like Kyle. He's cute, and yeah, okay, like Liddy said, he's totally Jake's type, but it's more than that. Kyle is... interesting. He's not just plain and ordinary. There's something more there. There's something hiding behind the walls he puts up, and Jake has the driving urge to figure out what it is. Every time Kyle pushes him away, Jake is that much more determined to push back. He wants to get inside that head of his and see what makes him tick.

He sees the shadows that Kyle carries around with him. It's much more obvious now that they've spent some time together. It's not just walls keeping others out. There are walls keeping something else in. Jake wants to know what. He wants to get in there and battle those shadows and those ghosts. He wants to see Kyle smile. A real, genuine, unabashed smile. He wants to know what Kyle's laugh sounds like. He wants to know if the guy has dimples.

So... yeah, he's probably in a little deep and getting carried away. It doesn't help that he's got a voice in the back of his head that sounds an awful lot like Liddy constantly reminding him that Kyle is fucking adorable.

But the fact remains that Kyle said he doesn't want friends. He wants this to be a strictly professional relationship between them. No parties and no hanging out. And as much as that bums him the fuck out, and as much as he'd like to push that boundary, he knows he has to respect Kyle's wishes. His grades depend on it, and his grades should be his top priority right now.

Still, despite being his priority, school work and studying has never really gotten him excited. If anything, he knows he should be dreading it but resolved to deal with it anyway. So he knows that the strange thrill he feels settling in his chest as he leaves the locker rooms after baseball practice that night has little to do with studying, and more to do with the prospect of seeing Kyle again.

He tries not to dwell on that too much. Overthinking has never done him much good. He's gotten this far in life just following his gut feelings, doing what he wants to do without thinking too much about what it might mean.

"Hey, Jake!"

He turns as a couple of his teammates filter out of the locker room behind him, bags slung over their shoulders. Their hair is still damp from the showers, shirts sticking where they didn't fully dry off, reeking of freshly applied body spray. It's familiar and strangely comforting, as are their smiles as they catch up to him. These are his teammates and his friends.

"Sup?" Jake says as they fall into step with him, heading across the parking lot that borders the practice field.

"Dude, we heard about the break-up," Terry says, throwing an arm around Jake's shoulders.

Matt snorts from where he's walking at Jake's other side. "Yeah, Cindi won't shut up about it. She's making it very clear that she's back on the market."

"Sucks, dude. She was hot." Terry shakes his head, squeezing Jake's shoulders. "So how you holdin' up?"

Jake shrugs, mildly surprised that none of this news stings. Not even slightly. He doesn't really care that she's already moved on from him, nor does he really care that she's apparently looking for someone else after telling him she wanted to work on herself. "I'm fine. It wasn't like she broke my heart or anything. She was getting kinda boring, you know?"

They chuckle, exchanging a few crude comments between them. Jake tunes them out, keeping his easy going smirk in place, nodding and laughing where he knows he should. He's never been a big fan of the locker room talk, of all the gossip and crude comments his teammates like to throw around when they're alone. He's learned to adapt, knows how to get in on it, and sometimes finds it amusing, but right now he doesn't really care.

They rattle on about their girlfriends and chicks they've banged, or their current conquests, Jake isn't really sure. He's stopped listening. For once, he doesn't really care about figuring out who he wants on his arm next. It's surprising, and mildly alarming, that he finds himself thinking about the practice problems that he's supposed to show Kyle tonight, wondering if he's done them right.

Then he hears a buzzword.

One that makes him physically recoil, steps faltering as his eyes snap up to Sam. He's walking backwards in front of them, hands shoved into his pockets and with little regard for whoever he might be backing into. Sam is grinning at him, mischief and amusement sparking in his eyes, and Jake doesn't like the look of it. He frowns, eyes narrowing. "What?"

Sam's grin widens, toothy and shark-like. "I said, Greg and I saw you at the coffee shop yesterday with that nerdy faggot kid."

Jake bristles, a chilling fear flooding through him, feeling like ice in his veins. Faggot.

"Greg said it looked like you guys were on a date," Sam continues, oblivious to Jake's pounding heart. "I said there's no fucking way. You bang like, all the hottest chicks. Break up or not, you wouldn't go after some geeky little gay kid."

"He's not gay," Jake says automatically, something new twisting in his gut. It feels like uncertainty, and tastes like disappointment. He doesn't have time to dwell on that, though, because Terry laughs right next to his ear, joining in.

"What about you, Jake? Tired of pussy and looking for a new snack? Didn't know you could switch teams so easily."

Matt chuckles, elbowing Jake in the side. "Maybe Cindi broke him more than he's leading on."

"It looked like you guys were studying. You banging him to get good grades?" Sam chuckles, shaking his head. "I can't blame you for that one. I'd definitely let a dude suck my dick if it meant passing my classes."

"There's a thought." Terry snaps his fingers like he just discovered something, leaning in to loudly whisper in Jake's ear. "Is he good at sucking dick? I heard the nerdy ones are always the horniest. I bet you could get that little faggot wrapped around your—"

"Fuck off," Jake snaps, roughly shoving Terry's arm off his shoulders. The laughter stops at the venom in his voice, smiles fading into frowns.

"Dude, chill, we're just playin'."

"Yeah, man, don't get so defensive."

"What, are you guys actually dating or something?"

Jake stops walking, letting them pull ahead and pause to look back at him. He glares at them, lips pulled into a tight scowl. "He's tutoring me so I can pass my classes and keep my fucking scholarship," he snaps, shoving Terry as he storms past them. "Now fuck off and mind your own business."

He can hear them grumble behind him and call out for him, but he ignores them. Fuming, he stomps back towards campus, taking another route. He kicks rocks, scowling at anyone who looks at him for too long.

He's not entirely sure what set him off. He's used to that kind of talk from his teammates, and he's gotten good at brushing it off, but hearing them talk that way about Kyle just... It pisses him off. Kyle doesn't deserve to be talked about like that, whether he can hear it or not. And being dragged into it himself was just—

He didn't like it. That word echoes around in his head, making the ice in his veins sharper with every reverberation, making him shiver with dread.

Did it really look like him and Kyle were on a date in the coffee shop? They both had books and stuff out, and Kyle was clearly absorbed in his computer. Plenty of other people on campus hang out and study with friends. It's normal. It's not weird or date-like at all. And while the thought of it looking like a date makes this weird part of him flutter and melt, it's quickly frozen and shattered by the memory of his teammate's mocking grins, grating laughs, and sardonic smiles.

By the time he reaches Kyle's dorm, he's cooled off somewhat, but he can still feel an anxiousness churning in his gut. He feels like eyes are watching him as he sits on the bench outside the building and pulls out his phone to text Kyle that he's here.

He leans back on the bench, head tilted back to gaze up at the late afternoon sky. It'll be dark soon. His foot bounces incessantly, feeding off the nervous energy that his anger has twiddled down to. He can't shake it, no matter how hard he tries.

"Jake?"

His head snaps up at the sound of his name, and he frowns as Kyle walks out of his building, backpack slung over one shoulder. He stands quickly, tilting his head with confusion as Kyle moves toward him instead of waiting to let him into the building. "Uh, what're you doing? Aren't we gonna study in your room?"

Kyle shakes his head. His hair is damp and looks freshly washed. It curls slightly, and something in Jake's chest tightens as he gazes up at him through his glasses. "My roommate's here. I figured we could go study on the quad or in the coffee shop or something."

"No!" They both freeze. Kyle looks taken aback, confusion pinching his brows as he tilts his head, physically taking a step away from Jake. Jake just stares, wide eyed and horrified at his outburst. "Uh, I just mean—" He scratches the back of his head, chewing on the inside of his cheek. What did he mean? He's not even sure, but with his teammates' words still fresh on his mind, the thought of being out with Kyle again, where people can see them, can make assumptions, can make judgements— a shiver runs through him. "I just mean like... studying in the coffee shop was kind of distracting for me? You know, a lot of stuff going on. It's easier if we're somewhere private."

Kyle frowns, eyes wary and calculating as Jake fidgets under his gaze. "Okay," he says slowly. He sounds reluctant, but more than that, he sounds... uncomfortable. Wary, even.

Jake hates it. He hates seeing Kyle retreat back behind those wall, a look of mistrust in his eyes. But really, what has Jake done to make Kyle want to trust him? Still, he's already dug this grave, so he might as well lie in it. He does think it'll be better for them both if they keep their study sessions private.

He smiles, hoping it looks genuine enough to put him at ease. "We can go to my place. My roommates are out drinking tonight and shouldn't be back until later."

He doesn't mention that normally, he would be out drinking with them. He doesn't mention that he didn't even feel disappointed when he told them no because the prospect of hanging out with Kyle made him strangely jittery. He doesn't even want to face that fact himself.

Kyle looks him over for a long moment. He relaxes a fraction, but the wariness remains. Finally, he shrugs. "Sure." He doesn't sound as confident or at ease as Jake was hoping, but he doesn't fight him on it, and he takes that as a victory.

* * *

A few hours later, Jake has finally managed to cool down and focus. Not only that, he finds that he's actually enjoying himself. Sure, the studying part is hard, but Kyle is able to take all the fancy mumbo jumbo that the text book says and put it into words that he can actually understand. And it's... kind of exciting that he understands? Like, for the first time, he actually, truly, gets it. He understands the material.

That in and of itself, is a thrill that's new and exciting.

They go over the practice test that Jake did, and Kyle takes the time to correct his mistakes and explain the right way to do things. Jake listens attentively, determined to forget his teammates and to prove to Kyle that he's really here to learn. After that, they end up ordering a pizza, and they eat while Kyle gives Jake more practice problems and has him do those with his new understanding.

The atmosphere is relaxed. It had taken Kyle a while to warm up to his place, but after a while, he did. He relaxed and looked comfortable in Jake's apartment, sitting on his couch with his legs pulled up and crossed, laptop on his lap. Jake can't explain it, but he likes the look of him there. Likes what it does to his chest. He focuses on his work rather than thinking about that.

They're nearly done when Jake's roommates come home. He hears the key in the lock, and his heart immediately sinks. He freezes on the couch, eyes darting to Kyle. He can see him stiffen. Then his roommates are barging through the open door, stumbling over each other and laughing. The door slams shut, and them stumble through the entryway, pausing when they reach the living room. Their laugher dies, and he looks up to find them both staring, openly gawking at him sitting on the couch with Kyle.

Kyle, thankfully, hasn't turned around to see their open stares.

"Jake?" Steve looks puzzled.

Marcus pushes forward, grin wide and toothy. "Jake! You're home! I thought you were gonna go out and study. You know, be boring." He saunters forward, sitting himself on the arm of the couch, right next to Kyle. He leans back against the cushion, draping his arm casually behind Kyle, who stiffens further. "This the little nerd who you wrangled into helping you out?"

"I thought you guys were gonna be out all night," Jake says stiffly, smile in place but feeling strained.

Steve shrugs, leaning against the wall as he struggles to pull off his shoes. "We got kicked out for being too loud or whatever." He pulls one shoe off with a victorious sound, stumbling slightly when his balance is shifted. "Figured we'd come back here and finish getting smashed. You want in?"

"No, I'm fine—"

"What about you?" Marcus leans forward, getting in Kyle's face enough for him to lean away. He gazes at him, eyes wide and mouth pursed. "Name's Marcus, by the way. So you're the one who got him suddenly all academic."

"You mean boring!" Steve calls from the kitchen where he's rummaging through the fridge.

Marcus laughs, sliding off the couch and sinking into a cushioned chair nearby, one leg hooked over the arm of it. "You two look cozy," he says, grinning playfully as he gestures to the two of them on the couch and the empty pizza box on the table. "Looks kinda like a date."

He waggles his eyebrows, and Jake scoffs. He looks down at the book in his hand, feeling heat creeping up the back of his neck. "Get off it, Marcus," he mumbles.

"Is he the one you dumped Cindi for?" Marcus pushes, and Jake stiffens, heart rising into his throat even as his stomach sinks. His breath comes strained and quick, and he refuses to look at Kyle. "He's kinda cute for a guy. Kinda looks like a girl if you squint."

"Dude, Jake's not gay! He's dated like, all the hottest chicks on campus. He's a fuckin' player!" Steve calls from the kitchen. He leans out over the open bar to narrow his eyes at them from across the room. His attention zeroing in on Kyle. "Are you gay, kid?"

"Dude," Marcus snaps, waving a hand lazily at him. "You can't just ask people if they're gay." His reprimand falls flat as he slurs, voice indifferent.

"Why not?"

"I dunno. They don't like it, or some shit."

"Marcus, where'd you put the fuckin' vodka?"

"It's on the top shelf!"

"No, it's not. Get your ass in here and find it."

Marcus grumbles as he slumps out of his chair, staggering his way into the kitchen. Jake can hear them arguing, but his attention zeros in on Kyle as he slowly closes his laptop. Jake keeps his eyes down, heart hammering in his throat. His blood feels like ice in his veins, but his skin feels hot all over. He watches out of the corner of his eye as Kyle packs his things.

He should say something. He needs to say something. But Jesus fuck, what is he supposed to say?

"Kyle—" He starts, slow and wary, but Kyle cuts him off.

"I'm going to go home." His voice is strained and his words thick. When Jake tries to get a good look, he thinks Kyle's eyes might be glassy, but he keeps his head down and turned away. He can see the tension where he clenches his jaw. "You'll do fine on the test. Text me if you have any more problems."

Jake watches as Kyle picks up his bag and leaves. Slinks right out the door without his roommates noticing. A ghost, small and silent. He watches from his spot on the couch, rooted and frozen, heart in his throat and stomach rolling uncomfortably.

He fucked up. He fucked up again.

As soon as the door closes, he's off the couch, text book slamming down on the coffee table. He stomps to the kitchen, fury blazing, melting away the ice in his veins. "Guys, what the fuck?" He slams his fist on the wall, and both of his roommates spin around, eyes wide and mouths gaping, wobbling on their feet and holding cups and a couple of bottles between them.

"Jake, what—"

"Seriously? Did you seriously have to pick on him like that?"

"We were just having fun—"

"You were being an asshole, Marcus. You both were. Straight up fucking assholes."

They have the decency to look abashed and apologetic, and he knows them well enough to know it's genuine. "We didn't mean it like that."

"We were just trying to have some fun with the guy!"

Jake sighs, running fingers through his hair and tugging at it until it stings. "I know, but seriously? Don't be fucking douchebags. He's tutoring me so I can keep my fucking scholarship and stay on the team, so lay off him."

"Sorry, man."

"Yeah, dude, we weren't thinking."

Silence persists, heavy and leaden, for several moments before Marcus lifts up a shot glass. "Wanna take some shots with us?"

Jake sighs. He doesn't, but he also doesn't want to dwell on the fact that Kyle has walked out on him again because of his own stupid actions. He doesn't want to think about how he feels about that. Instead he holds out his hand. "Sure."