“Thanks for coming you guys,” I said as I closed the door behind the last of the party guests.

Well, not the very last. Sandra hung back and insisted on sticking around to help me with the clean up. I made my way back to the kitchen where she was already clearing the plates.

“Well, what do you think? A successful party?” I asked as I pulled up a seat to take a load off my feet for a minute.

“Very successful. People had a great time. Look how late they stayed.”

“Good. I’m so glad,” I said as I picked at some of the leftover food.

“Meadow, I can’t get over how amazing your place looks. It was a dump when you first got here. You’ve totally transformed it. You’ve got a serious gift for design.”

Sandra was always so generous with her compliments.

“Thanks, Sandra, that means so much to me. I’ve always been interested in interior design. I read all the magazines and obsessively watch home makeover shows. It’s funny, Paul joked about paying me to redo his place, but he’s not the only one tonight who mentioned it.”

“I don’t think Paul was kidding. I mean, it’s safe to assume he’s always joking about something, but I could tell he meant it. Who else asked you?”

“Reagan asked me to come help her update her bedroom, and Rachel and Chris asked if I’d be interested in doing their entire home,” I said.

“That’s amazing. You absolutely should follow up with all of them. Maybe this is a whole new career opening up for you, Meadow!”

“You think? I had so much fun doing my place. But don’t think I’m going to drop my shifts at the café anytime soon. I love it there.”

“I know you do,” Sandra said. “I need you to know how impressed I am with you. You are such an inspiring woman. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how far you’ve come over the last month. I know it hasn’t been easy, but you’ve shown such strength.”

Maybe it was the wine but I was starting to feel emotional. My eyes filled with tears.

“You’re the best friend I ever could have wished for, Sandra. I couldn’t have done any of it without you.”

“You’ve worked hard, Meadow. You got your first job ever and now you’re living off your own hard earned cash. You scored an apartment and transformed it into your home. Your freaking car was taken from you and you hardly blinked. You just cut your loss and found the perfect bike to get around town. You even signed your divorce papers. You’re happier and healthier than the woman who first arrived here. You should be so proud.”

“And you’ve helped me every step of the way, Sandra.”

I hugged her as hard as I could. To hear those words from her, and know she’d noticed everything I’d done meant the world to me.

“Sandra, you’re such an incredible friend. I’m not joking when I tell you that every night I thank God for bringing me a friend like you.”

Sandra held up her wine glass and I looked around for mine so we could drink to our friendship. I found it by the sink. We clinked glasses, which, to adult women is essentially the equivalent of a blood pact.

“Wait a minute. Is that the same glass you poured when I got here hours ago?” Sandra said.

“I think you’re right. Crazy. I was so busy I forgot to drink! Speaking of forgetting, I’m starving. I’ll take the spinach dip and you grab the rest of that nacho dip. Let’s go relax on the couch for a bit.”

I picked up the dip and bread and with my free hand, deciding to grab the bowl of chips while I was at it.

“Want me to bring your wine?” Sandra said, still in the kitchen.

“No thanks. I don’t think I’ll finish it. To be honest, I wasn’t feeling so good when I woke up this morning. I better take it easy. I’ve been a bottomless pit for eating, though. I haven’t stopped eating all day. It must have been my nerves from having everyone over for the first time.”

We sat quietly on the couch as we enjoyed the leftover party snacks. I turned to her to say something, but just as I opened my mouth, a big dollop of salsa fell from the chip I was holding, right onto my blouse. Sandra saw the whole thing and we both burst into hysterical laughter. We couldn’t stop. If we even so much as made eye contact, the laughter only got louder. I tried to compose myself and regain my breath.

“What I was trying to say was …” I started, as Sandra put a piece of bread in her mouth and let it roll out.

We both started laughing all over again. I think pure exhaustion had kicked in.

“I was trying to say, you’re right,” I continued when I got my breath back. “I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been. I’m so proud of myself for how far I’ve come in such a short time. I love Pismo Beach. I love my job. I love my new friends. I love my new place. I love my adorable pink cruiser bike. I’m so happy, but I have to be honest, I still feel like something’s missing. There’s something that’s holding me back from being completely happy.”

“You have so many reasons to be happy. What do you think is holding you back?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I know I have great friends, but there’s a part of me that feels … lonely. I know, I set out to be on my own, an independent woman, but I guess what I’ve come to realize is that even if I’m determined to fend for myself, it doesn’t take away my desire for a connection. You know?”

“Do you think you miss Matt?” she said, looking right into my eyes.

“No. No, no, no. Not at all. Letting him go was the best decision I ever made.”

“What is it then?”

“It’s Kane,” I blurted out, and then started crying.

“Kane?”

“I miss him so much,” I sobbed.

“But Meadow! I thought that was just one night…”.

Sandra stopped herself mid-sentence.

“You and him,” she continued, cautiously, “you think it was more than just a one night thing?”

I nodded my head and she put her arms around me.

“I had no idea!”

“I never said anything.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. He disappeared. I was afraid he didn’t want me. I was afraid of jinxing it. Now I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me. If he did, he wouldn’t have disappeared.”

“Oh, you don’t know that, Meadow.”

“Have you heard from him?” I said, sobbing into her shoulder.

“No, but believe me, if that night you two had was something special to you, I’m sure it was special to him too.”

“But then, where is he, Sandra? Where the hell is he?”

“If he’s stayed away this long, it’s got to be because he’s going through something. It’s bigger than just the blow out you had that morning. He never properly dealt with the trauma of what happened. He just retreated into himself. Now, at least, he’s finally dealing with it. That’s something, isn’t it? You don’t want to be with a man who’s still grieving for someone else.”

“I know. God, I feel so stupid, Sandra. I mean, I don’t even know why I’m so hung up on him. I literally have only known him for a day.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t tie yourself up, waiting for him, Meadow.”

“But I can’t think about being with anyone but him.”

Sandra said her next sentence carefully, worried about how I’d take it.

“But, I mean, you can’t count on him feeling the same way as you, Meadow. Maybe you should just start dating again. See what else is out there.”

I nodded. I knew she was giving me good advice, and I knew it was coming from a place of love, but the idea of moving on and being with anyone but Kane just made me want to die.

“I’m going to send you an email,” Sandra said. “It’s about love, and intentions, and making the universe give you the things you need, and it might seem a little hocus-pocus at first, but just give it a chance. It’s helped me so much with my life.”

I sighed. “Send me the email. I’ll check it out.”

I thought it was weird for Sandra to be giving me advice about intentions and the universe when she was still single. She was an amazing girl, don’t get me wrong, but I longed to see her find the right man, and I even had an idea in my head of who the right man for her might be, but I didn’t bring it up. In my experience, sometimes it’s best to say nothing when you really want two friends to hook up. Otherwise you might jinx it.

We finished up the snacks in silence and then said good night. After she left, I finished tidying up. Exhausted didn’t begin to describe how I felt. I looked at my watch and shuddered at the thought of how soon I had to be up for work.

I went into the bathroom and washed off my makeup and got into my pajamas.

Lying in bed, I scrolled through the photos I’d taken of the party on my phone. It had been a great night, but there really was something missing. Something big. Something I didn’t think I could live without.

Kane.

I opened up his Facebook profile, it was something I’d done a million times since our night together. Still no updates. No check ins. No sign at all that he was even alive. I scrolled through his photos and found the one I was looking for, my favorite. It was of him, standing on the beach. It looked like the sun was just setting beyond the horizon behind him, and he was pulling off a white tank top, revealing his perfect body. His eyes had a sultry look, like he was just waking up, and his hair was all messy as usual.

I reached down beneath the sheets and began to touch my clit, gently rubbing my finger back and forth over it, making myself horny and wet. It wasn’t long before my finger, then another, were sliding in and out of my pussy, making me wetter and wetter.

I fixed my eyes on his eyes, staring at the photo like my life depended on it, and felt the orgasm wash through me like a warm flood.

Seconds later, I was in a deep sleep, and in my dream, Kane was holding me by the ankles, my legs raised straight up into the air. I was lying on my back on the sand, completely naked, and his long, hard, perfect cock was sliding in and out of me like the piston of an engine. In and out, in and out, he kept moving, and I felt as if I was going to explode with love and desire.

When he finally orgasmed, I felt his cum pour into me and coat everything inside me with his scent. It was all his now. I was his. He’d marked me as his own, and I didn’t want it any other way. I wanted to be his, and I wanted him to come back for me and take me as his own.