“Please, Mom, you don’t understand. I just need to make sure he’s okay,” I plead with my mom in the middle of the police station lobby, refusing to leave until I get to see Sebastian.
It’s been nearly three hours since we were pulled over and Sebastian was stuck in the back of that police car, and I swear it’s been the most agonizing three hours of my life.
“I just had to leave in the middle of my shift to come pick my daughter up from the police station. Forgive me, Tess, but I don’t really care what you feel like you need,” my mom retorts in a tone I’ve only heard her use a handful of times in my entire life. “I thought I raised you better than this. Getting into a car with someone you knew had been drinking. God, how could you have been so irresponsible?” She scolds me, not caring that we’re on full display for anyone who cares to watch.
“You weren’t there,” I snap. “I was trying to stop him.” Tears re-boil to the surface, and it takes everything in me to fight them down.
The words no more than leave my mouth when an officer appears through a door along the back wall leading Sebastian into the lobby with Jonathan Baxter following closely behind.
“Sebastian.” My feet are moving before I even process the action, but my effort to get to him is quickly cut off when my mom grabs my arm and pulls me backward.
“It’s time to go, Tess.” She attempts to pull me toward the door, but I’m having none of it, fighting her the entire way.
“Sebastian,” I call to him, but he doesn’t look up, his head turned to the floor, hands locked in front of himself. “Sebastian!” I raise my voice, my tone pleading and desperate.
My mom quickly steps around me, placing herself directly in the path between us, which also happens to put her face to face with Jonathan Baxter who looks down at her with a scowl on his face.
“Perhaps you should learn to control that daughter of yours,” he suggests, his tone dripping with distaste as he moves to make his way past us, Sebastian on his heels.
“Me?” My mom whips around. “Your son is the one who got into a car drunk and put both his life and the life of my daughter in danger. I don’t think you have any room to tell me what to do with my child.”
“Well maybe had your daughter not pushed my son to his breaking point, he wouldn’t have been drinking to begin with.”
“What?” This time it’s my voice that breaks the surface. “You’re the one who pushed him to his breaking point!” I scream, the floodgates opening and tears now streaking down my cheeks. “You. No one else. So don’t pretend like you give a shit about Sebastian because we both know you don’t.”
“I can see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” he quips, his gaze bouncing between me and my mother. “Stay away from my son. I think you’ve done enough damage.” This statement is thrown directly at me.
“Oh, you don’t need to worry about that. There’s not a chance in hell I would ever allow my daughter near your precious son ever again.” My mom’s voice cracks.
“Mom!” I object, my stomach bottoming out.
“I mean it, Tess. I trusted that boy.” She points to where Sebastian is standing next to his father, his gaze still turned downward. “I trusted him with your life, and he repays me by putting you directly in harm’s way. I won’t have it. Never again.” She takes a deep breath. “This is over.” She gestures between me and Sebastian.
“You can’t be serious!” I scream, feeling like I’m coming apart at the seams.
“Oh, I’m very serious.” She turns back toward Sebastian who chooses this moment to look up.
One glimpse of his red swollen eyes and sullen expression, and I nearly hit the floor. I can feel my heart splintering off into a thousand pieces, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
“We’re done here,” Jonathan says firmly, pushing the door open, and swiftly exiting the police station. Sebastian hesitates just long enough that my mother has time to say one last thing.
“You stay away from my daughter.”
He nods only once and without saying a word, quickly turns and follows his father outside.
“Mom.” I’m at my breaking point, the emotion so thick in my throat I can barely manage to get the word out.
“My decision is final,” she says matter of fact. “Now, let’s go.”
***
“It’s for the best, Tess,” my mom says, shoving the car into park and shifting in her seat to face me. “I know it may not feel like it right now but it is.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” I refuse to look at her, keeping my gaze locked out the passenger side window.
“Yes, I do, honey. You think I don’t know what young love feels like?” She softens her approach. “I know how much you care for that boy, Tess, but after what happened tonight, there’s no way I can continue to allow you to see him. He put your life in danger. Does that not say anything to you?”
“You don’t know the situation, and you don’t know Sebastian.” I refuse to look at her.
“You’re right, maybe I don’t, but you are my daughter, Tess.” She grabs my hand, but I quickly pull it away. “You can hate me all you want, but one day you’ll see that I’m doing this to protect you. You are my world. You are all I have left of your father.” The emotion that takes over her voice has my gaze finally drifting to hers. She swipes at a stray tear before continuing, “If something happened to you…” She trails off.
“Nothing happened to me, Mom. I’m right here,” I reassure her.
“But something could’ve happened. Things could’ve ended much differently tonight than they did.”
“But they didn’t,” I continue to argue.
“Tess, I love you. It’s my job to protect you. Whether intentionally or not, that boy put you in horrible danger tonight, and I simply can’t take the risk that he’ll do it again.”
“Mom, please.” My tears resurface in an instant. “I love him.”
“I know you do. But, sweetie, he’s leaving in a few weeks anyway. I think this is best all around.”
“Best for you maybe. You’re determining my entire life based on one bad choice. Sebastian is everything to me, Mom.” My voice gets a little carried away as I struggle to reel in my emotion.
“Your entire life? I think that’s a bit dramatic. You’re only seventeen. Your life hasn’t even really started yet. Trust me, one day this will all just be a distant memory. You don’t see it now, but you will. One day when you have children of your own, you’ll know I did this out of love.”
“You can’t keep me from him.” The words seep out before I can stop them.
“I can. And I will. Even if that means I have to monitor you every waking minute,” she warns.
“Good luck with that,” I bite, directing all my anger at her.
“Phone.” She holds out her hand. “Give me your phone, Tess,” she continues when I just stare at her upturned palm.
“What?” I look at her like she has five heads. “I’m not giving you my phone.”
“Yes, you are. Because I pay for that phone. So either you give it to me or I’ll call and cancel your line. The choice is yours.”
“Mom, please don’t do this. Please,” I sob, my hands shaking and my stomach so knotted I feel like I might vomit at any moment.
“You wanna threaten me, Tess, I will hand it right back to you. Now give me your phone.”
I sit there for several seconds before finally digging my phone out of my back pocket, but instead of putting it in her outreached hand I throw it into her lap.
“Congratulations. I officially hate you,” I spit, throwing open the car door and stomping toward the house.
I spend the rest of the night locked in my room pacing. My mom doesn’t bother me. I think she knows right now is not the time. I still can’t wrap my head around how quickly everything fell apart tonight.
Sebastian.
God, just the thought of how broken he looked at the police station makes my knees tremble beneath my weight. My strong, confident, carefree Sebastian was gone, replaced by a hollow shell that couldn’t even look at me.
I know it only takes one night—one moment, one choice—to change the entire direction of your life. To take everything you thought you wanted or knew and jumble it into something almost unrecognizable. I experienced this first-hand the night I met Sebastian.
And now I’m terrified that this night—this moment, this choice—will change everything all over again. And not in a way that either of us ever saw coming.
***
I attempted to call Sebastian from the house phone the next afternoon while my mom was in the shower, but it kept going straight to voicemail. All I wanted was to hear his voice, to reassure him that no matter what my mom said nothing was going to rip us apart.
By Monday morning the knot in my stomach had grown substantially in size. I hadn’t slept in nearly two days and couldn’t stomach the thought of eating. I felt like my world was crumbling around me and had no idea how to fix any of it.
Sebastian never showed up for school, and his cell continued to go to voicemail. It was the same story on Tuesday. Again, a no-show. By Wednesday I’m running on fumes and just getting dressed for school feels nearly impossible.
When I walk into the building just after seven fifteen, I’ve all but given up hope of seeing Sebastian. So when I catch sight of him making his way down the hall, a rush of adrenaline runs through me and my body reacts as if on autopilot. I run to catch up to him, reaching him just as he stops in front of his locker.
“Sebastian.” My voice is winded, my chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as I work to steady my raging heart.
I was prepared for a lot of things but when he turns to face me, I realize I couldn’t have been less prepared for what I’m now looking at.
He looks like he’s aged ten years in the past three days. His hazel eyes are dark and there are deep circles underneath. He looks as bad as I feel. Oddly, that makes me feel a little better. It means he’s been just as miserable without me as I’ve been without him. For the first time since Saturday night, I feel a renewed sense of hope.
But that hope quickly comes crashing down around me.
“You shouldn’t be here, Tess.” There’s an edge to his voice I didn’t expect, and instantly my heart rate picks up speed kicking against my ribs like I’m in the middle of a marathon.
“What do you mean?” I blurt, hoping maybe I’m misreading the situation.
“I mean, you’re not supposed to be here—as in with me,” he says, turning his back to me as he fishes some books out of his locker. “Your mom was pretty clear.”
“I don’t give a shit what my mom says.” I grab his arm, trying to force him back around. “Sebastian. Look at me.”
“I’m sorry, Tess. I can’t do this,” he says, his back still to me.
“What?” I swear my heart stops beating altogether, a tingling sensation spreading down my face as everything starts to go numb.
“Your mom was right. I put you in danger. I could’ve killed you.” He finally looks at me, and the distance I see in his eyes tells me he’s already made up his mind. “This was good while it lasted, but I think it’s time we face the reality here. This was never going to work out long term. I think it’s easier all around if we just cut ties now and move on.”
“But you promised me.” I feel like the ground is going to open up and swallow me whole at any moment. “You promised we’d make it work. You promised.”
“I shouldn’t have promised something I knew I couldn’t keep.”
“You liar.” My voice echoes down the hallway drawing the attention of several classmates as they pass by. Normally I hate causing a scene, but right now I really couldn’t care less. “You’re pushing me away because of what happened Saturday, but you don’t have to. I love you, Sebastian. I know you would never intentionally put me in harm’s way. Things just got out of hand, okay?” The desperation in my voice only portrays a small fraction of the panic I feel creeping into every pore.
“I’m sorry, Tess.” He refuses to meet my gaze as he turns.
“Sebastian, please don’t do this. Please.” Tears pour from my eyes as I reach for him ,but he only shakes me off.
“I’m so sorry.” His voice is so low I almost don’t catch it and by the time I do, he’s already walking away.
I’m not sure how long I stand there, my mind in disbelief, my body trembling in shock. This can’t be happening, it’s all I can think. I close my eyes willing myself to wake up.
Just wake up!
When I open my eyes and find myself staring down the same hallway which is now void of students, everything seems to hit me at once. Without thought, I turn and take off full speed through the hallway.
When I reach the exit, I don’t stop. I push on, my feet pounding the pavement as I just run faster and harder than I’ve ever run before.
I don’t know at what point my legs finally give out. All I know is one minute I’m moving and the next I’m lying flat on my back in my front yard, looking up into the bright cloudless sky.
My chest heaves up and down as I try to catch my breath. I feel like I’m suffocating. No matter how much air I pull in it never feels like enough.
It’s not lost on me that this is a feeling I’m likely going to have to get used to.
Sebastian is my world, my air. I can’t breathe without him. I can’t survive without him. I can’t imagine a world without his smile, his touch, the way he sounds when he tells me he loves me.
The thought of never hearing that again has me rolling to the side, letting go of the small amount of juice I managed to keep down this morning. I choke and gag, feeling like I might die at any moment.
Collapsing back onto my back, I feel like the sky closing down around me, trapping me in a world I no longer want to be a part of.
I close my eyes—seeing his face, his eyes, his smile. But even those are quickly replaced by what I saw today. The sadness, the pain, the wall that was so clearly placed between us when nothing used to exist in that space.
Every painful moment of the last five days seems to leak over into all the happy ones—tainting them, changing them, ripping my happiness away piece by piece until all that remains is a hollow feeling in my chest and an aching loss in the pit of my stomach.