“Why the fuck do you think he does shit like this?” My father’s voice echoes through the house.
I can see him now. Pacing back and forth in his study, my mom sitting in the corner chair with her nose turned in the air like he’s to blame for everything and she’s never done anything wrong in her life.
They’re fucking delusional—both of them.
If I could strive to be one thing in life it would be to be the polar opposite of both of my parents’. There’s a reason I want complete control over my future, because any future where they’re involved in is a future I don’t want to be a part of.
I’ve spent too many years trying to please them, be the son I thought they wanted. Not anymore. Hell, I don’t give a shit if they hate me at this point, which given their current argument I would guess is a distinct possibility.
“You tell me, you’re his father.” My mom’s voice comes out calm but laced with bitterness. I’m sure it’s killing her to even be sitting in the same room as the man she’s married to.
Why they’re still together is beyond me. I can’t imagine staying with someone I couldn’t stand to be around for more than five minutes.
Tess’s face instantly flashes through my mind, and the sickening feeling in my stomach tightens. The way she looked at me as I was leaving the office, like she didn’t know whether to be sorry or feel sorry for me. I hate that I put that look there. I hate that I made her feel like she was somehow responsible for the way I went at Dylan.
Truth be told, I really didn’t think it through.
I saw him grab her arm and all I saw was red. I don’t even know what they were saying to each other when I reared back and cocked him right in the face. Once the first contact was made, I couldn’t stop.
All I could think is that he hurt her, he continues to try to hurt her, and all I wanted to do was hurt him in return.
I don’t regret fucking up his face for even a second, but I do regret how it all went down and how I left Tess standing in that office like she was seconds away from bursting into tears.
Had my father not taken my phone the second we left school, I would’ve already called her to reassure her that none of this was her fault. I know she’s probably blaming herself, and it fucking kills me that I can’t do anything to reassure her right now.
“Don’t pin this on me!” my father roars, pulling me back to the argument taking place in the next room over. “You’re his mother. You’re the one who couldn’t wait to have children when in all reality you just wanted to tighten the fucking noose around my neck.”
“As if you’re any better. Traveling all the time, disappearing with your little whores for days on end. Do you blame me for never wanting to be here?”
“Because you want for so much. Why the fuck did I move my firm halfway across the country? Why did I buy you this big expensive house? So you could spend all my money going to spas and fucking spirit retreats that are more like male-themed whore houses. Fuck all your problems away, do they?”
“Fuck you, Jonathan. You did this for you. Don’t for one second pretend like this wasn’t all about you. I didn’t want to come here. Sebastian didn’t want to come here. But we did anyway. You dragged us halfway across the country for what you could get out of it. Let’s not pretend like it was for any other reason.” My mother’s voice never changes.
Happy or sad, mad or elated—she always has the same dry tone. I think it’s because she doesn’t actually feel real emotion anymore. Trust me—if you knew even the half of the shit show that is this family, you’d know I’m right.
“Watch your mouth, Lydia. You may think you’re untouchable, but this is still my fucking house.”
“Our house,” she corrects him calmly, not missing a beat.
“Well, if you want it to stay that way you better do something about your son,” he retorts, a snarl in his voice.
“I don’t know what you want me to do with him.”
I know my father told me to stay put, but at this point, I have no desire to listen to this shit any longer. They’ll probably be at this for hours anyway. That’s typically how it goes. They’ll spend weeks not speaking to one another and then once they are forced to be in the same room together, everything boils over.
Making a beeline for the foyer, I grab my car keys from the side table before pushing my way through the door.
The alarm beeps twice the second it swings open, and I wait for a moment to make sure no one heard it. True to his nature, my father is too busy continuing his lecture to my mother about what an awful son she’s raised to even notice.
Quietly closing the door behind me, I hop in the black Alfa Romeo my dad bought me less than three months ago—another attempt to keep me happy and quiet. I guess he figures if he gives me whatever I want that it will somehow make up for the fact that he’s a sorry ass excuse for a dad.
I usually prefer my Jeep anyway, but considering it’s still sitting in the school parking lot where my father insisted we leave it, I don’t really have a choice. I’m sure it will be back in the driveway before morning. My father will no doubt send one of his minions over to pick it up.
The second I slide behind the wheel, I fire the engine to life and take off like a bat out of hell. The further I get away from this fucking house the better.
I know exactly where I’m going without even thinking about it—because there’s only one person I want to see.
Tess.
***
The sun has started to set, casting an orange glow over Tess’ small white ranch. I’ve been sitting outside, two houses down from her house for over an hour now. I’m considering sneaking around the back of the house and knocking on her bedroom window just as her mom comes out the front door and climbs into her car.
Thank fuck.
Yes, I could’ve just gone up and knocked on the door, but considering I haven’t officially met her mom, and after everything that happened today, I thought it best to wait.
Besides, for all I know, she’s already banned Tess from seeing me ever again. Not that I’d blame her. I have a tendency to fuck up everything good in my life. Why would my relationship with Tess be any different?
The first girl I’ve ever really cared about and less than a month into it I’m already showing my true colors.
I wish I could say I’m not that guy—the guy who loses his temper and reacts rashly—but I am. This is not the first time that I’ve acted first and asked questions later.
Letting out a slow breath, I climb out of the car as soon as I see Tess’ mom’s taillights disappear around the corner. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I make my way up to her front door—staring at the chipped paint for a long moment before finally working up the nerve to knock.
The door opens seconds later and the look on Tess’ face nearly knocks me back a few steps. Her pale face is flush, and there’s a sense of immense relief that washes over me when her eyes glaze over and a wide smile spreads across her mouth.
“Took you long enough.” Her arms are around my neck before I can even form a response, and fuck me if she doesn’t feel perfect pressed up against me.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter into her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. “I wanted to wait until your mom was gone,” I explain, pulling back to cup her face. “I can’t imagine she’s very happy with me right now.”
“Are you kidding?” Tess giggles, and I swear to god it’s my favorite sound in the whole world. My god, the things this girl is doing to me. “She is far from mad at you. Between you and me, she never cared for Dylan.”
I kiss her right there on the spot for no other reason than I just want to feel her lips pressed against mine.
She melts into my body like she always does, not an ounce of hesitation. I can’t describe what that does to me, knowing that what she witnessed earlier today didn’t change the way her body responds to me.
I was worried she’d be scared of me or hesitant at least. I can’t imagine watching me go crazy like that was easy for her. Hell, if it wasn’t for her stopping me, I might have actually killed the fucker.
Backing her into the foyer, I kick the door closed and continue my assault on her mouth, never wanting to stop kissing her, but all too soon she’s pulling back, looking up at me with those big blue eyes that make it hard for me to think straight.
“Before I forget, Mom wanted me to invite you over for dinner Monday.”
“Meeting the mom,” I tease, rubbing my nose against hers. “Does that mean you’re planning on keeping me around?”
“Just try and get rid of me.” She crinkles her nose adorably before wrapping her hand around the back of my neck and pulling my mouth back down to hers.
“Not a chance,” I say between kisses.
“So is that a yes then?” She giggles.
“Hell yes,” I mutter against her lips before adding, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” She pulls back slightly.
“I have to, Tess. I don’t know what came over me,” I try to explain but she places two fingers over my mouth, silencing me.
“It’s okay. I don’t care about how or why it happened. I just need to know that you’re alright.”
And just like that, she chips another piece of my protective wall away.
“Me? I’m more worried about you.” I cup her face in my hands. “I saw how scared you were in the office. I’m so fucking sorry that I frightened you.”
“I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared for you. Your dad—he’s a bit…”
“Of an asshole.” I snort, letting my hands fall away. “Trust me, I know.”
“I was going to say intimidating but yes, asshole will work.” She grins. “Are you hungry? Mom ordered a ton of Chinese food, but I wasn’t hungry at the time.”
“Starving.” I smile, allowing her to lead me into the kitchen.
***
“Is he always like that?” Tess speaks after several minutes of silence, her fingers mindlessly tracing circles across my stomach.
“My father?” I question, looking down to where her head is lying against my chest, her tiny frame tucked perfectly against mine.
“The way he talked to you.” She says it almost apologetically, like she’s sorry for even bringing it up again.
It’s almost one in the morning, and neither of us have spoken about what happened today beyond the small discussion when I first arrived. Instead of making me feel worse about everything, she’s actually made it her mission to make me feel better.
After stuffing me full of Chinese food, we snuggled up on the couch and watched reruns of Family Guy for a good three hours, laughing and joking like nothing even happened.
It was just after midnight when we finally made our way to bed. I had every intention of leaving and letting her get some sleep, but Tess insisted I stay and sneak out in the morning. She said she didn’t want to be alone, and truthfully neither did I.
That was over an hour ago and since then we’ve been laying in her bed, limbs tangled together, talking about everything and yet nothing at all at the same time.
“He’s not the easiest man to live with, that’s for sure,” I finally respond after a few long seconds, not really sure what else to say.
“What about your mom?”
“She’s not any better. In fact, she might be a little worse. I mean, she doesn’t yell at me or tell me what a disappointment I am like my father, but sometimes I think her silence says so much more.” I let out a slow breath, not missing the way Tess’ grip on me tightens.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice is so soft I almost don’t hear the words.
“Don’t be.” I continue to run my fingers through her hair as I speak. “It could be worse.”
“How could it be worse?” she asks, looking up at me.
“I could be poor,” I joke, laughing when she lays a hard smack to my chest.
“I can’t believe you just said that.” She squeals when I shift in the bed and she ends up pinned on her back beneath me.
“Would you have preferred I lied to you?” I grin down at her.
“No,” she answers seriously, her breath catching when I slowly lower my face to hers and plant a slow lingering kiss to her mouth.
My body once again stirs to attention, and I’m not the only one who’s aware of it. When I pull back Tess is looking up at me, gaze hooded, her chest rising and falling at a rapid pace.
“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I whisper, hovering inches from her face.
“Show me,” she challenges, and I damn near lose my shit right on the spot.
It would be so easy for me to take her the way I’ve taken countless girls before her, but I can tell by the hesitation she tries to hide that she’s not there yet. And honestly, that’s okay. I mean, it’s fucking torture—don’t get me wrong. But I can’t imagine a sweeter torture than one that I know will end with me getting to claim this girl in a way no one ever has before.
“Not yet.” I kiss her again, grinding myself down on top of her.
“Please,” she whimpers into my mouth.
“Soon, I promise. But not until you’re ready.”
“I am ready,” she huffs, growing frustrated beneath me.
“No, you’re not,” I reassure her, trying to stay strong for both of us. “And I’m not going to lose you because you felt rushed into something you weren’t ready for.”
“You’re not going to lose me. I want this, Sebastian. I want you.”
“God, you’re killing me right now.” I take a deep breath trying to hold my composure. “Let me ask you something.” I hesitate for a brief moment before trailing my hand down the side of her petite body, stopping on her hip. “How far have you gone before?”
Her cheeks instantly flush; even in the dim lighting filtering in through the hallway I can see it. She looks away, unable to meet my gaze.
“Look at me,” I challenge, waiting until her eyes meet mine before continuing, “There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Tell me the truth.”
“Nothing. I’ve never done anything.” She shakes her head from side to side.
“Never?” I ask, both turned on and completely floored by this knowledge. I thought for sure she at least had some experience.
“Never.” She bites her bottom lip, kneading it between her teeth nervously.
“But Dylan, you must have done something.” The last thing I want to do is talk about that douche bag while we’re in her bed having such an intimate conversation, but I need to know.
“We just kissed. That’s it. It just never felt right with him.” She lets out a shaky breath before continuing, “It feels right with you. Please, Sebastian, I want you to be my first—for everything.”
“Everything?” I question. “You mean you’ve never even…” I let the statement hang, my jaw going slack when she shakes her head no.
“I want all my firsts to be with you.”
I swear to god I almost come undone.
I shake my head and take a steady inhale. I’ve never been one to enact control over a situation before, and I have to say—it’s fucking hard. Especially with her small body withering beneath me, begging to be taken.
“Make love to me, Sebastian.” Her eyes plead right along with her words, but no matter how much I want to, I know it’s too soon.
Tess isn’t just any other girl, and I have no intention of treating her as such. When I take her—and I will—I want to know that there will not be one ounce of regret over it the next day.
“I will… Soon,” I promise. “But not yet.” The disappointment plays across every inch of her beautiful face. “But,” I quickly add, “there is a first I could take care of in the meantime.” I slide my body to the side so I’m positioned next to her.
I graze my fingers slowly up her leg, hesitating for only a second before sliding them up her loose-fitting shorts and then along the seam of her panties. Her eyes widen and her breathing quickens when she realizes what I’m doing, but she doesn’t hesitate, spreading her legs wider for me.
“Just close your eyes and breathe, baby,” I whisper, nearly losing it the moment my fingers brush against her bare, untouched skin.