Knox

I’m watching the clip Easton emailed me for the fifth time.

“Knox and I have decided to go our separate ways.”

I refresh the screen.

“Knox and I have decided to go our separate ways.”

I pause on her face. She looks beautiful. Fucking gorgeous. Her hair is swept back in a braid, showing off every color in it. I miss her so damn much, and it sucks that the first time I see her after leaving she’s saying this. I don’t see a smile or any light in her eyes. There’s only annoyance and irritation. But she looks breathtaking even when she’s driving a knife into my heart.

The feeling of betrayal pumps through my veins.

Why didn’t she come to me first instead of blindsiding me?

Yes, she hinted at not wanting a long distance relationship while I was on tour, but she’s still been texting me. We talk daily. How can you claim to go separate ways with someone that you’re still in constant contact with?

I feel like I’m the side-dick – the guy she’s trying to keep hidden from the world.

I pick up my phone and hit Thomas’ name.

“Hey, can we make a break in my schedule?” I ask.

“What do you mean make a break in your schedule?” His tone is annoyed, which I don’t blame him. “You just got to Tokyo.”

“Find time, ok? Even if it’s only for a day, I don’t care.”

“What’s going on? Where do you intend on going?”

“Home.”

He blows out a breath. “You do know that’s a fifteen-hour flight?”

“Do you think I give a shit?”

* * *

“We’ve decided to go our separate ways?” I blurt out as soon as Libby opens up her front door.

Her mouth falls open, and it takes her a few seconds to grasp that I’m actually standing in front of her. I’ve been on a fifteen-hour flight and probably look like I’ve been dragged through hell.

I have mentally, to be honest. My mind has been frantic with uncertainty since I saw the video, and I wasn’t sure what I’d be walking into when I showed up here.

“Knox.” My name sounds so sweet coming from her lips. I’ve missed that.

“We’ve decided to go our separate ways?” It kills me more with each time I say it. Those six words have been haunting me.

Her blonde hair is braided down the side, and she’s only wearing a sports bra and sweat pants.

She holds up her hand, struggling to come up with the right words to explain how she blindsided me with this. “Let … let me explain.”

“Let you explain? You explained plenty to the entire world! What happened to you wanting to keep our relationship private and between us and us only?”

She looks behind her shoulder before stepping outside and shutting the door behind her. “We talked about this.” Her voice lowers to almost a whisper. “We agreed that trying to keep a relationship while you’re away on tour … or in the spotlight, period, isn’t realistic.” Her eyes focus on the ground. Just like at the airport – she can’t even look at me.

“That’s bullshit. I’m perfectly capable of holding a relationship and being committed to you while I’m on tour and in the spotlight. It’s you, you and you only, who is so afraid, so goddamn scared of what people will say. You’re so worried about the possibility of your heart getting broken that you won’t even listen to it when it’s happy!”

She finally looks up at me, and when she does, I can see the shame on her face. I can see her fighting with herself to pull away. She loves me, so why is she doing this to us?

“This is what I was afraid of,” she finally says. “The destruction of our friendship because we crossed that line.”

I run my hands over my face and shake my head to hold back my hurt. “What we have is more than friendship, and you know it. Don’t try to minimize it for your convenience.”

“I’m not! You want me to be honest, to be real, and that’s what I’m doing right now! You have this silly fantasy that everything will work out between us. It’s unrealistic. Why can’t you see that?”

Silly fantasy?

I take a step back from her. “I’m awake, baby. Trust me, my eyes are completely open now.”

Tears start to fall down her cheeks, and I’m trying my hardest to stop my own. I’ve never felt this shattered, like someone ripped me open with promises and then infected me with lies. Why should I allow her to see me suffer if she doesn’t give a damn that she’s the one causing the pain?

“I don’t want to hurt you, Knox.”

“You already have! Why did you open up and give me what I wanted if you didn’t plan on letting me keep you? Why did you get my hopes up if you weren’t going to give me a fair chance? I can hold a relationship. I’ve done it before, and I did it for years. Maybe it’s you with the relationship issues.”

“You’re probably right,” she says, softly. Her response shocks the shit out of me. “I have commitment and trust issues that will tear us apart. I’ll never be able to trust you, and a relationship without trust is a relationship that’s never going to last. If you don’t answer your phone one night, I’ll think you’re cheating. There’s no changing that. I don’t know why I’m like this, but I am.”

I close the space between us to grab her hands in mine. “Let me show you it doesn’t have to be that way. Let me prove your fears wrong.”

She pulls away. “I’m sorry … I can’t,” she whispers before clearing her throat and straightening her back. “I know you have a show soon that’s halfway across the world. You need to get going. Don’t ruin your career over me.”

I throw my hands up in defeat and start to back away from her. “You’re going to regret this one day, I promise you that, and you’re going to die when you feel the same rejection and heartbreak that I’m feeling right now when you find someone you love as much as I do you. I promise you, it’s not pretty, and it’ll tear you apart.”