Libby

“I have my roomie back, la la la, I have my roomie back, la la la,” Mia sings as she comes skipping into my bedroom.

I got in a few hours ago and took an Uber home since Mia was going to be gone at a charity event with her parents all day.

I have my luggage unloaded, and the last load of laundry is in the dryer. I’ve been busy trying to unpack and get everything together for when classes start. I have a meeting with financial assistance in the morning to set up a payment plan.

During the flight, I went back and forth with myself on whether I should’ve accepted Knox’s offer of flying with me, but I had to insist he stay. He’s leaving the country in two days and is going to need plenty of rest. Not to mention, it would’ve only made our goodbye harder, especially after I hinted that things between us wouldn’t work out long distance.

My eyes had welled up, tears biting at me when we pulled up to the airport, and I’m grateful I had my sunglasses on. I had to stay strong. I had to be sensible. I couldn’t lead him into thinking everything was going to be all sugar and roses after I left.

“Am I still considered a roomie if I’m technically not paying rent?” I ask. I’ve offered to pay Mia for letting me stay here with her now that I have some money, but she won’t take it.

She moves over a stack of folded clothes and sits down on my bed. “I don’t pay the rent here either, so I guess we’re both getting away with it.”

I smile. That’s why she’s my best friend. Instead of making me feel like a loser, she makes fun of herself.

She smacks my bed. “Now I want to know all of the details about the tour.”

“It was busy,” I answer.

“That’s all the details? You were busy? Busy working or busy in the bedroom?” I stay quiet. “Or both?”

“I know you’re not going to let me off the hook, so both.”

“Yay! She finally got laid, ladies and gentlemen. Now I want to know everything. I want to know where your vibrator went, the truth about what happened with douchebag Adam, because I know the shit posted online are lies, and how Knox is in the bedroom.”

I spend the next hour giving her the scoop about the tour but try to stay away from talking about saying goodbye to Knox.

“Do you think you guys will stay together?” she asks, not letting me get away with it.

Her question hits me hard, and I can feel my heart pounding against my chest. “I’m not sure. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did he break your heart?”

I shake my head, a tear falling down my cheek. “No, I think I broke his.”

Her face goes soft, and she wraps her arms around me. “Then un-break it. You obviously have feelings for him, strong ones.”

“I love him.”

“You can fix it. You can be with him.”

“I can’t. It’ll never work out between us, and the longer it goes on, the harder the pain will be when it falls apart. He’s on tour, Mia. He’s traveling all over the world with girls throwing themselves at him every three seconds. Do you honestly think he’s going to stay celibate and wait around for a girlfriend thousands of miles away sitting in a classroom? I witnessed it happen with Adam, with my father, with all of his bandmates. Men cannot stay faithful being a musician, especially on the road.”

“Have you told him that’s what you’re scared of? Why you’re running away?”

“I’ve tried explaining it to him, but he doesn’t understand. He swears he’ll stay committed and won’t cheat, but I can’t trust his word, no matter how hard I try to talk myself into it. If I don’t trust him, it’ll never work.”

I’m wiping tears from my cheeks when my phone beeps. I pick it up and can’t help but smile.

Knox: My new assistant smells like pickles and hot sauce. She also won’t stop chomping on ice cubes. Would you get mad at me if I made her ride on top of the bus? It would be like a convertible.

My replacement is a woman in her thirties who seems nice and organized. Anna has worked as an assistant for a few other celebrities, but her schedule has never been as packed as it is with Knox. I told her she might want to stock up on Xanax or something because she seemed like a nervous wreck when it was time for her to take my place. I knew it was going to be a big change for Knox when I left, and he was probably going to give her a hard time at first, like he did me.

Me: Be nice to her. She had great references.

Knox: She’s not doing a bad job. She’s just not you.

His response tugs at my heart. She’s just not you.

I could give it all up, quit my job, drop out of school, and start working for him again, but then where would I be when things went south? I’d be out of a job and a college dropout.

Me: If you get rid of her, they’ll bring your mom back in.

Knox: Shit. Good point.

My phone vibrates with another message.

Anna: You said I could text if I needed anything. Do o you have a happy pill anywhere for this guy?

Me: Not a happy pill, but try Friends on Netflix.

Knox: Did you really just text her and say to put on Netflix like she’s my babysitter asking how to control a cranky child?

Me: You are acting like a cranky child. Be nice to her for me.

Knox: You want to know something that’ll put me in a good mood?

Me: Who knows with you.

Knox: Send me a sexy picture.

Me: I’m sitting in my room with Mia. She’ll think I’m a freak.

Knox: You are a freak, and I love it.

“Is that him?” Mia asks. I nod. “Be upfront with him right now. Don’t lead him on if you’re not sure what you want.”

“I will.”

At another time.