Libby

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mia screams as soon as I get back inside. She’s standing in front of me, arms crossed, face fuming. She points to the door. “That man is out there begging you to give him a chance. He loves you. Don’t shut him out because of your insecurities.”

“Stay out of my business,” I answer, walking around her. I knew she’d be eavesdropping on our conversation. The girl has ears like a hawk.

“No, I won’t. You’re my best friend, and I love you. It’s my job to be in your business and tell you when you’re acting like a fucking coward, and quite frankly, you’re acting like a fucking coward!”

Her words of honesty shove through my chest like a knife. Do I regret ending things with Knox? Yes. But I’d rather live with regret than go through a Knox heartbreak that will tear me apart worse than what it already is.

“I don’t want that life!” I scream.

“You’re not choosing that life. You’re choosing him. He comes with baggage, yes, and if you’re not thinking clearly, so do you.”

“Whatever.” I run up the stairs and slam my bedroom door shut.

“Fucking coward!” Mia yells again.

Tears are still slipping down my cheeks when I fall down face first onto my bed. I almost made a run for it when Mia looked through the peephole and said Knox was standing at the front door. I even considered not answering and acting like I wasn’t home, but there was no way she was letting that slide. She threatened to let him in and record our entire conversation if I didn’t go out there and hear what he had to say.

“Fucking coward!” Mia yells again.

And I know I’m going to be hearing those words all night.

I grab my remote, turn on my TV, and crank the volume up.

I have to drown her out before she convinces me to change my mind.

* * *

Three days have passed since Knox walked away from me.

Three days of fucking hell.

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve picked up the phone to call him. It’s killing me knowing I led him on and then pulled away when I felt like the time was right. I knew I’d eventually have to leave him on tour and go back to school, so I never should’ve let it go that far, but I couldn’t help myself.

People always fall in love at the wrong time in the wrong place with the wrong person. Love is never convenient. It’s the most difficult yet satisfying journey you’ll go through in life.

Damnit, why can’t our hearts just beat for us and that’s it? Why do we have to feel emotions through them?

I miss our little conversations. I miss his annoying and dirty texts. I miss eating breakfast with him every morning. You don’t realize how much you miss something until it’s gone and you know you’ll never get it back.

“Have you come to your senses and called him yet?” Mia asks when I walk into the kitchen. She’s asked me this same question every morning, making me feel even more like shit.

I grab a mug from the cabinet and pour myself a cup of coffee. “I told you to stay out of my business.” I start adding creamer while waiting for her to continue her preaching.

“And I told you that isn’t happening. If I was making a mistake like this with Dixon, you’d call me out on my bullshit and you know it. I’m your best friend. I want you to be happy, and Knox Rivers makes your usually grumpy ass happy.” She pauses and then grins wide. “Wow, I never thought I’d say something like that.”

“Trust me, neither did I,” I grumble, taking a sip of my coffee.

“Why are you so afraid of love?”

I set my cup down on the table before plopping down in a chair. “I’m not afraid of love.” She snorts, and I give her a dirty look. “I’m scared of that kind of relationship. The one where every girl wants the guy I’m dating, where creeps are following me around, and my pictures are in magazines talking about Knox cheating on me. I don’t want that shit. Never have. Never will.”

“You won’t even deal with it to be happy and with the man you love?”

“I thought I was in love before, but it was immaturity and delusion. I honestly don’t trust my heart anymore.”

“Quit comparing him to Adam’s bitch ass. Knox turned down every girl while you were together. He could’ve pulled a move like douchebag and snuck around with some skank in a dirty ass bathroom, but he didn’t.”

“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m comparing him to every single guy out there with girls throwing themselves at him. So drop it. I’m sick of hearing you lecture me about it.”

“Fine, I tried, and as your best friend, I’ll be here waiting for you to cry on my shoulder when Knox starts dating someone else.” I cough on my drink, and coffee splatters from my lips onto the table. Mia grins. The girl is smart. “See. How did it feel when I talked about him being with another woman? It hurt, right? It’s something that will happen, though. So be prepared.”

“I hate it when you make sense.”

“Text him. Call him. Do something before it’s too late.”

“I’ll think about it.”

I get up, pour myself another cup, and go back to my bedroom.

“Before it’s too late!” Mia yells to my back.

I pick up my phone from my nightstand.

I set it back down.

Then pick it up again.

Why did Mia have to implant the thought in my mind of seeing Knox with another woman? It pains me even to think about him putting his hands on someone else, his lips kissing hers like he did mine, and him doing the kind, romantic gestures he did with me.

Whoever that lucky bitch will be, I already hate her.

I pick up my phone again and start typing before I change my mind.

Me: I don’t want you to hate me.

There. I started the conversation.

But what if he doesn’t answer?

What if he ignores me?

My chest tightens, and I start to grow dizzy while I wait to see if I’m going to get a response. I’m mad at myself because I’ll be waiting all day with my phone in my hand until I get one now.

My phone beeps, and I’m almost afraid to look at it. I slowly bring it up and read the text.

Knox: I could never hate you.

His answer makes me feel even more like shit.

Me: I’m sorry.

I jump when the phone starts to ring in my hand.

It’s Knox.

Should I answer it?

It might kill me more to hear his voice.

I have to answer it – considering I just texted him.

“Hello?”

“I thought it might be easier to talk. Emotions can get mixed up in texts.” His sweet voice soothes me, and all of that built up tension and anxiety in my body vanishes at the sound of it.

“Maybe we should talk when you get home. I texted you because I’ve felt like complete and utter shit since you left my house. I should’ve handled things differently.” I should’ve invited him in so we could have a real conversation, and I definitely shouldn’t have sucker punched him with what I said to the paparazzi.

“That’s months away. I can’t be unsure about us for that long. I thought every shot I had with you was gone until I got that text. You sending me that proves you don’t want us to be over.”

“You’re right. I can’t pull away from you, but you’re in an entirely different country and time zone than I am. That’s a problem.”

“And? We have phones. We have the internet. I can book a private plane for either one of us in minutes. We don’t have to send a raven to talk to each other.”

“I know.”

“I miss you, and it’s killing me not talking to you. Your first day of school is tomorrow, and I haven’t even been able to see how you’re feeling about it.”

“Let’s take it slow. We’ll consider ourselves friends right now, okay? But I promise we’ll try when you get back.”

“Friends who have phone sex and send naked pics?”

I laugh. “Possibly.”