Clara

Sharing a bed with a man was a delicious indulgence I’d never experienced before. But ever since that night a few weeks ago, when Asher found me in his bed, he’d never let me leave it. It was a heady feeling that had had me constantly on edge and always horny. But on a day like today when I woke up feeling like twelve types of hell, I longed for an empty bed. My mouth was somehow dry and moist at the same time, and my stomach had decided to try out for the Olympic gymnastics team. I felt worse than the first time me and Boone had gotten drunk junior year of high school, but better than the food poisoning I’d gotten from bad sushi.

I just lay in bed, glad that Asher wasn’t here to witness any of this. He hadn’t said a word about my ill-timed declaration of love, so I didn’t think seeing me sick like that was what he’d signed up for.

When the room finally stopped spinning I opened my eyes again and raced to the en suite bathroom to empty my stomach. Still feeling like crap, I only bothered washing my face, brushing my teeth and brushing my hair before hurrying downstairs to get breakfast started. I was already twenty minutes behind and the boys needed to eat.

Okay, so far so good, I thought as I rolled out the dough for biscuits and popped them in the oven. But the moment the sausage patties hit the cast iron skillet my stomach did a backflip, and the dripping coffee had my mouth on a constant drip and I knew what was coming. Ten minutes later my stomach was empty again, but I was no longer sick. I still didn’t feel any better though. At least breakfast was ready and set out for the boys. As soon as they arrived I excused myself and went outside for some fresh air, happy I’d done most of the laundry yesterday.

From my spot on the porch I could see the garden in the distance, bright colors finally visible as evidence of my hard work and nurturing. Now that everything was starting to come in, I couldn’t help but think about all the other things I’d like to add. Maybe a row of herbs like basil, rosemary, parsley and thyme. And more vegetables.

I smiled and held my queasy stomach as I made the decision to get off the ranch today and take a bit of a break. In the months I’d been on the ranch, I had only been into town a couple times, and twice Asher or one of the guys had accompanied me. Apparently ranch living meant saving up all your errands for one day. Today was that day for me.

I picked up seeds, soil and nutrients for the garden at the feed store and headed to My Best Friend’s Closet to pick up a few things. Now that I was sharing a bed with a big, sexy cowboy I figured I needed some sexy lingerie to keep things interesting. I picked up a few pairs of shorts because they were essential for summertime in Texas, but a pretty dress caught my eye and I spent way too much time admiring the gauzy fabric, white with an American flag underlay so you couldn’t be sure you were seeing what you thought you were. The spaghetti straps would show off my shoulders and cleavage and it hung around the knees. It would be perfect for the Fourth of July.

“You should get that dress girly, it sure is pretty. If I had your rack, I’d wear ’em out every day.”

I looked up at the strong voice saying those outrageous things.

“Uh, thanks?”

“Name’s Betty Driver,” she gave my hand a strong shake for a woman who had to be close to eighty. “You’re Hawthorne’s new girl, aren’t you? Dolly was right, you are a looker.”

“Thanks. I’m Clara.” I picked up a lavender dress and handed it to her. “This won’t give you tons of cleavage, but I bet it’ll cause a stir among the single men in town.”

Betty laughed and snatched the dress from my hands.

“You stay here girl while I try this on.”

I laughed and did as I was told, paying for my purchases and picking out another dress for the feisty old lady.

“Try this too,” I told her and flung a fuchsia dress over the door.

“That color’s too bright for an old woman,” she grumbled.

“Good because I don’t see no old woman here. Try it on,” I urged, laughing when she mumbled something about stubborn young girls. Ten minutes later, she had both dresses in a cute purple bag walking alongside me toward the grocery store where we both picked up a few items.

“Oh look, come on!” I spotted a pet adoption in the park across the street and I knew just what Hawkeye Ranch needed. I put the bags in my van and made my way to the ring full of puppies. They were adorable with their high-pitched yaps and enthusiastic tongues.

“I’ll have these two,” I told the girl who handed me two applications. “What about that one for you Betty? He won’t get very big and they love to cuddle?”

Betty gave me the stink eye. But we left with three puppies instead of two.

I just hoped Asher liked my surprise.

***

Later that week I woke up again feeling awful. It took me fifteen minutes just to get out of bed, but I was able to get through the day. Just a little slower than usual. I was starting to get worried, thinking maybe I had a fatal disease, or food poisoning but if it were the latter, at least one of the boys would have it too. Right? I didn’t really know, all I knew was that even though I was tired all the time, sleep didn’t come easy, I couldn’t eat hardly anything.

All in all, whatever this was, it sucked.

Big time.

The only true bright spots were Bones and Hobo, the chocolate lab and golden retriever I’d adopted for the ranch. The men loved the puppies, doted on them and let them have free run of the property. Bones though was my favorite, and could be found at my side just like now, while I pinned the sheets on the clothesline to take advantage of the warm sunny day.

“You are just too darn adorable,” I told him.

He gave me those big brown eyes that made my heart melt. When I finished, I left Bones on a spot of shade on the porch, while I went to finish up my last task before starting dinner. Cleaning Asher’s office. Stepping inside the room that was quintessentially Asher with pine wood and plaid everywhere, his words came back to me.

“Don’t go rearranging things because I know where everything is. Exactly.” He’d given his best stern look, blue eyes intense and dark while I fought a laugh.

So I quickly cleaned the office, vacuuming and dusting while trying not to think about how much things had changed since my emotional outburst during our pre-dawn lovemaking weeks ago. What kind of amateur springs the ‘L’ word right after an orgasm?

“Apparently me,” I shook my head, disgusted with myself as well as Asher, who of course, said absolutely nothing about it. Still. So not only did I tell him I loved him, which I do, but I now feel like a fool because he obviously doesn’t return my feelings.

Distance. That was all I needed. Well, and maybe I needed to make a few friends around here so Asher and the ranch weren’t my entire life.

I blew out a breath and began dusting his desk, around all the clutter of course. I froze on a name that was very familiar to me. Megan Faulkner was the executive chef at Soupçon, a New Orleans restaurant I applied to months ago. I leaned in closer to read the note without touching it, all pretense of not snooping gone. I took in the small print in Asher’s neat block handwriting.

Clara. Job. Call back. That was all it said and my heart stopped as my blood ran cold.

Someone had called about a job and Asher had kept it from me. Well I might be inexperienced in the bedroom but I had a Ph.D. in dealing with controlling men, so I waited until he came in for his late lunch to confront him.

“Anyone call for me Asher?”

He scowled in my direction but I wasn’t intimidated.

“You’re going through my things now?”

A bitter laugh escaped, and I shook my head.

“You asked me to clean your office, remember? Or maybe I’m wrong, maybe Megan Faulkner didn’t call for me at all. Tell me she didn’t Asher.”

“She did,” he said sheepishly.

“When?” I had to know how long he’d been sitting on this information. I don’t know why but I just did.

“I meant to tell you but you brought in lunch and we started talking and I forgot.”

“Lunch?” My voice was a screech I knew, but I was shocked that he would do this. “So she called the day you asked me to stay?” Who was this manipulator who’d stolen my heart?

“Yeah,” he mumbled and went to the sink to wash his hands while I pulled his lunch from the oven and set it on a plate with much thumping.

“Why?” I asked because I had to know. I set the plate down in front of him harder than I needed to, but dang it, he deserved it.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

I refused to let my silly heart read more into that statement than he meant by it.

“Why?”

“What do you mean?” He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this job Asher and why don’t you want me to go?”

It was an important question for me and his refusal to answer infuriated me.

“You’re not happy here?” he asked, blonde brows dipped low in confusion.

“That is not the point. Why don’t you want me to go?”

It was dumb to hope Asher would suddenly declare his love when he hadn’t in all the weeks I’d been sleeping with him, but my heart hoped anyway.  I’m a dummy.

“Clara please, I don’t have much time to eat.”

“God dammit Asher why don’t you want me to go!” I knew instantly I shouldn’t have sworn at him, my granny would be appalled.

He dropped his burger back onto the plate, blue eyes cutting right through me.

“Because you’re a damn good housekeeper Clara.”

Ouch. I sucked in a breath at the pain of those words lashed over my sensitive flesh and then I nodded.

“Right. Okay.” I nodded again, scanning the room, for what I had no clue, but I knew I had to look at something other than Asher. Do something else so I didn’t fall apart. I couldn’t fall apart in front of Asher. The jerk. I know he never promised me anything, but I felt hurt and irrational.

Slowly I turned to the oven and shut it off before climbing the stairs in a daze. In my room I packed while I waited Asher out. I just couldn’t stay here. Not like this, and not now that things were so complicated between us. I felt bad leaving with no notice, but I didn’t trust myself not to break down, and the guys would wonder why. Plus, after lying to me, I didn’t think Asher deserved the benefit of a notice.

No, I would make dinner tonight along with written instructions for the casseroles and one pot wonders I’d frozen for emergencies and they would be fine.

When I was sure Asher was gone again, I made quick work of dinner and laundry before I grabbed my bags. Three trips later my van was loaded and Hawkeye Ranch was in my rearview mirror. It felt strange to leave, this place had started to feel like home. I had let myself love it like it was my home. It was where the man I’d fallen in love with lived, so, of course it was where I wanted to be. But I wouldn’t be here, ever again. I would send for my things stored in the attic when I got settled somewhere else, but I would never look into those amazing blue eyes again. I knew that much. I would never inhale that scent of man and hay and Asher.

The road finally turned to highway and my speed picked up, but not for long as I spotted Betty and her giant lavender Cadillac on the side of the road. Sort of. Half the car was in the lane and I was terrified she’d get clipped.

“Hey Betty, what’s up,” I asked through her passenger door.

“I was headed over to the big Wal-Mart over in Lake Marigold to pick up a few things when I realized I wasn’t wearing my glasses. I could see just fine, and then when I realized I didn’t have them, I couldn’t see worth a lick. I pulled over as best I could,” she said, sounding worried.

“Don’t worry Betty you did the right thing. These yahoos will just have to go around for now.”

I knew I was gonna have to get in there to move the car and maybe take her to Lake Marigold. “I’ll move your car Betty but I need you to get out on this side to avoid traffic.”

Big brown eyes went wide with fear.

“I’ll get just out on this side Clara, they’ll have to stop for an old lady. This ain’t the big city girlie.”

I watched in horror as Betty pushed open her door to oncoming traffic.

“Betty stop,” I called to her as I tried to grab the door so she couldn’t get out only I wasn’t fast enough. I tried to push Betty back in, but there was a sudden searing pain in my leg and I went flying through the air, just seconds before my world went black.