Roark
Esad knew the capabilities of the royal flyer, and still he attacked. That showed his complete desperation and hatred toward Zorvak. Ardak was rumored to be his bastard son, so did he feel the same way? Were we still in danger, or was he with Esad on the flyer?
Just as I aimed at the target and pressed the weapons release button, Esad fired at us, scoring a direct hit.
Before the blinding pain, I knew I had hit his flyer, at least disabling it. The rest was a haze, snippets which bled through unconsciousness.
Sparks…heat shooting from the control panel…searing pain on the left side of my face…Lara taking some of the pain away, helping me to the bed. Lying as helpless as a youngling who needed his mother. Lara rubbing the salve on my burns, easing the pain until it was completely gone.
It was humiliating that I needed her to shoulder some of the pain as I lay there, weak, unable to protect her as a bond mate should.
I had not told her about the bonding ceremony, or explained much about being a Compatible. It was easy to see that I should not have bonded with her. Besides not being able to protect her the way I should, my skin was now charred. I could feel it drying out every moment, and I did not delude myself into thinking it would look the same again, or even vaguely normal. Lara deserved so much better than a monster, and that’s how others would see me now.
I knew she wanted to help, so I asked for some water. As she held the cup to my lips, the humiliation intensified; I blocked our connection to spare her my grief.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” she asked, her lips quivering slightly, even as she tried to remain strong for me.
This is all wrong, she should not have to be strong for me. For ME! I railed inside my mind.
But I kept my tone neutral as I spoke. “No thank you. Just let me rest.” And then I turned my back to her.
I waited, and finally heard her walk away.
***
Guilt rode me hard through the night. I should have been in the control room. Instead, I was in bed with Lara. I had spent the entire day with her, which left me exhausted when Zorvak came back. At some point, he must have laid down also.
That didn’t excuse my actions. My job was to guard him, protect him—not the other way around. Instead of doing my job, I had devoted most of my time to Lara, even knowing that Esad posed a huge threat. Lara was clearly a distraction, one I didn’t need or deserve, especially now that I looked hideous.
Not knowing for sure, I slowly climbed out of bed and headed for the bathing room. I needed to see the extent of the burns. Not that I considered myself vain, but now that I faced the situation, I would not bind her to someone like myself.
Staring into the looking glass, the damage was worse than I expected, and I had to wonder if it would heal at all. A thinning blue salve covered bright red oozing burns with charred skin around the edges; it looked angry and I knew that without the salve, the pain would still be blinding.
It would take several hours for the medication to wear off; when it did, I would shoulder all the pain myself.
Changing shirts, I headed for the control room and found Zorvak sitting alone. Suddenly I realized I hadn’t even thought about him, or if he was injured, and the guilt came swift and consuming.
Zorvak glanced over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes. “What are you doing up?”
I lowered myself into the chair and started checking the coordinates, ensuring that no other flyers were closing in on us. After a moment, I realized I still hadn’t answered him. Vaguely, I replied, “My duty.”
“You need to go lay down.”
“I am fine.”
At the tone of my voice, he swung his gaze toward me and clinched his jaw. “With the increased speed, we will be home later tomorrow. Until then, rest. That is an order.”
Angry, I shoved up from the chair and stomped away. He didn’t want me to do my job? Fine. I headed to the engine room, somewhere I could be alone and still feel like I was contributing something.
Something wasn’t right though. Trying to follow the conduits, I saw some of the wires had been burned from an electrical surge, and replaced with… where did they come from?
Tracing each one, trying to discern what worked and what didn’t, I quickly lost track of time. It started slow, but the pain from the burn built, and now it was almost unbearable.
Taking in slow deep breaths, I could feel that my throat was slightly swollen.
Just don’t panic.
Now utterly blinded with pain, I stumbled back to my sleeping quarters.
In and out of consciousness, I didn’t know how much time passed. I hadn’t seen Lara, and if she came to bed, I never noticed.
The next time I cracked open my one good eye, Lara was slumped over in a chair sleeping. My heart ached at her beautiful face, knowing that I could never really have her again. I couldn’t do that to her.
Her eyes blinked open and she yawned. Her gaze locked with mine, and then her eyes widened.
“Roark, you’re awake!” She jumped out of the chair and knelt beside the bed. “I’ve been so worried about you. How are you feeling? Do you need anything?”
At first, I couldn’t answer. My face still felt like someone was holding a torch against my cheek. I knew what I needed to do, but I couldn’t get the words out. If I opened myself to her, she would know the truth. Swallowing hard, I steeled my voice. “I need you to leave.”
Her face fell, water welled up in her eyes and I knew I had wounded her deeply.
“You don’t mean that!” she cried.
It took me a moment to finally say, “Yes, I do. Please leave. And don’t come back.”
“Please…” she begged.
The pain in my heart matched the pain on my face, but I needed to finish this. “Leave.”
She stood, staring at me for a minute or so. My face remained hard and impassive until she spun around and ran from the room.
It was finished.