Lara
I made a mad dash for the bathroom—again—and threw up everything I had eaten for breakfast. I rinsed my mouth before heading back to the kitchen.
Girgia looked up at me, her eyes wide. “You alright?”
I rubbed the top of her head. “Fine, sweet pea.”
Ersa eyed me suspiciously. It had only been three days since Roark started telling me bedtime stories (as I referred to them), but my symptoms had worsened considerably.
My imagination kicked into overdrive and I feared that I had contracted some kind of bacteria in my stomach, which was now making me sick. And then suddenly it morphed into the concept that I might be pregnant and when the baby heard dad’s voice, she (or he) went haywire.
I didn’t want to think about being pregnant, but I couldn’t ignore the symptoms. The way Ersa kept glancing at my stomach, it was clear she also thought it was a possibility. But could Roark and I even have a baby? Cami was still childless.
After I helped Ersa clean up, she sighed heavily. I knew this was not a conversation she wanted to have.
“Are you with young?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Don’t know.”
“Is it a possibility?”
I nodded. Technically, I had had unprotected sex several times. Leave it to me to be the fertile myrtle. Tears filled my eyes; I didn’t know if they were happy or sad tears.
Ersa put her arms around my shoulders and hugged me, the way my mom used to.
Ji’si, are you alright? I stepped back and laughed.
Even though I refused to answer back, Roark never gave up. “Can ask something?” Ersa nodded. “What ji’si?”
She raised an eyebrow. “It is a term of endearment, like love.”
Roark had been calling me that since our first encounter. Closing my eyes, I blew out a long, slow breath. Maybe it was time to see him again.
“How far mansion?”
“You decided to go?” she asked, and I shrugged. “Maybe three- or four-hours’ walk. I am sorry, I do not have an air vehicle.”
“Go tomorrow.”
“Alright, I will give you some food to take, and a cloak to wear. If you are sure?”
“I am.”
All day I thought about seeing Roark again, while entertaining the idea of being pregnant. Girgia and Idlon had stolen my heart, so having a little one didn’t scare me so much as it might have prior to meeting them.
I played with the girls, tucked them into bed, then finally settled on the couch. I was both excited and nervous. Now I just had to find him without someone spotting me first. If some guard accosted me, I would be pissed.
I feel your excitement, ji’si.
I smiled, but still didn’t respond.
Are you ever going to talk to me?
Should I? What would I say?
Please, Lara. I am begging, and the Captain of the Royal Guard never begs anyone for anything.
I hesitated. Once I opened the line of communication, there would be no going back. My heart would be laid out, and he might well trample it once again. The question before me was, could I trust him? I didn’t have the answer to that; yet deep inside, I understood that at some point, I needed to take a leap of faith. If not now, then when? If I was with child and he discovered that first, I wouldn’t trust his reasons for taking me back. This—us—needed to be settled first.
With that in mind, I closed my eyes, took the leap, and answered: You hurt me.
Oh, Lara, I am so sorry! I honestly thought I was doing what was best at the time. Where are you?
Safe. I almost laughed as I realized that I was using short sentences. I still can’t understand why you pushed me away when you needed me the most.
Ego. I have been forced to think about it the last few weeks and at first, I thought I was doing it for you. It’s hard admitting that you need someone to take care of you, that you are unattractive because of the scars. But these are my shortcomings, not yours.
When we arrived, everyone left me, I pointed out.
Cami is guilt-ridden over this, and making Zorvak thoroughly miserable.
Good. I not only heard his laughter, I felt it.
Zorvak would not agree. I felt the tension growing until finally he asked, If you will not tell me where you are, will you tell me if you are at least eating regularly? Are you alright? We have all been worried.
Yes, I’m okay. I haven’t missed any meals yet.
Will you please come home?
Even though I liked the sound of that, I felt my temper flare.
Home? Where is home? I thought I would stay with you, but you didn’t want me. Remember that? I would enjoy getting reacquainted with my friend!
You heard that?
Yeah, I heard that! So to answer your question, no, I will not be going home. My home is on another fucking planet, and I will never see it again!
It might have been the hormones, or perhaps I simply needed to get this off my chest. Whatever the reason, I wanted to yell at him.
Your home is with me, he insisted.
I don’t know. We’ll see.
Lara, I have told you I am sorry. What else do I need to do?
I don’t know. I need to rest now.
And then I shut him out. I snuggled under the blanket, my mind whirling as I replayed all that Roark had said. How could he possibly make things better?
****
The next morning, I rose early. Ersa had fixed some food for me to eat, and some to take on my trip.
“Here, wrap this around you. It will keep you warm and hide your hair,” she said kindly, handing me a red cloak.
It was genius. When the others saw red, they would dismiss me. Hopefully. I took it from her hands and slipped it on. “Thanks.”
Girgia came down bounding down the hall and wrapped her little arms around my legs. “Where you going?”
I knelt down and looked into her beautiful ebony eyes. Her black lashes fluttered as she stared solemnly. “I go but be back soon.”
She threw her arms around my neck. “Stay.”
I hugged her tightly. She was breaking my heart. “Be back soon.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
“Alright.” Girgia back away and hugged Ersa’s legs.
I tiptoed down the hall into Idlon’s room to find her fast asleep. I gently kissed her forehead, and quietly left. I would miss those little girls.
Back in the living room, Ersa handed me a basket of food. “Walk toward the mountains, and you will find the mansion.”
I knew that I needed to head toward the high-rises, and I felt confident I could retrace my steps.
“Thanks, Ersa, for everything.”
“Be careful.”
I nodded and walked outside.
The cool air stung my cheeks, but I didn’t care. Most people ignored me in this cloak, but occasionally, someone noticed the alien walking among them and stared, though no one tried to stop me.
It all looked so…normal. Shops were open and people were laughing as they walked. But as much as I wanted to enjoy the scenery, my mind kept turning to Roark. I still hadn’t completely forgiven him.
An hour into my trip and I needed to eat. I took out one of the sweet pastries, and nibbled as I walked. Two hours later, I was just outside the city when I felt the urge to throw up. I took a deep breath and my stomach settled a little.
The third hour passed. I was exhausted, but I saw the guard shack in the distance, so I knew I was almost there. Instead of continuing on however, I took a seat just out of sight between two trees; I didn’t want to see Roark when I could barely stand.
A short time later, I heard footsteps. I was hidden fairly well, so I remained still and didn’t look up. Perhaps my presence would go unnoticed…
Then a pair of big black boots stopped right in front of me.
“Show yourself!” a deep, authoritative voice snapped.
I remained still, but he simply knocked the hood from my head.
I looked up and saw his shocked expression.
“We have been searching for you,” he said.
“I know. Tired. Must rest,” I replied in broken Standard.
He glanced in both directions; I sensed his discomfort. Then he gestured to the ground next to me. I guess he wanted to sit down. I nodded.
“I am Voth,” he said, hugging his drawn-up knees.
“Lara.”
“You are Cami’s friend.”
“Yes.”
“Are you alright?”
“Tired.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why are you talking like that?”
I pointed to my ear. “Translator.” He nodded. “Learn Standard little.”
“Ah, you can understand me fine, but are having trouble communicating.”
After sitting for a few more minutes in silence, I slowly stood up, then asked, “Roark?”
“You want me to take you to him?”
I nodded.
“Alright,” he replied genially. “Come.”
Voth brought me to some rocks on the far side of the arena, and I sat down to watch Roark in hand-to-hand combat. Dressed in only white shorts, his muscles glistened and bulged with every movement. He looked bigger and stronger than any of the other men there. At one point he stood, hands at his sides, while another guard tried to sneak up behind him. As though he could sense the other’s presence, he moved away just in time.
A few times I held my breath, but no one could best him.
And then his gaze locked with mine…
My breath caught, my heart stuttered. Even scarred, he looked as handsome as ever.