Madison

When Mike drops me off at the house, I can tell from a mile away that I'll be alone.

There's no cars. The lights are out. It isn't quiet because it never is, but the house will be mine for who knows how long.

"I can come in."

"No, it's okay. I don't mind being alone."

"Yeah?"

"I'm a little overloaded after the party, to be honest."

"Yeah, that didn't look like your scene, but then again, Asher didn't look like your kind of person either." Mike's words don't carry any malice, from what I can hear, just confusion, and I don't blame him. Not really. Being anywhere near Asher Brent wasn't something I planned on in any serious way anyway.

"Things change," I say.

"And people?"

"Sometimes, yes." We're both silent, and I don't know how to fill it.

"Are you-- I mean, would you be mad if I were with him?"

"Does it matter?"

"You and Ashlyn are the all the family I have, so yeah, it really does."

My words sober him, it seems, as he turns to look at me.

"Do I think he's some kind of neanderthal? I do. But I don't care if he is as long as he treats you right."

"He does."

"Does he? Madison, you deserve a good guy."

"And that's what he is."

"Then that's all I need to hear."

I slip out of his truck and head to the door. His lights stay on me to guide the way.

I make it to the door and offer a small wave to know I'm okay and he slips out of sight.

When I enter, I flick on the nearest light, the small chipped lamp on the side table, and I see the room dirtied in front of me.

I won't clean it up. I won't. Not tonight. I'll tell myself as much I need to as I walk to the kitchen.

There's a note on the counter from Ashlyn, and I pick it up to read she's gone to her friend's house for the night. She's sorry about the mess. Momma and Beau left it before she got there and weren't there when she was. She went on to say that her friend was waiting outside or she would have cleaned it up then.

I know she's good, but she doesn't need a twin to my guilt following her around.

Walking to my room, I try not to look at anything too closely. It'll set off my OCD if I do. I'll want to right everything, and I just want the night off to not.

In my room, I'm calm. It's small, but other than Ashlyn's room, it's the only part of the place that actually feels like home.

I lay on the bed and stare at the popcorn ceiling.

I hear the buzzing of insects outside of my window and the sounds of someone yelling at someone else, but it's far enough away to only cause a light level of concern.

I want to go to sleep. I want to not think. I want too much.

An hour passes and sleep doesn't come. I knew it wouldn't, not when I can still feel Asher's hands on me. Not when I can still feel the weight of him grounding me and making me feel like I was a part of something. Not ever then.

I grab my phone from next to the bed and stare at the screen.

A few flicks of my fingers and I could be speaking to him. If he answered. If he wanted to receive my call.

A few taps later and I could be disappointed. Again. By him, by life, but I don't want to believe that's true. Not after his words in the hallway, not after the way he touched me like he didn't want anyone else to ever again. Not that anyone had.

Come over?

The text is sent before my common sense can catch up. My phone buzzes instantly.

Be there in ten.

The party is over twenty minutes away, and I smile, before worrying about him getting hurt by speeding over.

Be careful.

On the drive over.

With my heart.