“Dude, you look like shit.” Jax kicks the pizza box at my feet and pushes off the mountain of laundry at one end of my couch before he drops down next to me.

I barely grunt a response as I stare at ESPN. They’re replaying last week’s interview Maddie and I did, and I’ve been rewinding it for the last half hour, torturing myself. The only reprieve I’ve had is the fact that my date for the bachelor contest is a seventy-five-year-old widow named Lucille.

Pointing the neck of my beer toward the TV, I say, “Right here. She knew. Look at her eyes. She fucking knew all those girls were sneaking into my room. All I had to do was tell her. That’s it. Maybe it would have hurt her, maybe she would have been pissed, hell, maybe she wouldn’t have believed me, but it’s better than her thinking I’m an outright liar. All I had to do was open my fucking mouth and tell her.”

“Have you groveled? Begged her to listen? Sometimes ya gotta beg, man. I myself have done that once or twice with Dani.”

“Dude, if I could fucking find her, I would. She isn’t taking my calls, and Sheri swears she has no clue where Maddie went. Maddie just told her she was staying with a friend, that she didn’t want to be next door to me. That she couldn’t handle the headboard once that got going. Whatever that means. The girl packed a bag the night of the contest and left.”

“What about her job? You could track her down there.”

I glare at him. “Idiot, she’ll lose her job if her boss thinks we’re sleeping together.”

Jax looks confused. “I thought he already knew about it.”

“He could have been talking out of his ass to get me to stay at the gala. I have no idea, and I’m not willing to risk Maddie’s job to find out.”

“How about you just wait for her to leave her job? Like, camp out by her car until she comes outside.”

I make a face. “You creeper. I’m not going to fucking stalk her.”

My buddy punches my arm, and I sink deeper into the couch. “How did your game go last weekend?”

I close my eyes. “Like you need to ask. I played like shit. We won, thank fuck, but I had very little to do with it.”

“And you’re drinking during the season. Gotta say this is a first. Even when Veronica was acting like a crazy bitch, you’d just put all that shit aside and play football like it was your lifeline.”

“It was. I don’t know how I got away from that.” I rub the spot on my chest that’s been aching for days. “I just can’t get my head straight. It’s like I can’t fucking breathe.”

We’re quiet for a while, and I listen to Maddie’s voice come through the speakers. God, I feel like a pathetic asshole, sitting here watching our interview over and over again.

Finally, Jax turns off the TV. “Some of the guys and I are headed out to get tattoos tonight. Wanna come? Sometimes you gotta brand that shit on you so you don’t forget. Life lessons and all that. It’s better than sitting here, being a sad sack.”

Laughing, I close my eyes. “I’m pouring my heart out to you, and you want to get a tattoo?”

“Yup.”

My shoulders slump. “Fine. Fuck it. Let’s go.”

* * *

Jax’s friends meet up with us on Boylston Street, and Jax grumbles, “I can’t believe this is the place the guys picked.”

“Why? Are we going to get tetanus from their needles or something?”

He shakes his head and groans. “I wish.”

We walk in, and I’m relieved to see such a spotless parlor. It’s a beautiful setup, actually. Exposed brick walls, two rows of black leather chairs, framed artwork everywhere.

A tatted-up guy walks up to us and motions to Jax. “You gonna let me ink you up, man?” Then he laughs.

“Fuck, no. I’m not an idiot.” Jax turns to me. “Here, you can do Sloan.”

I look back and forth between them, a little more than certain that they hate each other. “Bro, you’re freaking me out,” I tell Jax.

“Brady might be an asshole, but he’s a great artist. I promise you’ll be happy with his work.” Then Jax smacks me on the back and walks off to talk to his friends.

Brady shrugs. “I’m old friends with his girlfriend Dani.”

“You mean fiancée.”

“Whatever.” He sighs and runs his hands through his black hair. “We doing this or what? You have some idea of what you want?”

I check out the lines that snake up both of his arms. The guy has some really nice pieces, which assuages my anxiety.

Nodding, I describe what I’m looking for, and he motions for me to grab a seat while he sketches the design.

Two hours and three beers later, I’m still not sure how to get Maddie back. This might be the dumbest thing I’ve done yet, but I’m hoping the effort counts for something.

* * *

The next morning, I’m so grateful I don’t have to haul my ass to an early practice I could cry. My mouth is pasty, and my eyes are glued together. I groan and try to sit up.

“Want some coffee?” a female voice calls out.

What the fuck? My heart starts to thud in my chest. In a panic, I look around and realize I’ve been passed out on Jax’s couch. And that voice must be Dani’s.

Thank you, Lord. Because I really can’t deal with another girl trying to break into my place. I take a deep breath to calm down. “Yeah, thanks, Dani.”

Dropping onto one of the bar chairs, I gratefully take the coffee. I smile at Dani, but her mouth twists into a frown.

“What’s wrong?”

Her frown deepens. “I might not be the best person to tell you this.”

I lean forward. “Tell me what?”

“You’re going to be upset. Jax said he’d be right back. He went to grab some bagels. He really should be the one to tell you.”

“Dude, you’re seriously freaking the fuck out of me.”

She chuckles and then frowns again. “Okay, but don’t shoot the messenger. Promise?”

I nod, about to pass out from holding my breath.

She motions back toward the living room, and I follow her. “You should sit down first.”

I comply, hoping to hell she gets to the point soon. Then she turns on the TV.

“What are we looking for?”

“It’s everywhere. I won’t have to look too far.”

Click. Click. Click.

And then she stops on some celebrity gossip show. The word “scandal” is emblazoned in red letters.

Dani looks at me warily. “Maybe we should start with the video first. This will all make more sense if we start there. But the video isn't on television." After switching to the internet, she glances at me a second before her eyes dart away. "You know. Because of legal reasons."

No, I don't know.

My skin is crawling as I wait for her to play the damn thing already.

She clicks around and finally ends up on some file sharing website.

The video is grainy. Like something off a phone. It shows a couple on a bed. Some naked guy is straddling a girl’s chest. He sounds like he’s enjoying a blow job. The dude is ripped and tatted up. Suddenly, I recognize the ink.

“Holy shit. That’s Jacob. Maddie’s ex.”

Dani nods slowly, a sad expression in her eyes like I’m not understanding the images in front of me.

A sinking feeling settles in my stomach. His ass is blurred, and so are parts of the woman’s body. But then, for a split second, you see her profile when he leans back.

“What the fuck?” I’m going to be sick. “That’s not… That can’t be.”

When the video ends, Dani clicks back to the celebrity gossip TV show.

A sleazeball reporter says, “In case you missed it, let me catch you up. Files leaked off of WNEN in Boston late last night that has the whole city talking. During a network restructuring, a pornographic video popped up in their dropbox for advertising clients, who occasionally use the studios to film. We can’t show you the video for a number of legal reasons, but the scandal has rocked the news station. Many speculate the video features MMA fighter Jacob 'The Killer' Callahan due to his recognizable tattoos. Just last weekend, he was featured in WNEN's bachelor contest."

The camera cuts to footage of Jacob leaning in to kiss Maddie when she introduced him at the gala. "After this sweet moment between the notoriously tough Callahan and WNEN reporter Maddie McDermott on Saturday night, his fans are all wondering if this is the mystery woman in the video. McDermott told the audience she grew up in South Boston, which is where Callahan grew up. Sources tell us the two dated for almost a year and have recently grown cozy again, pointing to the footage as evidence they’re back together.”

My vision blurs, and I lean forward to press my palms into my eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Daren.” Dani sits next to me and gingerly rubs my back. “Take a deep breath.”

“I don’t believe it. She hates him. That can’t be recent video. And who the hell took it? Maddie would never agree to be taped.”

But then I think about the jokes we made about having Skype sex while I was on the road. Would she agree to be filmed for this asshole? I feel like my world just got kicked off its axis.

The douchebag on TV starts talking again. “We were just admiring her new haircut, which might mean the footage is as recent as a few days ago.” They show the video again, commenting on the woman’s length of hair and how similar it looks to Maddie’s.

I stalk off to the bathroom where last night’s beer comes rushing out.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

After the tattoo I just got, this serves me right.