My eyes are bleary and bloodshot. Chugging another Red Bull, I ignore the way my hand shakes from the caffeine. I don’t like how it reminds me of all-nighters and partying, but it does the trick and keeps me awake. Nauseous, but awake.

I toss the empty can in the back seat and listen to it rattle around with the others.

The skies are dark even though it’s ten in the morning. Salt and snow and dirt grind beneath my tires as I drive through the semi-deserted streets of Chicago.

I laugh to myself when I think about how pissed my mother is going to be when she finds out what I’m doing. Not that she’s the reason I’ve just driven a thousand miles, but telling her to fuck off is a definite perk.

I could barely contain my anger when I realized what she did, making it seem as though I was the one who wanted Dani to sign that fucking contract. No wonder Dani ignored all the texts I’ve sent her in the last two days. The girl probably wants to punch me in the throat. Hell, I want to punch myself in the throat.

God, I miss her.

I don’t bother looking in the rearview mirror before I switch lanes, which gets me several honks from the car behind me a second before a fist socks me in the arm.

“Don’t kill us before we get there, dickwad,” Travis grumbles from the passenger seat. “Remind me again why we’re not flying? Why aren’t you traveling my ass first-class?”

“We’ve been over this already. One, it’s Christmas. Or it was,” I say, looking at the date display on my phone. “Two, that snowstorm disrupted service in the Midwest, backing up flights. And three, the earliest one didn’t leave until tomorrow.”

He grunts at me, not bothering to reply.

It bothers me that Travis still thinks I’m a lower lifeform. I’ve told him everything, bared my soul to him, and he rolls his eyes at me like I’m the biggest douchebag he’s ever seen. Maybe I am. I guess I can’t fault him. I did some seriously stupid shit when it came to Dani, but I’m here to make it right.

Now that I know who she is, who she really is, I can’t let go. I’m an idiot for not seeing it sooner, for not realizing that she was probably just as afraid of what was happening between us as I was, and the second there was a reason to doubt her, I ran like hell. Fucking pussy.

As we drive through her neighborhood, Travis turns in his seat. He looks me over like he’s debating something. “When you ditched Dani at the club on your birthday, she was pretty crushed, and when you showed up at Ryan’s with another girl and didn’t remember her, she tried to brush it off, but I know she was hurt.” Then he tilts his head toward me to underscore what he’s about to say. “But when you left her over Thanksgiving, she was devastated.” I don’t need him telling me that was a dick move—I know it was—but the guilt residing in my chest tells me I deserve every minute of his tirade, so I sit here and take it.

Travis isn’t a huge guy. He’s tall and has kind of a lanky build, but with the tension radiating off him, I’m sure he could do some damage if prompted. He points at me. “I’m only going to tell you this once. If you hurt her again, I will make sure that pretty face of yours meets with my fist.”

I smile grimly at him. “If you think I’m here to make her miserable, why did you come?”

“Because she hasn’t texted or called me back since she got home.” He grabs his phone and scrolls through the screen. “We’ve never gone this long without talking.” His eyes flick toward me. “I’m worried about her. Even when you landed her in the hospital, she texted me right away. She hasn’t responded to her roommates either.”

My jaw tightens, and I drive faster, my back tires sliding as we curve around a bend. Spotting my destination, a pristine but small white two-story at the end of the block, has me exhaling in relief.

The curtains at the front of the house are pulled back, and Dani’s red hair immediately catches my eye. She sits near the window, still, like she’s frozen, even though a half dozen people move around in her living room. I’m still not quite used to the red streaks in her hair, but she’s impossible to miss.

“Maybe they’re having a holiday party,” Travis says as an older couple walks up to the house with an armload of tupperware.

“Yeah.” But even as I say that, I think it’s odd there are so many people in Dani’s living room, but she sits there alone like she’s in her own little sphere.

Glancing in the rearview mirror, I groan. “Fuck, I look like shit.”

Travis smirks. “Didn’t want to go there, but since you’re pointing it out…” He lets the sentence fade, and I try to ignore the way that gets under my skin.

Maybe I shouldn’t have come straight here after driving all night, but I can’t let this go on any longer. I can’t let her think I wanted her to sign that contract. Jesus, it makes it seem like… like I used her, like I made a move on her because I wanted something.

“Now don’t fuck this up.” Travis zips up his jacket and gives me a mocking grin. “And let me do the talking. She likes me.”

“Thanks, fuckwad. Good to know,” I mumble as I stretch out my legs for the first time in hours.

My stomach is in knots when Travis knocks on the front door. An older-looking blonde woman opens the door. Is that Dani’s mom?

“You must be Dani’s friends,” she says, relief in her face when Travis nods. “Thank goodness. I haven’t been able to get her to eat anything in days, and I really don’t think Jack Daniels qualifies as food.”

I look at Travis who frowns.

The woman ushers us in and takes our coats. Turning to the living room on the right, Travis heads straight to her and drops down on the couch like he owns the place. Dani’s eyes barely leave the small flatscreen TV. She brings a tumbler of amber liquid to her mouth and takes a big gulp. I wanted to give her time to talk to Travis first, but seeing her pale and thin and obviously drunk has me stalking across the living room. I sit next to her, and she barely seems to register that either of us is here.

The people who had been milling around take the hint and shuffle off to another room.

“Dani, sweets, are you okay?” Travis asks, petting her hair.

She laughs, but it’s cold and lifeless. “Wow. I did not realize I drank that much.” Her words slur. She stares into her drink. “I must be really fucked up if I’m imagining you and Jax.” Her eyes well with tears. “If I’m trying to make myself feel better, why the hell would I imagine him? Hey, hot guy who looks like Jax, want to fuck me over too?” There’s that lifeless laugh again, and it guts me.

“Dani,” I say slowly, “we’re really here. I wanted to apologize.” She blinks at me. “I texted you and called on Christmas, but you didn’t pick up.”

Her head turns toward me, tears streaming down her face, but she doesn’t look surprised to see me.

“She would have liked you,” Dani says. Blowing out a big breath, she laughs. “I tried telling her you broke my heart, and she seemed to think that was okay, that it was part of living.” She rolls her eyes before she takes another swig of her drink. “Fuck, that sounds stupid.”

I want to pull her onto my lap and hold her, but Travis wraps his arm around her shoulders and she goes willingly, snuggling up to him. He shoots me a worried look, and I feel totally helpless. I don’t know what has her so despondent. I know our relationship is fucked up right now, but my sister said Dani had finished the semester strong and was in decent spirits before she left for home.

Getting up, I decide to find her mom. She might have some choice words for me, but I’m done fucking around. I can handle whatever she sends my way.

The living room leads to a small dining room. Turning, I find everyone in the kitchen. I see the woman who opened the door for us.

Lowering my voice, I extend my hand. “Hi, I’m Jax.” She smiles at me, her eyes warm and welcoming. I clear my throat. “It’s good to meet you, Mrs. Hart.”

Her face pales, and everyone stills around us. She blinks several times, and it takes her a few moments before she looks at me again.

“I’m so sorry.” She shakes her head. “I’m not Beth. I’m her neighbor Susan.”

I start to apologize and ask for Dani’s mom when Susan places her hand on my arm. She leans toward me, her eyes watery, and quietly says, “Beth passed two days ago.”

Beth passed. Passed where?

When I look around, everyone averts their eyes. That’s when I realize most of them are wearing dark colors.

Understanding grips me like a vice.

Dani’s mother died.