The cabin windows rattle as Ace slams the door behind him. I can almost hear the ground outside thunder as he takes each angry footstep across the snow. When I can’t see him out the window anymore, I glance up at Razor. His boyish charm has slipped away now and been replaced by a sad, disappointed stare. His lips are tugged down in the corners and his blue eyes have grown solemn. He runs his hand over his short beard and looks from me to the door and back again.

“Hey, so, I can see you’re feeling defensive right now, and I get it.” He holds up his hands to me like he’s surrendering. “I can only imagine how vulnerable you must feel being a beautiful woman who woke up in a strange bed only to find out that you’re in a cabin owned by two guys and one of them changed your clothes.” He sighs like he’s utterly exhausted. “Totally understandable, okay?”

I nod, feeling about three inches tall. Even if he did say I’m beautiful and make my heart flutter for a second, the way he’s talking to me makes me feel like a puppy that pissed on the floor or a kid that stole some pocket change out of their mother’s purse. It’s that old “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” tone that my father used to use on me. It was always ten times more effective than any amount of yelling or punishment was.

“However, like I already told you, we’re not bad guys. We’re people you can trust, Caitlin. That comment you just made to Ace was a low-blow. He’s an honorable man. The best guy I know, and after serving in the SEALs that’s saying a lot.”

“I’m sorry.” Heat splashes down the back of my neck and my shoulders slump forward as I pick at an imaginary speck on the table. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I’m not feeling great and I just let my emotions get the better of me,” I admit.

I don’t tell him how it’s hard for me to trust men after my cheating scumbag ex-husband broke my heart. How I’ve spent years trying to harden my heart and control every aspect of my life so I never have to feel that pain again. I don’t confess how all of this feels so far out of my control that it’s terrifying. And I definitely don’t mention how my attraction to them is just making this whole thing even more confusing and out of my control, which makes me want to shut it all down and try to reel it in.

“I know.” Razor gives me a smile, but it’s tight-lipped and forced. My apology hasn’t smoothed everything over magically. I can understand that.

“Thank you for saving my life,” I mutter. I clear my throat and manage to speak a bit louder, “And for giving me a bed to sleep in, and for the food.” As I list off everything the guys have done for me so far, I feel even more like a bitch for what I said.

“No worries.” He smiles again, but it looks less strained this time. “So, how long have you been a pilot? That’s a pretty cool skill to have.” He walks across the kitchen and opens a cupboard door. A line of mugs sits inside. “Would you like a coffee?”

“Coffee? Sure.” I wonder how much of this headache thumping behind my eyes is just from cutting out the caffeine for the past twenty-four hours. I’m the kind of girl that always has a coffee cup in her hand, day and night. I can only imagine that my body must be in some kind of withdrawal. “I learned to fly when I was twelve.” My eyes mist over as I remember that the plane my father and I traveled in, the plane that he willed to me when he died, is completely destroyed. “Qilaq, my little Cessna, I was only a few months old the first time my father took me on a flight in her.”

“Really?” Razor’s eyebrows shoot upward as he pours the coffee into our cups.

“Yeah, obviously I don’t remember that time, but most of my childhood memories seem to revolve around her. My father always said we were sisters.” I give a dry laugh. “I think that was just his way of telling me he loved the plane the same amount he loved me though.” I smile.

“I’m sure that’s not true.” He chuckles. “What do you take in it.” He nods to the mug full of black coffee and I want to leap across the kitchen and grab it from him. My hand trembles, wow, I really am an addict.

“Just black is great.” I stand up to walk over and get it, but my head spins and my knees buckle, plopping my ass back down in the chair. Huh.

“Are you all right?” Razor walks over and studies my face.

“Fine. I’m good, don’t worry.” I brush it off, but I’m not really sure.

He waits beside me for a minute, like he doesn’t fully believe me. Razor’s eyes travel over me, soaking me in. I can feel the heat coming from his body and I fight the urge swelling up inside me to just reach out and grab him. To touch him. I wonder how it would feel? His hands on my body. His lips on my neck. His cock in my…

Okay, yeah, I might be a little out of sorts. This bump on the head has me acting more impulsively than I normally do. Or at least wanting to.

Is that a bad thing? My thoughts whisper in my ear. Would it kill you to live a little?

I flick my fingers by my ear, as if I can actually push the voice nagging me away. Razor takes it as me dismissing his concerns though and he stops studying me so closely, relaxing.

“Thanks.” I hold up the coffee cup to him and then take a long sip of my fix. My eyelids flutter closed and I can’t help the “Mmmm,” that escapes my lips as I swallow down a big mouthful. When I open my eyes back up I can see Razor watching the whole thing with a strange look etched into his face.

“Anytime.” His voice is deeper. A bit gruffer than it was only a second ago. He turns his back on me and clears his throat, running his hand through his dark hair. Grabbing his own coffee, he faces me again and I can see a glint of fire dancing behind his eyes that wasn’t there a moment ago.

“So, you guys were in the SEALs? What made you move up to Alaska?” I shatter the tension in the room and try to get our conversation back on track.

“Hmmm?” He gently blows the steam from over his coffee cup and my mind flashes to him doing the exact same thing over my wet nipple. The image grows stronger and I see Ace, naked and pressed up behind me, tugging my hair back toward him and bruising my lips with a rough kiss.

I’m back to blinking in Morse code again.

“Yeah, Ace and I retired. Well, more like they wanted us out. On our last deployment one of our vehicles blew up and killed almost our entire team of guys. We just needed as much space from all that as possible. Alaska felt like a good fit for a couple guys who needed some distance and a fresh start, you know?”

“I’m really sorry to hear that.” I do understand what he means about starting over here. Although I never moved here. Alaska is where I was born. But I’ve seen enough mainlanders try to begin again up here that I know it’s what people do.

I blink and my eyelids don’t open back up. My mind seems to slip sideways and fall, like someone tripping down a steep hill.

“Hey, are you okay?” Razor’s voice is loud with concern and I manage to snap my eyes back open.

I know they must have been closed for less than five seconds, but I swear I started dreaming.

“I’m fine,” I lie. “I think I just need this coffee.” I lift the mug, but Razor frowns at me.

“I think what you need is more sleep. Why don’t you go lie back down? It’s not like you’re missing anything.” He sweeps his hand toward the blizzard outside.

“No, I want to apologize to Ace first. I’ll wait until he gets back in.” I set my jaw and my stubborn streak keeps me in place.

“So, are you guys happy you moved up here? Don’t you ever miss the lower mainland?” I try to direct his concerned looks another way.

“Nah, we’ve got everything we need here. And now that we’ve finished building the cabin and got Gunnar, this feels more like home now. I remember when I first came up here, I stepped out of the truck and thought…”

His words stop making sense in my ears. I can hear that he’s still talking, but it’s background noise. Everything sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher as my eyelids slide close again and the room swirls into darkness. I feel like I’m flying, like I’m a bird gliding up over the treetops, looking down over the snow-covered fields. I can see Qilaq, what’s left of her I mean. She’s broken beyond repair. It’s amazing I could walk away from that really.

“Whoa, hold on there!” I look up at Razor, he’s holding me tight in his arms. How did I get here? “Okay, no more chatter, it’s time for you to get some sleep before you conk out on the floor. You almost fell off your chair.” He helps me to my feet and holds me until he’s certain I won’t crumple like a ragdoll when he lets go.

“Okay,” I answer reluctantly. He’s right. I am wiped out. It’s hard to believe that after so much sleep I could still be so tired, but my body can’t fight it anymore.

Razor holds my arm and leads me back to the bedroom when the front door flings open and a cold wind whips around us.

“Ace!” I yell, suddenly remembering that I wanted to say something to him. I lunge toward him just as he steps inside and he turns on his heel to avoid smacking into me and the big pile of wood stacked over his arm scatters.

“Shit!” He swings the door closed and starts picking up the pieces.

“Oh, sorry.” I try to help him, lifting a few pieces.

“It’s fine, just go, will ya?” He tries to dismiss me, but I won’t budge.

“No, please, listen. I’m sorry I made you drop the wood, Ace. But I’m really sorry about what I said earlier. You didn’t deserve that. I was just scared and confused and lashed out at you. I shouldn’t have.” I look down. I can’t stand the way he’s glaring at me right now. It cuts through me and makes me feel small.

“Come on, you’ve got to get to bed.” Razor tries to pluck me from the floor.

“No, not until he knows I mean it,” I protest and snatch my hand back from him. “Do you?” I look straight at Ace. “Do you know I mean it?”

“It’s all good. Water under the bridge.” He smirks and his gray eyes slowly glide over my face. I kind of wish he’d just grab me, that he’d pull me close and run his thumb down over my cheek like that. I’d love to feel his lips drag across my skin the same way his gaze does.

“Bed. Now!” Razor demands. This time he grabs my hand tighter and lifts me to my feet. I don’t try to fight him. I know sleep is the best thing for me. Razor guides me into the room and I snuggle in under the warm blanket. He tucks it up under my chin and looks down on me for a second before leaving the room.

I can hear the guys talking again, but not their words. Are they talking about me? Have they had the same naughty thoughts that I’ve been having? I imagine their thick, hard hands on my body. Their burly, hard bodies pressed into my frame. And their big, hard cocks inside me. I gasp at the scandalous thought, but a smile creeps over my lips and my eyes close as I rest into the pillow. Now that’s a dream I can let myself enjoy.