Butler opened a window and began dusting everything down. Lola and Sinner didn’t have a lot of crap to begin with. Devil had gotten a laundry company to come and cover the furniture with those plastic covers and stuff. He was removing them, as Jessica was cleaning out the bedroom. The club had rallied together to get the apartment ready for Sinner. Well, not Sinner, but Lucius and Roxy.
It had been a long time since Butler had seen Lucius. Too long. He was different now, off the drugs and hard partying.
The life Butler had now in Piston County, that was what had gotten him through. Each morning was a challenge. He reached for his coffee or water, never drugs. There had been times he would shoot up to start his morning.
No more.
He was all about clean living and shit. Angel had helped him with that. The drinks she made him and the recipes she gave helped him to find his inner peace.
Yeah, it was all just a bunch of bullshit, but it was what he enjoyed.
Natalie entered the apartment, and she was wearing her usual jeans and long shirt. She had stopped doing ranch work, and still she dressed each day as if she was.
She was so beautiful, so pure, and so…
“Can I talk to you?” she asked, coming toward him.
There was anger in her eyes, and she looked hurt.
“Sure, what is it?”
“Not here. Can we go somewhere quiet?”
He nodded and followed her out of the apartment. She was the one shining light in his life. He was older than she was, far more jaded, but she trusted him. She didn’t know him when he was a druggie, an addict, a scumbag.
She was the first person to see him for him, and he loved her.
There. He finally said it. He loved her, and there was no other word for it. She meant everything to him, but the biggest problem was so did Slash, his brother.
They entered the steps leading down to the ground floor. She began to pace on the landing, and finally turned toward him.
“Why did you tell me about Slash?”
“I thought you’d like to know that he had feelings for you?”
“Why?” she asked. “Why couldn’t you leave me in the dark? We were friends, and now I’m freaking out second guessing myself. I don’t want him to think there is more going on, but I don’t want to lose my friend. I don’t have many of them.”
Natalie had confided in him that she had struggled to make any kind of friends at school. There had been Paris, but because of her father’s ranch, Natalie had been more boy then girl. So girls didn’t want to be with her because she was too much of a boy. Boys didn’t want to hang because she was a girl. So she was stuck for the most part on her own. It was where her art came in.
Butler would have loved to be with her, being in her company all day, every single day.
“I just thought you should know.”
She paused, folded her arms, and glared at him. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Were you going to tell me how you felt as well?” she asked.
Butler paused. He should have known that Slash would tell her.
“I told you how much I valued your and Slash’s friendship. Why did you have to spoil it, Butler? Why?”
“Because it’s not a real friendship, is it?” he asked. “You think Slash is there just because he wants to be your friend, but it’s not true. He’s there because like everyone else in life, he wants something.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Does that mean the only reason you’ve been nice to me is because you want something as well?”
“No, it’s not.”
“Well that is exactly what you just said. Thank you, Butler, thank you for putting me in my place.” She left him in the stairwell, and he had completely fucked up.
He heard a door open, and there stood Slash.
“You come to fucking gloat?” Butler asked.
“Why the fuck would I gloat? You fucked us both over, and you think I’d party about that? What, rub it in your face?” Slash asked.
Butler sighed. “I would.”
“I got to ask why, man? Why would you do it?”
“We both know it’s not real what we’re doing. We’re her friend because we want her, simple as that.”
Slash shook his head. “I was more than happy with just being her fucking friend, and now because you couldn’t keep your fucking mouth shut, I’m not even going to have that. Thanks!”
Butler sighed. “I was trying to make it better.”
“How is this making it better?”
“She has a right to know the truth. You want her because you want to fuck her.”
Slash stepped up close to Butler. “Don’t you fucking dare talk shit about her. You don’t know me. You don’t know my reasons.”
“Come on, man, you think I don’t know that you want to slide inside her warm, wet, pussy? She’s a virgin, you know. Never been touched by another man.”
Butler expected the hit, and he got it. Slash slammed his fist into Butler’s face. He didn’t try to defend himself, and he took the hit, knowing he deserved it.
“You don’t speak like that about her. I expect that kind of shit from Dick, but not from you.”
Slash walked away, and Butler spat blood on the floor. It didn’t feel good at all. In fact, he felt like the world’s biggest asshole.
****
“Your apartment is nice. You really didn’t need to go to this much trouble for me,” Roxy said.
Sinner watched as she reached out to stroke a petal from some roses that Judi had picked up for him.
“It’s fine.”
“What about your girl?” Roxy asked.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Roxy’s voice sounded weak, and she looked pale. She had some perspiration on her brow, and her hair looked lank.
She looked nothing like the woman he had met a couple of months ago. He couldn’t even believe it had been a couple of months ago since he first met her. She had a way of making everyone feel part of her world.
“It’s going to be interesting to see Lucius. He never fares well with being inside four walls for long.”
“He didn’t do too badly on our trip.”
“Ah, did you notice that he made sure we kept on riding past some motels? He likes sleeping outside, something to do with looking up at the stars.”
“How long have you known him?” Sinner asked, taking a seat beside her.
She held a pillow against her stomach. “All my life. He was the bad boy growing up. The sinful guy, who turned into a ladies’ man. We always got along. We met in the park, and he pushed the swing for me. He was so nice.”
“He said you were in and out of hospitals.”
“I was, but there were times I would get to be home. He wouldn’t treat me like a freak, or like I was dying. He was nice to be around.”
“He is angry right now,” Sinner said, hating to point out the obvious.
“I know, and he’s angry with me, and at my illness. He always was.” She turned to smile at him. “Life is so damn short, Sinner. Really short. I envy people who are able to grow old, have everything within their grasp. I would love to have something like that, something to hold onto.” She paused, and he saw the tear drip onto her chest. “I try to not let it get to me. I really do.”
“Some days are tougher than others.”
“Yeah, they really are.”
There was a knock on the door, and Sinner went to answer it. He saw it was Devil, Ripper, and Judi.
“We thought we’d come and say hi,” Judi said. “We came with chocolate.”
“I like chocolate,” Roxy said.
Sinner opened the door, and he waited for Roxy to give him a nod that she was fine. He needed some fresh air, and a smoke.
Once outside, the cold hit him hard, and he pulled his jacket up tight around him. He saw Lucius sitting on his bike with several cigarette butts around him.
“Is she settled?”
“Yeah, she is. Are you going up, or are you driving away?” he asked.
“I won’t drive away,” Lucius said.
“You’ve not been up to see her.”
“I know.” Lucius took a deep drag on his cigarette. “I’ve been here before you know. Not this town or anything, well, I’ve been here—what I mean is, I’ve done this with Roxy. Only she was younger, and we were both so young.” He shook his head. “I didn’t think she’d die then, but I know this is it. I go up there, and it’s like I’m accepting that she’s going to go.” Lucius finished his cigarette stubbing it out.
“You love her?”
“She’s my best friend, Sinner. She was the only person who didn’t expect fucking shit from me. She didn’t want me to be something for her. From the first moment I met her, we were just two people. I fucking hate this.”
Sinner lit his own cigarette. “Why didn’t you ever settle down with her?”
“We’re friends, Sinner. I don’t expect you to understand what I feel for her. We’re the kind of friends that don’t need to settle down and put meaning to it.”
Lucius stared up at the apartment building, and he released a breath. “Fuck!”
“You’re scared?”
“No. I’m not scared. Far from it. She’s dying, Sinner. Roxy isn’t going to see life past Halloween. I’ve got to live with that. I’ve brought her here to die because this is what she wants.” Lucius stopped, and stared up at the building. He blew out a breath, and then headed toward the door.
“You know it doesn’t make you less of a man admitting your feelings,” Sinner said.
Lucius stopped to look at him. “I never denied my feelings, Sinner. I never needed to.”
Sinner watched him make his way up to the apartment block, and all the time, he couldn’t believe he was back home. Piston County was home.
It didn’t take long for Devil, Ripper, and Judi to come down once Lucius went up.
“Well, he is as unfriendly as I remember,” Devil said, coming toward him. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“She’s one hell of a woman.”
“You ever met her?” Sinner asked. “You know, before you came to see me?”
“I’ve seen Roxy before. You got to remember that I came to Piston County a while ago, and a lot has changed in that time. Lucius, he’s gotten meaner. I could still kick his ass though.”
Sinner laughed.
Devil had the respect of the club. He didn’t need to kick anyone’s ass.
“I wish I could say that there’s going to be a feast at the clubhouse, but I can’t,” Devil said. “Lexie’s bed-bound, and I don’t want her stressing or over working herself.”
“Okay. I didn’t expect a big feast. This is home, and we’re all friends here. I don’t need my ass kissing.”
“I wanted to ask you a favor, actually,” Devil said.
“What?”
“Could you keep an eye on the kids and the club for me? I’m going to have a vasectomy.”
“You’re getting your balls chopped off?” Sinner asked.
“I’m done with the kids. We have enough, and Lexie’s always sick through these pregnancies. The doctor has told us before that she won’t get better, that she will in fact get worse as she gets older. I’m not going to risk her life for a kid.”
“I’ll take care of everything. I will.”
“Thank you, Sinner. I appreciate it.”
Devil slapped him on the back, and made to walk off.
“If I call Lola, can she help?”
“Of course,” Devil said. “I didn’t expect you to be able to handle everything. It’s a fucking nightmare taking care of a wife and kids.”
****
Two days later
“Lexie’s been able to keep all of her food down,” Lola said, putting the tray she had just carried down from the bedroom on the kitchen counter.
“We have one two boys and one girl ready for school. A little guy ready for playschool,” Sinner said.
She turned to see the line of kids. They were handling this just fine. More than fine. “Why don’t you guys go and watch some television while we wait for Phoebe to take you?”
“I can walk myself you know. I’m not a baby,” Simon said.
“I know you’re not, sweetie. There’s so many dangers out there. We don’t want Mommy stressing for nothing, do we?”
He shook his head. “Fine.” He spun on his heel and off he went. She rolled her eyes, and went back to cleaning up the mess.
“I really do appreciate this,” Sinner said.
“I told you I was more than happy to help out. Lexie is like my family as well.” Lola had been thrilled to get his call for help.
“What about work? Were they happy to give you the time off?”
She wrapped up the bed, and looked at him, biting her lip. “Actually, I quit.”
“What?”
“I quit work. I no longer wanted to do it, and when you called, I had already handed in my notice.” She smiled at him. “I was heading back to Piston County.”
“Oh. I had no idea.”
“I’m not expecting anything. I know you’ve got to help Lucius and the club. I’m not rushing you or anything.”
“I don’t feel rushed.” Sinner moved toward her, wrapping his arms around her. “Are you ready to come back home?”
“More than ready. I did what I needed to, and it’s kind of strange, even though I hated it, I kind of loved it as well. I feel better. I feel like me.” She wrapped her arms around his neck.
“You know, before you decided to have this break, you would never touch me outside of our apartment. Not even to hold my hand,” he said.
“I didn’t even notice.”
“I’m a girl inside. I like the little things.” He gave her a wink, and she laughed.
“You’re a hoot.”
He made an owl noise, and she loved it. She loved his playfulness that she had missed out on when they had been together before.
“How is Lucius handling everything?” She hadn’t met the other brother yet. With Lexie’s pregnancy she had stayed close, but now she was going to head over and see Roxy.
“He’s … not. I don’t know what he’s doing to be honest. He’s not his usual self, and I think it’s killing him as much as it is her.” Sinner pressed a kiss to her head. “I don’t think I could bear anything like that happening to you.”
“It has got to be tough.”
The sound of a car honking had her pulling away. “That will be Phoebe. Let me get the kids.”
She left the kitchen and herded the kids out toward Phoebe. She was in a family van, and even with all of her kids, there was enough room for Lexie’s.
“You tell Lexie to take it easy, and I’ll be by later, okay?” Phoebe asked.
“You got it. Take care.”
Phoebe was Vincent’s old lady. They had been in Piston County even before Chaos Bleeds had settled down.
Lola entered the kitchen to find Sinner wiping down a counter. Grabbing her bag, she moved toward him, wrapping her arms around him once again. “I’m going to head out. Is there anything you want?”
“Nope. I’m good. What are you going to get?”
“Some rolls for Lexie. She’s craving some homemade soup. I’m going to drop in to see Roxy.”
“Lola, I don’t think that is a good idea.”
“I want to meet her, Sinner. Let me.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, and she kissed his lips.
She was at the door when he spoke.
“She’s going to die, Lola. It’s a guarantee. I don’t want you getting to know her.”
“Why?”
“When she dies, it’ll hurt you. I can’t have you hurting.”
She took a deep breath. His concern was so damn sweet. “I know, but sometimes, we have to feel pain, Sinner. I want to know her. You’ve spoken so highly of her.”
Without looking back, she made her way out toward her shitty car. Her belongings were in one of the spare rooms in Lexie’s home. Sinner didn’t share rooms with her at the moment. With the kids under Devil’s roof, he had asked that they were discreet with any sex.
She wasn’t about to disobey Devil’s wishes.
The first stop she made was to the supermarket to get some general groceries. She had noticed that they were running out of milk, bread, cheese, and even pasta. Cooking for a large family was soon going to be impossible.
Lexie had warned her that if they tried to make boxed food then her kids would struggle to settle down for the night. Cooking from scratch it was, and Lola was okay with that.
She spent thirty minutes in the supermarket, before she was back in her car, and heading over to her and Sinner’s apartment. She stopped when she saw a bike with a large, scary looking dude leaning against it. He was smoking, and looked freaked.
Don’t be scared.
She grabbed her bag and climbed out. Instead of going straight to the apartment, she walked toward the biker.
“I’m not interested in a fuck. Move it along,” he said.
“Are you Lucius?” She ignored his other comment.
“Who wants to know?” He certainly knew how to glare and look angry as fuck.
“I’m Lola.” She held her hand out.
He stared at her hand, and then at her. “You’re the girl that has been driving Sinner fucking crazy with all your bullshit.”
She pulled her hand away.
“Yeah, you’re here, aren’t you?”
“I was just going to say it’s nice to meet you.”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath for me to say the same thing. Believe me, it’s not likewise.”
Gritting her teeth, she nodded. “I’m sorry.” She turned away and made her way toward the door.
“Sinner’s a good guy. Don’t let him get away. He is fucking besotted with you.”
She stopped long enough to hear him, and then vanished inside her apartment. Avoiding the elevator, she took the stairs, and by the time she got to her door, she was out of puff.
With a key in her hand, she was about to open the door, when she realized that Roxy had never seen her.
Knocking on the door, she heard some shuffling inside.
“Roxy, we’ve never met. I’m Lola. I belong to Sinner,” she said.
The door opened, and the woman she saw took her by surprise. She had seen pictures on Sinner’s cell phone. They were nothing like the woman before her.
For starters, the woman on the phone was full of life and love. This woman, she was really ill.
“Hey,” Roxy said. “So, you’re the mysterious Lola.”
“And you’re Roxy. I’ve met Lucius. Charming man.”
Roxy laughed, and stopped, coughing. “Sinner didn’t say anything about you being a joker.”
“I’m not. Really, I’m not. I take everything too seriously. Lucius doesn’t like me.”
“At the moment, he doesn’t like anyone. I wouldn’t take it personally.” Roxy took a seat on the sofa, and Lola sat opposite her in the chair. “He’s hurting, and he doesn’t know how to handle pain. Lucius lashes out at everyone when he’s in pain. He’s not happy with me.”
“Was there any way you could treat this?” Lola asked.
“No. The cancer had spread too fast. I could have prolonged my life, but I’d have been in a hospital all the time, having strange men poke and prod me. I’m not in the mood anymore to be poked by people I don’t know. I wanted to live a little. You know?”
“I do. I get why you did what you did,” Lola said. “He’s going to miss you. Lucius.”
“I know. I think that’s my biggest regret. Not giving him time to come to terms with what is going to happen. He is used to me being well, you know. He doesn’t want to admit that this is my end.”
Lola stared at the woman, and she grieved for her.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“You could take care of Sinner. That man is a real special guy.”
“I know.” She had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life in walking away. Looking back, she knew deep in her heart that she had failed Sinner, and it was a miracle that he had loved her as much as he had. It hurt to know that she hadn’t, at the time, loved him enough to fight for the two of them.
Everything she had done, she could have done with him, and with the club. Instead of seeing them as her family, she had just seen them as a crutch, a constant excuse not to take what she wanted.
Her love for Sinner had grown, and she couldn’t lose him, not again. This was her fault, and she knew now what she had, and was thankful that he hadn’t found anyone else. She was going to make sure that he didn’t look elsewhere.
“No, I mean, seriously. I partied with that man, and not once did he look at another woman. He belongs to you so completely, and I’m not going to lie, I am totally jealous of you right now.”
Lola smiled. “I love him, too. So much. I didn’t love him right in the beginning. He deserves someone better than me, but I’m going to be better. I’m going to give him everything that he deserves in a woman.”
“He told me what happened, just so you know. I needed to understand how a woman could let a man like Sinner go. After he explained everything, I saw that he got it. I get that you went through something awful, but you made a big mistake with Sinner. You gave him up, and all he ever did was love you. You can’t go doing shit like that with someone that you love.”
“I know. I wasn’t good enough for him. I didn’t want him to go through life afraid of something that would trigger a bad memory. Does that make me a bad person? I know it does. I shouldn’t ask. I … I was fucked up, and this is all my fault. I could have lost him.”
“And you would have had no one to blame but yourself. Don’t give him a chance to leave, Lola. Men like Sinner don’t come around often, and they don’t accept you treating them like crap, no matter how much you claim to love them.”
“I know.” She had messed up completely.
Roxy shook her head. “We do the craziest things for the people we love. Sinner stayed loyal to you, because he loved you. That’s the crazy part. You left him, and he still loved you.” She held onto a pillow, and Lola watched her. She looked so fragile. The illness was eating away at her. “That’s all I’m going to say about it.”
Silence fell between them, and Lola was reeling from everything that Roxy had said. The club, Lexie, Paris, they were all saying how supportive they were, but at the same time, she knew they were disappointed in her for leaving.
“Do you have any regrets?” she asked.
“I have loads. There are more than I can count. My whole life has just been a bag of them.” Suddenly Roxy looked so sad. “Life is so short, Lola. Don’t waste a second of it. Please. I know you went to hell and back, but that’s no reason to use as an excuse. Not anymore. Sinner loves you more than anything. Don’t let him get away.”
Lola felt tears spring to her eyes.
“You’re so lucky to have a man that loves you.”
“Lucius loves you.”
“I know but not in the way that counts.” Roxy reached out and caught her hand. There was no power to her grip, and it struck Lola that this woman was fading fast. “I’m so pleased I got the chance to see you.”
Lola couldn’t hold back. She closed the distance between them, and held the woman that had really struck her. It was merely a few minutes together, but it meant everything to Lola.
“Never give up, Lola. Hold on to what you’ve got.”
She would. She would never allow herself to get lost again.