Chapter Three
Going back to their apartment was the worst. Sinner didn’t believe he could feel any kind of pain worse than seeing her half of the closet empty. Lola was gone, and instead of being understanding, he had sent her off in anger. He’d been angry, and she had wanted to talk, and he didn’t want to deal with knowing she was going. Lola had to go. That night, he’d not slept, and instead had spent the entire night staring down at a picture of the two of them together.
Lola was the bar of soap, and he had squeezed her too tightly. He had completely fucked everything up, and it was his fault.
Within twenty-four hours the entire club knew, and they all looked at him, clearly expecting him to freak out or have a problem. Instead, he kept on working. The hours turned into days, and the days into weeks. He didn’t stop to think, and he kept on working.
Dividing his time between Naked Fantasies, Old Ladies MC clothing, and Natalie’s ranching fields, every time he got back to the clubhouse he was exhausted. For an entire month he did that, and he stopped going home.
Their apartment sat, waiting for someone to come back, and he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go back there. Sinner was aware of Lola being in touch with Lexie and Paris. She probably was talking with Whizz, but he didn’t talk to them.
The thing Sinner hated most was their pitying gazes.
Into the second month, with summer fading fast and fall upon them, he sat on the clubhouse wall, watching the party going on all around them. The Skulls were present, and in the corner, Simon and Tabitha were talking. The other kids were playing around on the little park they had set up. The two clubs mingled like they were old friends.
“Hello,” Angel said, coming toward him.
He smiled at Lash’s old lady.
“Hey, Angel.”
“You look so sad,” Angel said, taking a seat beside him.
“I’ve not got a lot to smile about these days.”
“Whizz told us what happened.” Angel tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear. She had gone through a stage of dyeing it. Lacey was a beautician, or something to do with hair and beauty. She experimented on all of the old ladies, and the club whores, not that there were many of them.
He hadn’t been interested in women.
It was stupid. He had told Lola he wouldn’t wait, and yet, it was all lies. There was no way that he could touch another woman.
“Yeah, well, everyone knows.”
“She’s doing okay. In case you were interested.”
He paused in drinking his beer, and turned toward her.
“I know you’ve not asked Lexie or anyone else. I thought you would like to know.”
Sinner stared at his drink and shook his head. “I do, and I don’t.”
“You’re angry with her?” Angel asked.
“Yeah, I’m angry with her. I love her more than anything, and she has just walked away. Pretended that we’ve not got anything going on.”
Angel held his hand. “It’ll be okay.”
Lash appeared, gripping Angel’s shoulder, and kissing her head.
Sinner pulled his hand away. Angel was an old lady who really believed in kindness and love. She always tried to make someone feel part of their world. Sinner smiled. “Thank you, Angel.”
“She does love you,” Angel said.
“Enjoy the party.” He nodded at Lash, and made his way into the kitchen. Lexie was there, dabbing barbeque sauce onto racks of ribs. She smiled at him. “How is she?”
“It has taken you a month to ask that.”
“I’m being an asshole, I know, but please, tell me if she’s okay.”
Lexie put the saucepan down and turned toward him. “Yes, she’s fine. She’s got a little apartment in the city, and she’s working in a technology firm. She talks nonstop about that, and to be honest, I don’t have the first clue what she’s saying. She’s made some friends.”
“Is there another guy?”
“No. She doesn’t talk about anyone.”
Sinner nodded. “I’ve got to go.”
“Sinner, you don’t have to leave. Why don’t you call her?” Lexie asked. “You’re both hurting.”
“She left, Lexie. She left me, and I’m not … I’m not going to force her to do something she doesn’t want to do.”
“Even if she does love you?” Lexie asked.
He laughed. “She loves me. Everyone keeps telling me that.”
“Then why do you doubt it?”
“Would you dream of leaving Devil to go and find yourself?” he asked but didn’t give her the chance to answer. “What about Angel and Lash? Tiny and Eva? What about fucking Simon and Tabitha? Huh? What about them? They’re fucking kids, and even with cities apart, or clubs apart, they still find the time for each other.”
Devil stepped into the kitchen.
Sinner had gone from talking to yelling, his anger consuming him.
“I wish people would not tell me that she fucking loves me. She loves me, I get it. She just doesn’t love me enough.”
“I think we need to talk,” Devil said.
“Are you going to tell me that she loves me, too?” Sinner asked, unable to keep the sneer out of his voice.
“No. I’m not. I’m not going to tell you bullshit that you don’t want to hear.” Devil stepped up close to him. “Yelling at my woman though, you know I don’t like that.”
Sinner sighed and followed Devil back to his office. There was a door leading toward where they held church, making decisions for the good of the club.
“I’m sorry,” Sinner said.
“Chaos Bleeds has a Nomad Chapter. A select group of men who cannot settle down. Adam was part of The Skulls. They don’t play a part in club messes, but when needed, they come running.”
“I know of the Nomad Chapter.”
“I want you to think about this, Sinner.” Devil stared at him.
“You want me gone?”
“You’re working yourself into the ground. I know what you need more than anything. What I’m reminding you, is there is a chance for you to clear your head. No commitments. Piston County holds a shitload of memories for you. Everywhere you turn, you can remember her. You’ve not been back to your apartment, and I don’t even want to think of the state of the place.”
“Everyone is telling me how much she loves me.”
“And you’re sick of it. I’m not going to assume that she loved you, Sinner. I didn’t know her that well to tell you if she did. If you want me to hold your hand, and treat you like a fucking girl, I’ll do it. I love my men, all of you. You know that. This what you’ve got going. I don’t like it. It’s not good for the club, and it’s not good for you. Forget about Lola. Think about yourself.”
Devil slapped him on the back.
“That is it?” Sinner asked.
“Yeah. You’re already hurt, Sinner. I can only imagine what it’s like having everyone tell me that my woman loves me, especially if she’s not around. This time, you get a freebie, but don’t let it happen again.”
****
“I think we need to get a drink, and get laid,” Sarah said.
Lola finished what she was doing, and logged off her computer, turning to her friend. Sarah was a pretty woman who demanded that they go out every single Friday night. No matter the occasion, Sarah loved to party.
Lola hated partying.
“Are you going to take up some of the men on their offer?” Belinda asked, leaning in close to her.
Belinda and Sarah were two women Lola had become friends with. Well, “friends” was too strong a word. They were acquaintances.
“I’m not ready to date,” Lola said. In her heart and mind she was still taken. Lexie had told her that Sinner still wasn’t dating anyone else. Still, she didn’t know what to expect.
Have you made a mistake?
“Lola, honey, you can’t be miserable forever,” Sarah said. “You’ve got to live a little.”
“We’ll see. I’ve got to go and change, okay? I’ll meet you back at the bar. Our regular place?”
“Yes, sure.”
Lola didn’t stick around. She made her way out of the building and went straight to her apartment. She lived five minutes away. Since leaving Piston County she had done more in the way of walks than when she lived in a small town. She loved the hustle and bustle of the city, the chaos of it.
Entering her apartment, she made herself a sandwich, and called Lexie’s number.
Her friend answered on the second ring.
“Hey, honey. You doing okay?” Lexie asked.
In the background, she heard what sounded like partying. “I’m doing great. What’s happening there?”
“Oh, we’ve got some of The Skulls here. We’re enjoying the last few rays of sunshine while we can. How are you?”
“I’m fine. You know. Doing well.”
“That’s good.”
“How is Sinner?” she asked.
“Lola, I’m not going to get in the middle of this, but what and how do you think he’s feeling? He’s hurt, okay?” Lexie sighed. “Don’t keep asking about him. You’re not going to like the answers, honey.”
The sandwich she had been eating no longer appealed. “You’re right, and I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I can’t stay and chat. Love you, Lola.”
Before she could say anything else, Lexie hung up. Staring at her cell phone, Lola let out a breath. Tears were so close to the surface that she could taste them.
Pulling up Sinner’s name on her cell phone, she stared at it, wondering what the hell she was to do. Nothing was helping her. Not work, not her new friends, which she thought about as anything but.
The apartment was nice, small, and empty. Her whole life was one big fat empty, and yet she just knew that she wasn’t done yet. She wasn’t finished doing what she was going to do.
Closing her phone, she placed it on the counter, and went to her bathroom. She took a long shower in an attempt to clear her thoughts that were nothing but a jumbled mess inside her head. Nothing made sense to her. Not what she wanted. Not what she was looking for. Everything was just shit in her head, and nothing made sense. Not one thing.
She didn’t spend too much time getting ready. Jeans and a shirt that revealed some cleavage were all that she allowed herself. A slight heel, minimal makeup, her hair pulled back, and she was done. She had never spent all that much time on her appearance. It had never felt necessary, not at all.
Leaving her apartment, she walked toward the nightclub where her friends would be. The bouncer, Harold, let her in. She had helped him set up his child’s laptop while he was on break last week. Since then, he had been nice to her, helping her out.
Entering the nightclub, at first she was overcome by how many people were there.
“By the time I’m through with you, you’ll never forget me.”
Pushing Andrew’s voice away, she forced herself to take each step toward the bar. She took a seat, and wasn’t surprised to find Sarah and Belinda already on the dancefloor, partying it up.
She wondered what it was like back at Piston County, loving life, and dancing around, all of that shit.
Ordering herself a drink, she sat at the bar and watched everyone around her. The barman handed her a bottle of water and a straw. She unscrewed the lid, placed the straw inside, and took a drink. Each movement was meticulous so she didn’t get anything wrong or screw up. No one tampered with her drink. She had pepper spray, and her keys, which were deadly.
“You know, I’ve seen you here every Friday for the past three weeks, and you never talk to anyone. The men who try to chat you up end up with their tail between their legs. So, I’m going to see if I can change that, princess.”
“Don’t call me that,” she said, turning to her right and finding a very handsome man taking a seat beside her.
The guy held his hands up. “I’m sorry. I’m just curious why a pretty girl such as yourself is here in this bar if you’re not interested in the entertainment.”
She sipped at her drink, wondering if she ignored him long enough, he’d leave.
He didn’t.
“The name’s Chris—”
“I’m taken,” she said, turning to him. “I’m actually the old lady of an MC member.”
Chris went pale. “If that’s true, why are you here?”
“Because I just want to enjoy a drink. Leave me alone.”
Without another word, Chris whoever got up and left.
****
“Today was a good day,” Devil said.
“Yeah, it was. Did you see Simon and Tabitha? They were so cute, and he gave her those chocolates me made.”
Devil groaned. “Could you not remind me? Why do they get to be cute?”
“They’re kids, and it’s cute to watch them. They are going to end up together. I’ve told you this numerous times. Accept it, move on, and deal with something else.”
“You mean the depressing issue of Lola and Sinner?”
Lexie sighed. She was rubbing moisturizing cream into her hands as she moved toward the bed. Devil put the book he was reading down on the drawer beside their bed. She knelt down beside him, moving so that her back was to him, and she snuggled in. “I kind of lost my temper on the phone today. She asked about him.”
“I get angry, babe, thinking about them. They clearly love each other, and she’s gone off to fucking soul search, and Sinner’s just waiting. I don’t like it.”
“We knew something like this would happen,” Lexie said. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I mean, I get that Lola went through so much, but it was years ago now. They were getting better.”
“I spoke with Whizz about it before he headed out. I just didn’t understand you know? How can one minute she seem fine, and the next minute, be leaving. You know?” he asked.
“Yeah, I do. What did he say?”
“He reckons that unlike Paris, Lola didn’t deal with it. She just pushed it to one side, and ignored it. Falling in love with Sinner helped her to keep on ignoring it. Shit just got worse though.” Devil kissed her neck. “I want to help them.”
“Did you give Sinner the option of going to the Nomad Chapter?” she asked.
“I did. I don’t know if he’ll take it or not.”
“Do you think he’s overreacting?”
“Babe, if it had been you, I would have taken your ass back.”
“But I’ve not been through what Lola’s been through,” Lexie said. “God, it’s easy to ignore all the crap. Between the kids, the businesses, and the club, I was able to forget about everything we’ve faced over the years.” She sighed, placing her hands over his where he held her. “Simon’s getting older, and in a few years, he’s going to be causing so much trouble of his own.”
“Please, don’t remind me. I’m terrified. Elizabeth is getting cocky, and what am I going to do with guys start calling for her?” Devil asked.
“I know how it should go,” Lexie said, laughing.
“I’ve got a special gun for all guys that think they can come around for Elizabeth and Laurell. I hate men.”
“Baby, you’re one of them.” Lexie tried to soothe him.
“I know. Why do you think I know what I want to do to all the guys? I have a firsthand knowledge of all of the sick shit going through their heads, and believe me when I say, it isn’t pretty.” He hugged her a little tighter. “Just think of all the things I still want to do to you. Just watching you bend down, and I get hard as fucking rock.”
Her pussy went slick thinking about it. The one thing she missed most was the time alone they used to get. Five kids down the line and they had to pay a babysitter, or get one of the brothers to do it.
Judi would it without hesitation, but she had two kids already and didn’t need the extra fuss.
“We’re still no closer to figuring out what we’re going to do,” Lexie said.
“We’ll do what we have to do, baby.”
“Do you know what is going to happen?” she asked.
“I don’t have a fucking clue.”
There was a knock on their door. Devil called for whoever it was to enter. Simon was there. He was in a pair of pajama bottoms. “Daddy, look at my muscles,” he said, flexing them.
“You are big and strong, son.”
“Can I go to weight training?” Simon asked.
“Weight training?” This time Lexie was confused. “You’re eight.”
“Yeah, but I want to start now. I want to be big and strong so I can protect my girl, Tabby. Tiny said only a big strong man with muscles the size of elephants was going to marry his girl. I’ve got to get them! Dad, please.”
Lexie burst out laughing. Devil kissed her head. “Remind me the next time I’m with Tiny that I’m going to beat the shit out of him.”
She watched as her husband took Simon back to his room, probably to have a long talk. She couldn’t help but adore the budding relationship between her Simon and Tabitha. It was a romance that was going to be epic.