My feet are frozen in place as I stare at the spot he just occupied. I can still feel Ford in the room, smell his cologne, sense his energy. Violet comes up behind me and presses the door shut, the sound barely registering in my daze.

I’m stunned. Downright, absolutely dumbfounded.

“You know he’s totally coming back, right?” Violet laughs, shaking me out of my reverie.

Words don’t come. There aren’t enough syllables in the English language to string together a coherent summary of my thoughts.

“And if you hadn’t been so hateful, you could’ve been coming right now too,” she adds.

“Really, Violet?” I sigh.

“Yeah, really. He looked at you like he wanted to eat you!”

As I make my way into the back room and towards the mini-fridge with the small bottles of cheap wine, she just keeps talking.

“And you can’t pull that ‘I’m so not interested in this hot guy’ act again because that was no run-of-the-mill hot guy!” She wedges herself between me and the fridge. “Don’t even tell me he doesn’t check off every single one your silly little boxes.”

“What boxes are those?” I tap my chin in faux-thought. “The ones with all the characteristics of a man I actually want? Yeah, no,” I say, rolling my eyes. “He doesn’t.”

“What could he possibly be lacking? And don’t tell me if he has a small dick because that would just ruin so many dreams I just had.”

Glaring at her, I move her out of my way and extract a bottle of vino. “He’s handsome. I’ll give you that. He’s intelligent, or he was when I knew him, anyway. He’s sexy as hell and he’s good with his tongue.” I open the bottle and grin salaciously. “I’ll let you consider in how many ways.”

“Oh, God,” she almost moans.

“He most likely has a good work ethic and definitely has a good family name. The Landry’s are definitely good people.” I begin to tip back a drink but stop. “And his cock is huge.”

Violet falls dramatically onto the pink couch in the corner, one hand falling across her forehead.

The wine goes down effortlessly, the alcohol no match for my amped up state. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

“There’s no shame in your game,” Violet says with a touch of disgust on her face. “I feel like I should join you, but I have a suspicion you aren’t celebrating.”

“What would I be celebrating, Vi?”

“Call me crazy, but if any female I know, other than you was asked out to dinner by a man looking half that good, they’d be celebrating.”

“Most women have no idea the destruction a man looking half that good can cause.”

The look I give her works. She frowns, holding up her hands as if she’s surrendering.

I’m grateful that the ribbing stops. My head is going too many directions and her jabs just keep spinning me around. Flopping down next to her, I take a deep breath, glad I no longer smell eau de Landry.

“This is not what I had planned for today,” I say on a sigh. “Or ever for that matter.”

“How long has it been since you saw him?”

“Almost ten years.”

“Wow.”

I rest my head on her shoulder. “I started dating him when I was almost fifteen. We were together all throughout high school. I went to public and he went to Providence, a private school across town. We spent almost every evening and all our weekends together from the day we met until the day he left.”

“Oh,” she draws out, putting things together. “He’s the one …”

“Yes. He’s the one that, after the worst few weeks of my life, signed up for the military and took off.”

The look of pity is the exact one I’ve tried to avoid. That’s why I never delved into the ins and outs of my relationship with Ford. It’s the same reason I’ve never even really said his name.

I don’t want pity because I don’t want to seem pitiful. While he may have decimated me in the past, I am where I am because of that. Because of him.

“I’m so sorry, El. Had I known that was him, I wouldn’t have been so ga-ga.”

“Yes, you would’ve,” I laugh.

“Well, probably,” she giggles. “But I wouldn’t’ve been as nice. How’s that?”

“That’s fair.” Raising my head, I manage a real smile. “I know you look at him and think one thing. I don’t blame you. But don’t blame me for not being in that same boat.”

She grins. “I don’t blame you for not being in the same boat. I blame you for not being in his bed.”

“You are a crappy friend,” I laugh, standing and heading back to the fridge. “A good friend would have my back right now.”

“What must’ve he done to you?” She gasps. “Did he cheat on you? If he cheated on you, that’s it. He just fell from an eleven to a seven.”

“Just a seven?” I pull out another bottle of wine.

“I just can’t go below a seven and not lie.”

“Well, he didn’t cheat. I don’t think he would cheat, actually. It’s not in his makeup.”

“Good. I’ll bump him to a nine until I hear the offense.”

Violet might be my best friend in the entire world, but there are reasons I haven’t told her the details. I haven’t told anyone. I don’t know if I ever will. It’s too embarrassing and makes me sound too weak, too much like a lovestruck teenager.

“You aren’t going to tell me, are you?” she asks.

I slump back into the sofa beside her.

Finally, she looks at me and smiles. “Maybe this is the universe’s way of putting you two back together.”

“Maybe this is Mallory’s way of being a busybody,” I counter. “Or the universe telling me I did fine without him.”

Violet’s inner romantic is dying over this. She’s plotting out our romance novel already. She’s nearly bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“This isn’t like you and Luca,” I warn her. “There isn’t going to be some whirlwind reunion like the two of you have every year.”

“But it could be,” she insists “You’ve been in love with that guy, rightfully so, since the day I met you.”

My heart breaks a little. I won’t admit that and I won’t deny it either. Neither would make a difference.

“Love isn’t always enough,” I say. “Besides, I’m not sold on the idea that I loved him anyway. Maybe I loved the idea of him or it was some first-love thing that I haven’t gotten over. That’s normal, I think.”

Violet just looks at me unconvinced.

“He didn’t come here to see me, Vi. He came here to do business.”

“You could’ve been his business, methinks.”

“Burn me once, shame on you,” I say, standing up. “Burn me twice, shame on me.”

“Burn me three times, he must be really hot,” Violet winks.

She wraps her arm around me and says the first thing she’s said today that makes sense. “Let’s grab that other bottle of wine and get back to work.”