“Here.” Sienna hands me a saucer of cucumber slices. “Put these on your eyes.”

“I don’t want to put them on my eyes,” I pout, taking the dish and setting it on the table beside the porch swing. Tugging the blanket up around my chin, I stare at the lake.

The Farm is the only place I have no memories of Dominic, and it’s where I want to be. It’s my happy place, my peaceful place. Sienna picked me up this afternoon and came over with me.

I watch the water glisten and think of Dom and wonder if he’s feeling better. I called this morning and he didn’t answer. So, I did what any logical person would do: I called Joy and had her call Nate.

Whether or not Nate is mad at me too I haven’t figured out. I can’t remember much about what he said or did last night. I can’t remember anything other than Dominic, and as soon as I remember that, I start to cry.

It’s a vicious cycle, one that kept me up all night.

“You need to do something,” Sienna sighs, sitting beside me. “Or don’t go out in public. I don’t want anyone thinking you’re me.”

“You’re mean,” I say, feeling like I should laugh but not able to actually do it. “What time is it?”

“Five? Maybe six? You’ve been like this for hours now. You have to sleep at some point, Swink.”

“I can’t. I close my eyes and I remember seeing him fall. The guy racing to him and not being able to do anything about it.”

The tears come again and I feel so stupid for still crying, for breaking down, but there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I’m on a Tilt-a-Whirl of emotion.

“I should’ve listened to him.”

“No, he should’ve listened to you,” she suggests. “You shouldn’t have gone by yourself, I’ll agree with him on that. That was really stupid. But you just wanted to be there for him. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Tell that to his ribs,” I say. “Tell that to him. Tell that to my heart.”

“So dramatic.”

“I mean it. You know, every time I do something I want to do, someone gets hurt. It gets someone in trouble. I guess this is why our brothers treat me like a child, huh? Maybe I am just a child.”

“You aren’t a child,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “You are having disagreements with a very alpha male. On one hand, you want to do the things you’ve seen our family do your entire life. Helping each other, lending each other a few—or ten thousand—dollars,” she cringes. “We support each other. How many baseball games did we miss of Lincoln’s?”

“None.”

“How many of Ford’s baseball, soccer, whatever he was doing that season did we not see?”

“None.”

“How many of our things did our parents miss? None. See my point?”

“I guess.”

“You’re just loving the way you know how to love. It’s just, with Dominic, he does things that aren’t as … normal, maybe, as the rest of the world we’re used to. And he loves by keeping you from having to deal with a lot of things that are really present in his reality.”

Letting the blanket drop from my chin, I pick up a cucumber slice. “He always says we’re too different. That we’ll always face these problems. Maybe he’s right, Sienna.”

“Maybe that’s a whole bunch of bullshit.”

“What’s bullshit?”

I turn to see Ford standing in the doorway.

“I was just coming by to do some fishing and saw your car, Sienna. So,” he says, coming out and leaning on the rail, “what’s bullshit?” He eyes me suspiciously, his lips set in a thin, grim line.

“Cam thinks she should give up on Dominic because they’re not seeing eye-to-eye at the moment.”

“It’s not that,” I say, aggravated at my sister. “I went to Dom’s fight last night.”

“You did?”

“He told me not to and I did it anyway. I’m fine, let’s let that be known before I go on,” I say. “Some chick shoved me and Dom got distracted and got hurt.”

“Is he okay?” Ford asks.

“Yeah. I think. Maybe a broken rib or something. I don’t know because he won’t talk to me.”

“Because you went?”

“Yeah. I should’ve listened and I didn’t. He’s furious … and he should be,” I say, wiping away a tear.

Ford takes me in and then surprises me. He smiles.

“Don’t smile,” I warn him. “This isn’t funny.”

“It is, kind of. I’m happy Dominic is standing his ground with you.”

“What?”

“I’m just saying it’s nice having someone look after you instead of us doing it for a change.” Ford stands up and looks at Sienna. “What happened when you moved to LA?”

She groans. “Lincoln went with me to get me settled. Graham called every fucking day, set a limit on my credit card, wouldn’t let me even pay my rent. The one night I stayed out to party, they called my landlord. Fucking idiots.”

“They did?” I laugh.

“She was nineteen,” Ford points out. “Do you guys have any idea how many times we’ve had to bail Lincoln out of things?”

“Yes,” Sienna and I say together. We all laugh.

“What about Barrett? Who do you think did his clean-up? Graham. My point is, we look out for each other. We’re all just … dumb … in different ways. You haven’t moved away or had a serious relationship or anything like that. So maybe it seems like we’re overprotective. We spend more time with you.”

“Maybe that’s the answer.” I stand up and look at Sienna. “Are you really going to Illinois?”

“I think so,” she says warily. “Why?”

“Maybe I should go with you. I can be your secretary,” I offer. “I just know I can’t stay here if Dom doesn’t want me.”

Sienna stands but moves shoulder-to-shoulder with Ford. “You can always go with me. But you need to think about that, Cam. Your life is here.”

I gaze back across the lawn again. “Not if he’s not with me.”