Mia

Mia stood in the stall, taking it all in and enjoying the quiet that came after the birth. Lily was still asking both Laura and the vet questions about the birth process and the science of what had just happened. She was so excited it looked like she might never sleep again. The two boys had passed back out in the hay again.

Carter was in the birthing stall watching the foal. The little stallion stood on wobbly but determined feet. He was working on getting his walking legs steady. Carter stood off to the side, watching him with proud eyes.

He'd make such a good father, the thought came to Mia. She shook it away. He didn't want kids.

She turned from him and checked on the boys. They had woken up and been excited to watch the birth. Alexander said it was gross and Grayson's eyes had gotten bigger than Mia had ever seen, but they'd done well. They'd certainly learned something and she was glad they'd experienced the miracle of life. It was something she'd never seen before either.

She found some blankets and put them over her sleeping kids. Grayson never stirred, but Alexander murmured something about, “horse babies” with a smile on his face. Mia chuckled and shook her head. It certainly was an experience they would never forget.

She brushed some hay from their hair and stood up. The vet was explaining something about using artificial lights to push back the fertile period of mares and how that could change gestation time. They were able to have foals in the off season using this method. Mia's hand went to her own stomach without thinking. The aching loss filled her soul.

What would it feel like to carry a child?

She would never know. There would never be a child in her belly.

She thought she was over the hurt the thought left in her. She thought she had come to terms with the fact that she would never grow a child within her, but for some reason, it hurt tonight. Maybe it was that she'd just watched the mare become a mother, or perhaps it was the sweetness of the kids, but today, the loss hurt.

Mia turned and faced the barn wall, forcing herself to take deep even breaths. She blinked back the tears that stung at her eyes and tried to remember that she was okay with this. She wasn't meant to have children and she'd accepted that. It had taken time since finding out, but she'd come to terms with her body.

The overall memory of finding out had faded, but there were still details that stood out. The coldness of the room, the crackle of the paper on the examination table, the poster describing different kinds of birth control on the wall.

She'd had an unplanned pregnancy in college, but miscarried. It was the miscarriage that the doctors were concerned about. They'd run tests. She'd been asked to come in and speak to a doctor directly. She remembered how warm the doctor's hands were as she comforted Mia with the news. Mia had always thought it strange, considering that medical professional's hands were always cold.

She could never get pregnant. There was something wrong with her anatomy. The fact that she'd even gotten pregnant once was amazing. It would never happen again.

The news had ended the relationship. He'd wanted kids. She wanted them too, but he wasn't willing to adopt. In hindsight, it wouldn't have been a good match, but at the time, she'd felt like everything had fallen apart. Her world was destroyed.

It was part of why she was so adamant in her work. She would never have children of her own, but she was going to do her best to help everyone else's children instead.

Three more deep breaths and she felt in control again.

Alexander mumbled something again, shifting in his sleep under the blanket. Mia leaned over and picked another piece of hay from his dark hair and smiled. These are her kids. She didn't need to have them within her to love them.

She made sure they were tucked in and comfortable before heading back to the birthing stall. Lily was still learning everything she could from the vet and luckily the vet looked interested in teaching. They'd moved on to the anatomy changes required to facilitate a birth. Mia shook her head and looked for Carter.

He was sitting in the hay with the little sleeping foal in his lap. Carter beamed up at her as she approached, his eyes glowing with pride. He was as proud of this little horse as if he had fathered it himself. Mia smiled at him. He should be proud. His favorite mare had given birth and he'd been there to help.

“Come here,” he whispered as the little foal's eyes flickered with dreams in his lap.

Mia knelt in the hay and reached out to touch the small creature. He was so perfect. He made her heart ache again, but in a different way this time. He was beautiful and loved, which was all she ever wanted for any child.

Hopeful Dreamer nickered softly as if to say, Isn't he wonderful?

Mia reached out and stroked his soft coat. She couldn't agree more. He was wonderful.