Chapter Three
Rider
You’ll be satisfied sexually.
I shivered as the memory of Jax’s words came to me. He’d been attracted to me; I’d known that right away. But the fact he’d been so willing to show me that had been confusing, mostly because he’d stressed this was all business. Although, to be fair, he’d also said he wanted us to be friends and companions. Maybe that was his way of showing he meant that. I groaned, feeling as confused now as when I’d left his house three days ago.
“Mr. Jones?” The impatient voice of one of my students broke into my thoughts.
I glanced up to find Harold Marigold standing in front of my desk, holding out his paper. “Oh, thanks.” I grabbed the sheet from him, feeling embarrassed. I had to focus on my job better, this was getting ridiculous. Every day, all day, I stared into space, trying to figure out if being claimed by Jax was the best thing for me. It would solve my immediate problems, but did I really want to spend my life in a loveless relationship?
“Mr. Jones?” Harold muttered again, wrinkling his freckled forehead.
Jesus, focus.
I sat up, and cleared my throat. “That’s perfect. I’ll look this over and give grades out on Friday.”
He crossed his arms, as if he wasn’t letting me off the hook that easily. “As requested, I did my very best to analyze the role and development of the visual arts, in past and present cultures, noting human diversity as it relates to the visual arts.”
“Excellent.” I smiled pleasantly.
“I also plan on turning in some extra credit assignments.”
“Sounds good.”
He sighed. “I really need an A in this class.”
Sympathy nudged me. I knew the poor kid didn’t have the best home life, and was probably desperate for some encouragement. “I’m sure you’ll do very well. You always put a ton of effort into all your work, Harold, and it shows.”
Tension seemed to leave his face. “You really think so?”
“Yes. Your papers are always excellent.”
“I try.” He moved toward the door. “See you tomorrow Mr. J.”
I waved and set his paper on the pile of other papers. I needed to get my ass in gear if I was going to get all these assignments graded by Friday. There was a knock on the door jamb, and I glanced up to find my bestie, and fellow teacher, Tania, entering my classroom.
She had a container of red and green Christmas cookies, and she lifted the lid as she perched on the edge of my desk. “Want one?” She bit into a cookie, winking at me.
I helped myself to a red cookie and sighed. “Why do my students never give me treats?”
“I guess my students love me more.”
I laughed and took a big bite, enjoying the sugary frosting. I don’t think I’d realized how hungry I was, until I took that first bite. I proceeded to devour two more cookies, as Tania watched me with a smile.
“So what have you decided?” she asked casually.
Tania was the only person I’d told about the proposed arrangement between Jax and me. Not that there was anyone else to tell. I was an only child, and my parents had died years ago. I had to wonder what my parents would have thought about this idea. Would they have encouraged me to go with the security Jax offered, or would they have wanted me to hold out for love? One thing was for sure, they’d disliked my ex Dale. I myself was close to hating him, although it was harder for me because I’d also loved him once. Tania hated him unapologetically.
“I still haven’t made up my mind.”
“Is that why you’re eating cookies like a maniac?” She grinned. “Are you stress eating?”
“Maybe. That and I didn’t have lunch.” I stood, grabbing the stack of papers I needed to grade, and shoving them into my briefcase. “It’s not an easy decision.”
“I know.”
“You still won’t tell me what you think I should do?”
She lifted one brow. “And have you blame me for the rest of your life if I get it wrong? No way.”
“I wouldn’t blame you.”
“You wouldn’t be able not to. Besides, I’d blame myself.” She slid off my desk, her heels clacking on the linoleum.
“I need guidance from my best friend.” We headed to the door.
“This is all on you.” She went out first, and I locked the door behind us. “This is either a wonderful opportunity, or the worst mistake of your life.”
“Geez, no pressure.”
She laughed. “I want you happy. Whatever that looks like, I’ll support you.”
We left the building and headed for the parking lot. “If he were ugly and smelled weird, this decision would be so much easier.”
“Sure. But he isn’t ugly and he doesn’t smell.”
“Nope.” I smiled sheepishly. “He’s sexy AF.”
“I wish you had a picture of him.”
“I didn’t think to snap one while I was there,” I said wryly. “You could probably Google him. His family does all those boring fundraiser things. There are probably tons of pictures of him on the internet.” I unlocked my car with a beep.
“Why didn’t I think of that?” She grabbed her phone and started scrolling through menus. She frowned. “Jax Hamilton, correct?”
“Yep.”
She frowned. “That can’t be right. This guy is like eighty-years-old.”
I laughed. “He’s not eighty.”
“Oh, that was Jax Hamilton, the grandfather.” She grinned. “That’s a relief. Those sperm would be mummified by now.”
“Pfft.” I shook my head. “No, Jax is in his prime.” I shivered when I thought about how he’d looked at me toward the end of our meeting. He hadn’t bothered hiding his attraction, and that was kind of exciting.
She whistled. “Oh, shit. This is the guy?” She looked up and held out her phone.
I nodded when I caught a glimpse of Jax in a tux. “God, he looks good in that suit.”
“Wow. Hubba. Hubba.” She snorted. “He’s fucking gorgeous.”
“I know. That’s part of the problem. I’d love to sleep with him, but does that mean I want to have his kids and be with him forever?”
She licked her lips. “Maybe.”
“I thought you didn’t have an opinion on the matter.”
She grinned. “Well, I hadn’t seen him yet.”
“His looks aren’t enough. There’s a lot to consider. I’m not sure I’m made to live without love. I’m not sure being friends and lovers is enough for me.”
“But you do need to have a kid soon; if you’re going to have one.”
“Yes.” Frustration prickled at me.
She studied me. “You could wait. Gamble. Another alpha might come along who you could fall for.”
I nodded, leaning against my car. “And if no one comes along? Or if they don’t want me back? Then I could end up alone and childless.”
“Yes.” She frowned. “It’s a risk.”
I groaned. “I know I should be more grateful I have this option. A month ago everything looked pretty hopeless.”
She pressed her lips together, looking sympathetic. “A week for a decision this big doesn’t seem long enough.”
Pushing away from the car, I opened the door. “I know. But something tells me Jax won’t wait any longer than that. He wants to get this all signed and sealed by Christmas.”
“Wow.”
“I know.”
She smirked. “Well, on the bright side, if you do agree to be his omega, for once you’d have a date for any future Staff Christmas Parties.”
“Very funny.” I rolled my eyes.
“You know how you hate going stag.”
I slid into my car, meeting her amused gaze. “Speaking of dates, are you still seeing that chef?”
She sighed. “No. We broke up.”
“Aww, man. Really?” I scowled. “What was it this time?”
“I was gaining too much weight dating him.” She grinned, patting her flat stomach. “I put on five pounds.”
“You broke up with the poor guy because you loved his cooking too much?”
“I had to take drastic measures before I couldn’t fit into any of my pants.” She headed toward her car that was parked a few feet away. “Plus he snored.”
“Good to know you’re such a tolerant person!” I called out to her.
She giggled. “Shut up.”
I started my car and headed out of the parking lot. There was a ton of traffic, and by the time I got home, I was grumpy and starving. I went to the refrigerator and opened it. I had two eggs and a quart of milk that had expired two days ago. I’d stalled grocery shopping until Friday, when I’d get paid. Between my student loans, car payment and rent, I was always broke before the end of the month. If I’d known Dale and I were going to split, I’d have focused on paying off my student debt, but we’d been doing okay financially with two incomes. Now it was just me and my crappy salary.
I shut the fridge and leaned against the kitchen counter. If I agreed to marry Jax, money problems would be a thing of the past. But was it worth it? Would I regret my decision to let him claim me if, in the future, I ended up meeting someone else who I fell in love with? Was I strong enough to reject his offer and gamble that love would come to me before I was too old to have kids? If I was wrong, I’d probably never find an alpha. Maybe being in a business relationship with Jax was preferable to living alone the remainder of my days.
I could admit it depressed me to think of being single my whole life. Having a lover and companion might be good enough. At least if I took Jax up on his offer, I’d have kids. Maybe Jax wouldn’t love me, but I’d love our kids and they’d love me back. I’d have a family where as now, the closest thing I had to family was Tania. She was only twenty-four, but eventually she’d find a mate. When that happened, I’d become the single weird friend who was always invited to holidays out of pity. Did that future actually seem preferable to the one Jax offered?
I pressed my hand to my stomach, feeling despondent. I really wanted to experience pregnancy. I’d always wanted that, even when I was younger. I’d thought I had plenty of time to make that happen. But it wasn’t easy finding someone you loved who you were compatible with. Love was hard. Living day in day out with another person was a strain. There had been times when I’d wanted to leave Dale just because he was so different from me. He’d loved sports and going to clubs all the time. I’d always sucked at sports and would always rather stay home and read than go drink with a bunch of strangers. We hadn’t been a great match. I could admit that now. But it had been nice having another warm body in the bed, and the sex had been good.
Maybe part of my reluctance to agree to Jax’s proposal was because I was afraid of repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Was I going to spend my life making bad decisions just because I didn’t want to be alone? That was why I’d stuck with Dale for so long; the fear of being by myself. Fear was a horrible state of mind to be in when making important life decisions. But if I was honest, I did feel afraid all the time these days. Afraid of being poor. Afraid of being old. Afraid of no one loving me.
There was a knock on the back door and I jumped. I went to open it, and let out a gasp of shock when I found Jax standing on my steps. I bugged my eyes, and he laughed uneasily. “What are you doing here?”
His cheeks were pink, and he ran a hand over the back of his neck. “Would you believe I was in the neighborhood?”
“No.” I laughed gruffly.
“I wondered if you’d let me take you to dinner tonight?” He sounded nervous, which was surprising. At our first meeting he’d given off an almost pompous vibe, but that was missing at the moment.
“You want to take me to dinner?”
Grimacing, he said, “I know I told you to take a week to think over my proposal, but I started thinking maybe we should spend an evening together before you decide. We should try and see if we’re at all compatible, right?”
I nodded slowly. “I guess.”
“How much do we really know about each other after meeting for an hour?”
“Not much.”
“You can still take the extra time to actually decide.” He shrugged. “But it seemed so odd to try and decide something this big, when we’ve spent no time together.”
He had a point. It suddenly occurred to me I still hadn’t invited him in. I stepped aside. “Why don’t you come in?”
“Thanks.” He brushed past me and his spicy cologne made my nerves flutter.
He was tall and broad shouldered, and he made my tiny kitchen feel even smaller. I closed the door and faced him. In his dark tailored coat, he was as gorgeous as I’d remembered, maybe even more so. Or maybe it was simply that I could see him better when we weren’t standing in his gloomy library. His black hair was glossy, and his eyes the color of whiskey in this light. He was bristling with alpha magnetism, and it was impossible to stifle the shiver of attraction that went through me at being so close to him.
He seemed to notice my reaction to him, and he smiled. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“You too. It’s a shock though.”
“I guess I should have called first.”
“No. It’s okay.” I grimaced. “I’d offer you something to drink… but frankly, I don’t have anything but water.” My face warmed. I’d already known we came from very different worlds, but having him in my dingy kitchen drove that home even more. He looked out of place against the back drop of cheap oak cupboards, and chipped tile floors. A part of me worried he’d want to withdraw his offer when he realized just how penniless I truly was.
He glanced around at the lackluster decor, and I appreciated he didn’t try to give false compliments. Instead he focused his attention back on me. “What do you say?”
I studied him, kind of excited at the idea of having dinner with him. “I can’t see how dinner would hurt.”
His face relaxed. “Good.”
I glanced down at my T-shirt and jeans. “Okay if I change really quick? I just got home from work.”
“Of course.”
I hurried off to my bedroom, where I proceeded to strip off my clothes in record time. I felt grimy from my work day, so I washed my arm pits, brushed my teeth, and put on cologne. Then I pulled on clean jeans and a dark green collared shirt. I had no idea where he was taking me, but I hoped it wasn’t anywhere I’d need a tie and jacket. When I returned to the front room, he was peering at a photo of me and my parents from a few Christmases ago.
He faced me when I entered the room, and his gaze ran over me admiringly. “You clean up nice.”
“Thanks.” I felt self-conscious under his scrutiny. “Ready when you are.”
He nodded and followed me out of the apartment. I locked the door, annoyed that my hands trembled slightly. He definitely affected me, but I didn’t want him knowing that. He led me to a sleek black car parked on the street. He held the door for me while I got in the passenger side, and then he moved around to the driver’s side, and slid in behind the wheel. His car smelled like leather, and the hint of his cologne. The engine purred to life as I clicked my belt in place. He didn’t ask me what kind of food I wanted, he just pulled onto the road, as if he knew exactly where he was going.
“If we wanted to get to know each other better, we could have just talked on the phone,” I said, peering out the window at the other grungy apartment houses that occupied my street. My pride would have felt better if he’d just called instead of dropping by. My street was bad enough, but him seeing my actual shoe-box of an apartment was doubly embarrassing. It had never occurred to me that Jax would ever need to see where I lived.
“I felt like we needed to size each other up again, in person.” His tanned hands gripped the wheel, and he shot me an enigmatic glance. “Or at least, I needed that.”
I wasn’t sure why he felt that was important, but at least I’d get a nice meal out of it. “I love food so a free dinner works for me.”
His cheek curved in a smile.
“This is a nice car.” I smoothed my hand over the leather dash.
“Thanks.”
“Do you work?” I asked, fiddling with the air vent.
He smiled. “Yes.”
“Even though you have all the money you could ever need?” I frowned.
“I like working.”
“What do you do?”
“I manage the family businesses.” He pulled into a parking lot and stopped the car as a valet came trotting toward us. “It’s a full time job in itself.”
“What businesses do the Hamilton’s own?”
“A couple of tech companies and some rental properties.” He smiled as we slid out of the car. He handed the valet his keys, and took his ticket.
And I have two eggs and a quart of sour milk in my fridge. Equally yoked we are not.
The restaurant he’d picked was French. The building was small, white and immaculate. The sign said La Porte Rouge, which from my limited knowledge of French meant The Red Door. I found the name puzzling since the building had a black door, but I decided not to worry about it. Jax led the way into the restaurant, and when he opened the door for me, he rested his hand on the small of my back. That light touch had my pulse racing, but I did my best not to show it. It was so odd to be having dinner with a man who I was considering marrying, but knew nothing about. It was also bizarre to go on a date when the idea of falling in love was actively rejected. Wasn’t that the point of all dates? To see if perhaps there was the chance of a love connection? Definitely not in this instance. No one would ever live up to the memory of Thomas, and Jax’s certainly had no qualms about making that clear.
Once we entered the building, it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. I noticed there was an antique red door with brass hardware against one side of the room. “Ahhh. There’s the red door.”
Jax whispered, “They had to bring it inside. It kept getting tagged with graffiti.”
“Oh, wow. Really?” I ignored the little shiver that moved through me when his warm breath puffed against my ear.
“Yep.”
The maître d’ seemed to know Jax and he seated us right away. The waiter gave me odd looks as he took our drink orders. I wasn’t sure if his staring at me was because I was under-dressed, or something else. He was polite enough, but the staring became annoying after a while.
“Do I have something on my face?” I muttered to Jax.
He frowned. “No. Why?”
“The waiter has been eyeballing me since we sat down.” I smoothed my palm over my cloth napkin in my lap, feeling self-conscious.
He glanced at the older man who was busy opening a bottle of wine for us. “How are you this evening, Mateo?” He addressed the server, who looked startled for a moment.
“Oh, I’m fine Mr. Hamilton. Thank you for asking.” He pulled the cork from the bottle, and poured a tiny amount in Jax’s glass.
“This is Rider.” Jax gestured toward me. “He might be dining with me here a lot in the future. Treat him well.” Jax swirled the wine, sniffed the glass and sipped.
“Of course, sir.” Mateo glanced at me, and gave a hesitant smile. “Nice to meet you, Rider.”
“You too.” I wasn’t exactly sure why Jax had introduced me, but it did seem to stop Mateo from staring at me.
Once the waiter had left us, Jax said softly, “I never bring anyone here. I’m sure the whole staff is dying of curiosity.”
“I see.” I sipped my wine, amazed at how smooth and delicious it was. When I bought wine it was from the bargain bin at the grocery store. “But you brought me here.”
He met my gaze. “Yes. I did.”
“Why?”
“Because this is an amazing place to eat. I’m trying to show you what life would be like if you were to accept my offer. I’m trying to bribe you.” His lips twitched. “Obscenely overpriced fine dining is a part of the package.”
Remembering my empty fridge, I winced. “You have no idea how tempting a fancy dinner is to an underpaid teacher.”
“No. I actually don’t.” He studied me. “I’ve never had to worry about money.”
“My family never had much money growing up. But as they say, we were rich in other ways.”
“Were you?”
I smiled, thinking of my parents. “Yes. I had a wonderful childhood. I never doubted I was loved. I think that’s one of the most important things a kid can have in their life. Far more important to know you’re loved than to have expensive toys.”
“I’ll agree with that. My parents were loving too.” He sipped his wine, and then said, “Of course, I can’t help that I was born into money. It’s the luck of the draw.”
“You were definitely lucky.”
“I agree.” He shrugged. “If you marry me, our kids would be lucky too. They’d never have to worry either.”
“Oh, that’s not fair.” I scowled. “You can’t use the kids we don’t even have against me in a discussion.”
He chuckled. “Why not?”
“It’s just not right. This decision is hard enough when I only have myself to consider. Now if you throw the lives of imaginary kids in too, I might end up in a strait jacket.”
“Sorry. I just want this part of the process to be over.”
“Why? What’s so horrible about it?”
He twisted his lips. “I don’t want to have to keep interviewing omegas. It’s tedious and most of the omegas just seem so… blah. Until you came along, Mrs. Littlebottom’s first two choices didn’t dazzle me.”
“But I dazzled you?” I waggled my brows.
He didn’t respond to my teasing. “I just want you to say yes, so everything can be settled.”
I leaned toward him. “You said you’d give me a week.”
“I meant it too. I don’t need your answer for four more days. But that doesn’t mean I can’t try and influence you.”
He was definitely trying to be more charming tonight. He’d been almost standoffish at our first meeting, but so far he’d smiled more in the first ten minutes than he had the entire time at his house. “Maybe this is the one time you don’t get what you want.”
He pulled his brows together. “You think I always get what I want?”
“Probably.”
“No.” He shook his head, and his mouth tugged down at the corners. “If that were the case, Thomas would still be alive.”
My stomach clenched. “Oh, sorry. Yeah, I meant in other ways.” God, I’d stepped right in that one.
He tipped his wine glass and drained it. His mood changed the minute he said Thomas’s name. I could have kicked myself for helping to spoil the pleasant atmosphere at the table. He refilled both of our wine glasses and he met my gaze. “What’s the main thing that keeps you from accepting my offer?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell him all my innermost feelings on the matter. But he was watching me so intently, I decided to share some of my reservations. “My biggest fear is I’ll meet someone and fall in love.” I swallowed hard. “But I’d be trapped in a marriage with you.”
He winced. “Ouch.”
“Well. You asked.”
“Yes. I did.”
I shrugged. “I like being in love. It’s a wonderful feeling.”
He narrowed his eyes. “How often have you been in love in your life?”
“Twice.”
“Huh.”
I drank some wine; aware he was still watching me.
“So, how many years did you waste on the other guy?”
“Two.”
“Why didn’t it work out?” he asked.
“We were really young. First year of college.” I shrugged. “I didn’t know what I wanted or needed in a partner yet.”
His mouth hardened. “You can know at that age. I did.”
My face warmed at his terse tone. “Then you were different from me. I wasn’t mature enough to know who I was, let alone what I wanted in a mate.”
Fortunately, before he could respond, the food arrived, and that tense conversation died a natural death. I inhaled the scent of my filet mignon with black truffle sauce, my mouth watering. As I sliced into the tender steak, I sighed contentedly. This decadent meal beat the crap out of opening a can of beans at home, or calling for a five-dollar pizza that would probably taste like cardboard with sauce. My first bite seemed to melt in my mouth, and the tangy sauce coaxed a moan from me.
Jax gave a faint smile. “Good?”
I chewed, nodding. “Perfect. Jesus, I haven’t had a good steak in years. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a steak this good.”
“Just don’t ask for ketchup. The chef might come out with a meat cleaver.”
“This steak doesn’t need anything else. The sauce is amazing.” I scooped a bite of pureed turnips, marveling at the flavor.
“I thought you might enjoy this place. It’s one of my favorite spots to grab dinner.” He used his fork to sample his roasted salmon with saffron sauce. He chewed as he studied me. “I know teachers usually get the summer off. Do you teach summer school?”
“Sometimes,” I said.
“For money, or just because you’d be bored otherwise?”
“Both.”
The conversation continued amiably as we chatted about work and life. He did most of the talking, and he asked a lot of questions. I was so entranced with the vibrant flavors on my plate, I had trouble focusing on the conversation. Not because he bored me, but because I wanted to really enjoy my meal. If I decided not to be his omega, who knew when I’d have such a fancy dinner again. I had to force myself to slow down or I’d have inhaled my meal before he was even half way through his. I ate two big pieces of French bread to help fill my belly, and I definitely drank more wine than I needed to. But everything was so good, and it had been so long since I’d had any kind of splurge meal.
“Do you want dessert?” He pressed his napkin to his lips. “They have a pistachio soufflé that’s excellent.”
After stuffing bread, wine, and my meal in so quickly, I didn’t think dessert was a good idea. “No, thank you.”
“You sure?” He arched one brow.
“I don’t think I should.” I patted my stomach. “I’ve had enough calories to last me a week.”
His gaze ran over my body, and he looked away. “Then I guess I should take you home.”
Once he got his card back, we left the restaurant in silence. The drive back to my apartment was quiet. I could tell he was deep in thought, and when he pulled up in front of my complex, he shut off the engine and started to unbuckle.
I laughed. “I’ve got it from here. You don’t have to walk me to the door.”
He hesitated, and shifted in his seat to face me. “Then I guess this is goodnight.”
“Yep.” Sexual energy hummed between us. There was no denying we were attracted to each other. “Thanks for dinner. You were right, it was good to have a chance to talk and see if we get along.”
“We passed that test with flying colors.”
“We did indeed.” I started to open the door, but he put his hand on my arm. When I faced him, his eyes were eerily yellow in the dark interior of the car. My pulse began to pound, and I felt short of breath.
Without a word, he leaned in and captured my mouth with his. Excitement swam through me at his aggressive kiss, and I moaned into his mouth as his tongue explored with teasing expertise. Jesus, if just a kiss was this good, I could imagine how fantastic full on sex would be. I shivered and leaned into the kiss, needing more.
When he pulled away abruptly, I was left confused and horny. I licked my lips, staring at him with my cock hard and aching.
His smile was smug. “Yeah, I figured we’d be sexually compatible too.”
I released a shaky breath, and fumbled for the door handle, still groggy with lust. Once I’d managed to open the door, I slid out, hoping he couldn’t see my erection in the dark. “You don’t play fair, Jax.”
He chuckled. “This is too important to play fair.”
I shut the door, and he rolled down the electric window as I started to walk away.
“Hey, Rider,” he called after me.
I stopped and faced him, hugging myself against the chilly night. “Yes?”
“We could have a beautiful life together.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged.
“Love isn’t everything.”
I gave a hard laugh. “You sure about that?” Losing his first love had damaged him so horribly, he wouldn’t even try again. For him to pretend love wasn’t one of the most important things in life was ludicrous.
He didn’t respond. He simply started the engine, rolled the window up, and drove away.