Chapter Five
Rider
Once I said yes to being Jax’s omega, everything started moving fast. I let my landlord know I wouldn’t be renewing my lease after December, and I booked a small moving van. I’d also called The Salvation Army because I wasn’t planning on bringing any of my furniture with me. It was all cheap crap I’d grabbed at a secondhand store, and something told me my stuff would look even cheaper in Jax’s elegant home. But I had books and sentimental items from my parents that I definitely wanted to bring with me. I’d need something that reminded me I’d had a life before selling my soul to Jax. No. That wasn’t fair. No one had forced me into this. This wasn’t a bad thing; this was an opportunity to have a family of my own before it was too late. I was incredibly lucky Jax hadn't liked any of the other omegas. He’d wanted me and that was a very good thing.
So why did I feel so lost?
Perhaps part of my uneasiness was that there were still a lot of unknowns. The contract we’d signed had dealt with all the legal stuff, but none of the day to day things had been decided. Would Jax and I share a bedroom, or would I have my own space? How soon did he want me to get pregnant? I suppose I could have called him and asked him, but for whatever reason, I hesitated. We hadn’t even spoken since I’d given Mrs. Littlebottom my decision. It had been three days since I’d agreed to be his omega, and the last time we’d seen each other was four days before that. I’d kind of expected a phone call from Jax, or something, but nope. Nada. And whether it was fair or not, the fact he hadn’t made any attempt to reach out to me, bugged me. This was a life altering decision for me, and he couldn’t be bothered to pick up the phone?
I groaned, and sat on the arm of my couch. It was Christmas break at work, and the movers were coming tomorrow. I’d been packing boxes all day preparing for the movers who were due early in the morning. After the moving company picked up my boxes tomorrow, then I was supposed to meet Jax at the courthouse around four in the afternoon so we could tie the knot. Sweat prickled my neck, and I rubbed my face tiredly. I wasn’t eating or sleeping well because of stress. And there was a lot of stress because Jax wanted all of this done before Christmas.
I hated being rushed. This was huge, and I’d have preferred to take a few months to figure it all out. But Jax had insisted we needed to be married before the end of the year. That no doubt had to do with something financial or tax related. He was able to look at this logically because it was simply a business decision for him. For me it was very different. I was the one having to move from my home, and then carry the baby. My entire world was about to go through massive changes, including my actual body. Yes, I’d wanted a child, but never in a million years had I thought this was how it would happen for me.
I still didn’t know Jax well enough to know if he would be a kind and patient alpha, or a moody asshole. He’d been respectful the two times we’d met, but how would he be long term? That I didn’t know, and I wouldn’t know until we lived together. It didn’t help any that I hadn’t seen him in seven days. It was too easy to start thinking negative things about him when I could barely remember him. I laughed out loud at that thought because that wasn’t quite true. I remembered things about him. I sure as hell remembered our kiss. Jesus, that had curled my toes and given me a hard-on that hadn’t faded for hours.
I stood and went back to packing. The decision was made. It was time to put on my big boy pants and do what needed doing.
****
The Poppy Field Courthouse was a single story structure built a few years ago, to replace the ancient two story building that had served Poppy Field well for fifty years. The new mayor of Poppy Field had big dreams, and this gleaming nod to modern architecture boasted a certificate from the Green Building Council. Its sandstone walls were covered in vines, and the entire front of the building was glass, so as to utilize natural light as much as possible.
I was alone as I approached the front of the building, my stomach twisted in knots. I would have given anything to have Tania with me today, but she was in another state visiting her parents for Christmas. She’d been mad that Jax couldn’t wait until after the new year to get married. She’d have been able to attend then. She was already suspicious of Jax, and not being able to be at the ceremony wouldn’t help her warm up to him any.
Jax stood in front of the doors with his assistant Emilia beside him. Her presence only served to reinforce how much of a business transaction this really was. Was she going to take notes? Maybe send out a memo later recounting the lackluster ceremony for all the Hamilton shareholders?
I felt under dressed as I neared Jax. He wore a dark suit with a bright red tie. I wasn’t sure if he’d dressed up for me and the ceremony, or if he just always wore suits. I’d never seen him that he wasn’t wearing a suit. I was dressed more casually. I’d showered and shaved for the occasion, but then I’d just worn jeans and a dress shirt. I wasn’t renting a tux for a five-minute ceremony that meant nothing to either of us.
His expression was impossible to read as I neared, but he gave a stiff smile. “You made it,” he said quietly. He made no attempt to touch me, or shake my hand.
Emilia shifted beside him, giving me a frosty smile. “I’m the witness.”
“Oh, sure.” I’d forgotten we needed a witness to the ceremony. Now her reason for being here made more sense. There was no way she was making an appearance to show how much she approved of me marrying Jax. From her pinched expression it was apparent she did not approve in the least.
Jax opened the door, and we went inside. It was freezing inside the building, and I was surprised to see it was only us and one other couple. The clerk behind the desk had on gloves, two bulky sweaters, and a knit hat with reindeer. She smiled when we arrived at her window, and I don’t think it was my imagination that her teeth chattered.
“Sorry. The heater isn’t working.” She gave a brittle laugh. “They promised they’d have it repaired two hours ago.”
I winced. “God. You must be freezing.”
“You could say that.” She shivered. “You might want to come back another day so you don’t freeze to death.”
“That’s fine. This shouldn’t take long.” Jax sounded smooth and self-assured. He was about to marry a stranger, and he looked completely unaffected.
His calm irked me a bit. I was ready to pee my pants from nerves, and he looked like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. Why? Why was this no big deal to him? He was about to marry a man he didn’t know. But nothing about this process had seemed to upset him. He’d barely batted an eye when all my stuff had been delivered to his house earlier today. Maybe alphas handled stress better.
“Hey, it’s your choice,” the clerk said, grabbing forms and pushing them toward us. “Do you have a marriage license?”
Jax tugged the required paper from his pocket. “Yep.”
“Excellent. You’d be surprised how many people think they can just show up and get married without the license.”
“What happens when they do that?”
She sighed. “Well, usually they yell at me like it’s my fault. I don’t make the rules. I can’t marry anyone if they don’t have a marriage license, and it takes a few days to get the license. I guess I understand why they’re upset. It’s their big day and they’re disappointed.”
“I guess.” I met Jax’s blank gaze. This experience would have been very different if I was here marrying someone I loved. But instead I was marrying an alpha I barely knew, and our witness was Emilia; a woman who looked at me like I was trying to steal Jax’s wallet.
“Fill out this form and don’t forget to sign here and here.” She pointed to the paper. “The ceremony fee is $35 and if you need a court provided witness, that will run you another $20.” She smiled. “We take cash or credit cards. Sorry, no personal checks.”
“I’m their witness,” Emilia announced grimly. For all the enthusiasm in her tone, she might as well have been volunteering to swallow poison.
Jax paid for everything in cash, and we took the copies that the clerk handed us. Then she instructed us to follow her. We ended up in a small room with a dry erase board at one end, and some boxes stacked against the wall. There was a podium with pink and yellow plastic flowers attached, and the clerk stood behind that. She instructed Jax and I to stand in front of her, and I was relieved she didn't direct us to hold hands. This was awkward enough without having to pretend we were madly in love.
The clerk began the ceremony with a lot of stuff about the state of Texas, and how we were entering into a legal contract. Then she moved on to other parts that began to feel more personal, and I felt my body tensing.
“By entering into this legal agreement with each other, you’re choosing to be lifetime partners. Standing together to cushion the difficulties, and rejoicing together in the graces your lives together bring. So nurture your marriage carefully, and watch your love grow.” She smiled at us. “For mutual love between two people is the greatest gift of all.”
I peeked at Jax’s face and found him watching me. Was he thinking of Thomas? I was sure he was. I knew he’d have given anything to swap me out for his dead lover. I understood that. It made me feel weird, but I did understand why he’d feel that way. This was a day he’d hoped to share with Thomas, not a stranger. He’d dreamed of marrying Thomas and having a family with him one day. This emotionless ceremony would never have had to happen if Thomas were still alive. But Thomas wasn’t here, and I was.
“Jax, please take the ring, place it on Rider’s finger and repeat after me.” The clerk instructed.
He pulled a ring from his pocket, and he took my hand. His skin was firm and warm against mine, and my flesh tingled. He slid the ring on my finger, and I met his emotionless gaze. He repeated the vows the clerk told him to repeat, and I did the same for him when my turn came. I slipped the ring onto his long tanned finger, and we held hands as I repeated the vows she told me to say. The words meant nothing to either one of us, but the feel of his hand against mine was nice. His touch soothed me, and I felt less scared. Alphas could soothe omegas with word and touch, especially when there was an actual emotional connection. While I didn’t think we had much of an emotional bond yet, something about his touch still quieted me.
“By the authority of the State of Texas, I now pronounce you partners in life.” The clerk announced cheerfully, grinning at us. “You may kiss the groom.”
We both seemed taken aback by what she said. I gave a nervous laugh, and Emilia hissed disapprovingly. But Jax surprised me when he leaned in and kissed me. I stiffened, but didn’t pull away. For one thing, I didn’t want to embarrass him, and for another, the feel of his mouth on mine was so nice, I didn’t have the willpower to resist. It wasn’t a long kiss, but my knees were still weak by the time he lifted his head.
With my lips still tingling I waited for the rest of the paperwork to be handled. Once the clerk had what she needed so that the marriage could be recorded, we left the building. I was deep in thought as I started down the path toward the parking lot, Jax put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me.
“Rider, I assume we’ll see you back at the house?” he asked. He looked uncertain, as if he thought maybe I was going to just take off for parts unknown.
I’d been so focused on getting through the ceremony, what came next today hadn’t really been on my mind. My apartment was gutted, so there was no reason to go back there, and Tania wasn’t around, so I had no friend to go visit. I gave a gruff laugh. “Uh, I guess I don’t really have anywhere else to go but to your house.”
Jax blinked at me as if he wasn’t sure how to take my comment. He cleared his throat. “We should have some champagne. You know, to celebrate.”
Celebrate our loveless marriage?
“Oh,” I said. Emilia was staring down her nose at me again, and I was getting a little tired of it. I tried not to let it bother me, but I was confused about why she seemed to dislike me so much.
Jax hesitated. “Unless… you had other plans?”
“No. I don’t have any plans.”
He studied me. “What do you say? Champagne?”
“Uh… I guess.”
Frowning, Jax said, “You don’t have to.”
“I know.” I bit my lower lip. Whether the circumstances were bizarre or not, we’d just gotten hitched. A toast was probably in order. “Champagne sounds nice.” Maybe it would be good to have a few drinks and get to know my new husband.
A tentative smile touched his lips. “Excellent.”
“I’ll meet you at the house,” I said.
“Sounds good.” He strode off in the direction of his car with Emilia hurrying to catch up.
I slid into my car and sat staring into space. What a weird day. Christmas was in three days, and I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt less festive. With Tania out of town, I had no one to hang out with, and no one to buy gifts for. Plus, while I didn’t want to miss Dale, this was the first time in a long time I hadn’t spent Christmas with him and his family. His family had always seemed to like me. We hadn't been super close, but we’d never had any issues either. Now I had to wonder if his family had known all along he was going to leave me. The thought of that depressed me, and when I fixated on all the lies Dale had told me, I didn’t know whether to cry or punch something.
I exhaled wearily and started the car. The drive to Jax’s house was about twenty minutes, and it gave me time to get control of my dreary thoughts. As I parked in front of the sprawling home, I reminded myself that I’d entered into this marriage willingly. Yes, Dale had screwed me over, but something positive had come out of meeting Jax. My course was set now. I’d never have to worry about money again, and I’d get to have babies. Things were good. I just needed to focus, be practical, and stop wishing I could have had love too.