Chapter Sixteen
Jax
As I worked the next day I found myself distracted with thoughts of Rider. Finding him sick in bed last night had rattled me. He’d been so weak and pale, it had driven home his mortality. Not something I really wanted to think about. I’d already lost one omega, and the thought of losing Rider too had kept me awake all night. I’d held him in my arms, listening to his soft breathing, and trying to calm the panic inside at the idea of anything happening to him. I’d been shocked by my own fear. I’d been worried about the baby, of course, but my overwhelming concern had been Rider. I couldn’t stop thinking about how fragile life was, and how devastated I’d be if anything took Rider away from me.
I love him.
The truth of that thought thrilled and gutted me. I knew first-hand the torture of losing someone you loved. Caring about Rider meant having to deal with that fear. I hated it. Hated the very idea that I could lose him. It made me want to push him away and stop these growing emotions. But the very thought of not touching him, or being with him was too painful. I didn’t have the strength to even try and protect my heart. It was too late anyway, Rider was already weaved into my soul. From the moment I’d met him, something had taken root.
“Everything okay, Mr. Hamilton?” Emilia’s brittle voice cut into my thoughts.
I glanced up to find her watching me with her bird-like gaze. “Yes. Everything is fine.”
“You just seem a little preoccupied today.”
“Rider was sick last night.” I shrugged. “I suppose that has me distracted.”
She frowned. “Oh, dear. That’s too bad.”
I appreciated her trying to sound concerned, but she didn’t seem as sincere as I’d have liked. “He’s fine this morning.”
Her gaze flickered. “What wonderful news.”
“Yes.” I tapped my pen on the papers in front of me.
“Is he sick a lot?”
I met her gaze. “Well, he’s pregnant so he has morning sickness usually.”
“Of course. But I mean, does he seem healthy otherwise?”
“Why?” I narrowed my eyes.
She sighed. “I hesitate to mention this…” She glanced toward the door. “But I’m worried.”
“What about?”
“Oh, never mind.” She dropped her gaze and went back to making notes.
“Emilia, if you have something to say, just say it.”
She glanced up. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be accused of butting in where I don’t belong.”
I stamped down my impatience. “Please just tell me why you’re concerned.”
“Very well…” She grimaced. “I worry that perhaps Rider isn’t taking care of himself properly. I only mention it because he’s responsible for keeping that baby inside of him safe too.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
She bit her lip. “I don’t want you to shoot the messenger.”
“Emilia, what is it you’re trying to say?” My heart rate picked up at the uneasy look on her face.
She blew out a shaky breath. “There have just been a few things I’ve observed that have me worried.”
“Like what?”
“Well… the other night, Friday, I caught him drinking whiskey. Not just a little bit either, he drank a substantial amount.”
The blood drained from my face. “What?”
“He was in the living room. It was the night you had dinner with the board of directors for Tasco Industries. He’d just gotten home from work, and he went in there and just started drinking. I don’t know if he’d had a bad day or something, but it seemed reckless to me.”
I frowned. I’d gotten home late that night and Rider had been sound asleep. I hadn’t noticed alcohol on his breath, but then again, I hadn’t disturbed him because he needed his rest. “Did you say anything to him?”
She adjusted her reading glasses. “Yes, but he just told me to mind my own business.”
“Are you sure it wasn’t just a sip or something?”
She shook her head vehemently. “Oh, no, sir. It was most certainly not just a sip.”
I scowled, trying to wrap my head around what she was saying. “But… Rider is so careful. He won’t even take ibuprofen when he has a headache in case it hurts the baby.”
She shrugged. “All I know is what I saw.”
“That makes no sense.” I felt confused as I held her glittery gaze.
“I don’t like getting in the middle, but your heir’s health is at stake.”
Trying to picture Rider doing what she described was impossible, but I’d known Emilia my entire life. As far as I knew she was an honest person. “You said there have been a few things you observed?”
She winced. “Yes.”
“Tell me, Emilia.”
Looking to the ceiling, she pressed her hand to her breast. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Jesus. Is it that bad?
“Tell me what you saw.”
She met my gaze, looking nervous. “It was more what I heard.”
“Go on.” I leaned forward, dreading her words.
“He was on his cell phone in the garden.”
“Okay.”
“He was talking to a man.”
I frowned. “Well, he’s allowed to talk to other people.”
“Yes. Of course. But… it wasn’t like that.”
“What was it like?”
She gritted her teeth and then blurted, “He… he said he’d made a horrible mistake by marrying you.”
Shock rolled through me, but I tried to keep my expression blank. “You’re sure you heard him clearly?”
“Yes. I couldn’t believe my ears. I was astonished.” She pulled her brows together. “Then he said he wanted to be with this other person… I believe the name was Don? Dave?”
“Dale?”
“Yes!” She nodded. “Dale. That’s it.”
I sat back in my chair feeling shaken. Why would Rider always act so loving and sweet with me, if he really wanted to be with his ex? That didn’t make any sense. Had Dale just recently come sniffing around? Maybe when Rider suddenly had the option of going back to Dale, he regretted being married to me. That had been his biggest concern; being stuck in a loveless marriage with me, and being in love with someone else.
“Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”
She paled. “You seemed so smitten with him. I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me.”
“So why tell me now?”
She sighed. “Because he’s endangering the baby.”
“I see,” I said quietly.
“I knew this would hurt you. I didn’t want you hurt. But… as I’ve said from the beginning, Rider is all wrong for you.”
I hung my head, trying to grapple with the confusion I felt.
“We must keep the baby safe.” She straightened. “But once the baby is born, Rider doesn’t have to be in the picture.”
The thought of Rider not being in the picture made my stomach sink. “I don’t see how any of this could be true. Rider seems to love— it here.” Me. Rider seems to love me. I had almost let that pathetic statement slip. God. Had I actually just misread Rider all these days? He’d been so warm and loving toward me, and so excited about the baby. I groaned and raked a hand through my hair. “I can’t believe any of this. It just doesn’t sound like Rider to me.”
“I know.” She sighed. “Believe me, I was shocked at what I witnessed.”
I tossed my pen down in frustration. “I feel like you must be mistaken.”
“I’m not. I know what I saw and heard.”
I scowled at her.
“I’m sure it’s hard to hear he’s not who you thought he was, but we were happy here before he came, and we can be again.”
“Happy?” I gave a hard laugh. “You thought I was happy?”
She grimaced. “Well, you seemed okay.”
“I was miserable.” I leaned toward her. “I was lonely and depressed, Emilia.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “Well, surely you’ll get custody of the child. That should make you happy.”
“I didn’t want to raise a baby alone.”
“You’re not alone. I’ll help and Mrs. Lane would of course help.”
“Right.”
“Obviously, Rider just is not the one.”
I swallowed hard, turning away from her. “I’ll talk to him. I want to hear his side of the story.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“I’m going to talk to him, Emilia.”
“I see.” Her tone was brisk, and she stood, clutching her papers to her chest. “Well, just be prepared for a bunch of lies. Personally, I think you should send him away, then everything could go back to normal.”
“Sure. Normal. Whatever the hell that means.”
“There are other omegas. Better omegas. I feel Rider never really grasped that this was just supposed to be a business arrangement. He wanted you to fall for him, and of course that’s ridiculous. You’ll never love anyone but Thomas.”
I met her searching gaze. “Maybe I wanted that too.”
She widened her eyes. “What?”
“Maybe I wanted to fall in love again.”
She narrowed her eyes. “I’m… I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“I’m sure you don’t.” I lifted my chin. “But I’m not going to just send Rider away. I… I care about him, and he’s carrying my baby. I need to talk to him and see what he wants. I want him to stay.”
“You…” She gave a hard laugh. “You want him to stay?”
“Yes.” My face warmed at her disbelieving expression.
“But… but… after what I just told you… I don’t understand why you would want him to still be here.”
I shrugged, trying not to let her disapproving glare get to me. “You don’t need to understand. I’ll talk to Rider and try to work this out.”
She blinked at me, her face flushed. “This makes no sense. He needs to go.”
I frowned. “Why don’t you let me handle my personal affairs?”
“Well, I care what happens to the Hamilton family name. I’m not just some outsider.”
“No. Of course not. But this is a personal matter, Emilia. I think it’s best if I talk to Rider for myself.”
“He’s going to lie,” she snapped. “He’ll deny everything because he’s using you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I think that’s enough, Emilia. Why don’t you take off for the day? I’m not in the mood to work anymore anyway.”
She stared at me with the muscles of her throat moving, as if she wanted to say a million things.
“That will be all, Emilia.” I spoke firmly, hoping she’d stop arguing with me. This was none of her business. I needed to talk to Rider and see if any of this was even true. She didn’t like him, it was entirely possible she’d misunderstood what she heard and saw. I didn’t want to be a fool where Rider was concerned, but I also didn’t want to blindly believe something that came from a person who disliked Rider.
She smiled stiffly. “Of course, sir. I’m sure you know best.”
“Have a good evening.”
“You as well.” Her voice was clipped as she moved to the exit.
She closed the door firmly, and I stared after her. I was puzzled by her recent erratic behavior. I still found it almost impossible to believe the things she’d said about Rider. Emilia just wasn’t herself lately, but did that automatically mean she was lying? No. It was possible Rider wasn’t who he seemed. My heart told me he would never hurt the baby, but Emilia had seemed so convincing, and I’d known her my entire life. Would she lie straight to my face about all of this? Why would she? Just to get Rider out of my life? That seemed pretty extreme, and I couldn’t see the stoic Emilia I’d known forever going to such lengths to get rid of Rider. But I also couldn’t picture Rider the way she’d described him.
Glancing at my watch, I knew Rider would be home soon. I needed to talk to him, but I was nervous. What if he admitted that he’d been talking with Dale? What if he truly did want out of the marriage? I had real feelings for him now, and he was carrying my child. If he wanted to run off with Dale, not only would that be a huge betrayal, it would crush me.
I groaned and stood to pour myself a drink. The whiskey burned a satisfying trail down my throat, and it warmed my belly. There was no way I’d imagined the affection in Rider’s eyes. He felt something for me, I was sure of it. The way he’d clung to me last night, as if he knew I’d keep him safe. He trusted me. I could see so clearly when he looked at me. I wanted to believe desperately that he was falling for me, just like I was him.
I refilled my glass and decided I’d discuss this with him as soon as possible. We’d talk this all out because he deserved that, and I needed that. If he told me he didn’t have real feelings for me, I’d have to accept that. My stomach ached at the thought of him still being in love with his ex, in fact, the very thought of him loving anybody but me made me sick. But I couldn’t just avoid him and pretend this wasn’t happening. I needed to know the truth, even if it killed me.