Chapter Seven
Rider
The rest of the evening was pleasant. Thankfully, Emilia never returned to the living room, so Jax and I were able to relax and talk without her giving me odd looks. By the time we’d finished off the champagne, the fire had turned to coral embers, and the strain of the day had less of a grip on me. Jax talked about his family and business easily, but he was less forthcoming about his personal life. I wasn’t sure if that was because we didn’t know each other well, or if he was just a person who didn’t like to talk about himself.
Mrs. Lane brought in a tray of food at one point, and I eyed the roasted turkey sandwiches and homemade fries eagerly. Mrs. Lane was the complete opposite of Emilia. She was warm and welcoming, with rosy cheeks and a ready smile. “You boys can’t just drink champagne and not eat dinner.” She shook her head, giving Jax a chiding look.
“We were talking and we lost track of time.” Jax picked up a fry and popped it in his mouth. “Oh, God, that’s good.”
Mrs. Lane smiled as if flattered, then she faced me. “You could use some fattening up.”
I laughed, aware of Jax’s gaze. “I’ve been a little stressed out. I might have lost a few pounds.”
She tsk, tsked. “Well you just wait. I’ll have those pounds back on you in no time.”
“She’s not lying.” Jax laughed. “If you’re not careful, you’ll gain ten pounds the first week.”
“Then I’ll be careful.” I took a plate and placed one of the sandwiches on it. “But not tonight. Tonight I think I’ve earned a few thousand carbs.”
Chuckling, Mrs. Lane moved to the door. “You boys just let me know if you need anything else.”
Once she was gone, Jax said, “Hope you don’t mind that she calls us boys. She’s known me since I was a baby. I guess I’ll always be a kid to her.”
“I don’t mind.” I took a bite of the sandwich, stifling the groan that leapt to my throat. The bread was soft and tasted homemade, and the turkey had just a hint of smoked flavor. If every meal was this tempting, it really would be difficult not to gain weight.
Jax looked more relaxed than I’d ever seen him. His high cheekbones were flushed, and a lock of dark hair fell over his forehead. It suddenly occurred to me that today had been stressful for him too. Having me around would be an adjustment for him, and the fact that he’d only been kind and careful with me made me feel a little guilty. This wasn’t only about me. It was about us. Us. Such an odd concept, but it was the truth. Whether this was a love connection or not, there was now an Us. I finished my sandwich and grabbed another, which earned me a nod of approval from Jax. He stopped at one, but he did eat a lot of the fries.
Once we’d both gorged ourselves, we sat back against the couch in companionable silence for a while. I was surprised at how easy Jax was to be around. That first day I’d met him, he’d seemed much more reserved and cold. But he really wasn’t a cold person. He was definitely guarded, but less so now than when we’d first met.
When I stifled a yawn, he laughed. “Sorry.” I grimaced. “It’s been a tiring day.”
“You should go to bed.”
I glanced at my watch. “It’s only nine.”
“So?”
“Only toddlers and senior citizens go to bed at nine.”
He shrugged. “I go to bed early usually.”
“Really?” That surprised me.
Dropping his gaze, he said, “I’m not a big partier, and it’s just me. Or it was. There was no reason to stay up.”
I widened my eyes, giving a teasing smile. “Oh, geez. Are you one of those people who goes to bed early on New Year’s Eve?”
He winced. “Yes. Unless I go to a party.”
I leaned forward. “Seriously?”
“Why would I stay up? It’s no fun toasting the New Year alone. Watching that damn ball drop on TV when you’re by yourself is fairly anticlimactic.”
“Well, pfft, we’re staying up this year.” I arched one brow. “It’s bad luck to go to bed early.”
He snorted a laugh. “I highly doubt that.”
“Oh, it’s a well-known fact.” I grinned.
“I’d love to see the scientific evidence of this. The documentation would be fascinating.”
“I’ll dig that up for you. I’m sure it’s out there.”
“Oh, it’s out there all right.”
We smiled at each other, and my pulse picked up. He was so attractive. It was hard not to stare at him, and let my gaze roam his handsome features. He had the thickest, darkest lashes I’d ever seen on a guy, and his mouth… it was perfect. The bottom lip was fuller than the top, and I already knew how nice it felt against mine. Pulling my gaze from him, I tried to remember why it was I didn’t want to share my bed with him just yet. Sure, we didn’t know each other well, but I’d had one night stands with guys I knew even less. Why was I denying myself the pleasure of him?
“I think we should go to bed.” His husky voice cut into my thoughts.
Feeling breathless, I met his dark gaze. “Yeah?”
“We’re both exhausted.” His lips twitched. “And let’s not forget, we have to go shopping for a Christmas tree tomorrow.”
I laughed. “True.”
“Come on,” he said softly. “Let’s go to bed.”
I wasn’t sure if he was hinting we should sleep together, or actually suggesting we go to bed. He was impossible to read. Of the few kisses we’d shared, I knew he wanted me as much as I wanted him. But he wouldn’t push sleeping with me, I was sure of that. Not after I’d seemed so vulnerable tonight. In one respect that calmed me, and in another it frustrated me. It might be a great stress release to lose myself in hot, dirty sex with Jax. But another part of me worried being intimate too soon would confuse me even more. Confuse us.
“This is probably a pretty disappointing wedding night, right?” I studied him, hoping to get some sort of clue as to what he was thinking.
“I’ve enjoyed my evening with you… so far.”
That was no help. Was he flirting, or just being polite? “Sure, but it’s our wedding night, and all we’ve done is talk.”
He cocked his head, and his gaze became more searching. “Rider, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”
I felt breathless. “Who said I don’t want to?”
His mouth tensed. “I’m not sure you know what you want right now.”
He wasn’t wrong. I was confused. But I was also desiring comfort. By rights, he was my alpha, and seeking comfort from him was encouraged. “The point of me being here is to have babies.”
“Yes.”
“Babies don’t happen magically.”
“No they do not.”
I sighed, letting myself imagine what sex with him would feel like. Excitement spiked through me at the thought of just giving into my carnal desires. Maybe his kisses and his cock inside me would make me feel more like I belonged here; like this actually was a marriage, and not just a business contract. I met his wary gaze. “We’ve both picked people up before and had sex.”
He nodded, but didn’t speak.
“What’s the difference? We know each other better than some of the guys I’ve fucked.”
His nostrils flared. “We’re building a life together. I don’t want to do anything that might make that harder.”
“So, you don’t want to have sex with me tonight?”
“Oh, I never said that,” he murmured.
“The sooner we do it, the faster we can have a kid.”
He grimaced. “True. But… I’d rather we wait.”
Surprise rippled through me. “Really?” He was turning sex down? I wasn’t sure whether to be insulted, or relieved.
He licked his lips, and his eyes scanned my body. “I would love to take you, Rider.” His voice was a low rumble. “But I’m a hundred percent sure you’d regret it if we sleep together tonight. We’ve got time. Let’s take a while, and see how you feel once you’re here longer than a day.”
His tempered response shocked me, but it also made me respect him. I’d offered to let him use my body, and he’d declined. His thoughtful self-control was definitely a surprise. “Wow.” I peered at him as if he was an alien life form. “I’ve never met an alpha who turned down sex.”
“You’re scared and a little lost. What kind of an asshole would take advantage of you right now?”
I laughed wryly. “I thought you were that guy.”
His brows rose. “Ouch.”
“Well, you’re an alpha.”
“And that’s synonymous with asshole?”
I winced. “No. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“You must feel that.” He looked hurt.
“No. It was just a stupid thing to say. I don’t actually think you’re an asshole.” I stood, suddenly feeling exhausted. “I think you’re correct, I need sleep. I’m just going to say more dumb stuff if I don’t go to bed.”
He stayed where he was. “I’ll have some work to catch up on in the morning, but we can go get the tree in the afternoon.”
I felt like an even bigger jerk when he said that. Here I’d insulted him, and he was still willing to go Christmas tree shopping with me. “Thanks, Jax.” I hesitated. “Thanks for the tree and thanks for being respectful.”
“You’re welcome. I want this to work.” He sounded sincere. “I want us to be real friends. Partners.”
“I believe you,” I said softly. I left him there, and once in my room, I thought about Jax as I got ready for bed. He’d surprised me today. I’d had an image of him as cold and business like, simply on a quest to procreate. But that vision didn’t line up with the man I’d just spent the last six plus hours with. Jax had been warm and comforting. He’d had restraint when I was foolishly pushing for something I wasn’t even sure I wanted just yet.
As I crawled under the soft blankets, I sighed. The day had been long and taxing. At points, I’d felt as if I were in a dream. A bad dream. But somehow Jax had managed to make me feel better about it all. I was actually excited about going with him to pick a tree tomorrow. I liked being with him. He was interesting, and responsive. He really was someone I could see being my partner in life. I wouldn’t have suspected that when we’d first met. It was strange how easily you could misjudge people. I’d thought Dale was worthy of my trust, and I’d thought Jax wasn’t. It appeared I’d been completely wrong on both counts.