IT WAS SILLY, perhaps, but talking to Gram always made me feel better, even if it was a one-sided conversation. When she was alive, she’d have made me sit at the kitchen table while she whipped up some of her famous red velvet crinkle cookies, and then she would insist that I tell her every little detail about what was going on so we could hash out the problem and fix it. She was amazing at that, and I’d felt lost without her.

Stretching my legs out, I ran my palms over my shorts. “I guess you know why I’m here.” I could almost see the disapproving look on her face as she braced herself to hear about what mess I’d gotten into now.

“Yeah, I did something fuckin’ stupid. As usual for me, I guess.”

That mouth of yours, Lucas, she’d say. Your mama should’ve washed your mouth out with soap more, you little heathen. Then she’d tousle my hair and kiss me on top of the head, like I was eight, not eighteen. And I’d love her all the more for it.

“I know what you’d say. Nothing’s permanent and can’t be fixed, and I guess you’re right about that.” I looked down at my hands, marked with scars from my days in the shop, and ran my fingers over them. “Jackson’s back, Gram,” I said. “I guess this is the part where you say, ‘I told you so,’ because you always said he’d come back one day, and I never believed you. Because that’s what I do, right? Always think the worst, ’cause it’s easier than hoping and getting let down.”

I chewed on my lip. “I’ve tried everything to get rid of him. I was mean. I pushed him away. I ignored him. I said horrible things. And the fucked-up thing is, I didn’t mean any of it. So why try to hurt him, huh? I suppose it’s because it’s hurting me in the process too, and I feel like I deserve it.”

The sun shimmered down through the trees, and I cracked the smallest of smiles. “You’re biased and you’d have to tell me I deserve only happiness. But that’s only because you love me and you have to see past my faults.”

Scooting forward to the edge of the bench, I rested my elbows on my knees and rubbed the sleep from my face. “The truth is, I’m scared. I’m so fucking scared I’ll put my heart out there and then I’ll turn around and he’ll be gone. That I’ll have to push reset on my life, and I don’t…think I can do it. Not again. Hell, you remember the last time. When I came back from Connecticut, I was a mess, so imagine that times ten. Yeah. It wouldn’t be pretty. Your boy Lucas would self-destruct, and surely Jackson doesn’t want that on his hands.” Way to turn it around and use a guilt trip to force things into going your way.

My lips twitched at the edges as I imagined her lecture. “Yeah, yeah. You’d say that’s just a risk I have to take, because that’s what you do for people you care about. You put your whole heart out there without asking anything in return. But if you get something in return, well, that’s just gravy.” I chuckled. “I think you said it better. See, the problem is—and it’s a problem, so don’t try to tell me it’s not—I…love him. Jackson. I told you that, but I never got the chance to tell him that, and Gram…I don’t think I ever stopped. I mean, if you really love someone, that doesn’t just go away because they decide they don’t love you back, right? Or because they leave? It’s not a switch you can flip off, because trust me, I’ve tried.”

A couple of cardinals joined the one sitting on the limb watching me, and I shook my head. “Inviting my parents to join in our private conversation now?” I teased. The birds chirped at each other, back and forth, before the two newcomers flew away again.

“I understand now why you never married after Grandpa died. I get how you couldn’t even look at anyone else because it couldn’t begin to compare with what you had before, and then what’s the point? I feel that way about Jackson. He’s the only man I’ve met and just known he was supposed to be there, and everyone else falls short when I put them up against him. But I’ve gone through the motions for so long now that it’s easier to stay closed off and be on my own. Why ask him to deal with my brand of crazy?” I snickered. “Right now, you’d be telling me I’m no good on my own, because how’s the washin’ gonna get done? I’ll have you know I figured it out, and the only time my shirts come out pink now is if it’s on purpose.”

With a sigh, I said, “You’d tell me if I was making a mistake, wouldn’t you? Maybe give me a sign somehow…send another tropical storm.” I smiled. “That was a brilliant move right there, by the way. Thanks.”

I fell silent, the question that had been at the forefront of my brain looming. “What if…” I closed my eyes. “What if I wanted him to stay? Asked him to stay here with me and give us a chance? He’d have to give up his life in Connecticut, and that seems so fucking selfish, but…I guess I am selfish. I can’t imagine not having him in my life now that he’s here. And I don’t want to.” Dropping my head into my hands, I said, “You’ll have to help me out here. I don’t…know how to tell him any of this. Or if I should.”

“You just did,” Jackson said from behind me.

My ass was off the bench and turned around in the span of a heartbeat. With his feet bare, and in the same clothes that he’d slept in, Jackson stood a few feet away.

“How much did you hear?” I asked.

“Enough.”

My heart thumped erratically in my chest. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. I wasn’t ready for Jackson to know my deepest fear was that he’d push me aside like I meant nothing.

“Maybe you could turn around, go back in the house, and pretend you didn’t,” I said, half joking, half terrified.

“Now, why would I do that,” he said, stepping forward, “when I’ve been waiting such a long time for you to finally open up to me?” Then he looked past me to Gram’s grave. “Well, not intentionally to me, so it’s a good thing I caught you.”

“It’s rude to eavesdrop.”

“Don’t. Care.” He walked around the bench and came to a stop in front of me. “Tell me.”

“Tell you…?”

“All the things you said to Gram that you were too afraid to say to me. I want you to look me in the eye when you do.”

My throat closed up at the thought of having to look at Jackson while I spilled my guts. It was one thing to be honest with someone who couldn’t talk back; it was quite another to have to face my fears head-on. God, when had I become someone who pussyfooted around the hard stuff? Just fucking say it.

“Lucas, I get being afraid to open up again,” he said. “When you’ve been burned as many times as you have, you don’t want to risk playing with fire. Trust me, I understand. But we’re never gonna get anywhere if you don’t talk to me.”

“How are we supposed to get anywhere anyway? This thing, it’s temporary. Fleeting. You’ll go back to Connecticut any minute now, and I’ll still be here, and we’ll be worlds away. Again. So please tell me what good it’ll do for you to know how I feel about you. It won’t change anything.”

“It changes everything.” Jackson’s stare penetrated right through me. “Isn’t there something you need to ask me? Something you told your gram?”

“I’ll tell you again: eavesdropping is rude.”

“Maybe. But it’s been the only way to get the truth out of you. I can’t read your mind and you’ve sent some conflicting signals, so if you want something, then I need you to fess up, Lucas,” he said, running his fingers lightly down my arm, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Ask me.”

As Jackson’s hand reached mine, he threaded our fingers together, giving me the reassurance I needed. To trust. To let someone in. No, not just someone—him.

“Stay,” I whispered. “Stay here. With me. Be with me…at least try.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a selfish bastard and I need you.”

Jackson cracked a smile. “That’s a good reason. Is there anything else?”

“Goddammit, Jackson, you know I’m fucking crazy over you, and the only reason I’d nut up and show my ass is because I love you. There. Okay? I love you. I loved you even in that ugly-ass school uniform, I loved you when I thought you hated me, and I still love you even though you’ve forced me to say it about twenty times now. Now will you stay?”

Jackson’s eyes twinkled with amusement, and his smile, that huge, brilliant white smile, lit up all for me. “Since you asked so nicely…”

“If you say no, I’ll just have to force you at this point. Choose wisely.”

“I love you, Lucas Sullivan. You know that?”

Those words coming from Jackson’s lips made my heart swell in my chest, but along with it came the fear. I was still waiting for the “but” part of that sentence, waiting for the bomb to drop, and I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to look him in the face when it came.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Please…don’t say you love me if you’re gonna walk away. If you mean it, then please love me enough not to say it if you’re just leaving tomorrow anyway.”

“Lucas. Lucas, open your eyes,” he said, lifting my chin. “I do love you. And nothing could make me leave you again. Not this time.”

My smile grew so big I could feel my face practically splitting in two. “In that case, I hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself into, Davenport. You’re stuck with me now.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“But Lucas.” Jackson’s face grew serious. “What happened last night? Don’t ever do that again.”

“Which part?”

“All of it. Running off, not talking to me, getting irrationally angry, letting some fuckhead touch you—”

“Okay, okay, I got it.”

“You sure? I could go on.”

“No need. I already know what a jerk I am.”

“Maybe, but you’re my jerk.”

“I think I can live with that.”

There was a loud squawk from up in the tree, and I pulled away from Jackson, laughing. “Gram approves.”

“Does she?” Jackson looked over to the burial stone. “I should go say hi. And, you know”—he winked at me—“ask for permission to date her grandson.”