Chapter 3
Allison
The next morning, the alarm clock on my phone chimed. I thought of smashing it like they did in old movies, but I couldn’t afford a new phone if I broke this one. Out of habit, I checked it for any messages from EdensNomad.
Nothing. Of course. An apology was too much to hope for.
Even a break-up text was too much to hope for.
I seethed. I wasn’t going to work ever again. That whole scenario I’d come up with yesterday, of crumbling into unemployment and homelessness, I was fine with that. It would be worth it to never see him again.
Or, if I couldn’t handle the thought of work today, I could just call in sick. I also had some vacation time saved up. I did the math in my head. I could easily stay home for three weeks before I was unemployed.
But what did I have to hide? He was the asshole, not me. He couldn’t even see beyond a layer of make-up and a pretty dress! I shook my fist at my phone, as if he could somehow sense me doing it.
Bub pawed at my comforter again, begging for breakfast.
Shit. It was eight thirty. I stumbled toward the kitchen, scowling when I caught sight of my reflection in the hallway mirror. My hair stuck up around my head, and dark circles ringed my eyes. Continuing to the kitchen, I flicked on the switch for the coffee maker and opened a can of food for Bub. While I waited for coffee, I rushed to the bathroom. I tripped over a pile of clothes. I really did turn into a slob when Jess was out of town. Wrenching the shower faucet, I hopped in before the water was all the way warm, just to save time. “Fuck, that’s cold,” I muttered, my teeth chattering as my body tensed up.
After my shower, I finger-combed my hair and toweled off. I started to rub away the steam covering the mirror before I thought better of it. There was no time for make-up this morning—it was better to not see what I looked like.
* * * * *
When I rode the elevator to my floor, I had to hold onto the chrome railing to keep from shaking. I didn’t want to see Joshua. At the same time, I did want to see him. I wanted to settle this between us, get it out in the open. Even if we decided to end it, at least it would be over and I could stop obsessing about it. Maybe. End it. As if there was anything to actually end. It never really started.
I glanced down at my gray pantsuit. Frumpy, he’d called me. Damn, that had hurt. I dressed like a professional. Like someone who works in an office.
But as I walked to my cubicle, I looked around at the other women. They wore bright dresses or skirts, and their shoes had heels on them, unlike my flats. They weren’t dressed provocatively by any means, but just…stylish. They looked stylish. Even if they didn’t have perfectly trim bodies, their clothes fit them well, and looked good.
Did my monochrome pantsuits fit me well? Did they look good?
Their hair was in sleek buns or fell around their shoulders to frame their faces, and they wore make-up.
My damp hair was in a ponytail that I’d tied while walking to the office. And I hadn’t had time for make-up this morning.
I hated that he’d made me think of myself this way. His words had hurt. His inability to see past the surface of things hurt. I’d thought there was more to him, but maybe not.
For three years, maybe I’d been chasing a stupid dream.
After logging in to my work computer, I opened files and office emails until I realized I wasn’t actually reading any of them. I was just going through the motions, opening up one after another. Just so I could say I did.
I stood up, tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and marched into the hallway. I couldn’t concentrate, and it was causing my work to suffer. It was time to talk to Joshua.
His door opened, and morning light spilled across the hallway.
Crap. No way. I dived back into the safety of my cubicle, panting.
Shake it off, Alls, I could hear Jess’s voice in my head, encouraging me. You can do this.
I took another step out. This was it. I was going to talk to that bastard and tell him exactly what I thought and where he could shove the word “frumpy.”
“Allison?”
“Ack!” I grabbed my chest, trying to breathe.
It was Craig, Joshua’s assistant. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Fine. Yes. I’m,” I said.
He looked at me in concern.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I finally said. “Doing just great.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, as if talking to an unpredictable animal. “Joshua wants to have a word with you, in his office.”
I gulped. “Um, when?”
Craig shook his head, like Can you believe this woman? “Right now, if you’re free.”
Was I free? Was I free to say no and run down the hall, flinging myself down the stairwell so I’d never have to talk to him again? But I remembered what I told myself this morning. I had nothing to hide. Squaring my shoulders and smoothing imaginary wrinkles on my pants, I gave Craig my widest smile. “Of course. I’ll head over there now, thanks.”
Everything had played out just like I had imagined. I was now on my way to get fired by the man I was infatuated with. The man I had slept with. My boss.
I stood in the doorway and attempted to peek through the crack. I wondered whether he’d be doing the firing alone or whether someone from Human Resources would be there. I took a deep, reassuring breath and knocked. I was ready for this.
“Come in.”
I stepped inside, suddenly conscious of not only my pantsuit, but my messy ponytail and my lack of make-up. My heart pounded as I stared at him sitting behind his big, expensive desk. His power position. He looked incredible. Better than incredible. He looked like none of this had even bothered him in the slightest way. The perfect amount of stubble covered his face and his million-dollar smile glared back at me. He was going to enjoy this.
I glanced toward the wall of windows that faced the sea of cubicles. The entire floor would be able to watch him fire me. I felt like I was in an aquarium, and about to get devoured by a shark. The nine a.m. feeding frenzy.
I blankly stared into his eyes, waiting for his words to strike.
Suddenly, I felt like a true nobody.
He stood up. His smile grew bigger as his eyes sparkled. He was perfect. I’d been so out of my league.
He nodded once. “Allison.”
I kept my back straight. Out of my league or not, I had my pride. “Joshua.”
His cologne smelled so good, laced with the soft spicy scent that I could only describe as uniquely his. He came around his desk and perched himself on the edge. Here it was.
He gazed into my eyes. “I was an ass.”
“Of course,” I said, launching into my rehearsed speech. “I should have known you would retaliate like this—wait. What?”
“I’m so sorry. The other morning. I just, I was caught off guard. I’m an idiot and I felt embarrassed thinking maybe everyone else knew, that you’d been laughing at me.”
“No!” I said. “Jeez. Don’t you know me at all?”
“I do, once I thought about it. I was so wrong. I’ve been thinking about it all weekend.”
“I’ve been thinking about it, too.” Of course, I had been thinking about strangling him with the belt from my pantsuits, but I thought it best not to mention that.
“I was angry, but it was wrong to talk to you that way. You deserve better. Allison, you’re the most interesting woman I’ve ever met. The most interesting woman I’ve ever dated.”
The room began to spin as I listened to his words. This was not what I had been expecting. “Are you sure you don’t have me confused with someone else?”
He nodded. “I’m sure. You’ve been right here in front of me this whole time.” He spoke quietly as he let his gaze drop toward the floor.
It had been so hard to come to work, and be ignored. I remembered how Jess had told me to tell him the truth.
“I can’t believe you didn’t make the connection. Here I had believed you were trying to keep things low-key, not acknowledging me, for a reason. The truth was, you just didn’t see me.” The truth hurt. I had been invisible to him all along, but now, somehow, he’d been able to see me for who I really was.
He winced. “I know. I guess I should have seen you, but I’d been so happy, so excited, I barely noticed anything else going on around me. You did that to me, Allison.”
His face relaxed into a smile, and we looked at each other for a moment. Warmth spread through my body, warmth and light.
His gaze traveled down from my eyes and landed on my lips. My heart started thundering in my chest. Those jungle drums in my dreams—maybe they’d been the sounds of our beating hearts.
“You don’t know how badly I want to kiss you right now,” he said.
I gave an awkward laugh. “Really? Still, after all of this?”
“I do, even more so now.”
This! This was my happily-ever-after, that moment at the end of Singin’ in the Rain when Kathy and Don end up together, kissing in front of the billboard for their new show in full view of the world. I leaned toward Joshua. I wanted to kiss him, too, and I didn’t care that the blinds were open, that everyone in the office could see. I wanted them to see. Wanted them to watch him claim me.
He stepped back, and cleared his throat. “There’s a company rule against inter-office relationships. Specifically, against bosses dating employees.”
Here it comes, I knew it. “I need this job, Joshua. I’m good at it, and I love the company,” I pleaded.
“No, Allison, you’re not losing your job,” he said, “I’ll rip up the company handbook before I let you go. I want this. I want us, but we have to keep it a secret here in the office.”
I couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across my face. “Of course. Yes. Of course!”
He reached out and took my hand in his, kissing it quickly and letting it go. We gazed at each other. I wanted to hold him so badly.
“This is going to be difficult,” he said, “seeing you every day, but not being able to touch you, to let our secret out.”
“I’m up for the challenge,” I said, feeling my flirtatious side coming back.
“Me, too,” he grinned. “We’ll make this work.”
My dream came to mind again. One of these days I was going to tell him about it. The desk, how he leaned me against it… My gaze traveled over to it, the smooth wood and how it had been gently rounded at the edges. Perhaps we could stay late one evening.
“There’s a party at my dad’s club this weekend. It’s his birthday,” he said, interrupting my thoughts. “Please come with me, as my date.”
“A birthday party?” I squeaked. “Sounds like it should be a family thing.”
“It is, but it’s huge. Jamie said he’s bringing a date, and we’ll have a lot of other relatives there, too. Will you come? Please?”
“Jamie?” I swallowed hard at the thought of Jamie seeing me with his brother. “Are you sure? What if–?”
“Don’t worry about Jamie, would you come?”
I nodded hesitantly. “I’d love to.”