Chapter 17- Leila
It’s been two weeks since Jack’s party, and I decided that I need to put him behind me. This job is too important, and I can’t screw it up because I fell for Jack. He made it clear in the elevator at his party that he wants to be friends and nothing more. Well then, friends we’ll be.
Besides, he was drunk each time he came onto me. When he is sober, he acts like nothing more than a friend. I can kid myself into thinking he has feelings for me, which I’m sure he does, but definitely not in a romantic way. I’m sure he is very used to girls falling at his feet, and has lumped me into that same category. I have no doubt I am just another conquest to him. Based on our working relationship, I think he realizes that I’m not worth it. He has worked too hard to get his band where they are today. There is no way in hell he will risk that for sex.
Since the party, we have fallen back into our friendship. Things appear normal when we are together. We kid around and he teases me. I pretend I’m mad at him until he wears me down.
We worked our asses off on my birthday. I thought everyone forgot. Thankfully, no one mentioned it all day. Jack ordered a few pizzas during our lunch break. We were waiting for them to arrive when a very cute delivery guy walked in holding the pies.
“Hi, I have pizza for Leila?”
I instantly felt I was being set up. I tried to run for the door but Jack grabbed me around my waist.
“This here is Leila.” He responded while carrying my squirming body and sitting me on a stool in the center of the room.
Jennifer and Scary Sally were there to witness. Everyone looked like they were in on his little prank.
The delivery guy put down the pies, and stripper music started playing. The guy proceeded to take of his shirt and pants and began gyrating in front of my stool in nothing but a tiny Speedo. I was mortified.
I glared over at Jack. “You are so dead.”
He laughed at my discomfort and came over with a stack of singles.
“Here, use these.” He thrust them into my hand and abandoned me to my hell.
Jack wanted to take me out for dinner that night. I already had plans with my friends, though, and so declined with mixed feelings of disappointment and relief. I’m not sure I could spend a dinner with Jack alone.
I got even with Jack on his birthday the next day with my own little prank. You could tell that he was on edge and anxious for my retaliation. I made him wait all day. I didn’t tell any of the guys about my plan, not even Hunter. I did confide in Scary Sally, though, and she was all for it. It effectively helped my relationship her.
At the end of the day when nothing happened, Jack assumed he got away with it. We were wrapping up when there was a knock on the studio door. His eyes flew over to me and I stood crossing my arms.
“Your turn.” I said and went over to open the door. In walked a huge biker dude named Axel holding a birthday cake. Behind him was Scary Sally with a camera.
He was decked out in a black leather vest and black leather chaps, with only the tiniest black g-string under it all. Now it was Jack’s turn to try and bolt when Hunter and Scott grabbed him and held him in the center of the studio. Axel gyrated expertly for Jack’s pleasure, taking off his vest and chaps in the process. Sally snapping away with her camera. It was priceless, and it has set the tone for our friendship. He said he would get even with me. I acted like that didn’t bother me, but inside I’m terrified.
Later that evening, as we were all having dinner together I was on pins and needles. Every time a person even passed our table I’d jump thinking he or she was a plant. Jack watched in amused enjoyment of my paranoia.
I also have been building a friendship with Dylan, although it’s a lot different than the one I have with Jack. He and I have had coffee a few times after rehearsals. He drove me home one night instead of calling car service. He even took me to dinner on our way back to Hoboken. Conversation with Dylan is always easy. I really feel comfortable with him, and enjoy his company.
We have gotten to know each other these last few weeks, and it feels good to talk to someone who is part of my new world. He told me things I can expect on tour and during performances. There will be cities that we will be staying in a hotel overnight to rest and most importantly have our laundry done. That was a relief, I couldn’t imagine us pulling up to a laundry mat in the bus or arguing over machine space with rock stars. I am also happy to hear there will be a few breaks during the tour where I’ll get to sleep in a real bed. He gave me Cathy’s phone number and arranged for us to meet. Getting to know Cathy will be a great help to me.
Jack noticed my relationship with Dylan. One morning we found ourselves alone in the studio while waiting for the others to arrive. He didn’t seem himself.
I asked him if he was ok and he answered, “You and Dylan are getting close.”
His comment surprised me. “We’re just friends. Like us.”
An odd expression passed over his features but it was gone as quickly as it came. The rest of the band filed and effectively killed our chat. But I thought about it all day and well into the night. Does it bother Jack that I am becoming friendly with Dylan? Why would he care? That one little comment has been consuming my thoughts.
Despite my Jack infatuation, life has been good otherwise. Lori has seen Trey often since Jack’s party. One night she hung out with the band and filled me in on their antics. I was supposed to be there as well, but had plans with my dad. She has no idea how I feel about Jack, so she didn’t hold back any details regarding stories that were told that night. Unfortunately Trey told her all about Jack’s indiscretions. She jokingly said Jack is definitely not a one-woman man. Hearing this should be the validation I need to forget about him… at least you’d think.
Evan has also been in contact with Lizzy. Their schedules have been crazy but they made plans to go out to dinner as soon as they can. I am so happy that they met, and hope that their relationship grows while we are on tour. Lizzy confided in Evan that Jack was surprised they have been talking but that he is also happy they met. Jack said he thinks Evan is a great guy. I felt that was really nice of him to say.
Lori found a replacement for me. Her name is Nina Parker and she has been rehearsing with the band for the last week. Being petite and blonde, bubbly and outgoing, and funny as hell, she is my complete opposite. Our only common characteristics are the singing and the ability to play keyboards. I feel Lori chose well. In just a short time, Nina has already won over all the guys. She gets along with them effortlessly, even with Matt. She has a boyfriend who lives in the city, and the guys all like him as well. The guys feel she is almost ready to take over.
With Nina assuming her new role perfectly, we all decided on a date for my last performance with Cliffhangers. It saddens me every time I think about it.
Lori booked the band to play down the shore in a band competition on July 4th. This is huge for them and will get them a ton of exposure. The boys are bouncing off the walls with excitement. Trey has been a huge help to Lori and has been giving her information on where she should focus her attention for Cliffhangers. She has been gushing about it.
Jack and Hunter decided to have a barbeque at their place for Devil’s Lair. Jack made sure to repeat this ten times. Scott wasn’t happy that he couldn’t bring Patti. Trey was fine with it since Lori will be down the shore with Cliffhangers at the competition. Hunter’s girlfriend Amanda was going out of town as well, so Scott felt he was being punished because their “chicks” weren’t around. Jack told him to get over it, and concentrate on what he was going to cook for us. I laughed at the look on Scott’s face.
Hunter suggested inviting Jennifer and Dylan but Jack immediately shook his head at the suggestion.
While looking at me, Jack said for the eleventh time, “Just us.”
Hunter dropped it.
It’s Sunday and I am waiting for dad at our usual brunch diner. It’s not like him to be even a few minutes late, nonetheless twenty. When he finally comes through the door and spots me at our table, the look on his face has me concerned.
“Hey sweetheart. I’m so sorry I’m late. I needed to drop Barb off at Evan’s house.”
“You should have called me. That’s closer to Hoboken. We could have eaten near my place today.”
“Nope, I like this place. I don’t mind driving back this way.” He opens his menu and stares at it intently. It’s funny because he orders the same exact thing every week.
“Why did you have to drop Barb off?”
“Just because.” He continues to study the menu, without looking up. My dad isn’t a good liar. Something is most definitely up.
“Do you have plans for the fourth?”
“Um, I’ll probably spend it with Barb.” He progressively looks more and more uncomfortable.
Concerned, I ask, “So what’s going on with Barb? Everything ok?”
“Yeah, she needed to talk to Evan about something.” He responds without looking up.
“Dad, what’s wrong?”
As he puts down the menu, my mind instantly starts racing.
He waits a few seconds before he responds. “Barb needs to talk to Evan about her illness.”
“What illness?”
He exhales slowly. “Leila, Barb has breast cancer. She found out a few weeks ago. I’ve been accompanying her to her doctor’s appointments. Thankfully, it’s very early and only stage one, but she is scared and needs support right now.”
I am stunned. I am obviously concerned about Barb, but I can’t help but worry about my friend. He is going to need me, more than ever and I’m leaving.
Dad grabs my hand across the table. “Hey, she’s going to be just fine. She is under the care of a very good surgeon. She will have her surgery and start her treatments. She will beat this.” As he speaks, I don’t detect any doubt in his eyes. It makes me feel slightly better.
“I’m worried about her, and Evan. How long have you known?”
He shrugs. “A few weeks. She wanted to get her full prognosis and speak to the surgeon before she told Evan. I can’t blame her for that. She now has her treatments all planned and it will help her to reassure Evan she will be ok.”
I feel awful. I’ve been so self-involved while my dad and my best friend’s mom have been going through hell.
The rest of our brunch is somewhat subdued. We talk about things I need to get done in the next few weeks. It’s all nonsense, if you ask me. Compared to what he just told me, why would I give a crap if I will be forwarding my mail to his house?
As dad is paying the bill, I get a text from Evan.
where r u?
brunch w dad. R u ok?
please come here w/ ur dad
When my dad returns from paying the bill, I say, “Evan wants us to come to his place.”
Dad looks a bit uneasy, but I’m sure he is not looking forward to the emotions we will find there. Dad doesn’t do emotions well.
I follow in my car as we make our way to Evan’s place. I barely ring his bell when he immediately buzzes us up.
We walk in to see Barb sitting in a chair, and it’s obvious she’s been crying. Evan also looks distraught. He gets into my dad’s face and barks, “How long have you known Anthony?”
“Calm down Evan.” Barb says standing in the process. “This isn’t his fault.”
“Evan, what is going on?”
He glares at his mom. “Enlighten her mom.”
This is bad…very bad. Evan never acts like this. He is the most even-keeled person I know. I feel weak in the knees as he sits in a chair and looks down at the floor. I move over and take a place on the couch. My dad follows and takes my hand.
“Leila, we never wanted to hurt you, either of you.” He glances at Evan and me.
“Dad you’re scaring me.”
Evan still doesn’t speak and just continues to look at the floor.
There is an unbearable silence in the room.
Barb finally speaks first. Her voice is shaky and weak with emotion. “Leila, your dad and I were very good friends when we were kids. We also dated for a short time, but that didn’t work out for us. Our friendship, however, remained constant. Your dad met your mom, and fell madly in love. It’s obvious why that happened as quickly as it did, as your mom was spectacular. Not only was she beautiful, she was a saint. Your dad knew instantly that she was the one.
“I was dating Doug at the same time. Your mom was in nursing school, and younger than us. Even though she loved your dad, she felt she needed to focus on her career and didn’t want to hurt your father. She felt he was moving too fast. It scared her, so she broke up with him in hopes that he would move on.” She looks over at my dad and then back at me.
“Your dad was devastated. He was distraught and hurting. My relationship with Doug wasn’t all that great. He came to me and we both tried to forget our problems. We got very drunk, and what we did was a huge mistake.” She sits and starts to sob. Dad gets up and moves over to her. He rubs her back and tries to console her.
She smiles at my dad through her tears. Evan hasn’t moved his position at all.
“I told no one, not even your dad. His future was with Marie. He needed to be with Marie. I told Doug I was pregnant with his child. He threw a fit, of course. We weren’t meant to be together. I told him that I rather raise the baby alone, than to force him to be with us. He said he wasn’t going to run out on his responsibility. It was wrong of me to make him think that the baby was his, but I was afraid that I would expose your dad if I confessed that it was not Doug’s. He knew I spent a lot of time with your dad and would have figured it out. Your parents did not deserve that fate.”
Oh my God…Evan is my brother.
When Evan looks up at me, his eyes are bloodshot and wet. He comes over to sit next to me on the couch and holds my hand. Barb watches us and says what I already know. “Evan is your brother.”
Hearing it out loud isn’t any less shocking. Evan squeezes my hand at the sound of my gasp.
“Leila, your dad didn’t know. He did get back with Marie, and they did get married. Your mom became pregnant almost immediately, and your dad was so happy. He always cared for me and your mom did as well. They knew my marriage to Doug was in jeopardy, and they both always made sure Evan and I were ok. I was planning on asking Doug for a divorce because I couldn’t continue with the lie that was my marriage. I already had another lie that was consuming me. Then Evan became ill and that’s when Doug found out the truth. He took off without a backwards glance. I quickly came to realize that was the best thing he could have done. He would’ve told your mom the truth just to hurt your dad and me and I couldn’t risk that happening. I had to confess to your dad once Doug knew. I made him swear not to tell Marie. I couldn’t hurt her, or you. Your dad was devastated, of course. He wanted to acknowledge Evan as his son. I threatened if he told your mom I would leave and take Evan with me. I felt that was the right thing to do. Evan and I were fine. I couldn’t destroy your family. Your dad did all he could to ensure we had everything we needed. Marie being the person she was had no problem with all your dad did for us.”
She stops and looks like she can’t continue. She waits a few seconds, and starts again.
“I sometimes wonder if your mom knew the truth, even though we never told her. The older Evan got, the more he looked like your dad. She always showed us nothing but kindness and love. Sometimes I felt she would understand and forgive us because she was that type of person, but I couldn’t take that chance.
“Then Marie died. You needed your dad more than ever. I felt that the way I handled the situation was best for all of us. Obviously the longer we waited to tell you, the more difficult it became. I would have taken this to my grave, if I hadn’t gotten sick. If anything happens to me, I need Evan to know the truth.”
She gets up and walks over to kneel in front of him. He never once looks at her.
“Evan, I love you. All the mistakes I made were to protect you, Anthony, and Leila. I felt I was doing the right thing. I’m so sorry.”
I’m torn. I want to hate this woman, but she is sick, and shouldn’t be dealing with this sadness and pain right now. She honestly thought she was doing what was best for all.
My dad looks at Evan and speaks next. “This isn’t entirely Barb’s fault. I should have fought harder for you. I was selfish and scared. I couldn’t lose Marie, so I sacrificed you instead. When you and Leila became best friends, I was so happy. I got to be involved in your life. I love you Evan, more than you will ever know.”
Evan continues to sit emotionlessly on the couch.
“Did you know Barb was going to tell Evan this today?” I needed to know.
My dad shakes his head. “No.”
“I decided to do this on my own. I needed my son to know the truth.” She takes Evan’s other hand in her own and addresses him. “Evan, I know this is a shock to you. I’ve let you feel your father abandoned you all these years. In truth, I did.”
He pulls his hand out of his mom’s grasp and replies, “I need time. I can’t be with either of you right now.”
Barb starts to cry and nods weakly. She stands and says, “I love you, Evan. Please never forget that.” She grabs her bag and moves towards the door.
My dad looks at me and pleads, “Stay with him. We love you both.”
With that, they walk out of the apartment and leave me in shock.
“Do you want me to go?”
“No. I need you, please stay.” He pulls me into an embrace and starts to sob.
How can life turn on a dime so quickly? Our world has just been rocked to the core. Evan found out in one day his dad is Anthony who has been within arm’s reach for years, and that his mom is sick. How can life be so cruel to someone who doesn’t deserve it?
What seems like hours later, Evan suddenly stands and starts pacing the apartment. “How are we going to handle this?” he says looking at me with panic in his eyes?
“I’m not sure.” I respond honestly.
“I can’t have anyone know yet. I need to process this. Leila, our parents played with our lives. What would they have done if we met and fell in love? How can they do this to us?”
He’s panicking and I need to calm him down.
“Evan, no one needs to know. We have each other and we will get through this. I understand you are upset right now but your mom needs you.”
My words agitate him.
“Please, Evan …you are not a cruel person. Please just understand why she did it.” I have to help him understand why his mom did what she did.
He sits heavily on the couch. “I don’t know if I can Lei. I’m not who I thought I was. My whole life was a lie.”
He needs time.
“I’m being selfish. This affects you too.” He says looking sadly at me.
“We will get through it together.”
He looks so lost. Yes, this affects me too, but I need to keep it together for my friend, my brother. I love him.
***
I spent the night with Evan, making sure he ate and slept. He put up a good fight, but then finally allowed me to take care of him. I woke early and am sitting in his kitchen holding a cup of coffee. I can’t bring myself to drink it, I feel no nauseous.
Evan shuffles into the kitchen looking like he didn’t sleep at all. “Lei, you have to get to the studio. Please don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.” He comes over and kisses my head.
“You don’t look fine. You look like death warmed over.”
He grabs a mug from the cabinet. “Yeah, well, I can’t always be the stud muffin I was born to be.” His comment makes me feel slightly better. Evan will be fine.
“I do want to keep this from the guys for now. I’ll understand if you need to tell someone, though.”
“Evan, the only person I would want to tell already knows. This is no ones business.”
He comes over and pulls me into a hug that I energetically return. Of all the people on Earth I could be related to, I thank God above it is Evan.
“Hey, we were always brother and sister in our eyes. Now our bloodline proves it.”
“My kid sister got the brains and the looks.”
I hug him tighter. “Now get out. Go to work.”
“You’re so bossy. I don’t have to listen to you, you’re not my dad.”
Evan literally pushes me out of his apartment. I don’t put up a fight. I still have to get to my apartment, shower, dress, and drive to the studio. I’ll need to text Jack to let him know I’ll be late.
hey, so sorry… will be late... on my way.
He texts back immediately. no worries…r u ok?
yes…see you soon.
Truth is that I look like death warmed over myself. I didn’t sleep all that much last night. I have dark circles under my eyes and they’re still red and blood shot. I’m not even sure makeup would help me at this point.
As I am getting ready, my phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Leila, I love you. Please tell me you are ok.”
“Dad, I’m ok.” I feel awful; in the midst of all our angst and anger, I forget to understand how my dad must be feeling. He had a son he couldn’t acknowledge or wouldn’t at least. “Can I call you later?”
“Yes. Please call me as soon as you get home. We need to talk about this. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“Should I call Evan?”
“No, dad. He needs time. Please let him be.”
The silence tells me how he feels about my advice. “Ok.” He hangs up at once.
I do my best to look normal and fifteen minutes later I am on my way to the studio. I still can’t bring myself to eat or drink anything. I feel sick to my stomach. I unfortunately have time to think during my drive and my thoughts get the better of me. I think what has me the most upset is the fact I’m leaving. I’m leaving Evan to deal with this alone.
When I finally arrive to the studio, I’m almost an hour late. The guys are discussing whether they should start the show with High Life or Committed.
“Hey guys.” I walk straight to the corner to put down my bag.
“Hey, is everything ok?” Jack asks.
With my back to him I nod, not wanting to look at him for fear I will lose it.
He comes up behind me and rubs my back. “Do you want to take a walk?” he asks quietly so no one can hear.
I shake my head and busy myself with searching for something in my bag. He isn’t buying it, and I am irked I can’t keep my emotions in check. As I take a deep, shaky breath he first catches a glimpse of my face and frowns. He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the door.
“We’ll be right back.” He says to the guys as he drags me out of the studio. They don’t seem to notice, except for Hunter. He looks up at me with concern.
I should insist I am ok, but I can’t even get the words out. I am completely choked up and am angry with myself. I feel like I’m betraying Evan.
Jack pulls me into the small conference room and closes and locks the door.
“Leila, what’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing to worry about. It’s just family stuff.” I try to sound convincing. He regards me for a few seconds and pulls me into a hug.
I can’t take it. I unleash sobs into his chest. He doesn’t speak. He just strokes my hair patiently letting me get it all out. What the hell is wrong with me? I must be PMS’ing.
When I finally calm down, I pull away and wipe my tears from my cheeks. Without a doubt I look a mess right now.
Jack pulls out two chairs and forces me to sit. He holds my hand waiting for me to speak.
“I found out something yesterday that was a shock. I really don’t feel comfortable talking about it yet. Please bear with me?”
He holds my face and wipes a tear away from my cheek with his thumb. Like a magnet to metal, I lean into his touch. I’ve missed it.
“Is your dad ok?”
I can hear the genuine concern in his eyes and nod but I don’t respond otherwise.
“I understand. I’m here if you need anything, ok?”
I simply bob my head and try a smile. He returns the gesture and pulls me back into his embrace and I don’t fight him.