The swarming noise of women’s chattering, shrieking, and giggling like idiots filled my ears. All the while the smell of sweat, cheap perfume, and beer stung my nose, making me nauseated. Somehow I found myself jostling around backstage at a Runaway Train concert. Abby and her brothers were already performing on stage. Her voice was the only soothing sound filling the air around me. “What are all these ho’s doing back here?” Dee asked, as we trailed along behind some random roadie.
“I don’t think I want to know,” I muttered.
“Hmmph,” he replied.
After my three month check-up showed everything looked good with the baby, I booked a flight to Jersey City for both myself and Dee. It made the most sense to attend Runaway Train’s concert there, so we could stay with some of my dad’s relatives. When it came down to actually getting to AJ, I knew there was no way in hell I was reaching out to Abby or Lily. They would try to do some major intervention. I wanted it on my terms, in the least romantic way possible, which was why I planned to ambush him at a show. In the end, I knew there was one person who would help me without asking a lot of questions, and that was Frank. He had been thrilled to hear from me. I told him I wanted to surprise AJ and the others, and he promised to keep it a secret.
He had left passes for us at the ticket office and then had the random roadie meet up with us at the gate. Now as we got closer to the inner sanctum, aka backstage, I could see Frank waiting at the top of a long hallway for us. With his usual beaming smile, he held out his arms to me. I leaned in to hug him as carefully as I could to conceal my growing bump. “You’re looking good,” I said as I pulled away.
“Thank you. I’m feeling good, too.” He did a quick sweep of me from head to toe. “You’re looking mighty fine yourself.”
“Aw, thank you.”
His brows lined together as he surveyed me again. “You know, there’s something different about you.”
I sucked in a breath and prayed he wasn’t about to go for the old, ‘you look like you’re glowing’ pregnancy cliché. “I’m seeing a nutritionist,” I blurted. When Dee gave me a funny look, I added, “Lots of vitamins and organic food—that sorta thing.”
“Well, even though it doesn’t sound like much fun, you should totally keep doing it because you look absolutely beautiful.”
“You’re too sweet,” I replied, shuffling my coat to cover my bump.
Frank glanced down at his watch. “I better get you back there if you want to see the guys. It won’t be long before they’ll be taking the stage.”
When Frank opened a door on the right side of the hallway, it took everything within me not to bolt and run. After all that had happened between us, how was I going to see AJ again? The last time he’d seen me I’d been handcuffing him to a shower in a fit of jealous rage. Now I was not only going to have to face him, but also tell him I was pregnant. Dee’s hand pressed against my shoulder blade and leaned in close to me. “You can do this, baby girl.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
I finally stepped forward into the room on my trembling legs. People were milling around everywhere, but through the crowd, I immediately honed in on AJ. My heart did a ridiculous flip-flop as my stomach lurched into my throat.
His back was to me, and he was encircled by a group of finely dressed men and women. It was certainly a change of pace to see men in suits and women in dresses. Unblinking and unmoving, I stared at AJ—remembering exactly what my fingers felt like in his dark hair and how it felt to grip onto his broad shoulders. To my horror, one of his arms was slung around a brunette’s waist while his other arm held her extended hand. As he pivoted around the group, I got a glimpse of him showing off something on her hand.
A ring.
A very sparkly diamond ring on her left hand.
The others around him were grinning, and I could read their lips saying, “Congratulations”.
He was engaged.
And although I couldn’t see her, I just knew the brunette had to be Kylie. Her hair color and her height were exactly the same.
I whirled around to go and ran right into Dee. His gaze wasn’t on me, but instead, he was staring dumbfounded at AJ. “Oh motherfucking shit,” he muttered.
“Let’s go!” I cried.
When he remained rooted to the floor, I pounded his chest with one of my fists. “Move,” I ordered.
“Don’t you want to—”
“No, no, no! I just want to get the fuck out of here.” My voice choked out with the sobs that were racking my chest. Once I got out in the hallway, I collapsed back against a wall and then the hysterics overtake me.
Dee pulled me into his strong embrace. “Mimi, you can still go talk to him.”
“And ruin his life?” I hiccupped.
“It might not be true. I mean, I haven’t heard anything in the news about him being serious about a girl.”
I shook my head. “Their PR people kill any stories like that so they can appear more desirable to their female fans.” Pulling away, I wiped the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. “Jesus, Dee, he had an arm around a girl sporting a fat-ass diamond. I think there is no other truth, but that he’s engaged.” Stormy emotions of anger, bitterness and regret raged through me. “God, I was so stupid to think he wouldn’t move on. Or more importantly go back to his old girlfriend.”
Dee cupped my cheek. “I’m so fucking sorry, Mimi.”
“It’s for the best really. He deserves to be happy.”
“You could have made him happy,” Dee argued.
“Not really. Not with all my baggage and shit. In the end, it would’ve been too much for him.”
“So you’re never going to tell him about the baby?”
Part of me wanted to conceal it from AJ forever. That way I wouldn’t have to ever see or hear from him ever again. But deep down, I knew that could never happen. He was a famous musician who would always be thrust in my face. At the same time, I knew I couldn’t deny my child its father.
I drew in a ragged breath. “I’ll let the dust clear on his engagement, and then I’ll call him.” Dee gave me a skeptical look. “I won’t be selfish and deny him the chance to be a father. I promise.”
“Okay then.” Dee glanced around. “Are you ready to get the hell out of here?”
“Yes. Please.”
As we started down the hallway, Frank stepped in front of us. A smile stretched across his face. “Boy, I bet AJ was sure surprised to see you, huh?”
I exchanged a look with Dee. How was I supposed to play this one? “Um, he looked kinda busy, so we’ll catch him after the show.”
Frank’s salt and pepper brows furrowed. “Oh okay.”
Wagging a finger, I said, “Don’t say anything. Surprise, remember?”
“Sure, sure. My lips are sealed.”
“Thanks, Frank. Take care.” I gave him a quick hug before grabbing Dee by the sleeve and hauling ass down the hallway before I ran into anyone else.
“You think Frank’s not going to ask AJ about seeing you?”
“I’m hoping he’ll forget...or that AJ just won’t give a shit about me with his happily-ever-after.”
“We’ll see,” he replied before we hustled outside of the arena and started going against the stream of fans rushing inside.
Two nights later, I was back home and at work. There hadn’t been any calls from AJ, so I assumed he either didn’t know I had shown up or he didn’t care. I secretly hoped for the second because it made it easier to turn off the feelings I had for him. Pregnancy hormones didn’t make matters easier either. I cried way more than I wanted to admit.
It was a relatively slow and quiet afternoon as Dee and I sat working on charts at the nurse’s station.
“Oh hell no. You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me.”
Giggling, I didn’t bother glancing up from my paperwork. “Don’t tell me that Mr. Johnson has decided to take another nude stroll down the hall?” When Dee didn’t reply, I nibbled thoughtfully on the tip of my pen. “What is it about our post-surgery male patients that make them all go a little crazy? Just for once, I’d like to see some female patient go ape-shit on her meds.”
“It ain’t Mr. Johnson flashing his Johnson.”
“Oh?”
Raising his voice, Dee practically shrieked, “No, it’s some crazy motherfucker who needs to turn his lying, cheating ass around right this instant!”
Whirling around in my chair, I couldn’t believe he stood framed in the doorway, a bouquet of my favorite flowers—pink roses—draped in his arms.
“Dev,” I whispered.
My hand swept over my chest, my fingers digging into the fabric of my scrubs over my heart. After seeing AJ with a fiancée, I didn’t think my ticker could take much more shock. Yet, there he was standing right in front of me as if it were only yesterday we were a couple. His black hair still fell in waves over his forehead while his chocolate brown eyes still appeared warm and inviting. Of course, there were dark circles underneath his eyes that I didn’t remember being there before.
He gave me a hesitant smile. “Hey, baby.”
While Dee growled, I merely cocked my brows. “Baby? You have the nerve after everything you put me through to show up at my work and call me ‘baby’?”
Dev’s broad shoulders slumped a little, and he swayed nervously on his feet. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to show up here and upset you.”
“Too fucking late,” I snapped.
“Can I just talk to you for a minute?” he pleaded.
“Mimi, please let me call security and have them haul his sorry ass out of here,” Dee said.
I patted Dee on the shoulder. “That won’t be necessary. I can handle the lying, cheating, bastard myself, thank you.” Narrowing my eyes at Dev, I said, “Leave now.”
“Mia, please, just give me five minutes.”
For reasons I couldn’t possibly understand, I rose out of my chair and motioned to the break room. “Five minutes and then you get the hell out of here, capiche?” Dev nodded before glancing nervously over at Dee as if he feared Dee was going to come barreling over to kick his ass. Instead, Dee just glowered at Dev until he disappeared into the break-room. Before I closed the door behind us, Dee wagged his finger at me. “Don’t you dare say or do anything with him that will make me hurt you later.”
I scowled at him. “Give me a little credit,” I snapped, before I slammed the door.
Over the last year, I’d gone over in my mind many, many times how I would react to seeing or talking to Dev again. After I’d caught him and Erin going at it on my kitchen counter, I’d never spoken to him again. I’d never sought out the reasons why he had done it. I’d just cut him out of my life as best I could. Sound familiar?
Of all the scenarios of me seeing him again, most involved me going ape-shit on his ass, including nailing him in the balls repetitively. But now, I felt nothing more than slight anger, tinged with bitterness. And the fact I wasn’t still harboring homicidal feelings towards him really pissed me off
Crossing my arms over my chest, I said, “You wanted to talk so talk.”
“I guess you heard Erin and I broke up.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I was real heartbroken for you.”
“Mia—”
“I heard she cheated on you.” When Dev didn’t deny it, I snorted. “Hmm, the old adage of if they cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you, huh?”
“I guess,” he murmured.
“I would say I was surprised that she turned so quickly on you, but all the old crew knew what a cheap slut she’d always been.” I shook my head at him. “But yet, rumor through the grapevine has it you wanted to marry her—someone who was a complete one eighty from me. And so soon. I mean, Jesus, we dated for three years before you gave me a ring, but with her, you were barely together five months.”
Dev ran a hand through his jet black hair. “I was a fool. And as for marrying her, that was just bullshit to appease my family. They’d been on my back forever about settling down.”
“With me,” I spat.
“Yes, they wanted me to marry you. They loved you as much as I did.” He drew in a ragged breath. “It’s a lousy excuse, Mia, but the pressure to settle down and be what my family expected me to be, it broke me. That’s why I let Erin get to me.”
“Ah, so she made the first move.”
He shrugged. “I let it happen—I let it screw up the best thing I ever had. You.” He exhaled a ragged breath. “But when it all comes down to it, what does it matter who started it?”
“I don’t know. It’s an easier pill to swallow thinking you weren’t out scoping chicks—that the new piece of ass just fell in your lap.”
Dev sighed. “Things were rough between us, Mia. You know that. After your grandmother died, you shut me out. You—”
My hand flew up to silence him. “Don’t you dare bring Mama Sofia’s death into this! Regardless of whether I was in a fucking grief storm, you should have been there for me, standing by me and supporting me.” My voice wavered, and I grimaced at giving him those emotions. “That’s when I needed you most,” I whispered.
“I’m sorry.” He eased the bouquet of roses he still clutched onto the table. “What can I say, but that I was an immature prick who wanted all your attention? When you couldn’t give it to me, I pulled an utterly selfish and despicable move by cheating on you.” He took a tentative step closer to me. “Regardless of what happened, I never stopped loving you, Mia. Not one day went by when I didn’t regret what I did, how I hated myself for hurting you.” He drew in a ragged breath. “How I wished it was you I was making love to, not Erin.”
A shudder rippled through me at his words, and I despised myself for letting my firm resolve waver. I took a step back from him. “Don’t do this. Not now. It’s too fucking late.”
“It’s never too late to right a wrong, is it?”
“You broke my heart, Dev!” I cried, my voice raising an octave, causing me to betray my emotions.
“Please,” he said in a half whisper.
“Please what?” I demanded.
“Please give me another chance.”
My mouth dropped open in disbelief. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yes, I do.”
I shook my head. “You only think you want me back. Erin left you a month ago, and you’re reeling about being all alone.”
“No, that’s not it. If it was just about being alone, I’d go out and find some new piece of ass.” He pinned me with his gaze. “But I’m here right now. Putting my heart out on the line, for you.”
“You got spooked about marriage and us before. You would do the same thing again.”
“Not with you. If you were gracious enough to give me a second chance, it would never, ever happen.”
I gave a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, well, how about this one? I’m pregnant.”
Dev’s serious expression turned over to shock. He blinked rapidly as he stared at me. His gaze fell on my abdomen, and for the first time, he noticed the bump beneath my baggier scrubs. “Um…wow.”
“Told you. You’re completely and totally spooked.”
“I won’t lie to you that I’m surprised. I mean, when we were together, you were never the maternal type.”
“That’s true, but people change.”
“Yes, they do,” he emphasized, and his meaning wasn’t lost on me. When I didn’t reply, he asked, “What about the father?”
I shifted my gaze to stare down at the floor. “We broke up before I found out I was pregnant.”
“And he doesn’t want to be in the baby’s life?”
“He doesn’t know yet…I don’t know if he’ll ever know,” I admitted.
“So, then I do have a chance with you,” he said softly.
I snapped my head up to glare at him. “Just because I have a kid on the way, doesn’t mean I’m weak enough to take you back. I don’t need the baby’s father, and I sure as hell don’t need you.”
“But couldn’t you want me?” Dev took another step closer to me. I tried ignoring how my body reacted to him being closer. Fucking pregnancy hormones! “I know you’re strong enough to do all this on your own, but you don’t have to. I’m here for you, Mia. I want you—with all my heart and soul.”
“No.”
“I’m not saying you should take me back today. Let me work hard for you—let me earn your trust back. Can’t you at least let me try?”
At his words, I remembered AJ hugged up to Kylie, the diamond ring on her hand glittering in the light. Pain raged through my chest, and for a moment, I fought to breathe. Through my own stubbornness, I had fucked things up for us. There was no going back with AJ even if I wanted to. I would tell him about the baby eventually, and he would be its father. But he would never be my lover again…my boyfriend…my husband. He belonged to someone else now. And even though I knew I had loved him—that I loved him still—in the end, I’d only had two weeks with him.
I’d had three years with Dev.
Fate and destiny were two things Italians believed very strongly in. Maybe my destiny had just walked back into my life.
I took a step toward Dev. “If you think you’re just going to waltz back into my life and have me fall into your waiting arms, you’re fucking crazy. You want me after everything you’ve done, then you’re going to crawl on hands and knees through broken glass to get me.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “And that’s without any promises of reconciliation.”
He surveyed my words thoughtfully. “I’ll do whatever I have to do, Mia. I swear that. And when it’s all said and done, I will prove to you that I’m worthy of you.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “We’ll see.”