“AJ?”
At the sound of Mia’s voice, my eyelids popped open. Staring up at the tiles on the ceiling, I groaned as my head throbbed like a motherfucker.
“Are you okay?” Mia questioned softly.
My gaze spun wildly around the room. I was still in my clothes, but I was reclining in a hospital bed. “What the fuck?” I muttered.
“You’re at St. Joseph’s. You fainted and hit your head.”
The moment my eyes locked on Mia’s concerned filled brown ones it all came back to me in a rush. My gaze left her eyes to trail down her body. It froze on her swollen belly—the place where my child grew.
“How far along are you?” I demanded in a hoarse voice.
Licking her lips nervously, Mia replied, “Nineteen weeks.”
My fists clenched involuntarily at my sides. “You’re almost five months pregnant, and the thought that I should know never crossed your mind?” I growled.
The tone of my voice caused her to jump, and remorse instantly filled me that I’d scared her. “I’m sorry, Mia. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
“I know.”
Wincing, I pulled myself up in the bed. “Do you have any idea what this is all like for me?”
Tears sparkled in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
I barked a laugh. “I would think after handcuffing me to a shower there was some part of you that wanted me to suffer.”
She shook her head. “I was angry with you then.” Glancing down at the floor, she murmured, “More than anything, I was hurt.”
“So because of some misunderstanding you would be so vengeful as to not tell me I had a child on the way?”
Mia jerked her head up and glared at me. “I did try to tell you. I came to your show in Jersey City.”
“Wait, what?”
“It’s true that I didn’t tell you right away. I wanted to wait until I was sure I wasn’t going to miscarry. Once I was out of danger, I got in touch with Frank.” She swallowed hard. “Then when I got to the room where you all were backstage….I saw you with her.”
“With who?”
“Your fiancée, Kylie,” she spat.
“Whoa, whoa, what the hell are you talking about? I’m not engaged, least of all to her!”
Mia rolled her eyes. “Oh please, AJ. Aren’t we passed the point of lying to each other now? I saw you with my own eyes, and Dee did too. You were all hugged up to her and flashing her engagement ring around to this group of people.”
My mind spun frantically trying to process what she was talking about. And then it hit me. “Did she have dark hair?”
“Yes.”
“Oh Christ,” I moaned. When I swung my legs out of the bed, Mia bolted up from the chair. I held my hand up. “Wait, I can explain.”
“Like you did the last time?”
“Once again, you’ve completely missed the mark. Her name is Andrea, and she isn’t my fiancée. She’s Jake’s step-sister—you met their shared sister, Allison, at the farm, remember? She’s marrying a suit from the label who Jake introduced her to. They’d all come down from New York for the Jersey show. I’ve known her since I was twelve—she’s like a sister to me, so yeah, I was all hugged up to her because I was happy.”
Mia paled as her hand came to cover her mouth. “Oh God…” she murmured.
I drew in a deep breath, trying to steady my fucking Merry-Go-Round emotions. “Look, I know men have fucked you over in the past so badly that you like to react first and ask questions later. That’s understandable. But you can’t pull that shit anymore. It’s not just about me or you. There’s a kid—my kid—to think about.”
Tears welled in her eyes before streaming down her cheeks. “I know. But when I thought you were engaged, all I could think of was how if I showed up, I’d ruin your life.” Staring down at her hands, she whispered, “I didn’t want to be like my mother.”
Even though I should’ve been mad as hell at her, I couldn’t help reaching over to cup her face in my hands, pulling her head up to look at me. “I never would have thought you tried to trap me, Mia. And regardless of what your mother did, your dad could never think you ruined his life.”
“I know.”
Dee appeared in the doorway. “Looks like you came around.”
“Yeah, my head hurts like hell.”
“So does my back.” He eyed me before snorting. “You’re one heavy motherfucker.”
I laughed. “Sorry man.”
“Look, since AJ seems to be all right now, I think you two need to get out of here.”
Mia shook her head. “But I have my patients,” she protested.
“I’ll cover for you.”
“Dee, I can’t let you do that.”
He held up a hand to silence her. “This isn’t up for negation, Mimi. You’ve put this shit off for too long. In case you missed the memo, you two have a lot to talk about, so get your asses out of here. Now.”
Mia scowled at Dee as she headed for the doorway. I trailed behind her. In silence, we walked down the hall to the elevators. “Even though Dee’s covering my patients, I don’t want to go far. Is the hospital cafeteria okay?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
The elevator dinged, and we walked in. We were the only ones on board. “So, um, have you felt okay?”
Mia made a face. “I got pretty sick around the two month mark. I’d say it was morning sickness, but since I was sick morning, afternoon and night, it was a little more than that. I had to get on an insulin pump full of vitamins to regulate me.”
Great, I’d not only knocked her up, but she’d had a hard time with the pregnancy. All alone. Shifting on my feet, I stuffed my hands in my jean pockets. “Yeah, my sister, Cris, had a really horrible time with nausea and shit. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“It’s okay. I’m feeling much better now.”
“You look good,” I said.
“Thanks. The nausea made it hard for me to keep food down, so I haven’t gained a lot of weight.”
“Mia, don’t do that.”
“Do what?” she asked, as we stepped off the elevator.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” As we walked into the noisy cafeteria, my hand came to rest at the small of her back. “You’re beautiful no matter what size you are, so get it out of your head that being pregnant and gaining weight is going to make you unattractive or undesirable to anyone…especially me.”
She stared at me for a moment, unblinking and unmoving. Finally, she murmured, “Thank you, AJ.”
Grabbing my wallet out of my back pocket, I motioned to the cafeteria line. “You want something?”
“I can get it,” she argued.
I rolled my eyes. “Just tell me what you fucking want, Mia.”
Instead of answering me, she gave her order to the food service worker. “A grilled chicken salad with honey mustard and a Mountain Dew.”
“Mountain Dew? Are you insane? You aren’t supposed to have caffeine,” I countered.
Mia turned to glare at me, but then her brows rose in surprise instead. I guess she didn’t think I would be one to have a lot of baby knowledge. I’d picked up a lot of my knowledge from my sister and Lily. “My doctor says I can have one a day. Trust me, since I’ve cut out my morning coffee, you want me to have a little dose, or I’ll cut someone.”
I laughed. “I can totally see you doing that.”
She grinned as we edged down the line. I ordered some pie and a coffee. I followed behind her with our tray as she picked out a table far away from everyone else. Once we sat down, we fell into a silence as we ate. After what seemed like a small eternity of scraping silverware and chewing, Mia glanced worriedly at me across the table. “AJ, there’s something else you need to know.”
“Jesus, Mia, after telling me you’re pregnant, how could there be anything more shocking?”
“I-I’ve been talking to Dev again.”
I slammed my cup of coffee down on the table, sending steaming hot liquid sloshing over the edge. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.”
She jerked her head slightly. “He came to see me the night after I got in from Jersey City.”
“Are you sleeping with him?” I demanded.
“I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
“The hell it’s not. You’re carrying my child.”
Mia’s dark eyes blazed. “Oh, are you ready to tell me about every chick you’ve banged in the four months we’ve been apart.”
Hunkering over the table, I spat, “You wanna a great big surprise? Well, here it is. I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
After blinking a few times, she stared at me in shock. “It’s been four months.”
I snorted. “Trust me, cariño. My dick knows exactly how long it’s been.”
Ducking her head, Mia refused to look at me. Instead, she pushed some of the salad on her plate. “The answer is no.”
“Excuse me?”
“No, I’m not sleeping with Dev.”
Relief flooded me at her revelation. “Are you dating him? I mean, what’s the fucking deal?”
Mia remained silent as she chewed a piece of grilled chicken. “No, I’m not dating him. He wants a second chance. Somehow he’s convinced he can work for my affection.”
“Oh yeah? And just how hard is he working?”
She pinned me with a stare. “Pretty diligently.”
“He doesn’t care that you’re carrying my kid?”
“Dev always loved and wanted children even more than I did. He says…” Mia’s gaze dropped to her lap. “He says he’d be willing to raise him or her as his own.”
“Over my dead fucking body,” I growled.
Mia glanced up to narrow her eyes at me. “Have you really thought about this, AJ? I mean, have you really stopped to think about what a baby means for you? You actually want to be in this for the long haul? Midnight feedings, diaper duty, teething?”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I said, “It’s my kid. There’s no question I want—no I will—be in its life.”
“This can’t be all part of some machismo act of staking claim on what’s yours.”
“Don’t insult the level of my love and feelings for this child—this flesh of my flesh.” I drew in a deep breath before adding, “Or my feelings for you.”
“And just how in the world would the baby and I fit into your lifestyle?”
I ran my hand over my face, pausing to rub the stubble along my cheeks. “I don’t know right at the moment, but I’d make it work—we would make it work. Hell, Bray and Lily have two kids, and they do just fine.”
“But we barely know each other.”
I shrugged. “Then we’ll get to know each other. You can come out on tour—”
“AJ, I have a very demanding career—one I worked very hard to get. I can’t just leave it, so I can follow you around city to city on some cramped bus.”
I couldn’t tell if she was bullshitting me with the career thing. I mean, I knew she was serious about being a nurse, and from Frank’s testimony, she was a damn good one. A part of me understood why she wouldn’t want to give up her life for the rootless and crazy life of a musician, especially one who she wasn’t sure she loved. Hell, I wasn’t completely sold on how much I loved her—I mean, I thought I did. Regardless of the baby, I knew I cared for her more than I had any girl I’d ever been in a relationship with before. I had even gone so far as to tell Mia I loved her once—of course, I was chained to a shower head, so I wasn’t sure how much she believed me or thought I was just playing her to get out.
“Do you love me even a little bit?” I questioned.
“W-What?”
“You heard me.”
Mia sighed. “Don’t ask me that.”
“And why not?”
“Because I don’t have an easy answer for it,” she replied.
“For just a second, let go of the past. Focus on the two weeks we had together.” I leaned forward on the table with my elbows. “It wasn’t just physical, Mia.”
“I know that,” she whispered.
I threw my hands up in frustration and fought not to growl at her. “Then why are you fighting so fucking hard against me? Jesus, Mia, I’m sitting here trying to make this work.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m fighting you. After we…broke up or whatever you want to call it, things have been so crazy.” She gave a slight shake of her head. “But you don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”
My chest constricted, and I fought to breathe. “You have?” I choked out.
She gave me a sad smile. “Of course I have. I’ve thought of you each and every day—even before I found out about the baby. If I’m honest with you and myself, I haven’t been as happy as I was when I was with you in a long, long time.”
I exhaled a ragged breath. This woman was going to be the fucking death of me. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Listen Mia, I don’t know what you want me to say or do. You have absolutely no reason not to trust me because I never cheated on you. I told you before that I’ve never been a cheater and never will, so you should know I would never do that to you. Trust me, I want to work things out with you, but you’re gonna have to give a little.”
Mia remained silent for some time, twisting the napkin in her lap while chewing on her bottom lip. “Next Thursday is the early gender sonogram. I would love for you to be there.”
“Wow, we’ll know what it is already?”
“Yes.”
My mind began furiously fast-forwarding a week. “Let’s see. We have a show in Philly on Wednesday night.” Mia’s brows rose skeptically as if she already suspected I was going to flake out on her. “But I’m already supposed to be back here on Friday, so I can leave for Mexico. But I can come back a day early.”
Mia’s eyes widened. “You’re leaving the country?”
“Yeah, I’m going to my cousin’s quinceañera. Well, all my family is going actually. She’s also my goddaughter so I wouldn’t dream of missing it. Jake and Abby are coming with me to scope out some places for their wedding.”
“I see,” she murmured.
A thought entered my mind, and I didn’t stop to question it, I just acted on it. Reaching out, I grabbed her hand in mine. “Come with me to Mexico.”
“AJ, be serious.”
“I’m absolutely fucking serious. The more I think about it, the more perfect it is. My parents are going to be there, so I can introduce you to everyone—let them know I’m going to be a father. And then we can spend time getting to know each other.”
“I can’t just up and leave for a strange country in less than a week.”
“Can’t or won’t?” I squeezed her hand in mine. “Come on, lighten up and be a little spontaneous. It’ll be good practice for life on the road.”
“I can’t.”
“And why the hell not? I’m sure you’ve got to have vacation time stored up. You’re not too far along to fly.” At her surprised expression, I smiled. “Between Cris, and Lily, I know just enough about pregnancy and babies to be dangerous.”
The corners of Mia’s lips turned up, and I could tell she was fighting not to laugh. “Okay, fine, you get to the ultrasound and that will prove you want to be a part of the baby’s life. Then, I’ll come to Mexico with you.”
Finally, I was getting somewhere with Miss Stubborn. While that fact alone made me stoked as hell, I was also pumped that in just one week, I was going to find out if I was going to be the father of a son or daughter. Finding out Mia was pregnant was intense enough, but just the thought of knowing what it would be, was even more amazing.
With a smile, I replied, “Okay then. It’s a deal.”